Put your plans on hold...?

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xPlatinum Posts : 4 Registered: 5/4/09
Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 4, 2009 9:17 PM

Does anyone feel as though it is necessary to wait for one sibling to be engaged or married before another one does so? My boyfriend is the youngest in his family, and his older sister seems to be close to engagement (but we don't know). Is it disrespectful for two siblings to be engaged at the same time, or do you feel as though you must put your plans on hold out of respect for each other? I hate to think your life has to revolve around someone else's plans. Thoughts?

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 4, 2009 9:39 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

I definitely do not think you need to put your plans on hold to wait for anyone else to be engaged. It is absolutely fine for you both to be engaged at the same time.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 4, 2009 10:14 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

It is perfectly fine for siblings to be engaged at the same time. My brother, sister and my self were all engaged at the same time. My brother and sister were even married in the same week. My wedding was scheduled for later that same Summer but unfortunately I lost my fiance that Winter. There are several ladies here on the boards who married within months of their siblings.

 

 

 

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xPlatinum Posts : 4 Registered: 5/4/09
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 8:07 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Hey ladies, thanks for the advice. I feel the same way as you, and just needed reassurance that I wasn't being selfish or taking away from someone else's spotlight, as they say. Thanks again.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 11:22 AM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

No, that's ridiculous. Nobody should plan their life based on another person's timeline. And as an older sibling, I'll say with authority that there's no reason why older siblings have to pass 'milestones' before their younger siblings. Honestly, you start to feel old when you're the first to reach EVERY major life milestone. I'd be just as happy for my younger siblings if they reached something first as I'd be if I did.

As for the 'two weddings in one family' issue, tons of families get through multiple weddings in one year. You may have to communicate more about your plans than you otherwise would, and do some compromising (you can't both get married on the same day, for example), but it's doable. Honestly, I really don't think two weddings cause more stress on a family than one wedding does. My BIL got married 7 weeks after we did. It wasn't a problem at all - but we each had to understand that the other couple was tight on cash around the time of our weddings.

Having said that, I would follow some basic courtesies. If you know for a fact that FSIL's boyfriend is planning a proposal and intends to do it soon, I'd wait a few weeks on yours. If you do not know for certain, don't worry about waiting. Once you're both engaged, discuss dates before setting your heart on a certain one. Also, understand that their engagement may be shorter or longer than yours. Just because you're engaged first does not mean that they have to get married after you. Getting engaged first also doesn't give you dibs on the entire year. If you're engaged and haven't set a date yet, they are free to decide on theirs before you do.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 2:42 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

Well my younger sister randomly got engaged about a year before I did. I say randomly b/c it was totally random. They werent dating very long, she was very young. I am not going to lie, it upset me. Only b/c I was dating DH for a while, and we were kinda doing our own thing. But then DH and I got engaged the following year and planned our wedding 9 weeks after my sister's. I would never have planned anything BEFORE hers though b/c that would have been disrespectful.

Now she is preggers, but my mom always reminds me that when my time is right, it's right. (because my sister is now a baby pusher and ALWAYS trying to convince be to get pregnant) But my mom is right. Everyone's time is different...whats right for you, may not be what's right for someone else.

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xPlatinum Posts : 4 Registered: 5/4/09
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 3:51 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Basically, we have spoken about this issue in passing a few times, and have concluded that his family will end up having an "age order" type of thing (not on purpose) ... yet even though we are more than 5 years younger than she is, we have been dating for a much longer time. In our community, weddings are more than just the one day... they are engagement parties, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, etc... and I can see how having more than one wedding in the family at a time can take a toll on the rest of the family, and take some of the attention off of the happy couples. Another way of looking at it is, if you are going to be together forever, what's the rush? However, when you're both ready, it seems ridiculous to have to wait for an entire engagement/wedding to take place (at least a year) before you think about doing it yourself. When you're starting your life, every year counts!

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 4:20 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

I honestly don't get why more than one person in a family can't be engaged at the same. Most people have the engagement party, the showers, the bach parties, the rehearsals and whatever else goes with getting married.

I believe I stated earlier several of my siblings were engaged and married at the same time. The everybody had a shower and except for a few key people the guest list at all of these functions were different. My friends are not the same as my sisters so her bachlorette party guest were different, same goes for her rehearsal dinner her bridal party members weren't the same so her dinner guest weren't the same. Same with her showers her guest weren't the same as mine. She had her friends, her godmother, her inlaws, I had mine. Except for our siblings none of our guest were the same including relatives we are not close to the same family members and therefore did not invite the same people.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 5, 2009 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

i knew this girl from our high school youth group at church. she was the younger sibling, her brother being about 4 years or so older than us. they both got married the same summer - one a few months before the other.

it happens all the time.

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 6, 2009 9:06 AM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

In the 8 years that my sister was engaged I had been married, divorced and then remarried LOL I know that sounds really bad....but the 1st one I really jumped the gun on and divorced a year later!

Anyway I come from a family with 5 girls (that lived in the smae house) and I would not be mad if one of my younger sisters got engaged before me. Besides in the instance of my older sister who was engaged for 8 years....they broke up...so had i "waited" i would have never been married!

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MrsPJM3 Posts : 129 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 6, 2009 9:26 AM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

We are getting married in July and fh's sister is getting married labor day weekend. She was a little upset when we got engaged only b/c she and her now FH had been dating for 3 years and she wasn't engaged yet. We got engaged first and set our date first. The hardest part for his family is that this is my second wedding his first and my family isn't helping much. I've posted this before but his family is doing everything making my dress, all the food most everything. Now fmil is making my sil's dress too. But it's been kinda fun we are sharing some things like outdoor lighting and servers etc. We are both having destination weddings so that is a little more money for people to put out but we figure we'll invite our friends and family and it's their choice if they want to come or not. As for showers we are each having our own and no one is complaining in the family about it. Fh and I are having one this weekend and another in @ 3 weeks. All of sil's will be in late June, July and Aug.


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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 8, 2009 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

When I got engaged I phoned up my sister and told her if she and her bf were going to get engaged, I wouldn't mind if they got married first and in fact I would prefer that..lol...Although a large part of me hopes he will never propose because he is an abusive lying cheating gambling addict bastard who manipulates her. But try telling her that!!

Anyways, I think its fine for siblings to be engaged/married in the same year.
 

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 10, 2009 8:28 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

We're in the same boat. FH's sister is also engaged. He proposed about a year after we got engaged. It hasn't been an issue. Moms usually don't have as much to do with their sons' weddings as they do with their daughters' weddings. So FMIL is doing FSIL's with her and my mom is doing mine with me.

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

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Kathome Posts : 7 Registered: 4/20/09
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 10, 2009 10:44 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

My younger sister has recently gotten engaged and I'm still waiting for my proposal. My partner and I have been talking about getting married for the last 2 years now but it just hasn't happened yet.

I'm not upset in the slightest about my sister being engaged before me. In fact my mother was just speaking to her and apparently she's planning her wedding for around the same time as I had thought to have mine (although I obviously can't plan anything until I'm engaged!)

This doesn't bother me, I won't mind having my wedding around the same time as her. The best part of all this is we can plan our weddings together sharing ideas! She is very different to me so I'm sure our weddings will hardly be similar at all.


 

Slowly learning how to plan a wedding!

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ninkwink Posts : 17 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: Put your plans on hold...?
Posted: May 11, 2009 4:52 PM Go to message in response to: xPlatinum

I know twin guys that were engaged at the same time. They just got married a few months apart. I think that

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