My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)

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FutureMrsScanlon Posts : 67 Registered: 12/15/08
My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 2:02 AM

Ever since my sister became pregnant with her third child, she's been on my case about EVERYTHING. Almost every other day I recieve an email from her cussing me out about something I did or something she heard about me doing, and I do my best to defend my case with whatever it is. I don't know if it's the hormones kicking into overdrive with her, or what... but it seems that everything I do isn't good enough for her. I've tried my hardest to do what's right, to be a good person but she always has something negative to say. It's driven me now to the point of tears and I don't know what to do, I don't want to fight with her, she's my only sister, but it seems that I can't please anyone. She's turned into a totally different person since getting engaged to her FH. She asked me to be in her wedding this past thanksgiving and I said yes, and I don't want her to get mad at me anymore and tell me I'm not going to be a bridesmaid. I've never been in a wedding and this would be a first time for me. It breaks my heart when we fight, and this seems like an ongoing battle every other week and it makes me really sad.
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adrigirl01 Posts : 287 Registered: 10/2/08
Re: My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 2:42 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsScanlon

Well, there's a decent chance of the hormone issue. However, I don't think that excuses it. People should still be able to control their behavior or at least admit when they're wrong. When I'm hormonal (I realize pregnancy is different than Aunt Flo), if I'm snappy or super sensitive, I almost always follow whatever snappiness I had with me saying that I'm just super sensitive/grumpy/irritabel because of that and not to take what I say seriously.

You say you always state your case as best you can to defend yourself, and you should. But have you talked to her specifically about how this hurts you? If not, it's worth a shot.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 9:09 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsScanlon

Having her kick you out of the wedding would be awful, but she also has some leverage right now. And she's being a hormonal witch. Maybe this isn't her usual stand on things, but that is her now. She's a hormonal witch with leverage. You also mentioned her FH. How do you feel about him. Have you told her anything negative about him.

Take the leverage away. She might kick you out of the wedding, and that would hurt. But think about this: it would hurt her too.

Don't respond to her criticisms. She's not your mother. If she sends you another hateful email, send her a polite message back that says something along the lines of: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it is my life."

Unless she's complaining about something you are working on for HER, it's not relevant to her what you do. If she's fussing about something she asked you to do and you're not doing, that might be something else. But if she's fussing about things that are none of her business, then don't justify yourself to her. Don't pick a fight with her, but you do not have to explain yourself to her.

Don't confide in her right now, she'll use it against you. Don't share your wedding plans with her, she'll criticize them and the only person whose approval you need is your FH's.

If you open a critical email, delete it as soon as you realize what it is and stop reading it. You can email her and tell her she's being hurtful and you're not going to stand for it, if you like. You can hang up on her whenever she starts in on it on the phone, or walk away when she does it in person. Yes, it's passive-aggressive....I will not respond to you if this is how you're going to behave.

The downside of deleting critical emails unread is that she might have other important things in there -- but it sounds like she's just tearing you down -- and she is doing that possibly because SHE feels horrid, and you're "Safe" to hurt. But that is not right. You don't have to tolerate it.....and if this is how she is going to behave, do you really WANT to stand up for her? If a friend did this to you, would you tolerate it?


Misty

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 1:15 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsScanlon

This may be difficult for you, but you don't have to play her game. There's an old, old saying: "It takes two to tango." You can choose not to argue or engage with her. If she sends you a hurtful e-mail, delete it. If she starts an argument on the phone, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Gotta Go!" Click. Whatever her reasons, hormones or not, she has no right to treat you this way. She's being a bully, and the only way to shut bullies down is by not giving in to the bullying (not fighting, but ignoring). Bullies can't stand that, because, if you don't play, they're not getting what they need out of the interaction.

As for being her bridesmaid, do you think that being in her wedding is worth taking her abuse? If so, enjoy yourself! If not, stand firm. You can "out-nice" her, responding sweetly, but briefly, as above. That also will drive her crazy! I doubt that she will kick you out of her wedding--then, who would she have to abuse?
myra atwww.classysassyweddings.com

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: My Sister Doesn't Approve Of Anything I Do! (Rant)
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsScanlon

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