Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down

Online Users: 1,309 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 11

ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 11, 2009 4:45 PM

I met my boyfriend a little over six months ago and we've basically talked about marriage since the second week we were dating. That first week we knew how many children we wanted to have, what their names could possibly be, where we wanted to move when we got married, etc...

So around Thanksgiving he asked me what my ring size was and I told him and then I got giddy and nervous thinking he'd propose really early and I didn't know if I'd be ready. I thought he'd propose around Christmas. Christmas came and I got a little ring box at the bottom of a bag that had a Family Guy DVD set in it. I got super excited seeing the box. I opened it and saw that it was a birthstone ring and necklace set. I calmed down and thought okay it was too soon. So around my birthday my boyfriend asked if the ring he got me for Christmas felt right. So I think maybe a birthday proposal. No proposal but an evening in the E.R. because my dad had to go in the hospital. He still took me to a nice dinner though.

So then he wanted to plan a nice weekend away in a neighboring state with just the two of us. He kept telling me that my Valentine's Day present was "not big" but wouldn't really mean much to others but would mean a lot to us but he kept saying it wasn't "big". Okay so Valentine's Day I kept making a big deal about him getting the present I gave him and so we pulled off the side of the rode since we were driving and I gave him the present I got him and he was excited. Then he went into his pocket to get something out and my heart started beating faster and faster. Then he had a disclaimer. He said, "Just a disclaimer. This isn't an engagement ring but I'm hoping it will be special between us." It was a pretty ring with our names on it, diamonds, and engraving on the inside. No proposal that weekend.

So a couple of weeks ago we went to the movies and afterwards we decided to go to the jewelry store to look at rings. We've been looking online for like the past month so I was excited to go to the store to look. We found this ring that looked like it was perfect for me.

He said he'd be proposing sooner than later. He said, "Sorry to be so vague".

It's like I know he's probably going to propose but I'm so anxious about it. I'm excited and nervous. I want to calm down so badly. I even joined different clubs to get my mind off of all that. But I still think about getting engaged every single day.

Anybody have any advice about taking it easy and calming down? My guy is very laid back and sweet and I really don't want to put pressure on him. We have a wonderful relationship but I'm so ready to be his Mrs.

Reply


NikZilla Posts : 59 Registered: 9/21/08
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 11, 2009 5:42 PM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

It will happen be patient. I went through the same situation with my guy. He is also very laid back with me being the wild child. Don't expect the ring overtime. That's what I did. It drives guys crazy and is a total turn off. Then he'll take longer too propose. He may think is it really the ring she wants or me. You can never guess what a guy is thinking all the time. They don't think like us. It will happen when you are not looking for a proposal. Maybe you should lay off with the proposal obsession and spend more time growing together in your new realtionship. It worked for me. Good Luck
Smilewww.ewedding.com/sites/nackieSmile

Reply


Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 11, 2009 7:03 PM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

Advice to chill out? Browse these forums and other websites if you have to talk about weddings so you don't bore your guy to death. Distract yourself with work, hobbies, friends, etc. Or get your fix by watching girly romance movies. Take up meditation. Beat him to the punch and propose first. Then the waiting will be over!

Good luck finding patience.

Reply


WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 11, 2009 7:11 PM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

May I ask how old the two of you are?

You two haven't been together all that long, so try to be patient and give him some time (I know its hard!). If you guys have been ring shopping its probably not too long away. He may be trying to save up for the ring or planning the perfect way to do it.

Reply


ShawnSharpPhoto... Posts : 6 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 12, 2009 12:23 AM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

I'm really glad that you and your boyfriend have such a wonderful relationship. I know how excited you must be and how much anticipation that you have about your, hopefully soon to be, engagement. I would try and not rush to fast into it though and take the time that you both need to grow together. Six months is, in the grand scheme of things, not a lot of time. I think its so amazing when two good individuals can come together and make one great relationship. When you two do decide to get engaged I know that couples who go to pre-marriage counseling have a much happier marriage than those that don't. I know that whenever I get married I'll definitely seek out a good pastor or counsellor who specializes in pre-marriage counseling.

Be blessed,
Shawn
www.ShawnSharpPhotography.com

Reply

ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 12, 2009 8:21 AM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

He'll be 38 this year and I'm 27. He says he wants to definitely be married before he turns 40 and hopes we'll have our first child before he turns 40 as well. So time is approaching so I think he does want to get married soon. Yesterday afternoon he asked if I'd please go back to the jewelry store to get my finger sized again (last time I was bloated and my fingers were swollen) so I did and he was like, "I need to hurry up and get some more money so I can get you that ring soon!" That sounded very promising. I actually feel better hearing him say it so I know he wants to get it for me soon

Reply

ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 12, 2009 8:26 AM Go to message in response to: ShawnSharpPhoto...

We definitely have been looking up places that offer good couseling or premarital classes. One of the churches in our city offers either a 6 week or 8 week class and that church has many successful marriages so we'll see which one works best for us. We were hoping to go on a retreat type thing like my parents did. They went to a convent. My mom stayed with the nuns and went to classes and spent time doing journaling and praying and my dad went with the priests and did classes and prayed and journaled, too. They were engaged at six months, married in a year, and happily married for over 25 years until my mom passed away.

Reply


WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 13, 2009 6:27 PM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

I was just asking your age because there is a big difference in two 18 year olds being together for 6 months and a couple who is a little older than that. If you were really young I was going to tell you that maybe he hasn't decided he is 100% ready. I'm glad that you are feeling a little better about it! Looks like he is just saving up!! Congrats on your soon to be engagement!

Reply


CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 15, 2009 9:04 AM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

Getting engaged should be a surprise,it's not something that you must know about or expect, 'cause it takes that whole element away. This is a message to everyone on this board, being anxious and waiting takes away so much from a relationship. I think you just need to focus on loving one another, enjoying every moment, and trust me, you'll know when you're on the same page and it will happen at the right time!!! I think so many times people put pressure on one another, and forget how incredibly lucky you are to have someone truly love you!

By saying this I understand your needs to get married, most women are born this way, we dream about the perfect husband, kids and white picked fence!! Just don't get so carried away by this dream that you forget to see what you have now.

I waited just over 2 years, at my age most people were throwing hints that I would probably never get married, however, I just knew in my heart that it will happen when the time is right. And I am so happy I never stressed about it, 'cause the day he asked me to get married, he blew me away! It was such an incredible moment, because of the surprise factor, and actually I think I might still be in shock : ) !

Enjoy each other, and be patient, your time will come!

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

Reply

ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 18, 2009 3:46 PM Go to message in response to: CoutureBride27

I think many of the women on this particular board have a unique situation compared to many other already engaged women. It seems as though many of them have already had that big talk with their boyfriend about marriage so a little bit of that element of surprise is gone. I think I wouldn't even really be thinking about when he's going to pop the question, if we had never talked about marriage or never seriously talked about it.

I also never thought that love would find me the way it did either. The Rules tell us not to talk about children or marriage before we've dated for several months. By the day after our first date I knew this was the man God blessed me with to marry. He said he knew the first day that we met that I'm supposed to be his wife. On our second date he read from the Bible to me about how husbands should be and how he would take care of me. So it's been understood from he beginning of my relationship that we'd be married. Everything has just kind of naturally flowed.

For me before I met my guy, I thought I'd be dating the person I was supposed to marry for at least six months before we even brought up the subject of marriage and then I thought I'd be waiting and dating for maybe three years until suddenly one day he'd pop the question. I thought the ring would be a surprise and everything.

But things have been drastically different. I knew he was the one I was supposed to marry in a day, I was his girlfriend in two days, we fell in love in three weeks, and six months in we found me an engagement rings. Things aren't always cookie cutter when it comes to love, relationships, weddings, and marriage. Just like some brides want to marry outside, some brides want to marry in a church or some other venue. People are so different so of course the situation will be different for many of the women on here. Plus some of the women on the boards sound like their boyfriends are so anxious they've been telling them potential proposals.

Fortunately I've started crocheting so I've found a new hobby but I do still think about the big day my sweetie pops the question. I love him very much and he loves me, too and each day we have a blast together and we both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

When my boyfriend proposes then we'll sit down and pick a concrete date and announce things to everyone. Right now we're looking at wedding stuff and pricing things but we don't consider ourselves engaged yet.

Reply


CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 19, 2009 5:37 AM Go to message in response to: ninkwink

I'm sorry if my e-mail sounded impartial or insensitive, I can understand how you feel and I'm so happy that you know that God has Blessed you the way He has, and I also feel that perhaps you had to wait so long for your lifelong partner, because He had to shape and form you to be the people you are today, making you the perfect match!

Now you just have to trust in the Lord, knowing that He's time is the perfect time. So be patient, trust in Him and you'll see, when you expect it the least he'll blow you away!

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

Reply

ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Too Anxious- Need to Calm Down
Posted: May 19, 2009 9:14 AM Go to message in response to: CoutureBride27

You didn't sound insensitive. I know I was reading other posts by people and they sounded really rude to women posting in this forum. I was just throwing this out there in case others read it and I did want to give a little more background on myself.

You were fine and gave good advice.

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine