Budget/getting the parents involved

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mrsgilby Posts : 9 Registered: 5/8/09
Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 4:56 PM

Ok, so my mom has requested/assumed my FH and I will be getting the parents together to discuss the financing of the wedding. I'm not sure how I feel about this, to me, it seems like a way for her to "brag" about how much my parents are contributing or as a way to justify any pushing she may do.

Is this a legitimate request? Am I harbouring some ill feelings that she will try to "take over" my wedding since she didn't get to plan hers?

Do I invite my FH's mother, who will not be able to contribute monetarily at all? My F-FIL has already offered to cover alcohol and the rehearsal dinner, when I mentioned this to my mom, she said "well, we can discuss the details at the get together."

This is her first wedding "request" am I over reacting? I do see SOME value to this, but I wanna scream too! AHHHHHHHHHH LOLOLOLOLOL

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Gaby0 Posts : 45 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: mrsgilby


Are your Future in laws divorce? because if they are not then any money that your FH father gives for the wedding is also her money. If they are then maybe you should invite her because she could help you other ways.

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mrsgilby Posts : 9 Registered: 5/8/09
Re: Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 5:03 PM Go to message in response to: Gaby0

my Future inlaws are divorced and both remarried. No ill feelings on either side. - regarding the divorce

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 5:10 PM Go to message in response to: mrsgilby

Welcome to the Boards. Wow what a way to start! Every cell in my body is screaming DON'T DO IT! This can only lead down a road you don't want to go. I would definitely discuss money with the two sides of the family separately. This can only make the side that is contributing less feel bad. I really don't see the relevance. If one side is contributing say $20,000 and the other side can only contribute $5000 then knowing about the $20,000 will a) make them feel bad b) could make the offer money they really can't afford.

I don't know if she wants to take over but I suspect that yes she wants to brag.

If you have a family get together, which is always nice when a couple plans to get together, then great but I definitely wouldn't call it a finance meeting! lol. If your mom starts to talk money then thats her decision but really I would not encourage it. I would also remind your mom, your self and anyone else who needs to hear it that families often contribute in ways other than money such as time, ideas support and the dreaded seating plan!

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Lori82 Posts : 151 Registered: 3/21/08
Re: Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: mrsgilby

I would definitely NOT have a budget meeting with both parents. My fiancee and I are each discussing financial matters about the wedding with our own set of parents...he talks to his, and I talk to mine. If your mom rattles off about how much money she will be giving, his parents might feel bad that they can't give more. Fortunately, you and your fiancee have the upper hand here since you would be in charge of the get together. As the previous poster said, there is nothing wrong with getting the two families together to meet and get to know one another. I'd leave it at that. I'd also give you mother instructions that you do not want money to be discussed at the get together.





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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Budget/getting the parents involved
Posted: May 28, 2009 8:24 PM Go to message in response to: Lori82

I totally agree with Lori! It is not up to your mother to have any financial discussion with either of his parents. Your FH should discuss with his father exactly how much Dad will contribute for the alcohol. If Dad is paying for the rehearsal dinner, then the cost and planning are up to him (of course, if Dad asks for your input, you'll give it). The meeting would be nothing but an exercise in humiliation for his mother. As far as your mother goes, be sure that you are not giving up control of your wedding by taking your parents' money. Set some parameters (mentally, if not verbally) and give up only things that you are ready to compromise or really do not care about.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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