A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 8:05 PM Go to message in response to: thecarrotflower

Heyyyy ladies.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't read EVERYTHING. So this will be brief.

Firstly, welcome to all of the new ladies! I'm Katie...or Brighter...or Sunshine...or BTS...or whatever you really want to call me. But really you can just call me Katie.

Nessa* I absolutely loved that photo you posted a while back for the hairstyle. That model's hair colour was also UH-mazing. Are you going with that for your hair trial? Love it.

Autumn* You seem to LOVE that first place. Why not just go for it? If it's a different layout it's not like the landlord can blame you and just be like "it's practically the same place..." It's not! Both of you prefer the first layout. I'm so happy that you both found a place that you love...and were able to get some sweet deals!!! Let me know how it goes!

Rose* Sure, the divorce statistic is scary. There are no guarantees. Marrying somebody is always a gamble, you just have to go with the person who gives you the best odds and who you want to take that gamble with. Greg and mine's odds may not be perfect, but they are sure damn better than with anybody else because I can't imagine loving anybody the way I love him. There is nobody else I would take this risk with. We just have to keep loving each other and working together to make it work everyday and hope that our odds are good enough. If it won't work with him, I can't imagine it working with anybody.

Ariana* Absolutely ADORE both of those venues. Is it weird that the biggest appeal for me is the chairs? I love that chair style. I NEED that chair style at my wedding. It's so classy but not super traditional looking. 35 K minimum though? What is up with that?

Anyshoes ladies.
Nothing really new with me. I am done school and now don't know what to do with myself. I just spent a weekend with Greg, both of us are home. It was ammmaaazing to see him again. I had dinner with the family at his place and I think I am definitely starting to grow on them. Thank goodness!

The whole brother situation ended up working out fine. His brother just acted like normal, there was the occasional longer-than-usual glance over in my direction but I mean there had to be some awkwardness right? I am really happy that I didn't tell Greg anything about that. I definitely think it was the right decision.

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 10:35 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Hi girls,

Thanks for the responses to my question about divorce. I'm home for the weekend and while the family was hanging out yesterday, my mom announced that she was married exactly at my age plus one day-- April 23, 1982 when she was 22 years old. It was sort of strange and yet nice to know that she was also a relatively young bride by today's standards. I might ask her more about that first marriage (to my dad) tonight.

FH and I talked a bit about Japan. The problems that we had last summer won't be reoccuring because we're establishing different boundaries. This is a relief. I plan to talk to him about when to get engaged later tonight though... I'll let you all know how it goes. I think he's going to say after school gets out but before he leaves for Japan (mid May-mid June) but I'm still figuring out if I'm comfortable being engaged before he leaves...

Nessa, both reception halls look gorgeous. Either one will be perfect for your wedding and memories.

Brighter, I'm really glad to hear that the situation with FH's brother has improved and hasn't caused any major problems. I think you handled it really well.

Catch up with you all tomorrow night....

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 26, 2009 12:14 AM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Welcome Jewel and Facen! Congratulations on your engagements!

Jewel--I did all my wedding planning on my own, and I had a blast doing it! A good way to get started is to find a wedding checklist--theknot.com has one that you can customize based on your wedding date--and use that as a jumping off point to get started. The venues are really important to get first, followed by things like the caterer, baker, photographer, DJ, etc. You also need to put together a rough guest list and pick your wedding party. If you just take it one step at a time you'll be fine!

Carrot--It was so much fun when Chris and I moved in together! It was really exciting and we had a lot of fun setting up our place together!

Brighter--What was going on with Greg's brother?? But I'm glad things are going better with your FILs!

Rose--You can't ever know what is going to happen. Not with marriage, not with anything. You go to college, usually with an idea of what you want to do with your life. Who's to say that after all the money you spend on your education that you'll want to do that anymore? You get married, planning on forever, but who's to say that you or your FH/DH won't die tomorrow? It's a scary thing to think about. But I feel like although it's good to be aware that things don't always turn out the way you plan, you can't dwell on them or you'll go crazy. I don't know, maybe that's not a good way to think. Maybe it's not wise, but I would rather enjoy the now than dwell on the maybe.

So Chris and I talked about a budget, and we decided that right now there's not a point because we aren't spending that much money. We're living with his grandma so we don't have a ton of expenses to keep track of. We're saving a lot of money, so we're just going to focus on that for now. A budget will be made later on when we have more expenses.

The other thing is that we decided that I should get a credit card. I've never had one and the only credit history I have is with my student loans. We thought that now would be a good time for me to build some credit. Only problem is, I applied for one and they denied my application because apparently I have too many open revolving accounts with balances. Needless to say, I called Lifelock to ask what was up and they are ordering my credit report for me. I'm a little bit freaked out about all that right now...and I know that if someone did open an account in my name, it had to have been over a year ago because Chris and I have had Lifelock for a year. So unless they counted my student loan against me, something is up. Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing!

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 26, 2009 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Right now im looking for venues but its in San Antonio and ive only been there once for 1 week and I cant remember the names of any place. Any body here ever get married in San Antone?lol So yeah...I really am having issues cause its kinda a "destination wedding" seeing as how neither Ryan or I are from there and neither is anyone in our families! I don't think there is any room in our budget for a person to help with the planning. We wont even be having a honey moon for a rather long time if ever. but I guess a honey moon isnt really important cause we already have a baby! so the whole symbolizim of a honey moon doesnt really apply...So how is everyone today?

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theblackdiamond... Posts : 18 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 26, 2009 6:30 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Nessa - you're too sweet searching for dresses for me! I do like the Maggie Sottero destination ones, i'm just not sure if any of them are the "one." I need to get somewhere and try them on. So far i've only tried on Davids Bridal, but after all the issues i've had with them in the past (prom dresses)... I just don't want to go there, even though they have some cute dresses.

As for your hairstylist, that is so great! It's almost like she's your something old since you're using your former stylist, haha. I hope you had a good time in your hometown and with your sister and you have to show us the pictures!

Jewel - welcome! As for feeling stressed, I totally understand, I am too! If you're not getting a planner, I highly suggest making lots of lists and excel documents and just going through things item by item. You can also find some pretty good wedding planning books out there that make it feel simpler. If you're doing a mini destination wedding, it's possible that the hotel will give you a planner for free, or at least a consultant to work with as far as local vendors go and those things. You should ask the hotels about that!!

Carrotflower - i'm glad to hear that you're incorporating plaid! (and I know what you mean about having different sizes of bridesmaids. finding things that work for them all is def. a challenge!) I think they call it a "travel dress" but i'm not sure. Thank you for your advice about my situation with my father & stepmom. I'm just trying to be polite but honest with both of them and hoping for the best! Also, a big congratulations on moving in with Ben soon!!! It's so fun to live with the man you love!

Sunshine - I'm glad things are going good with his family. It sounds like you're being very diplomatic and graceful with them, which is good since they're always going to be around!

Rose - good for you for talking to both your mom and your FH about the situations you needed to, and good luck on the "when to get engaged" conversation. I know how you feel about it being weird to be engaged while he's in Japan, but the title isn't going to change how you feel about him or how much you miss him, and it kind of sounds like in your guys's hearts you're already engaged. Good luck either way, though!

Ryanne - wow, that is really scary about your credit thing! I'm hoping they just counted your student loans or it was a mistake, because identity theft is a really awful thing to have to deal with! Good luck. And it's good that you're saving money. You'll have a good idea of how much money you're dealing with when you start making your budget!

....

As for me, it's been a good weekend. Chris & I went on a mini-trip to Kansas City, where we're planning to move after we get married to see some of my family, and it was really nice. We even looked into some apartments and found this great place that has it's own dog park for our little guy! That would be amazing, I just don't want to wait a year to go there. I'm sick of this town, it's great and all, but I'm just getting so USED to it. Maybe that'll change in a month when i turn 21 and can go to a whole new set of venues though. Wootwoot!

While we were there, Chris was really hitting it off with my mom & my uncle, which was great, because he normally gets really shy around them and it's taken quite a bit for him to be really comfortable since we don't see them all that much. I also got a chance to look at wedding dresses in magazines with my mom which made me feel more excited for the whole dress shopping experience. She can be a bit of a downer sometimes, but she was getting pretty excited so I think it could be fun.





------- 

On June 5th, 2010 I will become Mrs. Ashlyn Brewer!

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jeaniebelle87 Posts : 137 Registered: 11/23/07
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 26, 2009 6:53 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Hi! So I'm new to this thread, but I'm a young bride, so I thought I'd say hi and introduce myself! My name's Jeanne, but Jeanie is what people call me. I just finished my undergrad degree at NYU in Dec. and I'll be starting law school in the fall. FH is graduating this May, and he'll be starting grad school, also in the fall. Everyone thinks I'm a bit crazy because in the space of one year, I'm moving to a new state, starting law school and planning a wedding that will take place halfway across the country, but what fun is life without a little stress? lol
So, I was wondering if anyone else is planning a wedding in a home state that is different from where they currently live? If so, any tips to make things go smoother?

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 1:35 AM Go to message in response to: jeaniebelle87

Hi everybody, how were your weekends?

Ariana- I'm so sorry, in my last post the comment addressed to Nessa was actually meant for you! Those venues look beautiful! I'm partial to the bonfire pit, but not for $35K, lol. Let us know which one you eventually choose!

Jeanie- Hi and welcome! Sounds like a lot going on in a short time span, you aren't a Sagittarius by any chance, are you? lol. I'm not planning a wedding out-of-state so I can't help you there but I'm sure there are people on these boards who can offer suggestions!

Brighter- I'm listening to Pandora and just heard Aqualung's "Brighter than Sunshine." Is this how you chose your screen name? Any special meaning behind it?

Ryanne- I thought about making up a budget this weekend, and then realized I don't really have any income, so my budget is simply, "Don't spend!," lol. Also, your job sounds really, really, fun. I always wished I had taken dance lessons!

BlackDiamond- For casual yet long sexy dresses, try J.Crew: http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WeddingParties/womens/forthebride.jsp If you're environmentally conscious, here's Threadhead: http://www.threadheadcreations.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc I'll try to keep thinking; I don't have many dress websites bookmarked but I tend to click and save individual dress photos I like so maybe I'll have suggestions later...

Jewel- Has anyone mentioned making a budget first? Start there for wedding planning.

Carrot- Yay, moving in together is exciting! Here, leases start/end mid-August so I need a new place to live fall semester until graduation in Dec. Then I move again, but that will be the "fun" move cause I'm moving back to my hometown to be with FH and we'll be renting a place together! That's one of our favorite countdowns, the end to long distance and, as he puts it, "never being apart again." Also- plaid, really? How cool!


Thanks again girls for the comments on marriage and divorce. There was a great thread about it not too long ago if anyone else was interested: http://www.brides.com/forums/sex-and-your-relationship/thread.jspa?threadID=63707&tstart=15 The timing never felt right to talk to my mom about marriage and divorce this weekend, so I may or may not in the future, but I feel better about everything after spending the weekend with my boyfriend anyway. He's the one I should be talking to, lol.

BlackDiamond, in your previous post you wrote: "I know how you feel about it being weird to be engaged while he's in
Japan, but the title isn't going to change how you feel about him or
how much you miss him
."
That is so true, and I actually realized this last night while cuddling with FH and talking about engagement. I had exhausted the few and futile reasons I thought I had for waiting, and finally realized-- whether it's June, August, December, or next summer when we get engaged, it doesn't change the way I love him, before or after. As for Japan, I'm not going to miss him any more or less while he's there, and so I'm not worried about timing anymore.

I can honestly say that I truly support him leaving now. I thought I did the previous summers, but I'm happy for him now. I wish I could describe it better but that's really the simple truth. I feel more at peace about everything and it's good.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 1:59 AM Go to message in response to: Rose217

i'm not going to lie...i have had one drink too many to legitamately respond to all of the new posts, mostly the new girls because i don't quite know backgrounds and stories quite yet (i will, i promise!) so I just don't remember stuff. There are so many of you! But welcome to all of you!

BUT

Rose* funny that you mention that, because my name "brighter than sunshine" was only because i was listening to that song when i created my account and I had no idea what to make my username. Looooove that song. And it's happy sounding! Did you talk with FH about your engagement yet?

Ryanne* The awkwardness with the brother, his twin in fact, was that about a month ago, maybe more...he drunkenly messaged me to tell me that he was in love with me and that he had always been jealous of FH and yada yada and how I was his perfect girl and what not. It was really awkward and I kind of just politely said "well this is a surprise...but you know that i am in love with your brother and nothing will ever change that." he immediately regretted telling me and the next day when he was sober we kind of agreed to act like he just never told me. I didn't end up telling Greg and I was a little unsure of my decision for a while but now i know I made the right one. I think his brother more so wanted a relationship like the one I have with his brother rather than wanting ME. I think he's done with being a man whore and now sees how satisfying a committed relationship can be.

Anyshoes, how is everybody?!

Edited by: BrighterThanSunshine on Apr 27, 2009 2:00 AM

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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 4:43 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Jeanie I am and trust me i'm just figuring it out myself!!

Brighter that is an amusing yet embarassing story for you and him im glad it worked out!

I...forgot everbody elses names sorry!!!

I have a quick question. If i WAS going to hire a wedding consultant would i hire one from TX which is where im getting married so they will be there on wedding day and know all of the bands and florists and stuff and just communicate over email and phone? Or would i hire one in WA where I live and just take all their advice down to TX with me cause then id at least get to talk to them face to face?

ok i have more questions than just that, How is the whole like...ettiquette thing supposed to go down? Do i give people a heads up about the wedding and where it is or do i just wait untill i send out invites to prevent people from talking and certain people "inviting" themselves and me having to straighten things out? Also um...so i have this friend who i used to be really close to and i was going to invite her but i know shes going to be really upset and push the issue that im not making her one of my bridesmaids/maid of honor (shes one of those girls who has to make every day HER day) So what am i supposed to say if she confronts me about this? I tend to kinda just backdown when it comes to her cause shes very...Forcefull...and i dont want a fight. but i still want to invite her as a guest...What should i do?

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jeaniebelle87 Posts : 137 Registered: 11/23/07
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 8:37 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Jewel- It's nice to know there is someone else in the same boat as I am! I've been thinking about hiring a wedding coordinator as well, and I think what I'm going to do is hire someone in MN, where I'm getting married, so then at least I have a pair of eyes/hands/etc in the right state, and someone who has worked with various vendors in the area and can help with that kind of thing. Plus, hiring someone there is a lot cheaper than hiring someone here in NYC where I'm living now, or in Connecticut, where I'm moving!
As for your friend, that's a tough situation. How many bridesmaids are you planning to have? Maybe could tell her that you would have loved to ask all your friends, but you can't feasibly do that, but you still would love to have her at your wedding because she's still very important to you. Or, maybe you could have her do something else during the ceremony? I know I was stressed about what I was going to do about FH's sister, because we don't really get along, and I didn't want her to be my bridesmaid, so we're having her do a reading at the wedding instead, that way she's included without all the awkward!

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 8:48 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:13 PM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

Brighter- Drinking on a Sunday night, I'm a bit envious you're already enjoying summer, so have another drink for me! That is a happy song. Ooh! Speaking of good songs, I just downloaded "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/ It's a Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, you've probably heard it in a movie or TV show cause it's got a ukelele and is so pretty.

Jewel- I understand how you'd like to meet with your potential wedding coordinator face to face while planning, but I would recommend hiring someone in the city you're going to be married in. They'll know all the local vendors and might have connections to help you get better deals. Plus, they'll be there on your wedding day no extra travel charges! You could send out STDs, but the rule is whoever gets one also gets a wedding invite so be wary of locking yourself into a guest list too early. I would just let word travel by mouth, and when it gets closer to your wedding deal with deflecting people then. About your friend, don't say anything to her unless she brings it up, and then smile politely and tell her how much she means to you but you had to limit the wedding party size so you're really hoping she'll still attend and you can chat/dance/drink/see her there.

Autumn- I bet your boyfriend really appreciates your willingness to talk about divorce. No matter the age it's tough, but at his age (and mine, I was 14) you're old enough to understand what's going on and it can be downright scary and unsettling. I am so grateful that my boyfriend is patient with me when the topic comes up, but I guess if he wasn't, I would've broken up with him a long time ago! I've explained to him that I never ever want to hurt him by going through a divorce, and I especially don't want to put kids through that. That's my main concern-- hurting him (or kids).

I agree, apply for the teaching job even though it isn't ideal. If you were offered the position, then you can sit down with FH and discuss the future and how it plays out. Maybe you guys could postpone moving to Florida for a year or two while you get experience in your field? Have you looked for jobs in Florida yet, anything there? I really have no idea as to putting career or personal life first, that's always a tough one....



We did discuss when to get engaged this weekend, after assuaging my pointless fears about Japan and divorce (us girls worry and overanalyze too much, don't we? lol) It's gotten to the point where he won't give me specifics anymore! "Were you thinking later this year or early in the summer?" He answered with a shrug and a smile. "Do you have a relative time frame picked out?" After thinking a moment, he nods, smiling wider. "When?!" He looked down at me and asked if I really wanted to know. "Yes!...NO!" I felt like a kid who knows where his parents hide the Christmas presents and is tempted to look but actually wants to be surprised.

So he's trying to keep me in the dark, but he insisted on getting my ring size over Spring Break, double checked the sizes with me last week, and wanted a list of my possible work dates this summer. We both loved Yosemite last summer and talked about going back this year, but I really can't afford it. He asked this weekend if I'd be willing to take a trip short notice if he were to suddenly buy two airline tickets west between finals and work/Japan starting (mid-May to mid-June timeframe). It might be just a trip, but I'm wondering if he's thinking of propsing in Yosemite because his adamance at getting engaged in early summer is now matched by his desire to suddenly go to Yosemite. I remember walking through a grove of sequoias last summer and joking that I wanted to get married at that very spot, and I even looked up info and prices about weddings in the park, but it was mostly idle musings for fun. I told him how expensive it was and we both just laughed, cause it's totally not feasible to get married there ($$$ and family traveling), but getting engaged there....?

Suddenly I feel like a detective, lol, though I'm not going to try to solve the case or get my hopes up. A proposal in Yosemite would be amazing, but just a trip out there would be memorable enough, and not even necessary! I've been looking forward to spending a month with him here in WI with some camping and exploring thrown in, just to be with him is enough. I told him we don't need to take a trip, being together here is all I want, and was met with that secretive smile again.

So there you go, girls. Funny that you're the ones who know the most about certain aspects of our relationship and future engagement! All fun things to think about, but the most pressing is currently homework and studying, so I'm off to work on them...



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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:34 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:25 PM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

Hey girls, sorry I didn't really read much, I am really sick. Just wanted to say my hiar trial went great, but I forgot my camera, I have a pic or 2 on my cell phone I am going to try to tansfer to the computer. My shower was pretty good, no one showed up, just 1 official guest, but it was still fun, and my sister got me a lot of stuff.

Welcome new girls

Whoever it was asking about planning a wedding in a State you don't live in I would suggest checking with the local visistors center. I know here in Denver there is a free wedding planner throught the visiter center, that knows trhe diffrent vendors, and places and stuff.

Ugh I am so sick, FH made me stay home from work today, and while he was at work he researched this stupid swine flu going around and he freaked out because I had ALL the symptoms of it so he kept asking if I wanted him to come home and what not, and as soon as he got home from work he made me go to the Urgent care, we were there almost 3 hours. They don't know what is wrong with me, my flu and strep test came back negative, and I was hydrated enough. They gave me a shot of Toridal that was supposed to help with pain and my fevor, but it didn't my fevor actually went up a little after the shot, and they gave me something for nausia, that kind of seemed to help. So FH took me out to get some soup from a local bakery, and to get my perscription for anti-nausia meds filled and now i am home and its all catching up to me so I am off to bed. I will try and reply to everyone tomarrow if I am feeling better.

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:48 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Nessa- I had a mini-scare with the swine flu today too! I started feeling sick yesterday and today it's a lot worse. Coincidentally my boyfriend emailed me a bunch of links on swine flue and our campus sent out an email warning all students to be careful this afternoon, which made me feel a teensy bit sicker thinking I might have it. Unlikely, but still, we can have active imaginations when it comes to something running globally rampant. I hope you feel better soon!!!

Autumn- It sounds like you and FH are being really responsible, thorough, and honest with each other regarding the future. Good communication is so important, it will only make you guys stronger even though considering futures without each other is scary. My boyfriend and I have also talked about stuff like that and agreed that if we don't want the same things out of life, a happy relationship would be near-impossible. Did you get your results back from the ESL praxis you took recently?

And yeah, lol, it does make me better that I'm not the only (unwilling) sleuth out there. I won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen out west and I won't even mind not going on the trip. Like I said, I honestly just want to be with FH during that first month of summer and the location or engagement status doesn't matter. I'll hardly be thinking of it during the next two weeks until finals are done, but after that I might need a distraction. I'll pick up a camera and start shooting again or maybe take up the "Where's Waldo" books, lol. Was anybody else fascinated by those as a kid? I could spend hours finding every hidden item on every page.

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