HELP! Bad choice of MOH??

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Ellle Posts : 8 Registered: 5/1/09
HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: May 29, 2009 2:55 PM

My maid of honor is scaring me. She suggested a completely inappropriate bachelorette weekend and I of course had to veto the idea. She wanted us to go to a family oriented ranch, complete with people dressed in horse costumes! (None of us even HAVE children! Why would she think this was a good idea??) Now Im worried because she says she has planned where my shower will take place. I dont want to regret making her my maid of honor, but maybe she doesnt get what Im all about...my idea of a girls weekend away is maybe a 3 day cruise, a spa weekend, or dancing the night away! My fiance is going to vegas! And she expected me to hang out with horse costumes and little children running around?!? Her reasoning for suggesting this place was her budget along with 2 other mutual friends whom will be in grad school (but are not in the bridal party) and funds are not readily available. BUT my wedding in not for another year and five months! Plenty of time to save up if need be...No?
Im the first of my friends to be married...and I want it to be wonderful...how do I express my concerns to my MOH without terribly hurting her feelings? Would it be insulting to introduce a second MOH, my very best friend who is definitely more on the same page as I am, but just lives too far away to have been my first choice? Then they would have to work together right?
Please give me your opinions!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: May 29, 2009 4:23 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

I wouldn't rethink my MOH choice simply because she had one bad idea. Just talk to her and explain what you had in mind. If she's on a tight budget and worried about having to pay for everything, work something out with her. Either suggest a plan that will work for her budget (such as a night out dancing rather than an expensive cruise) or suggest involving your other BMs in the planning. I would never suggest that she start saving her money for your parties. She made a budget that works for her and she is unwilling or unable to pay more - work with that. And personally, I would never let my friends pay for me to take a cruise. If that's what they decided to do and everyone was Ok with it, I'd insist on paying for myself.

As for adding the other friend, I don't know why you didn't ask her in the first place, if she's your very best friend. There's no reason why a MOH has to live locally - mine lived 400 miles from me and was a great MOH. But anyway - as for asking the other friend, is she already in the WP? If you've already asked all your WP members and given them BM or MOH roles, I think it might hurt your MOH if you 'promoted' someone else. But if you haven't designated anyone's role yet, it might be fine to ask a second MOH.

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MsStressedoutCat Posts : 9 Registered: 1/23/09
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 17, 2009 12:58 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

I agree don't rethink your choice of MOH yet. She is at least trying and involved! My former MOH was a psycho. I would ask her what her plan is and see if it is something you'd enjoy. If it really isn't something you want to do maybe make a suggestion OR have a second girls weekend out that is more along the lines of what you want. If finances are the issue, you may not want to plan something she can't afford or doesn't want to spend a ton of money on.

You have plenty of time to save money but what if she has to save money for something else like car repairs or college loans, paying off credit cards etc? Try to look at it from her perspective you never know what her situation is.

I'm not saying this is the right thing to do but I would go along with it to not hurt anyones feelings then have a second trip for those interested in spending some time in a spa or on a cruise.

But please dont fire your MOH unless she really deserves to be fired. Unsupportive univolved MOHs should get the axe, but your MOH seems like she just has different taste.

Let us know what happens!!

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 17, 2009 1:36 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

Okay, a ranch filled with people in horse costumes IS bizarre, Ill give you that.:
However; it sounds to me like you are expecting waay too much from your MOH.
A three day cruise? A spa weekend? Are you nuts? Unless sheis made of $, these kinds of things are increidbly expensive. And evenif she IS made of $, perhaps thats not where she chooses to spend it. There are a number of things you can do for a Bach Party that are loadsof fun and arent going to break anyones bank account in the process. A night of dancing sounds good, if thats what you like. But, the real point here, is that I think your expectations are a tad too high. Your MOH should support you as best she can, stand up next to you,and if she can, throw you a Shower usually with the help of others. Its a lot to do and its NOT required, just common. Maybe you can have one of your BMs help steer her in the right direction as far as what youd like to do or what you enjoy, by lightly suggesting some other options. But please, just be grateful that you havesomeone who iswilling to do anything at all and who wants to do something nice for you. I certainly dont think this is any reason to let her go as your MOH or have a co-moh.. Whyd you choose her in the first place if she has so litlte in common with you and doesnt seem to know what you like?

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Ellle Posts : 8 Registered: 5/1/09
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

ok kelley im very offended by your reply.
i dont think im expecting too much. its not like im saying SHE has to pay for everyone and everything! I plan on paying towards it as well. so no i am Not nuts nor or my expectations too high.
i also never suggested that i was going to kick her out fof the wedding party. jesus christ im not a heartless b*tch.
i dont know if you really read my entire post becuase i said that my very best friend lives across the country and it would have been difficult to have her be my MOH. so i chose her because her and i have been great friends for a very long time. just becuase we've known each other for so long Apparently doesnt mean she knows what i like. but that doesnt mean i dont want her there. of course i am grateful...how dare you even suggest such a thing and talk as if i am an ungrateful child.
do me a favor and dont bother with my posts anymore.

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 3:22 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle


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MrsKG Posts : 115 Registered: 10/5/08
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 3:26 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

DPN, thats exactly what I was thinking right before you posted that!! lol I feel a trainwreck coming on...uh oh!!




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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

Are you serious??? Really???
Nothing I said in my post deserved your ridiculous overreaction.
I didnt say anything rude to you, I merely gave my opinion that maybe you were expecting a bit too much from your moh. Wow. calm the hell down.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:02 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Ellle, I had a batchelorette party in Miami. I had an inkling that that's what I wanted to do and I told my MOH. Now, my MOH is always up for a weekend party in another city, and furthermore has the disposable income to spend this way. She planned it, and took care of inviting my other bridesmaids, some of whom could not go because of $$. If I'd left it up to her completely to plan the where and when, I don't know exactly what she would have done, but I didn't leave it up to her -- I told her what I wanted to do and she was amenable.

I'm just telling you that because I actually think Kelley is pretty much on the nose here regarding expecting people to save up $$ for your b-party. I say be direct with what you want to do if you've got ideas, but know that others won't always make your wedding activities their first financial priority.

Furthermore, I'm with Art in terms of doubting your MOH because of a bad idea. I personally think that the best thing to do when it comes to choosing a WP is to ask people because of what they mean to you -- not because of what you'll think they'll do for you. A bad b-party idea does not a bad bridesmaid make.

P.S. "how dare you even suggest such a thing"? People who say/write stuff like "how dare you" crack me up. When I get that, I don't even now how to respond. I mean, you just dare. The "how" of it doesn't really factor in.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:08 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

So how was kelley offensive to you? She just said what I was thinking when I read your post. If you have this great friend she should have been your MOH. This other friend a bridesmaid. There is no freaking law that says you even have to have a bach party. Somebody thought enough of you to try to plan something and this is how you react. Then after you ask for somebody to tell you if you are a bonehead you get upset with them for telling you are.

How about if you go read the Newbies thread you definately need some help understanding the rules of the board.

And don't bother telling me not to post on your threads, I really don't have the time or the patience for children.

 

 

 

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

Ellle, Kelley didn't say anything offensive. Might not have been what you wanted to hear, but definitely not mean or rude. You came on here asking for opinions. In her opinion, your expectations are too high. You don't have to agree with her. But you certainly did overreact.

That being said, I actually also think that you are asking too much. Just because you plan to chip in towards the bachelorette party, that doesn't mean that everyone can afford a cruise or a spa weekend. If I was in a wedding and that's what the party was going to be, I would have to opt out. Doesn't matter that I would have over a year to save. If I'm saving that much money for a vacay, it's going to be one with my FH. Doesn't mean that I don't love the bride and support her and want to stand up for her. Just that spending that much $ on a bachelorette party would be an economic hardship for me.

I agree that the ranch does seem a bit odd, but I'm sure that you guys can come up with something more in that price range that everyone will enjoy. And I agree that asking her to step down as MOH is a bit harsh for simply not liking her plan. Sure, you're not kicking her out of the WP, but that's probably how it would feel to her. I would just sit down with her and explain that while that particular plan doesn't really work for you, you'd like to plan something that will fit everyone's budget.

 

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His4life Posts : 117 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

Can you just tell her that you would rather have a night out on the town? I would word it something like "I'd rather just do something more simple and go out for a night with all the girls". I don't think that would hurt her feelings.

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:21 PM Go to message in response to: Ellle

LOL @ Kelley pissing off another newbie by simply giving an opinion. How dare you?!?!? LMAO!!!

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Elle here are some tips for newcomers to brides.com

http://www.brides.com/forums/planning-and-etiquette/thread.jspa?threadID=66352

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: HELP! Bad choice of MOH??
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 6:28 PM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

LOL- Thanks for laughing at me Caribbean. Appreciated. No wait. Im soooo offended! How DARE you laugh at me? You know what Caribbean? How about you NOT reply to my threads anymore? How about THAT? Yeah. See, I told YOU, didnt I? :):):) I hear that train a comin....

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

See our funny Wedding Wed-isode @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OokYNI91ztU&NR=1

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