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My mom and dad don't like my FH

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Lola44 Posts : 11 Registered: 12/16/08
My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 9, 2009 11:26 PM

My FH was a true gentlemen, he asked my dad if he could marry me before he proposed to me, but my dad said no. My FH asked me anyway, i don't wanna feel as though my parents will hate me for the rest of my life, but i also love him so much i have no idea. HELP! Did you FH ask your parents to marry you? Is it normal?

hawaii , june_2010
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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 9, 2009 11:57 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

My dad refused to talk to FH when he tried to ask. Dad kept this up for weeks. We got engaged anyway and my parents blew a gasket. It took a very long time to get over it. Now, dad and FH are buddies and spend a lot of time together.

My advice is to get your parents together in person and tell them what you decided. You may or may not want to include FH. Be prepared for yelling and tears. Write down what you want to say before you meet so that you keep your cool. Yelling back or bursting into tears will only make you look like a child who is not ready for marriage.

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

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hawaii , june_2010 , atlanta , june_2009
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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 659 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 7:38 AM Go to message in response to: Lola44

I HATE the tradition of the groom asking the bride's father for permission. I'm an adult, I can make my own decision whether or not I'm going to get married, I don't need my dad's to approve it first. Of course I want their blessing, but either way I'm going ot marry the guy I want to.

If I were you, I'd just sit down with your parents and calmly tell them that you are an adult (I'm assuming you are, how old are you?) and that you have decided you are ready for marriage. If you guys plan to wait a couple years or something, also throw that in, it could calm the situation. Explain to them your plan of how you & FH are going to support yourselfs, if you plan to live locally or not. Tell them your plans for the future so that they can understand you are mature enough to support yourself and ready to take this big step.

hawaii , june_2010 , december_2009
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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,862 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 9:59 AM Go to message in response to: Lola44

The law in my state said I was an adult at the age of 18 and could make my own decisions. The choice to get married or not was mine and my husband's (if you ask him he will say he didn't have a choice).

My daughter is engaged to a young man I truly wish would fall of the planet, but she thinks she loves him and wants to marry him so I will support her decision.

My advise is to talk to your parents and find out what their objections might be and deal with them. If you can reassure them fine if not you have to decide how you want to live you life. In the end it is you decision whether to marry or not, your parents will have to live with your decision either way.

 

 

 

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october_1997 , hawaii , june_2010 , southern_shore_new_jersey
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 2:06 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

I agree with the PP's-- if you're old enough to even contemplate getting married, then you don't need anyone's permission to do so. However, that being said, you need to look more closely at the reasons behind your father's refusal. Is it just this young man that he doesn't like? Are there reasons that he would feel this way? Does he think you're too young, inexperienced, or dependent? OR, would your father refuse anyone who asked for your hand, no matter who he was? More info. needed!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

hawaii , june_2010
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NikZilla Posts : 59 Registered: 9/21/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

My dad is nuts. We are not close any way. He asked my mom. He and my mom planned our vacation which he proposed during. That's a tough issue(family problems). Pray about it. The Lord will lead you too make the right choice if any. Or what you may need too say too either parties. I hope I am not offending you with talk of prayer and our Lord. If I am I caponize
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hawaii , june_2010 , pennsylvania , august_2009
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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 7:03 PM Go to message in response to: NikZilla

(Note: not blaming your FH at all...)

But that is the problem with asking permission from a girl's parents - they could say no. And then when you propose anyway, it's like you are " going against their wishes".

A suggestion for anyone reading who isn't engaged yet: if your FH wants to be a traditionalist and ask your parents permission (like my own husband did) let him know to be careful about the wording. My husband basically went to my parents and said " Im going to ask your daughter to marry me, and I'd love to have your blessing". So not exactly asking permission, but it gives them the " heads up" that some people see as a sign of respect.

My brother-in-law, however, did NOT ask for a blessing for my sister. My parents could have cared less. I don't think it's necessary at all.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

hawaii , june_2010 , pennsylvania , august_2009
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Lola44 Posts : 11 Registered: 12/16/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 7:58 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

For anyone who wanted more information.... i am 20 years old and me and my FH have been together for 4 years.. and madly in love. Me and my Fh have had our fights but every time we make up and get on with our lives. Anyway my dad hates the fact that we are high school sweet hearts and i haven't dated that much so has been trying to make an excuse for us to break up... hope this helps. Please help me! Thanks

hawaii , june_2010
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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 8:01 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

See, I was in your place too. I was 21 (barely). But FH and I had been together just about six months when he tried to talk to dad. If you plan on having a long engagement, tell them this. Is there a rush to get married right now?

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

hawaii , june_2010 , atlanta , june_2009
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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 9:48 PM Go to message in response to: Knoxvegas

DH asked my dad a few weeks before he proposed, out of tradition; my parents liked him a lot though and have known him for years tho so of course they had no problems. I think my mom said dad asked him if he was planning on finishing school and asked him about his job.

The guy I dated for 3.5 years before DH... we had talked a lot about marriage in the course of our relationship, and whoever I ended up with, I like tradition and wanted my parent's approval of whoever that may be, but my parents were too fond of my now-ex and so he told me there was no way he would ask my dad before hand, which kinda saddened me...

but i didn't end up with that loser anyhow so that doesn't matter =)

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september_2008 , hawaii , june_2010 , atlanta , june_2009 , illinois_chicago
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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 854 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 10, 2009 11:19 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

A few things

1. Are there legitimate reasons why your parents said 'no'? You should probably find out why they do not approve and discuss it with them
2. Now they have a slightly legit reason to not like him, why ask permission if you aren't going to take what they say into account? It was like he acted like he cared what they said, but only if they said 'yes'...as though he only respects and wants to hear and take into account their opinions if they bode well for him.
3. Who cares? FILs aren't a huge fan of me. But they're stuck with me. I'm not marrying them, I'm marrying their son--he's the one who has to love me, not them.

hawaii , june_2010
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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 12, 2009 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: Lola44

I don't like the old fashioned way of FH asking dad. What's the point? Even if dad says no you two will still get married.

Why would your mom and dad "hate" your fh? Is there a reason for them to hate him?
                              

 

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hawaii , june_2010 , connecticut , october_2010
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SweetSurrender Posts : 130 Registered: 5/14/09
Re: My mom and dad don't like my FH
Posted: May 14, 2009 5:53 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

My parents like my FH as a person, but they are not happy that we are engaged so young (I'll be 20 on Saturday) so I kind of know how it feels. My FH did talk to my parents before he proposed, but he asked for their blessings instead of permission. Apparently, my father asked my FH what he would do if they said no, and my FH was completely honest with them and said he would ask me anyways. ha! So in the end, my parents "gave him their blessings" but they're still not happy. But we don't care... it's not about them. It's about us.

My thoughts are, if your parents love you, and understand that you love your FH, they will come around soon. If they like your FH as a person already, maybe it'll just take them some time to get used to your engagement.

hawaii , june_2010 , maryland , connecticut , october_2010
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