I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(

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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. He should have been a lot more considerate especially since you're probably grieving over your losses and emotionally raw at this time. I would agree with a lot of PP on here that it sounds like the start of mental abuse and/or manipulation. I'm glad his attitude set off alarms cause a lot of women would just take it lying down.

My FH is overweight and has gained a lot since we started dating and recently I told him he was getting too overweight and it is affecting his health (his entire family is overweight and diabetic) so he has started to go to the gym. That is not an easy convo to have, believe me, but I am genuinely concerned for his health. Your FH doesnt seem like he is concerned with your health at all, and only said those things to you to be purposefully hurtful.


 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:41 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

Dump his ass.

I agree 1000% with MsD. This isn't him saying, 'Honey, let's hit the gym together,' this isn't a gentle hint that you should lose some weight, and this isn't even a tactful suggestion. This is just plain MEAN, and someone who loves you would not say that to you.

Dump him and work on losing the weight if it will make YOU feel better about yourself.

By the way, you REALLY don't look fat in your profile pic. Is he blind or something?

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:46 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

Vicki, is there a friend, cousin, aunt, your mom, anyone that you can go to for support or to maybe stay for a little while until you decide what to do? Also, I think counseling would be a good idea. If he doesn't want to go to therapy then I really think you should go. You have been through a lot. Just remember that none of this is your fault.
                              

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:46 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

Oh, well the fact that you have had two miscarriages means that you and he have either tried or accidentally tried to have kids ...and even though Im truly truly sory for your miscarriages; I really need to say this: Do not have children with this man!!! Please. Whatever you do, do not have kids with him. It will be so much harder to get away if you do, to break ties with him, etc etc. he will have you roped in and then continue to break and tear you down emotionally. My heart is breaking for you right now. I have only been in one emotionally abusive rleationship, and it started out slowly, then continued, and then ended by him raping me when I didnt want to end things. I am NOT saying that will happent to you, but what Im saying is that emotional abuse CAN lead to physical abuve,and even if it never does, the way he is acting, treating you, etc ..is the way he will treat his children too. he doesnt have an ounce of resepect for you as a human, a woman, as the possible mother of his kids. Think about what kind of messages he would send to his daughter if you ever were to have one with him. she would probably grow up thinking she is not a good person, have eating disorders, think she is worthless, etc etc. Or at the very least, she would see the way he treats you and then think that is also what she deserves in a relationship. Do NOT have kids with this man. as far as counseling goes, I think its more important that you get out of this relationship honestly... and THEN get some counseling for yourself so that you dont find yourself getting into another one just like it. Lean on friends and family if you have them right now, and know that you are worth soooo much mroe than this.

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Leave him leave him leave him. Take public transport... pay for driving lessons, whatever you need to do! Do it for yourself!!

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

And, you want to marry this S#*thead WHY, exactly?

Whatever you decide, know that this is the best that your relationship with him is ever going to be. If this is who he is and the way he acts NOW, before the wedding, then it's never going to be any better than it is at this exact moment. Act accordingly.
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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride


Vickie, I'm so sorry for your miscarriages. I had one, too, recently, and I can identify with the feeling of just wanting to curl up for a while and not do anything. I hope you feel better soon.

I'll be blunt. Counseling with this guy is not worth it. He is not behaving like someone who loves you, and therefore, I assume he does not. It will be easier and more worth your time to find a truly good guy who actually values you than trying to fix this one, especially since he may not be fixable. A guy who knows you've miscarried his baby twice ESPECIALLY would/should be treating you with much more love and TLC.

Please don't make a lifetime commitment to this guy, and for the love of your future child, please go on birth control until you find a better guy. Not being able to drive for now is a handicap, yes, but your life is worth more than this and you owe it to yourself to get yourself out of this situation. It will be worth your time to go into counseling, but do it for yourself to figure out why you picked somebody who would treat you like this.

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 3:48 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

Thinking about counselling is not stupid. It is considering all your options before you decide what you want to do. Although I do agree with a PP that it probably won't help. If your FH won't show you compassion and kindness when you are grieving your losses then he won't ever treat you in a loving way. I am sorry for your losses.

There was another thread awhile back about a woman whose husband's abuse had escalated from verbal and emotional to physical. When she first posted she thought she had no option other than staying with him, but she found a way out. Here is Cici's story http://www.brides.com/forums/married-life/thread.jspa?threadID=64584&start=0&tstart=0

Also here is the website for the domestic violence hotline http://www.ndvh.org/. or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), Although your FH is not violent, he is being abusive and they can help you find resources, formulate a plan and offer support. They will help you.

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CindyandJackie Posts : 6 Registered: 4/22/09
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 9:55 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

Oh, honey, I've been there, and I married him, and it was the worst mistake of my life. My fiancee wasn't even as overt as yours in his criticism, but he became far worse. It was hell. He will only get worse. Emotional abuse becomes physical, and you do not want to stick around for that. As hard as it might be to leave now, it would be harder later. Run. Run now. Run fast. And don't look back.

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CindyandJackie Posts : 6 Registered: 4/22/09
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 10:04 PM Go to message in response to: CindyandJackie

And I forgot to give you this:

You can call 800-799-SAFE. They can help you find services locally.

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 10:43 PM Go to message in response to: CindyandJackie

Vicki, I hope you do what is best for you and get the counseling, or leave your FH. He sounds like a big a-hole and you do not deserve any of that treatment. I agree with PP, if he was concerned about your health, he could have broached the subject in a much nicer way, the way you would with someone you TRULY love. However, it sounds like FH is just being a dick and either doesn't realize, or doesn't care that he is hurting you. Either way, you don't deserve to be with someone like that, you are beautiful. If you make enough to live on your own, have a friend, or a family member teach you to drive, if you don't have someone, seriously check into public transportation. It may not be the best in your area, but it could be an option. Good luck and please let us know what you decide.

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April2010Bride Posts : 134 Registered: 4/26/09
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: CindyandJackie

VickyLynn -

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Five years ago, I found myself in the same predicament. My ex began degrading me very gently - so gentle, in fact, that I didn't consider it mean. We had been dating for about two months when he mentioned that my body was so hot the summer before and questioning me on why I quit working out...yada, yada, yada. A few months of that turned into "hun, do you really need that milkshake?" or "baby, I really think you need to find some girls to walk with in the evenings.". Three YEARS later, apparently he realized that I wasn't going to leave him, regardless of what insults he threw in my face. He came in one night, after work, and was a totally different person. He called me a fat, worthless bitch that didn't deserve to breath the same air as him. He said I would never amount to anything because I was lazy (riiiight! so lazy, that I spent my evenings, after work, cleaning up and cooking for his pathetic ass) and dependent. He said he was embarassed to be seen with me and hated that he had to sleep in the same bed with me every night. He told me that I wasn't stupid enough to leave him, because no other decent man would take me. After 20 minutes of continuous bashing, I'd finally had enough. I didn't want to be alone, or start all over, but I knew that I could not be with him. Of course I had a few choice words that I screamed in his general direction, but afterwards, I walked out of that house and NEVER turned back. To this day, I know it's the best instant decision I've ever made.

I wish you the best of luck, beautiful girl. You deserve so much better.

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: April2010Bride

You've recieved some great advice, Vickilynn. Do not let this man steal anything else from you. He is stealing you time, your self-worth and your self-confidence. Do not let him make you feel like anything else than the wonderful person you are. I will be praying for you.

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FutureMrsScanlon Posts : 67 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 2, 2009 2:25 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

Hi VickiLynn, I just wanted to say that I know where you're coming from hon! I was in a emotionally abusive relationship for 11 months way before I met FH. He would belittle me and tell me I was ugly and fat, So I packed up my things and hauled ass out of there! I also highly suspected him of cheating. You need to tell him to hit the bricks! you don't need to put up with that shit, your a strong woman don't EVER let any man tell you your worthless. You're very pretty and IMO any man would love to be your husband. I'll be praying for you.
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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: I dont think my fiance is attracted me anymore :(
Posted: Jun 2, 2009 2:51 PM Go to message in response to: VickiLynn84

I agree with everyone else.

He's only going to get worse. He will not get better about it.

I had an ex who told me to my face that I was getting fat. I slapped him and broke up with him 3 days later. Do I regret it? Nope.

I would get your stuff and leave. Maybe you can find a place close enough to work so you can walk or ride your bike to work..and defintely work on getting your license. If you're confident enough..go take the test and see if you pass.

Good Luck.

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