He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!

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ArmyWife4Life Posts : 3 Registered: 5/27/09
He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: May 27, 2009 12:38 PM

Hey all,
My fiance and I have been trying to figure out when to have our wedding but haven't had much luck figuring it out! He is currently deployed in Iraq and will be home in either November or December and preferrably, I'd love to have a summer wedding, but we live in Wisconsin and he is stationed in Ft. Bragg, NC when he's home. We are both from Wisconsin and would like to have it here for our families to join us, but will be moving and living in NC once we're married. Since we will be in Wisconsin, it would be nice to have a summer wedding, but so far it looks as though it might be best to do it right after he gets home in December so that all of his Army buddies can be in our wedding and all get time off at the same time. Otherwise we might not be able to get everyone together. We can't seem to get a date out of his superiors and its getting frustrating trying to plan a wedding without a date! Especially if we do get married in December, I have a LOT of planning to do!!! I hate to push for a date since they have SO much more stuff to be concerned about over there, but it would be nice to get a close estimate of time so I can pick a date and start planning for it. Any suggestions out there for me?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: May 27, 2009 1:05 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

One option might be to do a small intimate court house or church wedding and then have a delayed reception to celebrate.

Also, while this is not necessarily a popular choice with some people on here, you could do the small intimate wedding and then do a vow renewal later. (Again, not a popular choice with some on here, but it's an option.)

The fact it, his deployment could be extended - yes? I would find places you are interested in and wait to get a date. Unfortunately, they may just NOT have one at this point.

 

 

 

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ArmyWife4Life Posts : 3 Registered: 5/27/09
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: May 27, 2009 1:24 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thank you! We've thought about it, but we are both very close to God and want to make sure that we have a ceremony in a church. The fact is, we've been together for both tours and I know how it goes, and most likely this tour wont get extended, and they will have "2 years" off after this since its their 2nd tour, but then he wants to get into Ranger School and other schools to further his career in the military... and he doesnt want to lose rank or get picked out of the group to be a drill sargeant or recruiter, so its a bit tough to plan around those things if we dont know exactly when they are going to happen... I guess we just have to take things one step at a time and be patient... (sigh....)

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: May 27, 2009 5:28 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

You could still do a small intimate wedding in church and plan a delayed reception for the dates once you have them. That might be your best bet.

At least you are fairly confident that it won't get extended. :-)

 

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: May 30, 2009 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

Dear AW,

You said you are both religious and associated with a church.

My suggestion is to talk to your pastor and see if he/she would be willing to schedule a wedding on very short notice, considering your circumstances. If the pastor requires pre-marital counseling, see if that counseling can be done while your FH is in town, or by email or cell phone from Iraq.

I, too, am a church-goer and know that people can make things happen if given a chance. I would like to hope your pastor is one of those go-getter, get-it-done people.

Then, get everything together. Get yourself a dress, line up a bridesmaid or two and get them dresses. See if you can hire photographers, caterers, etc., with this kind of short notice. Explain your circs and find someone willing to work with you on short notice.

When you have a time frame, then call the pastor and GO FOR IT.

It can be done. You need to focus on the most important thing: You and FH will be married. Forget about being fussy about colors, etc.

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ArmyWife4Life Posts : 3 Registered: 5/27/09
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 10:14 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thank you! I appreciate your input! I agree with you, and I really do hope I can find some people/businesses that are willing to do short notice or be willing to re-schedule on a short notice... I am hoping and praying that it will all come together smoothly and that there will be the perfect places out there for us who are willing to work with us on this frustrating rollercoaster we've been on trying to plan our wedding....

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 10:48 AM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

I don't have much to say except the fact that I have been deployed before and it is impossible to plan ANYTHING when you are in the military. My suggestion would be to plan a wedding at min. 6 months after his expected demob. date. In fact I would probably bump that up to 8 months after.

While I was in Iraq they were threatening extending us when we only had about a month left and we thought we were home free! While you are there I would gather all the information you have.

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

CEO of E.N.E.M.A. (Enemy Negotiations & Extraction Military Agency) A special Division of P.O.O.P. (People Offended by Offended People)

When POOP can't do it alone....they call for the ENEMA.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 6:27 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

Dear AW,

One thing that might be helpful is to talk to prospective vendors about a weekday wedding. Many vendors get booked up on Saturday nights way into the future, but might have weekdays free.

Again, go to each, explain your situation and see if they can committ to getting something together REALLY FAST if you promise it will be a mid-week date with at least a week's warning.

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Korina Posts : 11 Registered: 12/16/08
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 6, 2009 8:45 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

I hope that your finance comes home safe and healthy. I say that you should plan the wedding now and send him pictures of what you were thinking and he can say wether he like it or not. If you have the wedding it will be really romantic on your wedding night because it will so romantic and plus everyone that u want to be there will be able to come.

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 7, 2009 12:40 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

I agree with a PP figure out vendors that understand the situation and are willing to work with you. DH was due for new orders and we were kind of up in the air about whether we would be staying in CA or moving to FL. When we booked our venue, we asked them to write into the contract a clause stating we would get all of our deposit back if we had to cancel the venue by a certain date. I would see if you can get your vendors to do something like that. Good luck, hope your FH comes home quickly and safely!

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AriesArmyCouple Posts : 14 Registered: 2/14/09
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 8, 2009 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

Well, me and my fiancé are both in the army (He is deploying to Afghanistan this month). After 3 years in the army, I understand that the army is not very good at informing soldiers in general. They will probably not tell him when he is coming either when the time gets closer to go home or on that very day he is leaving.


My advice to you is to keep everything on hold until he returns. I know you, as well as I am, are very excited about getting married. (Believe me; I have a draw full of wedding and marriage-enrichment books!) However, you do not want to set a date until he knows for sure the date he is coming home.


Also, you may want to wait a little bit. He needs to readjust from a war zone to home. Many soldiers suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress and depression after being in combat.


These are things you have to consider before you do anything else. I am telling you this because this is my second time someone I love had to deploy.


I hope this helps!!


missyess

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KimberlyDonn Posts : 26 Registered: 9/8/08
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 8, 2009 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: ArmyWife4Life

Since you already know that he will be home in Nov/Dec timeframe then you probably know too that within 30 days of that arrival everyone will go on block leave, so his buddies might not be available to attend as they will be reuniting with their own families at that time. So figure he gets back in December; At the end of January everyone goes on block leave, having a return around mid-to the end of February. Perhaps you could schedule something for March or April, which would give you a spring wedding (not sure how warm it is in WI at that time). And also as you know within 30 days of returning from block leave they start training for the next deployment which can mean a lot of time in the field. I see your delimma here; and welcome to the Army! (I had my first baby alone because my ex-husband was at a school). The most important thing I think, is to make sure you're not scheudling your wedding during that block leave time. Also, it will take you some time to get all your documents, ID card, and transportation appointments for moving and you may have to go on a housing waiting list; he should probably get on that list now (he can from Iraq via email to the housing contractor) and you won't have such a long wait (if you're choosing to live in housing). Army wives have one of the hardest jobs in the world, we hold everything together while our spouses make the world safe for our children (so to speak).

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KimberlyDonn Posts : 26 Registered: 9/8/08
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 8, 2009 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

I totally agree with her! 6 to 8 months after the expected demob date is probably the best, now if you can just get around training exercises...

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: He's deployed in Iraq and I have no idea when to set the date!
Posted: Jun 8, 2009 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: KimberlyDonn

Im in the same boat. My fiance and i both are stationed in Japan. He has been put on 'standby' for a few diffrent deployments. So we dont know even if and when he is leaving or coming back. I am from arizona and he is from illinois. For here, we are going to have a reception. For home we are planning the wedding for illinois. But like you have no definate daate. I am just picking stuff. we do know it will be a summer wedding in 2010, or a fall wedding in 2011. His mom and sister are is illinois helping with the planning. With the military all you can do is wait. But even if they say something do not belive it until it is in writing. And even then things can ghange.

Good luck with the planning.
AllisonWink

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