I think I might kill her!

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 8:49 AM

I am so stressed out! My wedding is a little over 4 months away. My girls went dress shopping but could not find anything that they liked. So we all decided to look online and we found a site that was AMAZING. Their dresses are all under $100 and they all agreed that they could find something on there. Well two of the girls have already picked out their gowns and I am waiting on my sister and my other BM. They all knew that the only requirements were that the dresses be Apple Red and be ordered by the end of this month. Because they are supposed to have them in for alterations in time. This was something that we all talked about and agreed on. Now I can't even get my sister to answer her phone. The other BM said she would have it ordered and I trust her so I said ok. As for my sister i do not trust her at all! She is a sneaky snakey person and has been quoted telling people that she will do it "On her time" I understand that with the economy being a pain in the ass and everything but she has supposedly been saving up since november... I am just going to kill her. I have been nothing close to a bridezilla and I have made no demands on anything. I just need her to get this done because the lady who makes the dresses needs it to be ordered by a certain time!! UGH!

Ok I feel better having vented.


As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change about me, I will keep falling in love with you all over again every single day

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Does she know the deadline to order by? If she does, I wouldn't freak out really. As a lot of people say on here, your wedding isn't as important to your BM's as it is to you (sounds harsh, not meant to be harsh, but it is true, I'm standing up in a wedding this fall and with everyting I have going on right now, it's not one of my top priorities). With that said, she may have other priorities that she has to take care of first, rather that be with time or money. I would talk to her and just find out when she plans on ordering it, if it's after the deadline find out why and see if you can help her in any way speed it up, such as loan her the money (if you can), or order it for her and have her give you the money upfront. There's so much stress that comes a long with wedding planning, try to mae the most of the time because before you know it it's gone, and you want to look back and remember enjoying it...not being stressed about it! From what you posted though, this doesn't seem like something that needs to get you all worked up over, I could be wrong if there's more, but like I said this is just from what you've posted.

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Gaby0 Posts : 45 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 3:19 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Don't stress out, you already did your part , now is her responsability.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Don't stress about this. Just call her up and leave her a voicemail saying, 'Hey sis. I know you're busy, but we really need to get the dresses ordered by the end of the month. I'm just calling to tell you that the 31st is the absolute deadline. If you haven't ordered your dress by then, you can't be in the wedding.'

And then stick to it. She doesn't order in time, she's not in the wedding. It's very simple, so there's no need to stress.

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 3:52 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Oh believe me I have called her and texted her because the lady called her and emailed her about it letting her know that she needs to order it by Monday. All to no avail. Her reason for procastinating is simply because she doesn't want to wear a red dress she wants to wear a black or silver dress. She has the money. She definitely has the time. She just doesn't want to. this is how she is all the time so I am not really surprised that she is being a pain in my ass now.

As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change about me, I will keep falling in love with you all over again every single day

Executive Recruiter and Quality Control Specialist of E.N.E.M.A A special division of P.O.O.P

http://www.mywedding.com/shannonandbrandon<magicalkingdoms.com Ticker
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Gaby0 Posts : 45 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 3:56 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Well if she does not want to wear the dress maybe she should step down has a bridesmaid.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 4:09 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Dream, you need to stick to that. If you wait around for her to order the correct dress, the rest of your BMs are going to have to pay rush fees, which isn't fair. Stay firm on the deadline, and if she hasn't ordered the correct dress by the deadline, she's out.

This isn't kicking a BM out of the WP. You've given her a choice: order the correct dress by X date, or don't be a BM. Sounds like she's made her choice.

If the deadline passes, tell the seamstress to move forward with the dress orders that she has. Inform your sister that she has missed the deadline for the dress and that she will not be in the WP. If she whines and suggests another color dress, be firm. She had her chance and she chose not to order her dress. She's out.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Oh my, this story sounds very familiar. lol

I think it's time for you to really sit and analyze your relationship with your sister and your priorities for the wedding. How much does it mean to you that she's in the wedding? Would it really look THAT bad if she wore a black dress with a red sash or something? In the end, you still end up married to the man you love... it isn't worth creating tension with your sister.

I say this out of 100% complete "been there" experience. My sister didn't buy her dress until 4 WEEKS before the wedding. Can you even imagine the kind of panic I was in?? Looking back, I think I was being kinda silly and over dramatic. She was there for me, and she stood up for me, that's what matters most. If she wants to buy a black or silver dress instead, I'd work with her and find some way to incorporate it. It is her money after all, right?

Do you have $100 extra to buy the dress for her? That's another solution that would take care of your worry and probably soothe her.

Best of luck. I know it's maddening, but try to look at the big picture. :)

 

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 7:20 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

dear DCT,

She either shows up in a bridesmaid dress on W-day, or she doesn't.

If she does, great, she's "in".

If not, then she's "out".

Don't stress! Let her work out her own problems.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 8:07 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

So, she doesn't answer her phone, has not ordered her dress, doesn't want to wear what you've selected, and in general, she is a "sneaky, snaky person." So, WHY, exactly, are you having her in your wedding? I agree with the others--give her a deadline. Then, don't stress. She can choose whether to be in or out.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 28, 2009 10:51 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

I've had my fair share of BM drama and so I'll just agree with the PP's who say that if she hasn't ordered on time, she's out. In my opinion, it is not about her and the colours she likes, it is about YOU and your vision of your wedding. If she can't be supportive, then you don't need the drama.

Best of luck.

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 29, 2009 8:27 AM Go to message in response to: myra

She was given her deadline. They all are the ones who decided the deadline as a matter of fact. They all agreed that they wanted to have them ordered by June 1. Including her. She was the one who INSISTED on getting this ordered by then. I have offered to pay for her dress and everything. She REFUSES to give me the sizes and her measurements.

Is it really worth her being in the wedding? No. I never really wanted to ask her but I also didn't want her to feel left out. Before I asked her she had been telling everyone that she wanted to be a bridesmaid and that she would be hurt if I didn't ask her. We all know that me and her are not close by any means. But with her being my sister I figured this would be a good way to try to get back to being close.

The whole thing with the black dress issue is that the day we all went dress shopping for them I asked them to choose what color they wanted to wear. Their options were red, silver/grey/slate/ or black. Everyone agreed that they wanted red. So I said Ok. I am not being picky but she is being inconsiderate of everyone else involved. I have told her several times that if she didn't want to be in the wedding for whatever reason that I wouldn't be mad. She has continuously said "Oh yea I want to be in the wedding no big deal dont worry!" So I let it go. And here we are 3 days before the woman is supposed to start with their dresses and she refuses to even look online.

My mom asked her what her problem is. And her only excuse is "I forgot." My mom said "Alright well are you too busy or are you just being forgetful? If its a money issue we will pay for it. We just need to know your measurements and what type of dress you are going for."

her response was "No Im not to busy. I just forgot. I have the money i've told shay that so she needs to relax. Everyone will get their dresses ordered. they don't have to wait for me."

My mom said "Do you really want to be in the wedding?"
My sister "I guess."
My mom:" Ok well you don't have to be if this is going to be an issue. Your sister has enough going on right now she can't be worrying about whether or not you are going to participate or not."
My sister: "I never asked her too. I just couldn't care less what dress I am wearing anymore. I didn't get to wear the color I wanted. I mean I found a pretty purple dress that I loved and since her wedding colors are red and silver I can't wear it."
My Mom: "Ok and when you and Ray said your vows what did your sister do? Did she throw a fit and wear a pink dress because she likes pink? No! She wore that navy blue ugly thing and she didn't even complain. She just did it."
My sister "I am just saying I don't like the colors."
My mom "fine I'll pick out your dress and Ill pay for it and if it doesn't fit too damn bad."
My sister "No! I won't wear that. If its really going to be a problem then I will just quit."
My mom "Fine! thats better off anyways Im sure."
My sister "Who cares. You can't tell me that Im not in the wedding. Shay is the one who is supposed to do that."
My mom "So what are you waiting for her to do it?
"

I think it is ridiculous. And truly I am not going to fight with her about it. If she doesn't want to be in the wedding then that is perfectly fine with me. It works out better for me anyways. Its just obnoxious.

Nala, I get what youre saying and I agree. I don't care if they wear red or black. They all want to match colors including her and when it came down to it she really wants to be a bitch. There is nothing I can do. I called her one more time and just told her "I am not mad or hurt. I just don't want to kick you out. If you don't want to do it then that is fine by me. But don't be rude to Marian she is doing us all a favor by making yalls dresses for such a low price. The other girls have been waiting for you to order yours as well. So If you aren't going to please just tell me. If you don't have it ordered by monday then I am going to count you as out of the wedding." She knows that I am not against paying for her dress because I bought both of the flower girls' dresses. The only reason it is bugging me is because well... I have already ordered their gifts that had hefty pricetags at $80 each for necklaces and if she isn't going to be in the wedding there is no need to pay for her bouquette and all that other crap.

No response yet as usual and she won't answer for my mom either. My point is... I don't care what she wears or even if she is in the wedding. She is just a little b*tch. If I kick her out it won't be a big loss because her and I never got along to begin with. So it isn't like I am losing a close relationship.

thanks for all of the advice ladies! I guess I will see what happens this weekend.

As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change about me, I will keep falling in love with you all over again every single day

Executive Recruiter and Quality Control Specialist of E.N.E.M.A A special division of P.O.O.P

http://www.mywedding.com/shannonandbrandon<magicalkingdoms.com Ticker
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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: May 29, 2009 2:05 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

Oh for heaven's sake, she's being a little princess. Everyone knows that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to wear whatever the heck the bride wants you to wear. It's the brides day, not yours. Your sis is being a diva and I wouldn't blame you one bit if you told her, "either get the damn dress or you're not in.".

It's really not that difficult to wear ONE lousy dress for your friend for a day. How selfish. Ugh.

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: Jun 3, 2009 9:16 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

OMG! I was completely shocked this morning when I got an email from the seamstress with all of the girls' dress choices! Even my PITA sister. Yep she sucked it up and bought the damn dress. I was shocked and texted her to say "Thanks" even though I was kind of hoping she would just quit1... Oh well she is my sister.

As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change about me, I will keep falling in love with you all over again every single day

Executive Recruiter and Quality Control Specialist of E.N.E.M.A A special division of P.O.O.P

http://www.mywedding.com/shannonandbrandon<magicalkingdoms.com Ticker
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BibliophileMom Posts : 80 Registered: 3/26/09
Re: I think I might kill her!
Posted: Jun 3, 2009 10:07 AM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

I'm glad it's working out - at least, so far! Just remember if she continues to be like this - don't let it get to you. The only thing you can do with a drama queen is refuse to get upset. (Sounds like you already know that, but just giving you some encouragement.)

My sister is the same way - passive-agressive, drama queen - and I basically have to just refuse to react. I was sorta hoping she wouldn't come to my destination wedding (because we know she will have some kind of crisis, to make it all about her) - but it looks like my parents are going to pay for her. Darn. Oh well!

www.mywedding.com/Leaver2010

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