A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 6, 2009 3:31 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Nessa: You definitely need to tell your florist you're doing something else for centerpieces. She should not have bought the supplies for your centerpieces without giving you a quote first. She gave you an estimate, but she should have cleared the cost with you first. It's not your responsibility to break your budget because she made a mistake.


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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 6, 2009 4:23 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

I know, it kinda bothers me she already bought everything with out consulting with me....I will call her maybe tomarrow, its getting a bit late, and i am off to try and find some shoes.....and have to make Bill call the liquor guy when we get home....

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Hey guys!!! Sorry it has been so long since I have been on here, things have been hectic. I am done with school and I feel great about that but for some reason I am unbelievably tired, I think it's because I was so used to staying up late and doing homework all the time that I am now crashing. I am thinking about going and taking a nap when I get out of work today.

Anyways ...

Ryanne - Once again I am so sorry about your living situation, I can't even imagine how you feel, especially with the sex thing on top of it. I hope that you guys have a great time at the casino and really enjoy being out of grandma's. I can't blame you about not wanting to buy her house either. When FH and I were originally looking for houses and we went into an "older" home, it just turned us off. Yes I mean you can fix it up, but that can be costly too and that was when we were like if we're going to fix up a house no matter what to our liking, let's just build one!! So I def. get how you feel and I hope everything gets better soon. hugs

Nessa - I agree with PP about calling your vendor and telling her you did not agree to the price estimate or quote and that you can't spend that much. Tell her to take the supplies that she purchased and make something nice that you can afford and that you like and want at your wedding. You only have 17 days left!!! I wish you all the luck in the world and like I said before, everything will work out. Make sure to stay calm in the upcoming days and as you know we are all here for you!!

To everyone that wished me luck on my exams ... thank you sooo much!! I am graduating May 16th and FH is the 17th so we have a hectic week coming up. I also have to get my graduation invitations out around the 16th so that is one more thing to worry about!! FMIL still has not picked a date for FHs graduation and has still not looked over the guest list so I am a little pissed about that to say the least. FH and I actually got into a fight on Saturday and during the fight I told him how I felt about his mom not looking at the guest list and that I liked to know if we had to continue to search or if we could sit down and make a decision. FH suppossedly talked to his mom about it, but still no gust list. And like I said FH and I came up with the names, she just has to look it over and see if we forgot anyone and write their names down if we did. Not that big of a deal IMO! I mean tell me if I'm wrong here or overreating?

FH also doesn't know if he wants to go on to grad school. I told him I think that he should just because of the competition out there and what is one more year? I am doing it too ... but he says he is sick of school and really has no interest in going. He also said that he is now nervous about how the next 2 years will play out with him getting a better job and us building our house and getting married. I told him that everything will work out fine, because I honestly believe that they will. FH has a good job now and he works full time and while it is not his job after graduating at least right now he has one where he makes decent money. Then he comes up with this idea that he wants to buy a Jeep. FH bought a brand new car last July, kept his old car (therefore doesn't really use the new one - it doesn't even have 2,000 miles on it yet), and now wants to buy this. I just don't really see the point and I told him this. I said his house is going to look like a parking lot and he doesn't need 3 cars (he's one person!!!) ... I would rather him put the money away or put it towards something we want to do together, like go on vacation!! So once again, I don;t know why he was worrying about 2 years from now when he wants to blow his money on a jeep now. I'm also kind of upset because if I knew FH would change his mind about school and stuff we could get married next year! But it is too late now because of the amount of people we are going to have and the fact that we live in RI and there aren't that many venues that can accomidate us, so I doubt that they would have anything available and I think FMIL wouldn't like the idea of us getting married next year. I guess we have to wait because I would feel that everything is rushed and don't want to plan it during grad school.

Well I guess that is my vent for the day and what has been on my mind lately. Oh I'm also pissed because I was planning on going walking again now that I am done with exams, and it has been raining here. I went yesterday because it got nice out in the afternoon and I hope it will clear up today so I can go. My mom and my grandma are going to come today so that is going to be nice. Oh I think I forgot to tell everyone, my grandma came home from Florida on Friday and I am very excited that she is home. My mom has been doing better and now that I am done with school her and I go out more and I can tell that she enjoys it and she is talking to someone about her problems which is going really good I guess. My dad has been doing better, some days are good some days are bad, but I hope he will continue to have the good days.

Well I hope this thread picks up again and I will be on here periodically throughout my day at work!! Hope everyone is having a good day so far!!


 

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 11:59 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

Rose and Nessa- He is training in Missouri and I'm in WA so I don't know how far that is but it feels pretty massive :( Last night was our last night to actually talk face to face and stuf (webcams and all you know) and he just lit into me because I sent a guy I used to like some pictures (NOT BAD PICTURES!!! Just pictures!!!) Of me back in November!! His friend HACKED this guys computer to find this stuff!!! He was soooo mad at me he told me if he ever found out i talked to this guy again he'd leave me! So then i told him it was totally out of line for him to dictate who i can and can not talk to so he said i can talk to him if i want but Ryan will be furious at me if he finds out. I'm not gonna talk to the guy anymore just because I don't want to cause problems, but I'm still rather angry and shocked. I think he went to far to have his hacker buddy SPY on me and people I talk to. I told him if i ever find out that his friend touches my files again I will have him arrested. (No i probably wouldn't but god that makes me soooo mad!) I mean all they were were pictures of me like sitting at school and stuff but Ryan said they aren't just pictures because I "Look really really pretty in them" thats actually what he said!!! he's like "Well you can see cleavage in those pictures!" and i asked him to point out a shirt I own besides turtlenecks that DON'T show cleavage. Im a big bosomed girl AND i was pregnant at the time in 2 of the pics so of course their gonna be bigger! sigh things will be ok in september. We just argue and fight a lot when we can't have secks. But I am still very sad that our last night getting to talk as much as we wanted he just wouldn't let it go.

Ryanne- I don't know if i'm going to far with this but what helped Ryan and I was a position change (blushing like mad over here!) Also if you take a guy buy surprise they tend not to think about worriesome things while in the act because their brain was just all the sudden switched into arroused mode rather than gradually getting more stressed all through foreplay and undressing and what not.

SO! In between all of the fighting yesterday I was able to talk to Ryan about our wedding a bit. The venue we THOUGHT was perfect turned out to be waaay to expensive :( our budget is 6000 and our total for this place would be 4520 so no money left to buy favors and centerpieces and flowers and the dress and the grooms accesories and stuff (He's giving serious consideration to wearing his dress mess uniform. YAY! I don't like tuxes they remind me of my friends at prom wearing a lime green, cherry red, and banana yellow zuit suit. >.< those and our old high school marching uniforms bleeegh) But he told me he really wanted blue as one of our wedding colors and i am totally ok with going with a different color scheme because I really like LOTS of ideas (i kinda wanted orange...or blue and yellow...or blue and brown!) See? blue is great it goes with pretty much everything except red which i wont have cause im superstitious, and pink which i would never ever do anyways. I also asked him wheather he would prefer my hair to be down or up (i think all styles go with my type of dress, well, the dress I have been eyeing, havent tried it on yet) and he didn't tell me which he liked he just said he thinks its more common to wear your hair up for a wedding. I said i could wear it half up and he laughed and said that would look retarded to have like one pigtail and not the other. I rolled my eyes. Men. OK sorry everybody for my huuuuuuge rant but I feel a bit better. So Bonnie is sitting on my crossed legs and my foot is asleep so i should go. Talk to all you gals later!


 



 

 

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 1:47 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

Nessa: Have you made any progress with your florist?

Ariana: I can see why the guest list thing irritated you. My MIL was very proactive in that regard, but my mom wasn't. I basically had to make my parent's guest list myself. Fortunately I didn't forget anyone, but my mom and I were both shocked to find out that we "had" to send courtesy invites to about 20 families on my mom's side--all people I've met maybe once in my life!--otherwise they would be mad, even though they wouldn't even consider coming. That was the only issue with our guest list. I would email the list to your FMIL and ask her if it looks like you covered everyone. If she doesn't respond, call her and give her a deadline to let you know about the guests so you can do the invitations and have a better idea of the cost of everything. If she doesn't respond to that, go ahead with what you have and have your FH call her and tell her that since she didn't get back to you, that you're going ahead with the list you have.

Now for the Jeep.

What exactly does he want the Jeep for? Four-wheeling? Is it going to be a "project" vehicle? Does he want to drive it? I think he ought to sell one of the cars if he wants to get the Jeep, regardless of what he wants it for. He will have to pay for upkeep on all three vehicles, plus personal property taxes and insurance, which aren't cheap at all! My husband owns three vehicles, but only two of them run--the third was a project vehicle and now is only a body because he just sold the engine and tranny. I know boys like their toys, but he needs to really think about that before he does it--especially since you guys want to build a house sometime in the near future.

As far as school goes, I completely understand why he wouldn't want to go back! But I also understand why it's a wise choice to go. Maybe he should just take the summer off and think about it. He can always go back--maybe it would be better for you guys if he worked full time and you finished school and worked part time. Then when you get a full-time position he could go back and finish his degree. I think you should just play this one by ear.

Jewel: Can I ask why you sent this other guy pictures of you? Honestly, I'm with your FH on this one--even though I don't think it was appropriate for him to have someone spy on you. I feel like people have to be very careful in their communication with members of the opposite sex when they are engaged, married, or committed to someone else. We are all human, and prone to mistakes. We aren't above becoming attracted to someone other than our significant other. That's not to say that you can't talk to other guys, but you do have to be careful when you do it. You have to guard your heart against things that could lead to you being unfaithful to the person you're with. The whole point of being married is "foresaking all others". I feel like sending pictures of yourself to other men and talking about intimate details of your relationship just opens the door for bad things to happen.

Also, I feel like it's a bit disrespectful of our significant others to knowingly do things that they do not approve of. It just sends the message that what they think doesn't matter. How would you feel if your FH was communicating with another woman behind your back after you told him that you didn't like it? No doubt you would feel betrayed. Granted, that doesn't mean that our significant others should be controlling over us--I just mean that we need to be aware of their feelings and opinions on things and try to honor them.

The last thing I want to say is to try and be understanding of why he feels the way he does. You guys are half a continent apart. He can't be with you and I'm not at all surprised by his reaction--he may just feel threatened, even if there is no need for him to be. People think irrationally, passionately. It happens, and we need to work through it, but try to be understanding of where he's coming from--especially considering that he is in the army and this is not the last time he will be away from you for so long.

Please know, I'm not trying to come down on you, I've just seen a lot of problems that stem from situations like this. For instance, Chris's best friend got married in November 07. Three days later, they found out they were pregnant, and two weeks after the wedding he left for the Marines--bootcamp. Shortly after, we started hearing rumors about the friend's wife and who she was hanging out with, and started seeing some suspicious behavior on her part (a lot of which she came out and told me like it didn't matter). Because of all that, we think to this day that she cheated on her husband--my husband's best friend--right after they got married with a good friend of his. The guy is really weird around Chris and I now, but even though Chris finally broke down and told his friend everything we suspected, he just blew it off. They are still married, but he has said repeatedly that he'll probably be divorced in the next 6-7 years. She is really controlling and bossy, but she kind of has a double standard about it. It's just not a good situation. anyway, when her husband left for the Marines, this girl leaned on another guy for support, rather than on her family and girlfriends. It put her in a really suspicious light, even if nothing ever happened.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. :-)

Sorry about your venue! Chris and I had a small budget too--we did ours, not including our attire or honeymoon--for just under 5000. To save money, we made our own invitations with a kit from Hobby Lobby--watch for their Bridal Blowout sales! 50% off pretty much everything!--and I made all the flowers (I went with silk) except the bouts and corsages. With those, I bought the materials and a friend put them together. We set up and decorated ourselves, we purchased the soda and beer and then returned what we didn't use. We made our own favors--pastel kisses wrapped in tulle--and were going to do our own music. We used plastic tablecloth and did really simple centerpieces--rosepetals down the centers of the tables with votives scatteres all the way down--that could be done in advance. There are SO many ways to save money and it doesn't have to look trashy. lol. We ended up having an awesome time and so many people told me how beautiful it looked! You could even try to do the catering yourself--a simple BBQ and sides bought in bulk from Sams or Costco can be really good, or a desert buffet where you have a variety of cookies, cakes, and pies (homemade!) with punch. With a small budget, DIY is definitely the way to go.

As far as your colors, I really like blue and brown, but I also like the blue and yellow--there are so many pretty autumn flowers in yellow! One thing you could do is put your wedding party in blue dresses and have them carry bouquets of autumn flowers--my aunt did that and it was so pretty! She picked and arranged them herself the night before the wedding! Then you could incorperate a little yellow, a little orange, etc. and keep with that theme for your centerpieces--my aunt hollowed out pumpkins of various sizes and arranged the flowers in those for centerpieces. There are so many cool ideas for fall weddings!

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Good afternoon girls!!

Ariana! Yay for being done with school! That would frustrate me about your FMIL not wanting to do the guest list.....the party is next weekend right, as a guest I would be upset at the short amount of notice, and ledd likely to come. I defantly say give her a time line
As for school I agree it just needs to be played by ear. Sounds like FH has been working really hard, and it is easy to get burnt out. Let him get into the real world and see where he can go with what he has, if he starts noticing he could be doing better with that extra year of school it may push him into doing it.
As for the jeep, I would be very grumpy, well hell hearing he already has 2 vehicals for just himself makes me grumpy, FH and I have one between the 2 of us, and she is kinda old and who knows how much longer she will be running. But I would def sit down with him figure out why he feels he needs to go buy a jeep when he still has 2 vehicals, maybe talk him into selling one and using that money for the Jeep, or if he has the money now, still sell one and put that money in a savings account.I am sorry, but I see no reason one person should have 3 vehicals, even if one is just a project vehical!

Jewel~ I would be furious if my Fh forbid me from talking to anyone. But I see where he is comming from. I do not agree with sending pics of yourself to another guy, when your FH is away, or even if he were there I would find it unexceptible. I've been in that situation, former Fh wasn't gone, but we wern't getting along. I started talking to this guy, just as friendly talk, and we started hanging out, and one thing led to another. We didn't do anything compleatly wrong, but still he was there when exFH wasn't and it was easy to get caught up in the feelings. Just be careful. Also, it kinda sounds like there could be a dangerous red flag with the way your FH responded Sounds like he could get very controling and possibly have anger issues. Keep an eye out for that dear!
And abotu the colors....I don't remember if you want to do winter or autumn theme. Either or I think blue would be gret. For autumn I agree with Ryanne to have the yellows and oranges with the blue, for winter blue and silver would be absolutly perfect IMO.

Ryanne~ Wow I never would have guessed from your pics that your budget was so little!! Everything looks great!!

Ok so for me. I have a meeting with the florist here in a couple hours. I think I decided I want to see what she can do for the buffet table. I am thinking 3 things that way not all of her supplies go to waste, and we have decoration on the food table. We went and got our marrage license this morning. I made the huge mistake of wearing terrible walking shoes, we had to park about a block and a half away. Then when we got there we had to turn back around because FH had his knife on his belt, and I had mine in my purse so we had to go back to the car and put them in there. Once we finally got into the office the lady that helped us was CRAZY! I couldn't understand a word she said and I don't think she ever compleated a thought...But we got it done, and had some nice bonding time driving down there, then driving FH to work, we stopped and got some YUMMY breakfast burritos and just enjoyed being with eachother. TOnight I have my first fitting, and tomarrow is dance class. My sister just got accepted into the nursing program so she is super excited, but her Clinicals are on Fridays, and the rehearsal is on Friday....So hopefully that won't mess things up, she was supposed to be bringing a lot of the food. We will see.
Alright I suppose I will be off to work.....I so don't want to...

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 3:35 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

i think its perfectly fine for Ryan to be mad at me and I get it. At the time i didn't think i was doing anything wrong but I understand that Ryan is upset about it and all. I just feel he has a kinda double standard and I don't think he should tell me who i can be friends with. Out of respect for him i wont talk to my friend anymore I am just bummed that Ryan distrusts me enough to have me spied on and automatically jumps to conclusions that I am unfaithful. But even more so than that I was just upset to have our last day ruined by something i did half a year ago.

And I forget who it was with the jeep thing but men are WEIRD about buying things when stressed or something. When I told Ryan I was pregnant we agreed that he should move to WA (it didnt work out that way but still) And he was like "Wait! I can't move to washington yet. I have to buy a pickup truck." And I was like But babe a pick up truck doesnt have backseats and he insisted he needed a pickup truck. So now he has an S10 that the doors wont open unless you jam a wrench in the hinge and a flat tire. Next thing I know it will be our wedding day and he will be like "WAIT! I need to go pick up a chain saw!"

ok well thank you all for helping me understand better about the whole pictures thing. I know it was a stupid thing to do, and probably a dumb reason, But i just hope Ryan forgives me for it and understands that he doesnt need to have someone monitor me. Thanks everyone!


 



 

 

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 5:58 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Ryanne- You wrote, "So yeah. I'm starting to think that we're just not meant to have sex.
As you all can see, there are a LOT of issues and I'm not sure how to
fix them."
I think your situation and circumstances have a lot to do with it (i.e. living with grandma, stress of school and moving) and also communication between you and FH. Things will improve, it's just a matter of when. I think talking with Chris about it might help, to smooth the waters and make yourselves more comfortable and familiar with the issues surrounding both of your decreased sex drives. Keep searching for alternatives if intercourse is still difficult (mentally and physically) and don't let him forget that you have needs that should be satisfied too! You're too young to give up intimacy girl, don't give up trying and don't lose hope!

Nessa- It sucks when one or both of you is too tired or not in the mood. Surprises, like the shower, are fun. Hope there's more coming your way! How did the meeting with the florist go this afternoon?

Ariana- Figuring out that guest list has become way more of a chore than it should have been, that sucks! Having FH talk to FMIL was a good idea, but since that didn't work, I'd lay down the law for her somehow. Drive to her house and leave the guest list on her kitchen table, or call her to inform her the list is in her inbox and you'd appreciate her looking over it now or else you won't be able to get invitations out in time. Good luck! About purchasing the Jeep, sit down with FH and talk about finances and the future. Possibly make a budget, either separately or combined. Look at the next two years and then even further, because that might provide an idea of how much you should be saving now and how much you can spend on cars, etc. Hopefully talking to him will also help you understand why he wants to the Jeep and if that's connected to something deeper (i.e., worries about the future).

Jewel- It's tough to understand the whole situation surrounding the photos, but I do agree it's a violation of your privacy that FH had a friend hack a computer to view files you sent. I'm not getting the vibe that he's very sensitive or caring towards you and questions are popping into my mind, hope you don't mind and sorry if you've already answered them in a previous post... How long have you been dating FH? How did he propose? Why do you want to marry him? What does he do that lets you know he loves you? How does he treat Bonnie? (he's the father, right?) What kind of future do you see for yourself? For the two of you and your relationship? What kind of future do you want for your daughter?







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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Hey girls!

Nessa: Getting the marriage license was really exciting for us! It really made it feel official. :-) How did your appointment with the florist go? Did you gusy end up figuring something out? Just remember that the supplies aren't your responsibility. Yes, she ordered them for your wedding but she did it without OK-ing the cost with you first, you know? Don't feel like you HAVE to accomodate her for her mistake. Your wedding is so close! You must be so excited!

Jewel: I knew there was something I forgot to mention while I was on my soapbox. lol. Although I do understand why he was upset, your FHs reaction did raise some red flags about him being controlling and whatnot. But like I said, I understand it and it could be caused by the stress of being away more than anything else. Was he like this before he went into the military? Also, the military is an incredibly stressful job. Chris and I have a very dear friend who is a Marine (other than the one I mentioned in my PP) and in intelligence, and he has changed so much since going in. I mean, he feels like there is no way he'll ever have a normal lifestyle or relationship now, and it breaks my heart to see it because it's something he really wants someday. He is just really detached from everything now. :-( Anyway, that could be something else that is going on with him as well. Just a thought. :-)

Rose: lol. I'm not entirely giving up! But there are days when I definitely feel like it! haha. Last night we attempted, and it was going well until BOTH of us ended up having coughing fits and couldn't stop. Totally killed the mood. I'm dealing with allergies and he has bronchitis. Great combo, huh? lol. We did try to talk about it, but he just doesn't want to talk to anyone about it because he's 23 years old and "shouldn't" have those problems. I suggested that maybe he mention it in the context of the cough that won't go away-- "Doc, this cough is making my life really difficult, we need to figure out what's wrong. I want to go running and I can't, it even makes sex hard! What's up with this?" That way maybe the doctor will ask some deeper questions without him just bringing it up in the context of "there is something wrong with me and sex. It doesn't work." So we'll see what happens.

I guess one thing I don't really get is the talking part. I mean, we both know what's been going on and what the issues are...what good will it do? I guess the bigger question is...what do I say???




Edited by: ryanne on May 7, 2009 10:47 PM

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 11:17 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

ok i think I got a couple of people confused when I was talking about the guest list ... I was at work and rushing what I was typing ...

The guest list that FMIL has to look over is for the wedding to see if we can fit into that 1st venue (it can only hold 220) so maybe we can possibly book it in June. FH and I did the whole guest list. I did my family and friends and we did the same for his. We wrote everyone down all FMIL has to do it read over the list and see if we forgot anyone. She already has the list because I gave it to her a couple of weeks ago. She hasn't looked at it and she hasn't said anything about it. We are cutting it close to the 220 and because we live in such a small state we wanted to know if we could fit in that first place or should expand our search to see other places we could possibly fit in. I don't want to start searching for a bigger place in June because we will be 2 years out and there aren't that many available places and the decent places book 2 years out. I just figured that we could see where we are with the guest list because the first venue is what we like and in our price range and we wanted to possibly book it.

As far as asking her about the guest list for the graduation party I don't really even want to get her involved at this point because I am so annoyed with the guest list for the wedding. She still hasn't decided on a date to have FHs graduation party and I have booked mine for the 27th of June. So 6 weeks before that would be sending out invitations next weekend (the 16th ... which is the graduation ceremony weekend) ... I don't care if they are a little late getting out but I would not feel comfortable sending out invitations 3 weeks before the party, especially because people have so many different things to do for the summer. FHs aunt already asked me when I was planning my party so she could put together her summer and what she had to do for functions.

So needless to say between the wedding and the grad party I am upset with FMIL and really don't want to see her or talk to her. FH talked to her on Sat about the wedding guest list and she said oh yea I have to look that over, it is now Thursday and I haven't heard anything. When my mom looked it over it literally took no more than a half an hour. Then she contacted my grandparents (on both sides) to make sure she didn't forget anyone. Like I said I am just annoyed and don't really understand what is taking so long. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

As far as FH with the jeep ... he wants to get an older jeep wrangler for ..... him to drive to the beach in with the top off and to drive in the winter because it has 4 wheel drive. Um ya don't see the point. He has a Toyota Camry which is his older car that he takes back and forth to work and so on and then his Honda Accord which he bought brand new which we take out sometimes. He wants to spend $3500-$4000 on this f'in jeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like r u serious???? I think that if anything he should save it. FH gets a check from where he works for not electing their health coverage ... the check is for like $2300 and then he gets another check for not taking more than 2 sick days out and he gets paid for an extra 3 days full pay and he gets both of these checks in June/July so that is probably why he wants to blow this money. But I mean it is extra money I don't get why he wouldn't put it away. I have talked to FH but ultimately it is his money and his decision. I mean I go out any buy myself stuff sometimes and FH doesn't say anything to me, granted I don't spend more than $150 and it is only if I have it and have put extra money in the bank. FH and I have our own separate accounts, checking and savings and then we have a combined savings/wedding account fund that we only deposit money into. I am just pissed at the fact that he can tell me he is worried about our future and everything financially and then says he is going to buy a jeep. I haven't talked to him about this in detail because FH is still in the process of studying for his last exams so I think he needs to focus on that, but I am going to talk to him as soon as he is done.

Him with getting his masters degree. FH has worked full time for the past 2 years that he has been in school full time. He has nonstandard hours and is the night and weekend supervisor so it works around his school schedule as long as he puts in his 40 hours. He also does extra things (reffing basketball and/or soccer) for extra cash. FH has been putting this money away for his vacation fund a.k.a what he wants to do for vacation. We went to the Big East Tourney last year and he wants to go back amongst other sports things and this is his little fund to do so. Of course I will be joining him ... lucky me!!! Anyways ... he can get his masters in 1 year and still work full time because he has this lovely flexible job. As for me, I work 32 hours a week and go to school full time. I am planning to complete my masters in 1 year by going full time and working around it, but if I need the money I am willing to do the 2 year night program. I don't want to be in school as much as the next guy, but the way I see it, with my degree (accounting) and FHs degree (history) you have to go on. FH is into politics and was going to get his masters in Public Administration and get a job in the governor's office I just don't know how he can get that job if he doesn't get his masters so why not do it now before our wedding?????

I guess I'm just annoyed and frustrated with FH and FMIL about things lately. Like I said before FH and I got into a big fight on Saturday and I feel like I am not over it. I mean I was once we talked and stuff but he hasn't done anything he said he was going to do. I know he probably has a lot on his mind so I will give him some more time before I say something ... maybe I can just do the guest list, the jeep, and my issues in one whole speech. lol.

Ryanne - I know how you feel about the sex thing. With a lot going on with school and work as well as the fact that we live at home our sex life isn't where we want it to be I guess. I mean we do it when he stays over and sometimes in the middle of the week, but the privacy thing def. ruins it. I agree with Rose that soon enough everything will work out. You are meant to have sex and hopefully you can enjoy it when the 2 of you go to the Casino!!!!

Nessa - you sound like me with the uncomfortable shoes. Whenever we have to walk somewhere unexpectedly I always have the most uncomfortable shoes on!!!!!! It must have been nice to have that time to yourselves though and it must have been exciting to pick up your license!! I can't wait to hear how the meeting with the florist went, l be sure to fill us in!!

Jewel - I understand why you would be upset with FH for spying on you, but as someone else said I think that it may be because he is so far away from you and at times has doubts. Not saying that you would be unfaithful but sometimes people are down in the dumps and need to be reminded that there is nothing to worry about. I don't think that he is telling who to and not to be friends with, I think it is what he feels comfortable with.

Well have a good night everyone I will talk to you all tomorrow!

 

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 11:17 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Ok so I am tired and not feeling well but I thought I would check in....

The meeting with the florist went well... I was sitting at work thinking my mom has everything for the regular table centerpeices, but what about the buffet table, do we have anything to make that look better? So I called my mom and she said no so I thought we could have the florist do 3 of what she was going to do and put them on the buffet table. My mom loved that idea and FH said it would be fine. So when I got there she was really busy, her appointment before me ran long, and someone else had just walked in and her son is getting married the weekend before me. SO I was third in line, no biggie, I didn't have to be anywhere real fast. So she gave me a book to look through and I mentioned I had an idea she asked if I want to see the vases she bought so we looked at them and I told her 3 would be perfet she got real excited so we are doing three of them. Still more than I wanted to spend, but its under $100 we have left to pay her so that'll work, and were both happy. They're gonna look good, shes going to take 3 lavender roses and submerge them in water, and over the thing holding them in is going to be little white wax flower.
It did feel good to get the license.....Its funny because in Colorado you can marry yourselves, and you don't have to have any witnesses, so we could have just signed it there and be married as of today, but we decided not to.
I just got back from my first fitting, and was a little disappointed. My dress is about 2 sizes to big so it needs a lot of work, and I guess because it has the corset boning its a lot more difficult to work with. But she said she can do it, and isn't worried. Apparently it should be ready for pick up by the 16th....which is my bachlorette party, I think......We will see how that goes.....
One of my BMs went with me tonight and is getting her dress altered there too, and I got angry because her dress is made incorrectly. The darts in the chest are off, ones in the middle where it should be and the others off to the side. The seamstress said that is actually fairly commen, they don't make BM dresses like they do regualr clothes because they figure that the dresses are not going to be worn again. So we paid like $230 for a defective dress! All well I don't think its that noticeable....I hope.....

Ok I am off to bed!

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 7, 2009 11:36 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

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jeaniebelle87 Posts : 137 Registered: 11/23/07
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 8, 2009 12:30 AM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

Wow, I've missed a ton since I last posted... I probably won't remember everyone...

Jewel- I don't want to be a downer, but, like someone else said, the way FH reacted seems like a bit of a red flag. I don't know the whole situation, so I'm not one to judge, but be careful about the control issues. Also, I'm sure it was innocent, but I think it's a little inappropriate to send another man pictures of yourself, unless of course they're pictures of some sort of event you were at together, and so you happen to be in them and he had asked for copies of your pictures from that event. Anyways, it might not be a bad idea to talk to him about the way he reacted.
Also, I hope things go well for you with the long-distance thing. I know how hard that can be. I can't even imagine how much harder it is with your FH being in the military!

Ariana- So, I can imagine how frustrating it must be that your FH just doesn't want to go to grad school, since it sounds like that had been the plan. However, he's career goals may not be shot just because he doesn't want to get an MA now. I just finished a BS in social science and a BA in American history in Dec and until I leave for law school at the end of the summer my job is being the senior assistant director of public affairs for a department in the NYC mayor's office. I started there as an intern my freshman year of college, and I've just worked my way up, so he won't necessarily need a masters right away, although it will probably come in handy eventually. I think you just have to be willing to do some grunt work at the start, and probably work a night job if it's possible, but there are lots of people I work with who don't have masters degrees.
Also, most of what I would say about the jeep has already been said, but do express your concerns about it to FH. It is his money, but it affects your life to, and so you have every right to be included in such a major decision.

Nessa- I'm so glad things worked out so well with your florist; that's AWESOME! I'm sure the centerpieces your mom does will be gorgeous as will the arrangements your florist does for the other tables!

Ryanne- I think looking into taking a weekend away sounds like a good idea! Hopefully things will start to turn up for you. At least you know you wont be stuck with your husband's grandma forever, but until then hopefully you can find creative ways to keep your sex life, well, alive. On a side note, I've become a bit obsessed with the term "stay-cation", maybe I'm behind the times, but a friend just told me she and her boyfriend were taking one and at first I was like "what in the world is that?" and then she explained it to me, and I think it may be the best word ever created!

I feel bad, I can't remember anyone else at this moment in time!

So, I've been packing like mad because most of my stuff is moving to CT in two weeks because moving companies are doing lots of student deals, so it just made the most financial sense to do it now, since I've signed my lease and it began at the begins on mon. anyway. So, I've been going a bit nuts between packing everything I own and working full time and trying to coordinate the mass of family that is coming out for my commencement ceremonies this coming week. Anyways, yesterday I got a call from the doorman in my building saying UPS had a package for me downstairs and I needed to come pick it up right away. Well, I was in the middle of heating my dinner and going through a huge pile of papers and so I told him it would have to wait and he insisted that I come down this instant, so I got in the elevator and was really annoyed and all ready to let both my doorman (who I usually adore) and the UPS guy have it. Then, the elevator doors open and I walk into my lobby and standing there with a roll of packing tape and flowers is FH! I had thought he was flying out next Wed, but he came early to help me pack. I was so surprised, but it was such a good one! I was so excited I just had to share!
Well, I hope everyone has a great Friday!!!! :)

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 8, 2009 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: jeaniebelle87

Jeaniebelle that sounds so sweet! Guys are just great when they do surprise things like that.

Rose-I have been "officially" with him for over a year but our relationship has been going on for about 2 and i knew him for 2 years before that so...whichever one you wanted to know lol and he asked me to marry him in San Antonio but he said that its not "official" untill he gives me the ring in sept. and I know he has something planned I just dont know what (he is very big on things being "official" lol go figure) I want to marry him because he makes me feel worth while and safe (Before I met him I had a phobia of men who liked me and no im not kidding) and he makes me laugh even if I have been crying and am upset. He goes out of his way to do anything for me, I often feel guilty because of how wonderfully he treats me I don't think I do enough things for him in return. And of course :D because I love him. He is Bonnies daddy and hes so great with her, better than I am :( I think hes just being a jerk cause he left almost a month ago and so we have had no hugs or kisses or cuddleing or secks for a while and that always makes things tense between us. weve been apart for 2 months at a time before but this is going to be 5 totsl :(

So Ryan left yesterday and I bawled my eyes out (left TN. he left WA begining of april) and he was all talking about how he is sorry that he "ruined" my life! I told him, Yes, i never planned on getting married or falling in love or having kids. and i CERTAINLY didnt plan on doing any of that while I was a teenager but it happened and I wouldnt change it for anything in the world because I love him and I love Bonnie. My life isnt ruined its different and its different in a good way. Wanna know my plans for the rest of my life before I fell in love with Ryan? I was going to go to college and get a degree in forestry, move to Montana (woot i love montana!) and work in glacier, own a nice spread of land and raise horses and take in homeless or abused animals untill I died alone all old and grey. THAT was my dream and now looking back it sounds so dull and pointless. Yes id still love to live in montana and have a bunch of animals that need love and attention and maybe work in glacier NP one day, but I also want to raise Bonnie and any other kids we will have and I want to sit on the poarch with Ryan every night and watch the sun set from rocking chairs and I want to die holding his hand and have him burried next to me....Ok yes that sounds creepy to talk about but its true. I dont ever want to picture my life without him and our child and future children again. Ok now that Ive rambled on about THAT forever....Did i tell you Ryan finally input that he would like blue in our wedding? so now Im re doing the colors but thats a-ok cause i originaly was gonna do blue anyways but i could never settle on what other color(s) i wanted. I havent a CLUE where we are getting married still :( I just want it to be outside and be nice and green. I dont care about fancy marble or fountains or anything.We arent having alcohol because Both Ryan and I are underage and I HATE drinking, makes me sick as a dog even in the smallest amounts, and after Ryans going away party where he got totally drunk he promised never to do it again. Also my dad cant handle the smell of alcohol or he will puke (he died from alcohol poisoning when he was like 23 and they had to re-whatever-the-word-is him) My mom is funny when she gets a little tipsy and she really is friendly when usually she is incredibly standoffish and intimidating but I would not trade that for the chance that Ryans dad (an alcoholic) would get drunk and do something stupid Sooooo I dont have to waste money on bar stuff but still I dont know if there are any just regular parks in San Antonio and I dont know if you can get married in the parks like you can here. You dont even need a permit or whatever they usually make people get. You just get your officiant to walk to the park with you and voila! But yeah I am kinda at a dead end here with the wedding planning. whats the use in finding a dress and flowers and colors and a cake if you cant find a place to have the wedding, let alone the reception. Very sad making :( But yeah have a wonderful friday everbody!!! :D (sorry for my huge long creepy OMG I LOVE HIM shpeel....i feel kinda awkward now)


 



 

 

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: May 9, 2009 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Ariana- Sorry to hear that you and FH got in a fight last weekend. Did things get resolved, or how are they now? Also, I think your screen name is pretty, is it your real name? How did your parents (or you, if it's made up) come up with it?

Nessa- That's awesome that you got the marriage license already! I'd be half-tempted to sign it right away, lol. Just make sure it's not forgotten at the house on your wedding day! I've heard of that in a few stories. The centerpieces sound lovely and I'm glad your dress alterations will be done soon.

Autumn- Your new profile picture threw me the first time I saw it, haha. What's the location? Happy almost-three year anniversary! :) FH and I don't make a big deal of them either, we've never celebrated one beyond a verbal recognition and a cute kiss. My friend and her bf used to buy each other presents for every month and I thought that was a bit excessive, but it works for some people I guess. I think I understand what you mean about feeling like the proposal will never come, you and FH have talked about the future, looked at rings, the ball's in his court now and you're stuck waiting (like most women!). I think I'd prefer your state of mind than the other common one--biting your nails and dying with anticipation, heh.

Jeanie- What a wonderful surprise, to find FH at your place a week early! The extra pair of hands to help you move won't hurt either! Sounds like you're really busy with working and moving, hope it isn't too stressful!

Jewel- Thanks for sharing about your relationship with FH. It sounds like you're really devoted to him and the stress of being apart must be really difficult, on top of missing him like crazy. If you ever need to vent this thread is always here, and a few of us have experience with long distance relationships so we know where you're coming from.


My skin is crawling. I spent the afternoon identifying plants out in the woods, preparing for my botany final, and now I'm randomly imagine that I can feel a tick crawling on me... I found one last week after the woods so it's stuck in my subconscious now, lol. I checked myself today though so I've just got to let it go! I'd like to become more comfortable with insects. In their natural habitats, they're fine and even sometimes interesting or pretty, but on me or in my house they creep me out! Spiders especially, ew. Since I plan on joining the Peace Corps in a few years, getting used to bugs would be a good idea--there are some strange, large, frightening insects in other parts of the world!

Check out these photos from I found in a blog written by a couple serving in the Peace Corps in Panama....
This leafhopper is actually kind of cute, but check out this cockroach! (His head's been severed, but apparently he was still wriggling the next morning.)



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