The DEATH Thread ...

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savex389 Posts : 506 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 4:40 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, I know the feeling of not being able to forget how Kevin sounded. When my grandpa died it was very sudden, he had a heart attack. My mom had talked to him earlier in the day and when we got the call she broke down. I have never seen her like that. She just laid on the stairs crying just saying "no no no, i just talked to him, no no no!" over and over again. It was the sadest sight I ever saw. It took my dad, sister and I to get her to stand up and go over to my grandma's. I hated sitting at thier house knowing that he was still there, I woudln't go into the room he was in at all. I just sat on the couch by myself while everyone walked around crying. My dad said I looked lost, he touched my shoulder and asked if I was okay, thats when I finally broke down. I can hold in my tears until someone talks to me) I kinda bawled/shouted "NO!!!" and the tears started pouring. My grandma gathered me in her arms and we just cried together.

I will never forget how my mom sounded and looked that day, I was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever seen.

Now I need to go dry my tears

Gin, those stories are beautiful. I hope to one day have a nice moment with my grandma and grandpa who passed away.

Edited by: savex389 on May 21, 2009 5:08 PM


Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, I am so sorry to hear about your friends mom. I was with my bf when she got the inital call from her Aunt saying that her mother was in the hospital after falling over the dog. Well about 10 minutes after she got home from the ER he aunt called her and told her that mom had an anyursim, I kept my phone near all that night....I talked to bf the next morning & told bf that I would be at the hospital after work, so I went to the hospital for a few hours after work....the next morning she call to tell me mom had passed.

As a friend, it was the harest thing that I had to go thru. How do you watch your bf suffer? Somehow I knew I was learing a lesson, but for what? This was April 2008...

Fast forward to August 2008: my dad went to the doc because of heaviness on his chest, well they admitted him to the hospital, ended up having a triple bypass and they found out that he had lymphoid cancer!!!!

Fast forward again October 2008: DH & I went to NYC for the weekend and his dad was excited for us. Well, we got to NY and I told him to called his parents to let them know that we arrived safely. Well his mum said that dad had fallen at the grocery store and was in the ER and his eyes wouldn't open (that is all she knew at that time) Something told me that we needed to get home, but we stayed the night, and stayed in contact with his family. Well, by morning I knew that his dad was dying, and I'm sure DH did too. Well, we got home in less than 3 hours and kept saying "Hang on Trevor we're almost there" all the way home. We packed cloths for a week for and 2 hours after getting home we were on the road to Canada!!! We got to the hospital, his dad was being kept comfortabale as there was nothing that they could do for him. Well the next morning we got the call to get to the hospital asap as dad had taken a turn for the worse. By the time we got to the hospital he had passed.

Once again, I was comforting someone that I husband....we stayed with his mom for the rest of the week as well as his sister. He died on Monday and the services were on Friday. It gave us time to gather, laugh, remeber and spend time together. I think his sister and I bonded that crazy week.

Somehow everything that I experienced in April prepared me for what happened to my dad in August and my fil in Ocotober........I leaned on my friend alot during those rough times.

"Be Here Now"  Senn Delaney


JessyNChris Posts : 120 Registered: 4/3/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 6:54 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, I'm sorry about your grandmother. My grandmother died when I was 19. She had diabetes, and a bad heart. Because of her diabetes she had lost a leg, and some of her eye sight. She mostly took care of me while I was growing up. I miss her alot.
A few years after her death my uncle died. He had crones disease. He was only 48. I miss him alot. Before he's death, he said he didn't like my boyfriend then (my FI now) because he wore his hat backwards. I just think he was being over protective of me, but I wish he had gotten to know Chris. Chris is alot like him.
Then my aunt and her husband died a few months apart from each other. She was in her 50's. They died of an overdose of drugs. I was very close to her, and I miss her very much.
I believe in God, but I also believe in ghosts and spirits. I once had a dream about my grandmother. She could walk, and had both of her legs. She was warning me about my mother and her new boyfriend. She was alo telling me that it will ok if I ask my mother to leave. (my mother was begging me to let her boyfriend stay with us. I didn't know him, so I was trying to get her to leave. It turns out they were doing drugs and running from the police.)
I also have seen a ghost of my aunt's husband. I have seen another ghost, but I don't know who of.
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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 7:38 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

OK. My turn to chime in.

I've lost alot of people- including 2 best friends, all my grandparents, my Dad, a few cousins, and some collegues. It's never easy, always painful, and it doesn't matter how long you had those you loved with you, it is never enough time.

First, Kelley- I'm so sorry for your friend's Mom. That is way too young!! (And comes too close to home for me!) Go to the funeral if you can, and offer to help them in other ways (water plants-things lioke that). Having your friends there for you helps keep you going.

Secondly, your Nana's impending death. I went through that with my Grandpa. He was so special to me. We went to football and baseball games. He called me His granddaughter because he and my grandma moved here when I was born, and I was always at their house helping out, and hanging out. When they got older I drove them everywhere. He died when I was taking my last year law school finals. It broke my heart in ways that I had never felt before...until my Dad died 2 years later.

When my Dad died, some of the warmest rememberences I have are of friends who wrote personal notes to me about my Dad in cards- about our relationship (we were law partners and bestfriends when he died) or about his impact on others. I also do NOT remember much about the three months that came after his sudden death. Like one of the other posters, he went in for heart surgery and died from a blood clot- actually 2- one he was revived from and then the next day another took him out. He was only 65. I think the trauma of having to take over the law practice myself, as well as the emotional loss zapped my brain for while.

As far as ghosts, spirits, whatever,I believe we can sense things that are happening, and often ignore those feelings as being silly and don't give them the credit they deserve. I've come to that conclusion from many events in my own life. I'll just tell about the ones that had to do with my Dad.

I had the strongest feeling when I saw him in the hospital the night before his surgery that he was not going to come out of it. (this wasn't just Drama either- I'm not like that). I stayed with him as long as I could and told him how much I loved him before I left to take my Mom home. I had such a strong feeling in me that kept saying go back go back. But I couldn't go back because my Mom was having a meltdown and I needed to get her home.

Then the surgery went awry, and he was in ICU sedated. After the surgery I stayed with him as long as they would let me, but had to leave to get my son (who was 2). Once again, although he was showing great improvement and recovering, I felt a strong feeling that he was not going to make it. I left my phone number with the nurses so they could call me if there was a change during the night. When the call came at 3am, I knew what it was already. I had to call my Mom and other sisters. It was heartbreaking and stunning.

The next night I crashed (sleeping) after not having much sleep the night before. Shortly after falling asleep, I felt my Dad next to me by the bed; he apologized and said he would not have gone in for the surgery if he had known this would happen. I felt his hand on my arm. I felt his fingers as they squeezed me. That's when the practical part of my brain said "Hey what if this is only a dream and not really your Dad but there is someone in the room and you are not alone in the house with your son". I didn't want to break the connection between us, it really killed me to do that, but I had to wake up to be sure my son was safe...So I woke myself up and I could still feel where he was touching me. My other sister said he came to her that night too.

SO- yes I believe there is an energy- a spirit. I'm sort of religious-in that I believe in God-heaven? Who knows. I think there is something out there. All the relgious doctrines were written by men who were alive so how the hell would they know??!!!

My bestfriend died of cancer at 40 (it was 6 weeks fromdiagnosis to death) and she was in horrible pain. I would NEVER say she was in a better place- hell- she had to leave her three kids!! But I would say I'm glad her suffering is over.

Death doesn't scare me at all- but my potential death scares the hell out of my kids. I'm sure my friend's death did that (they were very close to her kids-the oldest lived with us). . But it does keep us telling each other how much we love each other when ever we talk. That's nice. Whoever said it's hardest for those left behind, said it all.

I have lots more I could say, but I think I'll stop for now.


Stephorse Posts : 138 Registered: 1/31/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 7:40 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I'm going through the same thing right now. About two weeks ago my grandmother had a heart attack and died suddenly. She was only 67. My sisters and I were very close to her. I remember everyone though how cool she was because we always did the greatest things with her. She's taken us to Six Flags and to many broadway musicals and concerts. She has always supported me and my interest in music which I turned into a career and since we were her only grandchildren, we were very spoiled. I miss her very much and it upsets me so much that she won't be at our wedding, and I really hope that you won't have to go through this. Hopefully you'll be able to spend some time with her and cherish all the great times you've had and remember her spirit.


kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 9:15 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Okay, so I am planning on replying to a lot of your more recent posts on here. Thanks so much to all of you for every bit of input on the subject of death, life, spirits, everything. Its a lot to take in and think about, and I definately have an open mind when It comes to this stuff. Like I said, none of us really know, we can only relate what we think, feel, and believe.

I swear this is "Death Week" in KelleyWorld.
Today has been terrible. Phones been ringing nonstop, because all of Kevins friends have been calling us to see whats going on, if we know anything, where are services, whats their address , etc etc. Well then I called Michelles mom (Kevinswife Michelle) and found out from her that Kev and Mish are in route to Virginia where the services will be , but they still dont know when anything is just yet. She thinks itll be too far to drive out and also wont happen til after the holiday. She did tell me that Kevins mom was an organ donor, so they had to get the organs from her soon after her death, so Kevin wont be able to see the body when he gets there? Thats what she seemed to think, does that sound right? That made me sad if thats the case.

So while Im talking to her , my mom keeps calling on the other line, finally I pick it up, and first thing she says is "Nana is okay, shes still with us..." , but shes got that 'somethings wrong' sound in her voice, so I say WHAT? and she says "We had to put Lucky to sleep today." Lucky is our cat - well, my parents cat thats lived with them for 13years. My brother found her 13yrs ago up in a tree and rescued her and took her home to my parents. She was the sweetest thing. Now I NEVER in a zillion years expected to hear that Lucky was gone. Just like Kevins mom, she wasnt even sick! Or not that we knew anyway. Apparently the past few days she was not keeping down her food and getting skinny,so my dad took her in to vet,where they said she has some sort of severe heart failure and major surgery would cost thousands and only give her another month . so my dad had to make a decision then and there to put her down. It sucked. I looove that cat, shes sooo cute and lovable.

Kevin just called me again, they are in Virginia and said for us not to make the trip beause it took THEM 8hours to get there, holiday weekend traffic. He was crying because he was so touched that his freinds here even WANT to make the drive. Then Michelle told me when they get back, she is going ot put together a get together/memorial type thing at their house so all their friends can come and pay respects, be with Kevin etc. I think thats an aweosme idea.

As for what we are doing, Im collecting money from the other 6 friends and then putting together a giant basket filled with love and thoughtfulness. Im having everyone write Kevin a short letter or note--just thoughts, words of comfort, anything- and then Ill scroll those up, put them all in the basket along with wine, chocolates, food items, gift cards, etc etc.... Also Kevin put a beaituful pic of him ans his mom on his facebook page, so we are having that scanned and enlarged and then putting it in a frame with the lyrics to her favorite song the long and winding road /beatles. We will give them that when we see them in person. Kevin told me he is going to speak at the funeral Saturday. Wow. I dont know how he is going to do that. Get trhough that. amazing.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 9:25 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

No, Kelley, I do NOT believe that if youa re an organ donor, you can't have a regular, open casket funeral. I am an organ donor. Honestly, they fix you up. I will not go into details, but, not true.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 10:41 PM Go to message in response to: cyndi33

Okay... time to pipe in.

1. Kelley, I'm sorry about your friends' loss. The basket sounds lovely and very thoughtful.

2. Kelley, I'm sorry your Nana is poorly, but it sounds like you're cherishing her and the time you have with her

3. Kelley, I'm sorry to her about Lucky. {{hugs}}

(Man, Kelley, you're having a rough time!)

4. What are my thoughts on death? I'm afraid of a slow, painful degradation where I can't function as myself anymore. I'm afraid of losing who I am if my brain decides to go before my body. I'm not afraid of dying, and have actually considered suicide when I get to a certain health degradation. I have witnessed my grandfather dying from alzheimers, which is evil.... it stripped him of the amazing, caring, funny, smart, sarcastc man that taught me all about baseball and chess and many other things. I resent that disease. I do not want to go through it. Of course, that was before FH and I got together. I don't think I could do that to him. Dunno. As far as actual dying, I'm not afraid of it.

I don't know what the afterlife holds, if there is one. I like to think that there is something, and that God would not condemn people to an eternity of suffering merely for not worshipping in the specified manner. (I also believe that God has cultivated all of the different religions so that the divine manifests itself to people in the manner best suited to them--and that includes those who find the divine in numbers and science) So I do not believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Light, there is no way to the Father except through Christ the Son.....(etc). I know some feel that way, and I feel that or those who feel that... that IS the way for them.)

But I do always feel sympathy for those who remain behind and must function with a hole in their lives as they shuffle their world around and adjust.

Regarding spirits. I believe. I've see them. My Grandfather was at my first wedding....I have a picture. He died three months before I married. He was there to witness it. I had my first wedding in Indiana, though I live (and lived) in Alabama....because while planning it, my Grandfather was still living -- my grandmother was caring for him, with hospice, at home. I knew she could find someone to sit with him for three hours. I knew she could not do it for three or four days. So I decided to get married near her. (You can't exactly plan a wedding with the expectation that a dying relative will die by the time of the wedding.) But I had been close to my grandfather. I was the first one in the family to suggest he had alzheimers, and they would not get him to a doctor -- there was nothing that could be done then anyway (late 80s). So they didn't want to hear the diagnosis. I knew because of the massive personality shift. By the time I graduated college (90), he came to graduation, but the behavior was so erratic that the comment was "He behaved so well for your ceremony" (and he had... he was muttering like crazy because the speaker was pissing him off.... but he did it very quietly because he didn't want to embarass me. I assure you, the entire graduating class would have applauded him. The speaker was pissing us off too!) Shortly after that, the rest of the family acknowledged what I had known for years. He did not pass until 1995. It was 8 years of awful, watching what that does. So anyway, I didn't realize he was there until my pictures came back, and my grandfather....hale and hearty and the way I wanted to remember him....was in the picture with my dad walking me down the aisle. (Very fuzzy picture of him. Everything else is crystal clear.)

I've also seen the scary ones. In high school, I had what I liked to call a "Pet Poltergeist" (I lived in a dorm) I'd lock the window in the open position before leaving for school, and come home and it was closed. I would leave it closed and come home to it open (but not secured). Things would randomly go missing. But they were little things, nothing harmful. So we enjoyed our pet poltergeist. I think we annoyed it by callling it that though...diminished its poltergeistiness...because it decided to step it up a notch after about 4 months of failing to get more than an "aww isn't that cute" out of us. (us being my roommate and I.) See, everything it had done to that point COULD be explained away logically, so it was not scary.

A light over our desk went out. We replaced the bulb. The next morning, while we were getting ready, the same light went out. Odd. So I got on the desk to take out the burned bulb, but there was no bulb in the socket. Odd. Clearly it fell out, right? Well, we didn't hear anything. We NEVER found that bulb. We looked everywhere, under the bed, under the desks, in the drawers of the dressers, in the closets. We would randomly look for that bulb. And I am not kidding...even when we were packing up for the year and doing our white glove cleaning, NEVER found the light bulb. This got our attention. But still.... we were used to a harmless "pet poltergeist"

One night, at 2 am, I woke from a dead sleep and saw a red beam of light coming in the window. I followed the beam with my eyes to where it went. There was a disembodies head, three dimensional, floating above the dresser. It was the stereotypical demon's head... red skin, goatee, horns, pointy ears. Yes, it freaked me out...a little. But I wasn't really scared. Another freaky thing: I wear glasses, I cannot see without them. It was clear and far enough away it should have been fuzzy. I figured it was Calvin across the street messing with us by projecting a hologram into our room (in 1985 mind you). (Why? Because everyone knew we had a pet poltergeist) So I got out of bed and walked towards it--intentionally blocking the beam of light. But the beam still shone through and the head didn't disappear. I reached out to touch it, and it turned and looked straight at me. THAT freaked me out.

I rushed to the light switch, turned on the light (waking the roommate). I told her to go lie on my bed and look at the wall above the dresser. I wouldn't tell her why. Just told her to do it. When she was in position I turned off the lights (kept my back to that THING.... I was done looking at it). She started screaming, so I flipped the lights back on and calmly asked her what she saw. She described exactly what I had seen.

The next day, though neither of us were Catholic, we went to see the priest on base. We wanted our room exorcised. He told us they didn't do that anymore (they probably do, but not for one little incident), but offered to go with us to the room and bless it. Never had any more pet poltergeist activity after that.

(And never did find that light bulb)

A short time later, one of the girls the floor right above us did the Ouija board (they REALLY wanted our room and we were absolutely not going to let them in for it... we didn't want to invite whatever the heck was in our room back. Neither of us were willing to participate either). We were not there, but we heard the screams coming from it.... I didn't ask them what all happened, but they were all freaked out and swore they'd never touch one again.

I've never done the Ouija board though. I had a friend who was wiccan who told me once that every board has a spirit and some are good and some are not.



aelrod Posts : 92 Registered: 12/5/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 21, 2009 10:41 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley, I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother's illness and the pain that your friend Kevin must be feeling right now. Often there is nothing that we can say to comfort a friend in need, as you obviously know it is just important to be there for them.

Unfortunately I have been to about 11 funerals. Big family = lots of funerals. Although I was very close to my grandfather (I plan to name a son Jack after him) no funeral hit me as hard as on last September. My friend Jerika, age 20, died after a lung transplant. Growing up I was best friends with Jerika's brother Josh, so every birthday party, school event, etc. was spent with her and the family. We both got sick the same year; Jerika was diagnosed with Primary Pulmonary Hypertension in 2001 and I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Oddly, this gave us a sort of bond, and a common ground for our mothers who had the difficult job of caring for us. Anyway, as the years passed Jerika seemed to be progressing, she was no longer spending months in the hospital, she went back to school and even graduated. Then, in September of 2008 she became very ill and was set to go through a double lung transplant. She passed the day after the transplant on September 17th. We were all so shocked, she had been doing so well and then she was just gone. Although she and I were never as close as Josh and I it is easily the hardest thing that I have been through. I think that since she was my age it was hard to grasp that it was possible to die. Her parents remain to struggle with Jerika's death, but it has changed my life profoundly. I have always been a planner, done everything by the book, you know? No longer. I will remain the responsible person that I have always been, but I will never forget to take some time to do the things that I want and deserve to do. From Jerika I have learned that you must seize the day, Carpe Diem.

She was sweet and beautiful, and so very smart.


Patiently awaiting the summer of 2011.



Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 22, 2009 12:27 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Kelley- I'm now sorry for your parents' cat. Holy crap. You need to buy a magic stone or go donate some shit to Salvation Army. Balance your Karma. kidding I never thought about pets. I dread the day my cats die.

Cat- That's just flippin' freaky. A floating demon head? Wow.

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carebearny1999 Posts : 1,253 Registered: 9/21/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 22, 2009 12:45 AM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

Kelley---so sorry about Lucky! ***hugs*** I dread the day when I find my DH's cat has passed. (She's at least 10 yrs old now) She gives kitty kisses!
As for Kevin--I'm sorry you won't make the service but I'm glad you've got some ideas to support him and his wife when they return! Especially since you said he's not close to the rest of his family this will mean the world to him!
Misty--now I'm too scared to sleep! Luckily I haven't seen or heard any scary ones! Mike used to have a child spirit/ghost at his old house in PA. She wasn't bad or mean, just liked to play! She'd move things and you'd frequently see her "playing" on the stairs. The cat hated her, probably 'cause she was always taking her bouncy balls! LOL


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MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 22, 2009 9:29 AM Go to message in response to: carebearny1999

Kelly, I'm sorry for your friend's loss. Your ide of the basket is very thoughful. I'm sure they will appreciated. Enjoy your grandma and I hope she will stay with you for a long time.

Some of you know I loss my Godmother last Friday unexpected. She woke up on Thursday to do laundry and all of the sudden had this hard back pain. She had kidney failure and a bacteria on her blood. I couldn't go to PR for the funeral and FH thought of having a plant on her honor in our garden. So I always have something to look and remember her. My uncle, her brother, is on I.C.U. since Monday morning. He's on life support and today is a day of making a decision on what to do. When I move here, I stayed in his house for a couple of months. He drove to work for a month until I got a car. He's my dad here. I wish he don't suffer anymore. He had been battleling for more than 17 yrs. He had a bone marrow transplant 17 yrs ago. He had been in and out the hospital all this yrs and for the last 3 yrs, he have been on bed.

I don't fear death, I believe in God and Heaven and I think I'll reunite with the love ones that I loss. I think my grandparents and my godmother are watching over us. I do fear loosing FH, my parents, sister, and my nephew. I can't even want to think about it.

On Tuesday night I dreamed with my godmother. She was happy and smiling, like she was always. She asked me if I love her and I said to her, of course I love you so much. And we started walking somewhere. My mom was with us. When I told my mom the outfit she was wearing in my dream, she told me it was the outfit she was wearing. I was crying a lot on Friday b/c I couldn't said goodbye to her, and she said goodbye in my dream. I had a similar experience with my grampa. He had alsheimer and was on bed for almost 3 yrs, not knowing anyone or even talking. It was so hard for me seeing him that way. One night I dreamed he got up from bed, walked towards me and told me don't worry about him b/c he was fine. The next night he passed away. He also said goodbye to me and this why I believe he's in a better place and in heaven.

I think I'll be scare about spritis and ghost if I see them, lol. I prefer the dreams.

Can't wait to be Mrs. Snyder




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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 25, 2009 11:49 AM Go to message in response to: MrsSy

Well it looks as if Nana is getting worse now. Just talked to my mom,and I guess last night the hospice nurse had to come out to the house at 2am to help Nana breathe, she was gasping for air, etc. Then wheezing... they did the catheter, and now shes on the morphine 3x more than before, so shes basically just lying there drugged up, unable to feed herself really anymore, and it takes my mom and aunt or mom and dad to lift her up when she has to use teh bathroom etc. Its no way to live and everyones starting to hope she passes soon. Horrible watching someone suffer like that. up until now, shes been at least able to sit, watch tv, do basic things and have conversation etc. She was still joking around even though she was in pain. Now, shes just not herself. I dread going home to help my mom through this. Im so bad at it. I still remember the day my Grandpa died 15years ago now. He also had lung cancer. I still remember my mom at his funeral. She NEVER cries and never lets us see her cry. Well that day she cried in this primal way that I had never heard before and she wept and couldnt breathe through her tears. And my heart just ached because I didnt know HOW to help or what to say or not say. And its going to be even worse with Nana, beacuse she is much closer to her than she was with her father. Ugh.

As for Kevin, my good friends whose mom died, him and his wife Michelle will be back in Jersey sometime today. He called me. Apparently he spoke at his mothers funeral. I do not know how he got the strength to do that, but he did it. We are holding a get together/rememberance for Kevin at Michelles parents place Wed night. Everyone is bringing a dish for htem to take home. I spent all day Sat shopping for the basket of love and I think its really realyl nice, we all put letters in it for Kevin instead of a storebought card.

Kevin, like me, doenst like organized religion and isnt sure what he believes about God. With that in mind, heres the letter I wrote him: and then below it; the one from my freind Jessica, because I think what she wrote is really beautiful:

My Dear Friend Kevin,

I hate writing this to you because it means that you are in a lot of pain. When I heard the news about your mother; I honestly felt like someone had sliced out a chunk of my heart. It made me angry. Its not fair.

I do not understand death; nor do I pretend to. I dont understand why it has to happen; or why we are forced to go through it. I am not going to tell you that she is in a better place, that it was "her time", or that it was "God's Will" - because I do NOT believe any of those things to be true, and when people say those same things to me after someone has died, It doesnt help at ALL. It actually makes things worse.

I also do not know what happens to us after death. Maybe our souls live on. I hope so; but I do not know.

What I do know and what I do believe is this -

The best and most powerful way we can remember someone is to keep them inside of our hearts. To live their memories, to tell their story, to share their life with others. In doing this; we keep them alive and they will never truly die. I know that remembering your mom is not the same thing as having her here with you, and I also know that you will face a lot of hurt and emotion and anger and there will be times where you literally feel like you cannot breathe or you cannot take the pain. During those times ; I hope that you will find a tiny piece of solice in those moments and memories about your mom that make you happy. The ones that make you laugh or look back with a smile. You will also notice that you see or sense your mother in very strange places or at very unexpected times. You might hear her voice in someone else's, or see her eyes in another face, or feel her heart and caring nature in another's actions. I think when those things happen; that is her way of reaching out to you. And I truly hope that eventually - in time - the pain from such moments will turn into happy events for you.

Life is a strange thing. It is heartbreaking, thrilling, painful, awful, wonderful and chaotic. Life is unfair and messy and cruel and not what we expect and violent and peaceful and random and unbelievably joyful. Life is never one thing. There is pain, and there is joy. There is intense sadness, followed by the kind of laughter that should be illegal. So know this: where there is pain now, there will be joy tomorrow. There will be memories and fun and new adventures and family and love and passion. And in all of those things, will be your mom. Always. She will always be your mom and noone will ever take that away from you.

You and Michelle are family. And I love you both forever. You will get through this. I will be here to make sure of it.

All My Love,

Your "Other" Sister,


Dear Kevin,

Unfortunately, I did not have the pleasure of knowing your mom, but I am fortunate enough to know you. Just by knowing you, I am certain that your mom was incredibly proud of you as her son. That's the most meaningful gift a child can ever give to a mother, one of the greatest and most fulfilling experiences of motherhood. And you both had something to do with that. Only a truly kind and loving mother can raise a son who reflects such qualities.

Whether she is on this earth or not; she is always your mom and you are eternally bonded and a part of each other, which is obviously why, on the most basic level, losses like hers are so incredibly painful and frustrating in a way that nothing else in this world is painful and frustrating.

I hope that one day; by knowing that the creativity, sensitivity and kindess with which you live your life; was a pure joy and light that she reveled in while she was here; brings you some sort of peace. And if you believe in any sort of afterlife, even if all it means is that energy passes on (or maybe it means more than that, I dont know), than she is now that very joy and light that she gave to you as a boy; and that you gave back to her as a man.

All My Love,


I compiled six of these type letters in total,from our core group of close friends, and scrolled each one up with ribbonand they are all inside this great big basket that I will give to them on Wed night at the get together. Im also making a couple dishes to bring over to them with instructions to just throw in the oven, microwave for quickdinners.

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Edited by: kelleyiskelley on May 25, 2009 11:57 AM


adrigirl01 Posts : 287 Registered: 10/2/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 25, 2009 1:43 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Sorry about your Nana. That sounds awful, and scary. Watching somebody suffer, or even just knowing someone is suffering, gives me a helpless feeling when the problem is so severe that there is nothing I can personally do to make the person feel better.
As for the letters, they were a wonderful idea and will likely be a great comfort, and it was very thoughtful of you to say that you'll be around to make sure they get through this. Jessica's letter was also very beautiful and well-written.
It's very thoughtful of everyone to have that thing on Wednesday in order to honor her, and taking the dishes to have them take home will also be such a big help.


MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: May 25, 2009 2:20 PM Go to message in response to: adrigirl01

My uncle passed away a couple of hrs ago.

Can't wait to be Mrs. Snyder




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