wanting to plan a party for my husband

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 11, 2009 7:32 PM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

Mazzy, if you don't want answers, then don't ask questions. I applaud your right to keep your blue font. I also applaud everyone else's right not to read your bright blue, misspelled, ungrammatical posts.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 11, 2009 8:07 PM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

You know, I'm reaaaaaaally sick and tired of hearing the "I want it all" whiners on here. So this post is going to be mean, and it's not entirely directed at you, but you most certainly fall into this camp. You were faced with a situation - you found out you were pregnant while you were planning to get married. So you made a choice and FREELY DECIDED to get married at the courthouse with no fanfare, no big "to do," and no guests. This was your decision.

But guess what? When you make a decision, you forego other options. Deciding to put a rush on your wedding and having it at the courthouse means that you forego the bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, engagement parties, and the big poofy dress and fancy wedding. I know people around here strongly disagree about whether you should have a "wedding" after a quickie ceremony (obviously I am in the camp that belives you shouldn't - instead have an anniversary party or delayed reception). However, I don't think anyone is going to agree that it's not gift-grabby to have a shower and engagement or bachelor/bachelorette party when you're ALREADY MARRIED.

I just think this sense of entitlement that people have is ridiculous. People seem to think that if whatever you got wasn't perfect the first time around, you're entitled to re-do it. I just have zero sympathy for the "you guys don't get it, I didn't get to have my dream wedding the first time around, so I'm doing it again so that I can have everything I wanted!" Well guess what. I DO get it, and I STILL don't think you deserve all the wedding fanfare the second time around. I truely get that you didn't get a big wedding celebration the first time around, but you're basically saying that you "deserve" one. You don't. No one does. I think you should live with your decision to get married at the courthouse, and stop trying to re-do it as a dream wedding.

Life is full of hard choices, and sometimes people have to do things in a slightly less perfect manner than their wildest dreams. If you want to have a delayed reception or anniversary party go right ahead, but frankly the idea that you're trying to have a shower, "wedding party" and full blown wedding when you've already tied the knot is completely ridiculous, and is certainly going to look gift grabby to your guests.

And before I get off my soapbox.....the blue font is horrific, "yano" is not a word, the letter "I" is capitalized, "no one" is TWO words, and the English language has these nifty things called "apostrophes" that you might want to look into.
P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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mazzy26 Posts : 21 Registered: 4/28/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 11, 2009 8:49 PM Go to message in response to: MrsM2009

This thread was not to be a thread about mt situation. Frankly I do not want people to know my situation. I have said a couple times now THIS PARTY IS NOT A BACHLOR?BACHLORETTE party.

And yes a freely made the choice to get married while pregnant due to complications in my pregnancy where I need better insurance which my husband had still has.

You know I understand the whole "do it once thing" and no do overs. But this is NOT a do over. I am renewing my vows to the man i married in the first time. and am able to invite friends and family at this time, where we couldnt the first time.

I don't care what you say, because i am not looking for answers. I am simply looking for ideas, like everyone else on this thread. If i wanted answers you honestly think i would be here?
Sure i took a different route in my life and had kids before i married, but i am happy. It saddens me that people have to downright "tell people how it is, or how its suppose to be" if you think you know all this than write a freaking book.

I know damn right that life is hard. I am so happy to be where i am at right now. I've struggled with life and i am only 26 years old. But i struggled it with people who love me and take me for what i am.

I don't care what you are suppose to do when getting married, i dont care how your suppose to do things while getting married. I simply was putting a thread out there about a certain thing and it blew up into a whole different thing. Which i don't really care. But when you start telling me I am not doing something the way its suppose to be done. Theres a problem.

So do you tell a couple whose gotten married in Cuba....or the Carribean...when they come back and have another wedding for the family that couldn't make it they cant do that because its a do over?
I am not re doing ANYTHING. And for goodness sakes im not having a dream wedding. This wedding isnt over 80 guests. I am done with this post. and deleting it.

Hope you all have a GREAT life. And i really do mean it. BECAUSE I WILL HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE...
YANO?!


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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 7:42 AM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

If you just wanted advice about throwing a party, why did you give all the other information in your first post about your marriage, etc, etc? You made it the issue.

You could ask for theme party ideas or general party ideas without any of the information that you "don't want people talking about." Have a barbeque. But, since you did provide the other information, you might not want to do it right around your whatever we're not supposed to talk about since you're already asking a lot of your family and friends.


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CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 8:10 AM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

Hi, you don't need to take anyone's advice on the board, but it's everyone's right to post their opinion whether others agree with it or not. At first I was also shocked at the comments I received on some of my posts, but soon realized that you're dealing with personalities A - Z, so if you're expecting only positive feedback unfortunately this is not the right forum and looking past that I actually found some good advice. However, that said, I understand your situation and agree with the posters who said that throwing a casual party will be best! You don't really need to give a title for the party, but your invites could state something like "celebration for our upcoming wedding" or something in this line.

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:07 AM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

Hey Mazzy,just thought Id be nice and give you a heads-up that most people on these boards do not like "deleters." Deleters are people who come here, ASK for advice, dont like what they hear, whine about it, and then delete their entire thread as if it never happened. Since you claimed in your last post that would be deleting this, I thought I would let you know that if you do that, its pretty likely that not many people will reply to a thread of yours in the future. People take time to put their thoughts together, give advice, etc etc. So when someone goes and deletes the whole thing, its extremely annoying and tells me I wasted my time with you. I wont do that twice. Im happy to give advice but not to people who are going to take my advice and erase it literally. So, delete if you must, but dont expect people to jump up to answer your questions in the future.

As far as your situation, I think having a Vow Renewal so you can have a celebration with your friends is fine. Why not concentrate on planning that,and scale back on the additional parties and such that you keep mentioning? Go ahead and have them if you must, but we are just letting you know they may very well come across as tacky to a lot of your guests. Yano?

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com  

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Co-Founder and Proud Member of P.O.O.P - People Offended by Offended People.

"Children are just like adults, minus the crushing failure." - Stephen Colbert

  

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

Ladies,

Once again we have a poster who comes with a question, doesn't like the answers, and then wants to delete the post.

Howard has been making use of Madame Fate to "reconstruct" what the poster said. However, Madame Fate's crystal ball is analog, and she hasn't gotten a digital converter box yet.

So, let's immortalize the OP's rants forever:

(Original was in a eyeball-busting blue)

Ok. So first off I'll fill you in. We got married last July 2008. in the courthouse. My mom wants (well of course i do too) us to have a beautiful wedding still so that is planned for Sept. 6 2009. So. with that being said. I was thinking of planning a party for my husband (groom). Now. here is what im stuck on. The party would also be for me. Since we are not bachelors/bacholerettes anymore. I would be kind weird to call this one. Myself, I dont have many friends who would plan that sorta thing for me. So that is why I am doing this myself. But i dont want my husband to know about it. I duno how to go about calling this party, or how to invite people/friends/family to this party. That is what im stuck about. I am in some need of advice if anyone has been in this situation before or been to such a party.
I dont wanna sound greedy putting on this party, its not for presents or anything of that sort. Its just we never had a party for us, for getting married in the first place, or being engaged or anything like that. I just wanted to make something special for my husband yano?
Wel thanks in advance for those who can help!

Kayla

My intentions for this party is that. We dont have anyone who would put on a party for us. If we did we prolly would have had one already. When we got married last year. I dont want it to be a party for gifts or money or whatever. So with that. I am pretty much leaning on the anniversary thing. But knowing we are having our wedding in Sept. I want to include that as well. We dont have many friends, he has coworkers and a few friends who live outta state. And myself i have like 2 friends. We like to spend our time together. But I would love to throw something for it. I know people who would come. Im just stuck on what to do. I was thinking about it. We could just have a theme summer party....i was thinking casino nite...maybe hit a casino or something. i really like the the first one...about the love celebration and maybe i'll do something like that. i just dont want people to think its something im trying to do to get them to buy us stuff. yano. my mom is actually throwing a bridal shower for me. because we didnt have one. when we got married, i was 6 months pregnant and just went to the courthouse and basically just told people we were married yano? i know its a confusing situtuation.


NO. I WONT CHANGE MY BLUE FONT. MY MOM IS THROWING A BRIDAL SHOWER FOR ME BECAUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS THAN OTHERS. AND I REALLY DONT THINK ITS RIGHT OF YOU TO SAY IM HAVING A FAKE WEDDING. WTF BULLCRAP IS THAT? I GOT MARRIED LAST JULY. I WAS 6 MONTHS PREGNANT AND AT THAT TIME FELT IT WAS THE RIGHT MOMENT. WE WERE PLANNING OUR WEDDING ALREADY BUT JUST WENT TO THE COURTHOUSE.

IF YOUR JUST GONNA TO BE FLAT OUT RUDE MAKING REPLIES ON HERE DONT BOTHER THAN. I FIGURED THIS SITE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE HELPFUL. WHEN I READ YOUR WORDS I WAS HURT BY SOMEONE I DONT EVEN KNOW. ALL I WANT TO DO IS DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THE PERSON I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT AND FIGURED I COULD GET ADVICE ON HERE. BUT SO MUCH FOR THAT.

BUT INSTEAD IM HAVING A 'FAKE WEDDING' WHERE YOU GOTTA COME AND REPLY AND MAKE SOMEONE FEEL MISERABLE THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR RUINING MY DAY .

im sorry for the way i put that. what you guys dont understand is. we didnt have anything to celebrate our wedding. it was a courthouse deal which noone even knew about. so my mom wanted me to have all that....ceremony....reception....wearing a wedding dress...everything a girl has wanted. because we didnt do that. yano and even after people found out ya we did get married nothing was said about it. my mom is just throwing a shower for me because my family has asked about it. yano. im not the one decided all this she is. but i want to do something special for him because noone has and noone will. if you guys dont understand that. then nevermind this post and dont respond. all i wanted was ideas...all i wanted was advice of party things. not to be judged and be in a situation.
that is all im saying.

This thread was not to be a thread about mt situation. Frankly I do not want people to know my situation. I have said a couple times now THIS PARTY IS NOT A BACHLOR?BACHLORETTE party.

And yes a freely made the choice to get married while pregnant due to complications in my pregnancy where I need better insurance which my husband had still has.

You know I understand the whole "do it once thing" and no do overs. But this is NOT a do over. I am renewing my vows to the man i married in the first time. and am able to invite friends and family at this time, where we couldnt the first time.

I don't care what you say, because i am not looking for answers. I am simply looking for ideas, like everyone else on this thread. If i wanted answers you honestly think i would be here?
Sure i took a different route in my life and had kids before i married, but i am happy. It saddens me that people have to downright "tell people how it is, or how its suppose to be" if you think you know all this than write a freaking book.

I know damn right that life is hard. I am so happy to be where i am at right now. I've struggled with life and i am only 26 years old. But i struggled it with people who love me and take me for what i am.

I don't care what you are suppose to do when getting married, i dont care how your suppose to do things while getting married. I simply was putting a thread out there about a certain thing and it blew up into a whole different thing. Which i don't really care. But when you start telling me I am not doing something the way its suppose to be done. Theres a problem.

So do you tell a couple whose gotten married in Cuba....or the Carribean...when they come back and have another wedding for the family that couldn't make it they cant do that because its a do over?
I am not re doing ANYTHING. And for goodness sakes im not having a dream wedding. This wedding isnt over 80 guests. I am done with this post. and deleting it. snicker -ed

Hope you all have a GREAT life. And i really do mean it. BECAUSE I WILL HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE...
YANO?!

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Tamsr28 Posts : 4 Registered: 6/9/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:15 AM Go to message in response to: CoutureBride27

You know what? I joined this site because I obviously was looking at nice responses instead of all this crap. This actually seemed like a wedding website where you could share ideas with other women going through the same things you are. I was so wrong!

How dare any of you judge someone you don't even know. None of us have a right to judge anyone!
No one is perfect! Everyone makes choices, hard choices, in life. That is why it is called LIFE!

To the peoples comments that were just mean, I truly hope that you are not that mean to everyone you come across and do not know. Maybe you are the type of person that feels better about yourself when you put someone else down. Most of the time, this is the case.

To the girl who posted the thread to begin with. Do what you want to do. I am sorry your life is not picture perfect like the rest of these people are. Honey, mine isn't either.
But it is my life and I love it! I am blessed beyond measures!

I actually have a friend that did exactly what you did. She ended up having a wedding 6 mths later. It was a big huge wedding. It was gorgeous! Everyone came we had a blast! We gave her showers. We did the bachelorette/bachelor weekend. We did it all! I love her to death, regardless, whether she was married before or not. It doesn't matter.

Sorry to hear you don't have alot of friends. You don't need to let this thread hurt your feelings. Feel good about yourself and your life. You have a baby! Be happy and enjoy it.

Just remember, when you go to judge someone and you don't know anything about their situation, think about this thread! LOL

For the rest of you..........I pity you and I hope your life stays so perfect!


TNT2006

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:38 AM Go to message in response to: Tamsr28

Tamsr28 - your post makes no sense to me, for several reasons.

1) I don't think my life is perfect, and never said that. What I did say is that the OP needs to realize that life is NEVER perfect (and this includes my own!), and that the solution to an imperfect situation is not to just do it over to get everything you didn't get the first time. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And when life gives you a need for a courthouse wedding so that you can have better health insurance, don't act like it never happened and go right ahead planning a full scale wedding, complete with ancillary parties, despite the fact that you're already married. Like the OP, I've had plenty of stresses and struggles in my life. However, I don't think that these struggles and difficult situations entitle me to anything, so I don't whine about them and lament how no one understands what I've gone through.

2) When people come to a public message board and ask for advice, since when is telling them something other than what they want to hear "putting them down?" You're right, I don't know the OP, and I don't know what kind of person she is, but I didn't opine on that. I simply said that I think the actions she is planning to take are a bad idea. I didn't attack the OP personally, but did express my opinion on her actions. YOU, on the other hand put down the people who posted on this thread by calling us all mean horrible people. As AOTB would say, this is called an ad hominem attack, when you reply to an argument by attacking the person who made it, rather than the argument itself.


I don't view it as helpful advice to tell this girl "just do whatever makes you happy!" When you come to a message board you're getting the viewpoints of many different people, at least in part so you can know what your friends and family might REALLY be thinking about what you're doing, even if they won't say it out loud. She should know that if she goes ahead with plans for a shower, "ambiguous wedding party for her husband," and a wedding, at least some of her "only 80" guests are going to think she's crazy, gift grabby, self-indulgent, or all 3.
P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: Tamsr28

How dare any of you judge someone you don't even know. None of us have a right to judge anyone!

Well, gosh darnit, how dare you judge us for judging! You don't have the right!

Seriously, though. . to give advice, to see something that doesn't appear correct, to inform someone that you think they may be making a mistake. . .that's not being mean, that's actually being helpful.

I'm not entirely convinced here that everyone was constructive, but if you actually read the thread, there's some useful advice. If the OP has been paying attention she'll probably think twice about exactly how she wants to frame this party. She may decide that it should be casual, informal, and non-wedding related. And that's something that she may have not thought about before she posted, so you know what? Mission Accomplished.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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His4life Posts : 117 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:57 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

To the OP-

I agree with Tamers in her statement of "just do what you want to do". Really, it's what you think that ultimately matters, not the posters on this website. People are going to give you advice and it's your choice whose advice, if any, that you choose to take.

Some people might get offended because you are already married, but in reality you can't please every single person in your life, so you might as well do what you want. People that really care about YOU will come to your event and not be offended. Best of luck.

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Tamsr28 Posts : 4 Registered: 6/9/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 9:58 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Constructive not at all. I am new to this site. I actually did like it at first.
I am glad I wasn't the one asking for advice because I would have terrible about my life!

Anyway, I was just so taken back by the comments. I guess I actually thought this was a bridal forum and not a personal attack forum.


Sorry, if I judged you. You see how easy it is to get offended?

Now you know how she felt. And I don't know anything about that girl.

I am done with this site. But I will not delete my comments because I read that you guys don't like that either.
TNT2006

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 10:29 AM Go to message in response to: Tamsr28

"sorry if I judged you. See how easily it is to get offended?"

No.

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com  

See our funny Wedding Wed-isode @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OokYNI91ztU&NR=1

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for standup comedy clips,sketches,and more @ www.youtube.com/kelleyfunnylady

 

Co-Founder and Proud Member of P.O.O.P - People Offended by Offended People.

"Children are just like adults, minus the crushing failure." - Stephen Colbert

  

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mazzy26 Posts : 21 Registered: 4/28/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

I did pay attention to what was being responded and I had a plan for what this party was intended for. It is wedding related and it still be wedding related. No matter if we are already married or not. My purpose for this party is to celebrate our marriage with friends that are there for us. I wanted to do this for my husband as a surprise and that is why i orginally did this thread. Wanting ideas for it. Like i had previously said. But, some don't think that you are suppose to do that. I don't care what is suppose to be done and whats not suppose to done. We have a long unperfect life ahead of us. And right now, i want to share it with people we love and who support us, because who knows how long we have here. With that said. I appreciate all the replies said. Thank you for those who were kind. But just because I don't do things the way they are suppose to go oh well.
Have a great unperfect life. Because i will/


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mazzy26 Posts : 21 Registered: 4/28/09
Re: wanting to plan a party for my husband
Posted: Jun 12, 2009 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: mazzy26

and get over the offended crap. this is the internet for goodness sake.


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