I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...

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March32007 Posts : 118 Registered: 5/10/06
I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...
Posted: May 28, 2009 9:21 PM

I am pretty sure I am going to be asked to be a bridesmaid in a cousins wedding. I love her and her hubby to be, and they were in our wedding, so I feel slightly obligated, but on the same token, feel like I need to say no for the following reasons...I will have a 23 month old and a 7 month old at the time of the wedding. I can't figure out how I am going to tend to the kiddos (who will always be my #1 priority no matter what...!) while also getting hair done, getting ready, doing pics, etc...I would say hubby could help, but he'll also be in the wedding.

I also just feel like I wouldn't be able to be there for the bride, that I would be more focused on keeping the kids behaved and out of trouble than on helping her and supporting her, etc. Not just that day, but the date of showers, etc.

And financially, I am not 100% sure we can swing it yet. I haven't had my second baby, so I don't know how much medical bills will be for that, and how much additional monthly expenses i will need etc. I just am not sure I can afford all the stuff that goes along until we have the second babe!

In my mind, I think it's best for me to say no, but I also want to tread lightly and not cause more of an issue. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want us both resenting each other if I commit, especially since this is a family member we see often...

Help please ladies. We've all been brides or soon will be, so I know we know how it feels!

Thanks in advance!

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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...
Posted: May 28, 2009 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: March32007

Explain your situation to your cousin. I am sure she will understand that you have concerns about being able to take care of your kids and be there for her as a BM. Is there anyone in your family that can take care of the kids while you participate? Maybe you can help her with other aspects of the wedding, and be kind of an 'honorary' bridesmaid.

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Gaby0 Posts : 45 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...
Posted: May 28, 2009 9:33 PM Go to message in response to: March32007

You could tell her that you don't feel like you have the time or the financial means to be her BM. Basically tell her the same thing that you wrote.

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IslaBonitaBride Posts : 82 Registered: 2/4/09
Re: I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...
Posted: May 29, 2009 3:26 PM Go to message in response to: March32007

Gaby, you may have valid reasons, but it sounds to me like you just don't want to be bothered. IMHO, there are solutions to all of your concerns as long as you felt honored being asked to stand by your cousin and wanted be there for her. You already said that she and her FH stood up for you on your wedding day and I'm willing to bet that she was there for your baby shower and is eagerly awaiting for the arrival of the new family member. I have a similar situation to that of your cousin so I'm trying to relate to how she might feel. Regardless, I wish you luck and hopes noones feelings get hurt.

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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: I'm going to be asked to be a bridesmaid...How to gently say no...
Posted: Sep 27, 2012 5:02 AM Go to message in response to: March32007

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