i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy

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FutureMrsHaynes Posts : 21 Registered: 6/18/08
i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 23, 2009 8:03 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years now. He's moved all the way from Seattle to Idaho to stay with me, we lived together for a year, etc. Now all of my friends are getting married (after dating for a year or so) and while I feel ready to get engaged and move forward, he bounces between telling me how stupid my friends are for getting married and wanting to go pick out rings with me. I have no idea what is going on in that head of his. Any ideas on why he can't stand the topic of marriage one day and then wants to ring shop the next?

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 23, 2009 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

Well, when you've asked HIM this question, what does he say? More info, please.

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aaronandlara Posts : 11 Registered: 4/28/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 24, 2009 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

Sounds like he is thinking about it and just is not sure if it is the
right time. You say he
thinks his friends are being stupid by getting married. Is it because they are getting married sooner? Or he is not sure about the whole marriage thing altogether?

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noname83 Posts : 3 Registered: 5/22/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 25, 2009 6:54 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

He's doing what Chandler did in Friends, he's making you think he's not interested so its more of a suprise when he does pop the question...
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noname83 Posts : 3 Registered: 5/22/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 25, 2009 6:54 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

He's doing what Chandler did in Friends, he's making you think he's not interested so its more of a suprise when he does pop the question...
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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 25, 2009 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: noname83

Dont listen to the stupid above Vendor hawking his BINGO site.
Im quite sure your FH is not "doing what Chandler did in Friends."
But heres an idea - ASK HIM. Talk to him. You two need to sit down and have a talk about marriage and your future. Its a simple conversation, but it needs to be had. There is no reason you should be sitting around waiting for him to make all themoves , and having to guess what isinside his head. If you want to be married, then learn to communicate. Something like this would be perfect:

"Hon, Im so glad you moved here with me and that we live together now. For me, living together is a big step, and I was thinking that Im ready to make the next leap and get married. Im just a little confused though as to what you want. You seemed excited about ring shopping, but then less than excited about my freinds getting married. Whats going on? Do you feel ready?"

Tell him youre not asking him WHEN he is going to propose, if its imporjtant for him to make that more of a surprise, but you are weighing in with him about your future together. You need to know you are on the same page.


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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 25, 2009 10:34 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

It sounds like HE has some ring envy, too.

Honestly, I wouldn't believe him when he criticizes your friends for getting married. I don't know your boyfriend, but I know myself...and the #1 thing I do when I'm jealous (and trying not to be jealous) is pretend that I don't want whatever it is that I'm jealous about. So if I was jealous that my friends were getting married, but I didn't have the money for a ring or wedding, I'd probably say, 'I can't believe they're getting married! What a stupid thing to do!' If I really wanted to, I'd probably oscillate between that and wanting to pick out rings.

Just a thought. Or he could be 'on the verge' of being ready, but still convincing himself that HE'S ready. Or he could be feeling social pressure to get married, but he's confused about his own feelings.

Whatever the reason, you need to TALK to him. No offense, but I hate posts like this. Why on earth are you sitting around, waiting for him to read your mind and realize that you want to get married? You need to discuss this together, as a couple, and figure out what is the best time for YOU to get married. Forget the ring envy, the social pressure, etc - what is right for both of you? It just doesn't make any sense to sit around waiting for your boyfriend to plan your life together - and getting upset when he doesn't read your mind and know that you're ready to take the next step. Talk to him.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: May 26, 2009 1:25 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

Maybe he's trying to throw you off? Or maybe he thinks that those friends specifically aren't ready for marriage? I would talk to him about it, find out what his future plans are with you, like where does he see you guys in 2 years, and ask why he thinks it's stupid that your friends are getting married.

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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: Jun 4, 2009 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I know that part of the reason I still don't have a ring, is that my FH has seen all the rings my friends got and their boyfriends are all substantially better off than we are. HE feels like he needs to compete with them. Frankly, I couldn't care less, but I can see that this might be an issue with plenty of guys out there.
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sweaterpoorlyknit Posts : 10 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: Jun 5, 2009 9:45 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

Maybe he's unsure of what you want? That makes more sense than him completely changing his mind every few days. He might be testing your reactions... I say ask him and have a good talk about it.

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Edited by: sweaterpoorlyknit on Jun 5, 2009 9:47 AM

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nikimedia Posts : 1 Registered: 6/5/09
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: Jun 5, 2009 5:21 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

we hate to admit it....but i think we all get a little ring envy at certain times...

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: i'll admit I have a bit of ring envy
Posted: Jun 5, 2009 6:22 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsHaynes

don't assume anything. talk to him and find out exactly what he is thinking. even if he is unsure it will feel better knowing that he still processing his thoughts as opposed to believing that he's coming around and will be proposing in due time. you don't want to be disappointed in a few months if you are no closer to becoming engaged.

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