father daughter dance without father

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glittygal Posts : 4 Registered: 6/24/09
father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 5:20 PM

I'm in situation where my father passed away last year, so my brother is going to give me away for m wedding. I was wondering about the dance...I know I won't have a father daughter dance...do I cut that out in general or do I have a dance with my mom or brother instead...and if so what song would I play? Please help with any information.

Thank You

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 6:48 PM Go to message in response to: glittygal

You can do whatever you want. Dance with your mom or your brother - or just skip it.

Personally, I would skip it. Dancing with a 'substitute' would just make me miss my dad more, which would upset me.

It's perfectly Ok to skip the dance entirely. I've been to plenty of weddings where the father and daughter had a great relationship, but simply chose not to do a dance. My dad and I probably would have skipped it if my mom had let us (neither of us are big dancers...and we're more jokers than sentimental people), but my mom really wanted us to dance, so we danced. I start giggling when I think about the people watching us. They probably thought we were whispering sentimental stuff to one another, but in actuality, our conversation went something like this:

Dad: This isn't so bad. We can really just go around in circles?
Me: Yep. That's about all I can handle, so don't try to do anything fancy.
Dad: If I'd known dancing could be this simple, I would have been boogying for years.
Me: Aren't you leading? Why are you so surprised at how easy this is?
Dad: Aren't you impressed that I haven't stepped on your dress?
Me: Terribly impressed.
Dad: You had to choose the longest song in the world, didn't you?
Me: Don't look at me - Mom picked the song! She was really set on it - I thought it was something you liked.
Dad: No, I've never heard this song before in my life!
Me: No, me neither.
Dad: Never listen to your mom about stuff like this.
Me: Is this song really still going? It seemed shorter on my ipod!
Dad: Shhh! Don't laugh! Act like I'm giving you words of wisdom!

As for the song, it really depends on your taste on music and the emotion you want to convey in your dance. Personally, if I was dancing with my mom or brother, I'd pick something like 'What a Wonderful World'. That's the song I would have picked to dance with my dad, but my mom suggested 'Sunrise, Sunset' from Fiddler on the Roof and seemed really excited about it, so I humored her and downloaded it. It was a nice song, so we went for it.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I would skip it if my dad were gone it would make it to hard. I had a father daughter dance something like Artbrides, my dad and I were out there on the dance floor, talking about my cousin and her outfit. It was a mess, three shades of green and two shades of red, with a yellow hat. It was the funniest thing ever seen but it really made our dance something special because it was something only we could share.


 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 7:58 PM Go to message in response to: glittygal

dear GG,

If your father is not there, you must skip the father/daughter dance.

Following your dance with your new husband, you can then dance with whoever you like. Your brother? Your mother? It then becomes a brother/sister or mother/daughter dance.

An attractive alternative would be for your mom, you and brother link arms, Rockettes style, and dance to something upbeat like New York New York or You're The Top. Do a chorus line kick dance.

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glittygal Posts : 4 Registered: 6/24/09
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 8:02 PM Go to message in response to: glittygal

So what happens when my fiance dances with his mom...do I skip that too?

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FuturamaMama Posts : 6 Registered: 7/25/06
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 26, 2009 9:07 PM Go to message in response to: glittygal

It's 100% up to you. I'm dancing with my mom to "I turn to you" (that video always got to me) and my dad is still with us. I just happen to want to honor them both. If you want to honor your mother and/or brother - I say go for it. Don't think of it as a "replacement" it's simply doing something special with the special people in your life. If you wouldn't want to dance with your mom or brother if your dad were still with us, there's no reason to force yourself into something. And if your fiancee wants to dance with his mom, no matter what you decide to do about your mom/brother dance, I wouldn't take that away from the two of them to make things even.

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JennHatesWaiting Posts : 74 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 27, 2009 3:53 AM Go to message in response to: glittygal

My father passed away when I was 17 so when I got married (my 1st marriage) I just omitted it. I had no close men in my life so that wasnt even an option. As for the "groom/mother" dance. You might just ASK your FH what he thinks. Guys tend to not like a lot of focus on mushy stuff like that and he may be more then happy to not do an "official" dance with his mom. Of course he could still dance with her, just not make the announcement or pick a specific song. Naturally you have to take the moms feelings on it into consideration.The idea of that may be heartbreaking (if thats the case I wouldnt even mention it!) Or she may be happy with you guys finding something special to do for her to make her feel special. I might be bashed for even suggesting not doing the mother/son dance, but my exhb and his mom did the dance and it was very sad, and uncomfortable for me as my dad had died 2 1/2 years prior and I had a very, very hard time with it. I still do to this day 9 years later.

I just got the image of Mushs MIL dancing with her DH at their wedding clinging to him and sobbing...lol. So I say, talk to him, see how he feels. Then go from there.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: father daughter dance without father
Posted: Jun 27, 2009 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: glittygal

So what happens when my fiance dances with his mom...do I skip that too?

Not unless he and his mom want to skip it.

Look, the father/daughter and mother/son dances are traditionally part of a wedding reception, but they're not requirements. You can do one without the other or neither one. Do whatever makes you, your family, and your FH comfortable...but I see no reason to skip the mother/son dance just because your father is not present. You don't have to make up an alternative dance - assuming that most people at your wedding know you and realize that your father has passed away, they're not going to wonder why there isn't a father/daughter dance to 'balance' the mother/son one. Just do the mother/son dance and leave it at that. Or, if you prefer, dance with another family member.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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