Well, about a month ago me & my FH tied the knot premature to our set date of 10-10-2009. We made this decision because of work relate issues. I had to leave my job. My FH & I made that decision together. We decided my focus should be on school so I can get a strong start in my upcoming career. Because I was no longer working, I no longer had health insurance. Well, I currently take a medication that is several hundred dollars a month without insurance. Once we got married, I was eligible under his insurance to get that same medication for FOUR dollars. My Husband works for Wal-Mart and any associate covered by Wal-Mart insurance (or their dependants) gets ANY generic no matter how expensive for FOUR dollars (Unlike the general public who only get certain meds at the four dollars price).
We finally told my MIL about the fact that we are currently husband & wife. It had been something my husband had been putting off. Presumably, this is because he knew she would not approve. I have been getting on him to tell her-I would have preferred it to be sooner. I knew that the longer it was put off the more hurt she would be, but I wasn't about to stress out my husband and pressure him to do it outside his own terms. Additionally, I had a pretty good gut feeling she would no longer want to pay for the catering as she previously offered. I figured the sooner we gave her a chance to rescind that offer, the better off we would be if we needed to plan on making other arrangements. She reacted exactly as predicted. His sister was present at the time of the confession as well, equally as disapproving. My MIL continued on to say to his my SIL "Well, you don't have to get that dress now. Right (looking to me for an answer)? I said "Well, I'm planning my wedding exactly as intended." She proceeded to indicate inappropriate it would be for me to have bridesmaids & to go forward with a nice reception as planned. Suggesting I should "eat" the deposit and minimize the event to basically a cook-out. How very rude I find it, for her to volunteer her opinion uninvited. I already bought my dress, I've put down non-refundable deposits, I have relatives coming from out of town, I've already sent out my save the dates, and I already have a lot emotionally invested into this event. There was extenuating circumstances surrounding the decision of myself and my husband for me to leave my job......had those events not occurred we wouldn't have gotten "officially" married before our formal ceremony. I was hoping our family would be able to understand. Just because we needed to get married early doesn't mean that I don't want to have the full experience of a wedding ceremony with our family present and a celebration to follow. I plan to send out "Invites" that indicate we are married. Basically they will be invites to a vow renewal with celebration to follow. I don't intend to deceive our guests in any way. Most of which I presume would be in full support of our decision-even more so if they were to become aware of the circumstances. My husband's father (they are divorced) was very happy for us and congratulated us over & over again. Why couldn't his mom behave more cordially as well? It's very hurtful. The following are excerpts from an e-mail she sent to my husband the day after.
"I know it's what you want, but I must say I feel very disappointed by the whole thing. I hope you did it for the right reasons and just not the insurance thing. If she were to get a job she would have been eligible for her own insurance! I hope you both realize that this does really change the "wedding" thing. I was so looking forward to throwing a shower and stuff too, but I guess we'll get through this."
"Everyone really needs to know ASAP because this truly does change things. I just wish I could sit and talk to you about all of this, one on one. It really bothers me to see how much you do and give in your relationship, but it just doesn't seem to be an equal thing for you guys."
I believe the last one is in reference to the fact I am not currently working; although, she apparently sees no merit in the fact that I have worked my whole life (Since I was 13). Even while completing 3 college degrees. I have only been out of work since Feb 2nd and I was only working two days a week anyway. I couldn't work more than that because (since I was in a medical program) I worked 8 hour days at the hospital 3 days a week and then commuted to school on the fourth. This left me one day a week to do housework, study, and have a day of rest with my husband. I am actively seeking a job now, but as everyone knows the market is very bad (even in the medical field).
I could really use some advice on how to diffuse the situation and on the etiquette involved in circumstances such as these. Can I still do a big "who-rah" as long as guests know it's formally a "vow-renewal?" What about a bridal party?
Sorry about the long post, lots of little details that seemed relevant.
Thanks so much :)
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. However, in my case God just happened to send me the perfect person & then he blessed us beyond our dreams:)
