A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 9:49 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

Ariana* Hm this FH fight seems to be getting a little out of hand. Maybe right now he's being stubborn and waiting for you to call him, you're waiting for him to call you...and it's just going to get to the point where neither of you will call.

I would take matters in to your own hands and contact him. Even if you think he is wrong, it doesn't mean he has to make the first move.

The longer you guys put off talking the worse it will get.

I would think about what you want to say and what you want to do and then call him and you guys should get together for a walk or a meal or something and rationally talk about everything.

The silent treatment isn't how you guys will handle problems in your marraige, so it shouldn't be how you handle things now.

Good luck! Keep us updated! I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not a fun time.



Anyshoes ladies I am off to the cottage for the weekend! I want some hot stories for when I get back! Have a great weekend!

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jeaniebelle87 Posts : 137 Registered: 11/23/07
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Nessa- I'm sorry you're having a difficult time family-wise! Try not to let it get you down or get you too stressed out with your wedding date coming so quickly. Also, I hope planning and prep-ing is continuing to go well.

Ryanne- It sucks that you have mold, but at least now you know what the problem is, and can start trying to figure out how to fix it. I hope your husband doesn't get any sicker and that you don't get ill either as a result of the mold!

Jewel- How cute that your dad wrote a song, and I'm sure that will end up being a very special part of the day. I agree with some of the other girls. Is it possible for you to find a way to move the wedding to a different time, just so you don't go nuts with the stress of so many big changes in such a short time! I know I've always wanted to have a fall wedding, but when it came down to it, this coming fall was way too soon, and waiting a year and a half was way too long, plus I realized that I would have to miss a good chunk of school in order to be in Minnesota for a wedding, and then we wouldn't be able to have a honeymoon right away. So, we decided to make a slightly more practical choice and ditch the fall wedding I had dreamt of in favor of a spring/summer (what do you consider the last week in May? I can never decide) one and I think it's going to be wonderful anyway!! I mean, what's really important is that you're marrying the man you love, so when you do it is a little less important. Anyways, that's my two cents.

Brighter- Yay you!!! I'm glad you were spared one awkward conversation and did something a little more fun instead!!!!

Ariana- I'm sorry you had such a huge fight with FH. I hope you find a way to work things out. I agree with the other girls, you should call him, even though you aren't the one at fault, you should still make an effort to work things out. I'm sure that years from now you will regret not doing it if you choose to keep ignoring him.

Someone asked about having a long distance engagement and how that worked out, but I don't remember who. I'll share despite my poor memory! Um, we've been doing the long distance thing for a long time (nearly four years when he proposed), so by the time we got engaged, it really seemed like we were on the home stretch, so it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Actually, it made the last couple months before graduation even more exciting knowing that we were both definitely going to be in the same place at the same time more permanently. The long distance relationship was hard, but could have been worse. Neither of us are very clingy people, and we're both fairly chatty, so we would call a lot. Often times calls are just five or so minutes long, but a couple times a week we stay up really late and talk for hours. I actually think that as strange as it sounds, long distance was one of the best things that could have happened to us. It really tested our bond, and when the phone is your only way of connecting, it forces you to develop stronger communication skills. For example, when we were in high school I would give him the silent treatment if I was upset with him. I found out quickly that the silent treatment doesn't work when you live so far away, because it would be days before he even realized that I was upset, because if I didn't call or answer my phone for two or three days he just figured that I was too busy with school to talk, not that I was upset, so I've learned to be more upfront if I am, and to head of problems before they grow to large. So, yeah, long distance sucks, but it has its benefits, and despite any benefits, I'm very excited for a new phase in our lives, one that includes living in the same state!!!!

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: jeaniebelle87

Jeanie- It was me who asked about long distance engagement, thanks for responding! My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the majority of our three year relationship too, but the end is in sight for December when I graduate and move back to my hometown to live with him. If engagement happens before Dec. it'll start out long distance, so I was wondering if you had any advice on that since you've done it. Happily it sounds like everything has worked out great for you guys though, so it doesn't raise any little red flags for me, hehe.

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

If I don't marry Ryan and he gets shipped to Germany or Korea then Bonnie and I will be left behind untill he comes back in two years. I simply can't risk it to have him go away again I get so depressed and I hate it so much. The army doesn't care about fiances, only wives and children. (or husbands or whatever but that isnt the case here) So thats why its this year and I have given a lot of thought to having it somewhere other than TX (and no matter where we have it people are going to have to travel. My family lives in WA, FL, SC, OH, and Kentucky and his live in FL, IL, TN, CO, and....i forgot the other state lol.) I am going to talk to Ryan as soon as he sends me a letter about possible other places but its really the only thing he has asked me to have so far, is for it to be in SA and i REALLY want him to have it be what he wants. He has let me pick everything else really but he was just so...oh jeez i just really want to make him happy and i will work my butt off to have it in SA if thats what he want lol. God i miss him :( I really hope he is having fun and making lots of friends...better friends than the ones he has now >.< But hey, they're his friends not mine.

So I am totally proud of myself i lost 2 more pounds and im so happy! I look just as flabby as i was two days ago but still! every day im a step closer to losing this spare baby weight tire! :D

So yeah I am sorry that I dont remember what everybody wrote recently I just stoped in briefly and now i gotta run. Taataa, congrats on all of you who just finished school and are about to graduate! Booyah for all of us!


 



 

 

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 8:52 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

hey girls! I wrote back earlier but for some reason it didn't post. Anyways ... FH did not call yesterday and I was so upset that I had my mom call and tell him that I didn't want him to come to my graduation. I was so disappointed in him and felt so let down that I really didn't want to see him. He sent me a text message after my mom talked to him that he wanted me to call him when I got done watching my show. I didn't want to and I ended up talking to FMIL so she knew that I didn't hang up on her I was just really busy at work and couldn't talk about it, nor did I want to. So we talked about what happened and then she talked to FH and then he called me. It was one of the worst convos I ever had. FH told me last night that he is not ready to get married in 2 years. Let me just tell you I felt like I got hit by a mac truck. I still really do not know how to feel. I don't know if I can get pass this because I will always have a doubt about something. I was finally looking forward to being under the "2 year mark" and now it's all taken away. Nevermind the fact that everyone asked when our date was and we just recently told them. We looked at reception places told people about the venue and it just all came to a halt.

FH doesn't want to talk about things until after this weekend is over, he said that we have to look forward to graduation and not worry about this and ruin a time that should be happy but I just can't pretend that everything is ok when it is not. I am not a fake person and I can't put on a show when I have our relationship running through my mind. Everyone tells me that he is just stressed out because he doesn't know what he wants to do with school and he doesn't have his career yet, but I can't believe that and that everything is going to be ok. I need to hear it from him, I don't know why he said something, well I do because of the first right of refusal thing, but I mean I have been waiting to make plans and plan our wedding.

I just feel numb and really don't know what to do and now I can't say anything until the weekend is over. And then I don;t want to bring it up Monday right away I want him to bring it up and talk about it, he is the one that has this problem. Well I just want to say thanks for listening and I am sorry that I haven't responded to anyone;s posts.


I cross the stage tomorrow so wish me luck that I don't trip and fall!! lol Talk to you all soon.


 

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 15, 2009 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

Ariana- I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this hon. HUG I wouldn't be able to stand it if FH wanted to wait till the end of the weekend to talk about stuff, I prefer to work things out as soon as I'm able to think clearly, whether the other person feels like talking or not!

If things aren't resolved, don't feel bad about missing his graduation or telling him not to go to yours. Do your best to focus on your accomplishment of graduating (it's taken you years to get to that stage, you now have a degree! Congrats!!!) and throw yourself into celebrating wtih family and friends and trying to distract yourself from thoughts about the relationship. I know it'll be tough, so talk to a trusted girlfriend or your mom or write in a journal, it might help you figure out what you're thinking and feeling and support from other people is important.

Don't worry about not reading or responding to other posts, NO ONE here blames you for skipping them! This is a huge obstacle in your relationship and I think I speak for all the girls here when I say we are here for you, you can talk to us, and please let us know if there's anything else we can do to help.

Again, congratulations and have fun wearing that cap and gown tomorrow! Everything will get resolved for one way or another, it just might take time. more hugs

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 16, 2009 12:38 AM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Ariana: I would hate it if Chris wanted to wait so long before talking something out! But on the other hand, he's taking time to cool down and think about what he really wants, and that's not a bad thing. He's allowing time for both of you to finish what needs to be finished this weekend so that when you DO talk about what's going on, there won't be as many other things to stress about.

At one point before we got married, Chris and I got into it and he said something similar--that he didn't know if he wanted to get married. I was crushed, and slept on the couch for a night or two because of it. Eventually he cooled down and actually thought about what he'd said and what he wanted. Obviously we ended up getting married and were able to work things out.

Something to consider is the fact that maybe he genuinely DOESN'T feel prepared to support you and be a husband. For some guys that is scarier than anything--especially young guys. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want it at some point, it just means that he isn't ready for it NOW. And for him to be honest about that isn't a bad thing. Yes, it is horrible to deal with and try to understand, but it is ultimately a good thing for both of you.

hugs It'll work out, hun. Good luck tomorrow!!!!

Jewel: I totally understand what you're saying about wanting to make what your FH wants possible. Chris wasn't all that involved with the planning, so when he mentioned he wanted something in it, I really wanted to make that work. He wanted to do a demolition derby, but it was the night before the wedding. Despite his mom's protests, I arranged it so that the rehearsal was on Thursday and Friday was open for Chris to do the derby. But then it fell through and he didn't do the derby, so the rehearsal went back to the original plan. lol. It didn't matter, it worked out really well. So I understand where you're coming from with that.

Would he be okay with just a mini-moon in SA rather than having the wedding there? It would make it SO much easier for you to plan and prepare for the wedding when you're in the location, since you don't have the money for a planner. And, if your parents are playing for the wedding and don't have to travel, the money that would be spent on the trip can go back into your budget and free up some money for your wedding. That will be a big plus since you have a small budget. It's just a thought!


My sister and I are getting her senior pictures done tomorrow and I'm really excited! She's using the photog that offered to do the TTD session for me for free, and she does some awesome work! And I ordered the last of my pics from my photog and haven't heard a word from her about when they'll be in. I emailed her today and asked her but got nothing. Great communicator, hmm? And...Sunday I'm performing on the senior recital for the 5 seniors in the studio who are leaving. I'm doing a duet with one of the guys from a show called Urinetown, and a song from the show Wicked. I'm excited about that, but Chris got forced to work the weekend so he can't come. :-(

Our mold supply is growing in its little petri dish. There are three almost dime-sized spots in the thing, one is very light (it just showed up this morning) and the other two are almost black. I set another test up in the bathroom last night, and it doesn't have anything yet. I was kind of surprised about that--there isn't even condensation in the lid like in our bedroom! So we'll see what the results of both are. On Monday we're going to send the one from our bedroom in to the lab to find out what kind of mold it is.

Talk to you girls later!

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 16, 2009 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Ariana, I am so sorry sweety thats awful that you are going through this, especially at a time that should be about celebrating. I kinda know what your going through, but it didn't last for a weekend when it happened to me so I can't even fathom how you must feel. So therefore, i have no advice except to keep on keeping on and try to enjoy your graduation, and party, and maybe you will change your mind about your FH attending, it might help smooth the waters sooner just to be near him even if you can't talk about the other issues yet. Good luck hun, we really are all here for you.

I am going to sudjest some different things to Ryan as soon as I can, but he can't call or even write letters yet. I am going to write one back to him as soon as I get the adress. So today is Bonnie's 2 month B-day and I am going to start a journal of her days for Ryan to read when he gets out that way he will not have missed her first half year completely. I made a big step (in my opinion) yesterday and bought a brides magazine (have to hide it in case my dad comes into my room) and I drew up 2 ideas for the cake but I don't want to settle on anything untill I get Ryan's opinion. Also I have a question for you ladies. So our colors are blue, lavender, and yellow and I wanted to know, would it clash terribly with the color scheme if the cake was decorated with straberries (I want to cut them in half and make them look like the petals of flowers all over the cake) because they are red, but i was also planning on putting little blue butterflies on it. Would that look terrible to have a cake with lots of red on it? I remain as indecisive as ever.

Good luck tomorrow Ariana!!!


 



 

 

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sweaterpoorlyknit Posts : 10 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 16, 2009 5:33 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Hello! (:
I just joined today, and this forum is perfect for me. We aren't exactly engaged, but he just recently finished his payments on a ring so it'll be sometime this summer!! I'm VERY anxious about it. We've known for a long time we want to marry eachother, nothing has ever just I don't know- made sense? He is 19 and I turn 19 in July. We've been together going on 3 years and won't be able to marry for at least 2 years but are excited to make our commitment "official." (: We're both college students and have a lot of saving to do so a long engagement makes sense but we're dying to marry eachother... So yeah, I'm going to get started reading this long thread! I can't wait to see where you all are.

Edited by: sweaterpoorlyknit on May 16, 2009 5:51 PM

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 16, 2009 9:10 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Jewel: I think a journal of Bonnie's growth and development is a really great idea! Another thing you could do is make it a scrapbook so you can include pictures and things like that to commemorate the big events--rolling over, sitting up, etc. That would be something really cute to show other relatives who don't get to see her often as well!

Just curious, why do you have to hide the magazine from your dad? I'm guessing the wedding is a sore spot between you?

Sweater: Welcome to the boards! I'm guessing you and your soon to be FH don't have a date yet, but do you have a general idea of when you'll be getting married?

So...we rescheduled Katie's pics for the week after next. It was just too windy and chilly for Katie to be comfortable. She picked all summer outfits and really didn't want to have to wear stuff over them. We were going to try and have her wear a sweater or something until it was time to take each picture and then put it back on till the next one, but decided against it because of the wind.

Other than that, Katie and JR (her boyfriend) are coming over when Chris gets off work and we're going to hang out. We're making nachos for sure--beyond that I have no idea. lol.

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sweaterpoorlyknit Posts : 10 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 17, 2009 1:58 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Thanks! And yes, there is no set date yet. Although, we have talked about the time of year and which year a lot. If it were a perfect world and we had the money we would marry NOW :P but can't sooo our nect choice was summer 2010 but that doesn't look like it will happen with my having to take summer classes before I transfer and it's just not enough time to save the money we'll need. So June 2011 is the most likely candidate for right now. Especially since our anniversary number, 11, is on a Saturday! Ryanne I just finished looking at your wedding photos and they're absolutely gorgeous! How are things now that you're married?

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 17, 2009 11:02 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

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ajs2012 Posts : 3 Registered: 4/21/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 18, 2009 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: sweaterpoorlyknit

Hello all! I posted a while back on another thread, but I like the looks of this one too! I'm Amanda, and I have been with my soon-to-be-fiance David for 3 years this October. I am 18 (19 in June) and FH is 19 (20 in November). We're both in college. We're not going to be married until 2012 at the earliest, but I'm having fun planning and getting a feel for what we want for our wedding.

Sweater, we seem to be in very similar situations!

Edited by: ajs2012 on May 18, 2009 9:56 AM

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sweaterpoorlyknit Posts : 10 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 18, 2009 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

Autumn- Seems like we have a lot in common! Our anniverary is August 11th so we've got a couple months until then. My FH is also in school to become an engineer! He's finishing his Associate in Science this coming year and then going on to take engineering courses. Hopefully... he's also thinking about joining the Navy which honestly I'm not to keen on the idea. :( He's taking his time decided so it's up in the air.

Amanda- Aww we're alike too! (: (: 2012 is when we should wait as well, how in the world did you make yourself decide that? I know that's how long we should wait but I can't bring myself to think about it too much. FH isn't as much a planner as me and is more "it'll happen as soon as we can" while I'm wondering "okay... well when can we?!" haha.

I'm at community college right now finishing my Associate in Arts and then I'm going to go on to a University to get my Bachelor's in Spanish Education and then add on a degree in teaching English as a Second Language. (That's what I REALLY want to teach).


I'm currently losing my mind with all of the decisions I need to make... Like if we get married in 2011 I would need to go to the University about 45 minutes away rather than the 3 hour away one I was looking into. Another idea I had was to go to that university and live at home (maybe pay a rent or something to my parents) and commute to school each day because the price of meals and dorms are rediculous. What do you all think of that? I have a feeling FH likes the idea since he'll either finish his engineering degree at this community college or a tech school, same city as the university. But he's the laid back type who won't interfere with decisions. :P

Edited by: sweaterpoorlyknit on May 18, 2009 11:38 AM

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 18, 2009 12:09 PM Go to message in response to: sweaterpoorlyknit

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