Save the dates..what's the deal?

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alleak135 Posts : 54 Registered: 5/15/09
Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:11 AM

Can someone tell me where the STD's tradition came from. I've always associated STD's with weddings and am planning on having them (I will be making them myself) but I'm thinking of only sending them to people that are without a doubt going to be invited to the wedding. Is it ok to send STD's dates to certain people and not everyone we are thinking of inviting? I don't want to commit a faux pas if for some unknown reason we have to cut the guest list (we are only planning about 60 people anyways...). I was thinking of only sending them to family and out of town guests is this ok?


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: alleak135

dear Alleak,

"Can someone tell me where the STD's tradition came from."

It came from stationery companies that wanted to make more money by selling useless crap to brides.


I am 55, now. I went to lots of weddings when I was a kid, and then throughout adulthood. I never, ever saw a "save the date" card until about 10 years ago.

You totally don't need them. Anyone you really, truly, unquestionably want to attend your wedding (Grandma) will already know the date, and already has it circled in red on their calendar. In sending STDs you lock in your guest list, as you already know. It is very rude to officially, in writing, tell someone "save the date, an invitation will follow" then say later "Um, we are not inviting you so you can stop saving the date".

Brides love STDs because it's an early "official" communication to the world about their special day. It's exciting to put them in the mailbox, six months out. "Ooohhhhh it makes it so REAL!".

If you want that thrill, then go ahead and do it; there's nothing wrong with it assuming your guest list is already cast in concrete.

On the other hand, your instincts are telling you it's a bad idea for your situation with your guest list still fluid, and I agree with you. Since the STD is a pseudo-invitation, sending them to part of your guest list creates an "A-list" / "B-list" situation.


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:55 AM Go to message in response to: alleak135

Is it ok to send STD's dates to certain people and not everyone we are thinking of inviting?

Absolutely. Personally, I think STDs are a waste of money. I understand sending them if your wedding is either far away and will require people who want to come to expend resources like money and vacation time, and I understand if they are around major holidays, so you want to notify people before they make big plans. But, even then, I still think they're pretty much a waste.

The people who are most important to you to come will most likely hear about your wedding date either from your own mouth or others close to you. If you must, send out an email to others -- I've gotten these kinds of emails and as far as I'm concerned, there was nothing wrong with it (and it's more environmentally friendly!). Just know that anyone you send a STD to -- even over email -- you will have to send an invitation.

And frankly, in this economic climate, wouldn't you rather give yourself as much flexibility as possible when it comes to the guest list?

Just my opinion.


"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson


starfish701 Posts : 465 Registered: 12/10/08
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 10:10 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I am only send STDs to out of town people who will have to make advanced travel arrangements. I have told them over the phone what the date is but I feel like seeing it in writing will make them feel more comfortable about booking a plane ticket. I have guest coming from Israel and Italy so for them advanced notice is really necessary. Plus our STD cards are just post cards of the venue site with a hand written note so its not going to cost us that much.
wedding tickers


CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 10:20 AM Go to message in response to: alleak135


I personally don't think save-the-dates is just a money making scheme, in fact, it's a very useful tool AND you don't need to spend a lot of money on this. The reason for sending these out, is to make sure that people don't make plans for those specific dates, giving them additional time to schedule their plans around your wedding date, very useful!

Only send these out to those you know will definitely be attending the wedding! When you send them out, you should have drafted your guest list already and should know who will be there and who won't. NEVER send one out to someone you're not confident you want in the wedding.

I'm quite keen on sending mine out within the next month or so, and had a great idea to use vintage postcards, will get a stamp and voila ... it fits in perfectly with our theme. So there you go, it'll cost me next to nothing, just a bit of time and creativity from myself.

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**


NKGiordano Posts : 57 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: CoutureBride27

We are sending STDs as well. Our family lives in Europe and we want them to know not to make other plans and start arranging your travel plans because July 16, 2011 they will be here for my wedding.

I like STDs. I think its a cute way to let people know you're getting married. I dont think its a waste.
Our STDs are a design of a plane ticket with their name and the date of our wedding. So cute!

Natassia and Kris

July 16, 2011


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 12:55 PM Go to message in response to: alleak135


I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with STDs, should you be so inclined to use them. They are like all the other personallized wedding stuff you find in the catalogs: engraved cake cutters, Bride&Groom toasting flutes, personalized napkins, etc.

Your marriage certificate is just as valid with and without personalized napkins.

If you want them, great, go for it. Just be aware of some of the drawbacks of locking yourself into a guest list so early.

If you don't want a guest list lock, then just skip the STDs. Call Grandma on the phone and tell her the date personally.


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: alleak135

I agree that it's really only the OOT guests and others who need special arrangements who need to have STD's. If you send your invites out 6-8 weeks in advance, most of your local guests will be able to clear their social calendars. In addition to just giving the date, your STD's can give other info., e.g. the hotel info. where you've blocked rooms, transportation info., weather, etc. They can be done easily and inexpensively on your computer as a letter on pretty, regular-sized paper. Of course, you only send to people that you're absolutely certain you're going to invite.


FutureSaunders Posts : 95 Registered: 9/18/08
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 8:52 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I was gonna do save the dates, but after I thought about it I figured why waste the money. I sent my invitations out approximately a year in advance because I am having a DW and have set up a payment plan for my guests to attend. So in my situation there was no real need for them. However, my mother and aunts gave us a surprise engagement party and as people were leaving they passed out magnets that held various old pictures of my FH and I with the date and location of the wedding. I thought it was a great idea and everyone loved them. And everyone that came to the engagement party got an invitation, so it worked out perfectly. I later found out my mother got the magnets from Walmart for $1 each and my aunts (who is a design/computer wiz) scan old photos of us, created a boarder around the photo, put a peom and wedding info at the bottom. Now that was save the dates at a good price!

<a href="">
<img border="0" src="" alt="wedding websites" />


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:45 PM Go to message in response to: FutureSaunders

I did save the dates for friends traveling and my family who were definitely invited to the wedding. We had our wedding locally for a lot of my family, but as they all have kids and it was prime time in the summer to vacation. Yes I could have done it word of mouth - BUT my family - well certain members of my family - get persnickety about things and if they heard 2nd hand they would have their noses out of joint and then I'd have to hear about it. rolls eyes

I took paper from Office Max that was cute and perforated for poatcards - 4 per sheet. I printed them out and also included another piece of paper I had printed and cut on the cutting board I have.

Probably the most expensive thing was the postage. LOL

If more of my family was on email I would have gone that route. Oh well - all's well that ends well.





Toast Posts : 480 Registered: 9/10/08
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 13, 2009 9:46 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

we did std's. mainly because of our wedding date, and location. and they are cute. lol

we are getting married October 10, 10-10-10 and it is a VERY popular day. (i mean, LAST summer lots of venues were already booked!) also, it is Columbus Day weekend. Now, most people dont really do much for Columbus Day weekend, but lots of people do travel to New England to see the fall foliage. So, we wanted to make sure our guests also had a hotel room. (again, your probably thinking I am crazy, but 4 of the hotels that I looked into near our venue sell out that weekend every year!)

In addition, most of our guests will be traveling to CT from NY, NJ, RI, and MA, and a few from CA, CO, etc.. Only about 20% of our guests are actually in CT! So, we wanted people to have some advance notice.

We did photo magnets, and we included the hotel block info with it too.

We got them from, and i highly recommend them! they were pretty cheap (about $100 for 50, and they provide the envelopes too!) You can customize the save the dates they have, even the font type, colors, etc. We took a save the date that had a blue scheme, and changed it to a champagne and brown theme. all for no extra charge!

Also, we did not send the save the dates to everyone on our list. We sent them to our family, bridal party, and most of our out of towners. We did not have enough to send to everyone, so we had to make some decisions about who to not send them to, and those were people who would probably not care if they had a photo magnet of us. lol. so, i think its fine if you do the same. not everyone needs one.


Kaylesgee Posts : 14 Registered: 4/5/09
Re: Save the dates..what's the deal?
Posted: Jun 13, 2009 7:02 PM Go to message in response to: Toast

I'm thinking of doing "Save the date" cards for friends and family who aren't in as close contact and/or live further away only as most of our friends and family that we're always in contact with know the date already, so I'm just going to do them for the outer circle to help me with table seating etc
Kayles was here!!!!!


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