MOH problems... HELP!!!

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

Exactly!!!!!

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

But she knew when your wedding was and what time and everthing. She should have taken that into consideration. I am sure she can ask for that day off or switch it some how. If she refuses to do so then there is nothing you can do.


Dream what is it she should have taken into consideration and for what reason. Should she have considered the wedding in her timing for getting pregnant? Or for taking her maternity leave?

OP she may not have the option of asking for the time off until closer to the wedding. A lot depends on when the baby comes at to when she can take her leave and how much time off she may accomulate when she returns. I understand she is special to you and you want her there. You may have to work around her work schedule a little. Maybe have all of your other pictures taken and wait until she gets there to get the shots with her.

Just wait until closer to the wedding to worry about her time off it might not even be an issue then. No need to stress yourself out over something you have no control over anyway.


 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 1:54 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Oh boo hoo, she's going to miss the first hour of your pictures. All your shots of yourself in curlers with no make-up will have no MOH, how horrible!

You can say "I'm really trying not to be a bridezilla" all you want - that doesn't mean you aren't being a selfish brat. If she's really that important to you and you really want her there, you'll live with the fact that she's going to have to miss some of the pictures. You will end up with a list of about a billion pictures you want taken on your wedding day, and your MOH will be in about 30% of them. Just save hers for last and appreciate the fact that other people have things going on in their lives that don't revolve around your wedding.

As for the dress issue - I agree with everyone else. She has no idea what her body will be like then, and there's absolutely no problem with the MOH having a different style, so if the dress gets discontinued it's not the end of the world.

And as for you being delighted with yourself for throwing her a shower in the midst of all your wedding planning? What a joke. If she's due 3 months before your wedding I'm betting the shower is 4 months before - how ever could you possibly find the time to do something for another human being when your wedding is a mere four months away?? What a saint you are.
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His4life Posts : 117 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 1:55 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

I think what Drm was trying to say is that her MOH should not have said yes unless she knew that the date and time were ok with her. I don't think we really know if she was pregnant at the time that the OP asked her to be MOH.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 2:00 PM Go to message in response to: His4life

hm. Well, if the OP really cared as much for this person HER FRIEND for what, 25 years?, then she'd probably not be having a snit cause MOH might miss the first hour of pictures. Or even any pictures prior to the ceremony. She could accomodate MOH too, you know, IF she is that important to her. Probably, in her pregnancy planning and in her own thoughts, she didn't think bride would turn into bridezilla. After all, the BABY should be important to bride too, right? She is willing to do BOTH, and I think that says she's a pretty good friend. (MOH, not OP). I still don't see what the big deal is nor do I think she deserves a medal for throwing a briday shower 3 1/2 - 4 months before her ONE day wedding.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 2:03 PM Go to message in response to: His4life

That is my point if the date was set sometime last year then of course when she was asked it would have been no problem. Now that she is preggo things have changed. The days she had available last year are not available this year.

I asked my friend of over 30 years to be my MOH and everything was great and about three weeks before the wedding she was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was unlikely she would be able to attend the wedding I was more worried about losing my friend then her attendance at my wedding. Fortunately she was out of the hospital and able to attend the wedding but I had to cancel my flowers and forbid all of my wedding party to wear perfume that day so as to keep her healthy. It was more important that she be healthy than anything.

Sometimes life happens in the midst of plans.





Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P, People Offended by Offended People

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Soon2bMrsBrakef... Posts : 14 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 2:32 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Okay... seems like I have started WW3 here. I am obviously leaving out some very important details for some of you.

1. YES, MY MOH IS MY FRIEND. YES, I REALIZE HER LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND MY WEDDING. YES, I REALIZE HER BABY IS MORE IMPORTANT. HOWEVER, SHE HAS COMMITED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME ON MY WEDDING DAY SECOND TO MY GROOM!!! IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMMIT, COMMIT TO IT 100%!

2. I WAS PROPOSED TO FEB 7. MORE THAN ECSTATIC I STARTED PLANNING MY WEDDING. WE PICKED THE DATE OF OCTOBER 10, 2009 WHICH AT THE TIME WAS PLENTY OF TIME FOR ANYONE THAT WE ASKED TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR WEDDING TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR THAT DAY.

3. MY MOH IS DUE JULY 17... THEREFORE SHE WAS WAAAAAY PREGNANT WHEN I ASKED HER THE WEEK AFTER I GOT ENGAGED.

4. OKAY SO THE DRESSES ARE NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. SHE HAS ALREADY ORDERED HERS... IF IT DOESN'T FIT BIG FLIPPIN' DEAL SHE CAN BUY ONE OFF THE RACK AT DAVID'S BRIDAL. FINE BY ME & I WILL PAY FOR IT.

5. THE PICTURES.... THEY ARE A VERY BIG DEAL TO ME. THE WAY I WILL REMEMBER MY BIG DAY. YES I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE MY MOH IN MY PICTURES BUT HER WAY OF THINKING IS THAT WE CAN WAIT ON HER. AND NO SHE WILL NOT JUST BE AN HOUR LATE. THE EARLIEST THAT SHE IS AGREEING TO GET OFF WORK IS 11:45. OUR PICS START AT 11:00..... MIND YOU NOT ONLY WILL SHE HAVE TO GET TO THE LOCATION, SHE WILL ALSO HAVE TO ARRANGE TO HAVE HER HAIR & MAKEUP DONE.

6. SPEAKING OF HAIR & MAKEUP.... I HAVE ARRANGED FOR MYSELF AND WELL AS ALL OF MY BRIDESMAIDS TO HAVE OUR HAIR & MAKEUP DONE AT A LOCAL SALON. PAID FOR BY ME AS PART OF THEIR GIFT FOR BEING IN THE WEDDING. I DID WANT FOR HER TO BE A PART OF THAT TIME IN THE MORNING AS WELL!!!

I think some of you are missing the point here. I am not a spoiled brat.... nor a bridezilla..... nor do i consider myself a princess. I am just simply asking for my MOH to be there on my special day. I am not asking her to be at my every beckon call OR DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY IT. I don't think that asking her to be there for one day is being too irrational.

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bMrsBrakef...

hey i am not judging you nor calling you a spoiled brat. BUT i think you are being insensative.

1.Right now the way the economy is NO ONE can afford to screw up with their boss and risk losing a job.

5. The pictures are a big deal to YOU not to HER. there will be plenty of other pictures on that day that she can be in.

Calm down...you still have 6 whole months to work this out

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

Back from Iraq and ready to switch out the ACU's for a Wedding Dress!

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 3:39 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bMrsBrakef...

...this did not help convince me that you are not a spoiled brat. It did convince me that you're just interested in validation. Fine. Your MOH sucks. You should fire her for not bowing to your every whim.

You should probably stop reading here, because you aren't going to like anything else I have to say.

1. Your MOH may be the second most important person to you that day, but the world still does not revolve around you. She will have a BABY. You, I think, are not her baby. You come second to that.

1/3. Like others have said, things change. The economy sucks and she'll have a baby. EVEN if she knew she was pregnant, she may not have been aware that being your MOH apparently means you have no more say in your life for that day.

2. Who cares if you gaev everyone plenty of time. She's PREGNANT. BABY. Things change.

4. That's actually nice. Not the way you say it, but that you'd pay for it if she has to change it. You don't have to, you know?

5. I would hope you would also remember the big day from your memories. I promise, you will survive if she isn't there for every second of picture time. The MOH is not in every picture. Have you ever had fun in your life without her? If so, maybe you can have fun that day.

6. Well, now you save some money. I don't know what to tell you.

The bottom line as I see it: she has told you her plans. She will come after work and miss the beginning of your pictures. So, that's where she is. YOU have two choices: suck it up or kick her out and end the friendship. Or, talk to her nicely about it and tell her how important this is to you. If she still says, "hey, this is how it is," then you are back to YOUR two choices.

You can only control yourself.

I know you won't take any of this to heart, but I figured I might as well say it anyway. Good grief.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 3:48 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bMrsBrakef...

1. So sorry no one can commit 100% but your groom. When you asked her did you specifiy all of your requirements for the job of MOH or have you been making it up as you go along?


2, I don't know where you work but for some people that still would not be enough time to make arrangements.


3. She was only about two months pregnant when you asked so that is not waaaaaay pregnant, believe me not even close.


4. Since the dress is not a big deal I don't know why you brought it up in the first place.


5. If you need pictures to remember your big day you have other problems beside the MOH not being there. You really can take so many of the pictures without her. She can get to the location with her hair and makeup already done. She could get her hair done the day before and do her own makeup that morning.


6. See above for solution. She is unable to do it so move on really no big deal.


Your are being a spoiled brat, you are being a bridezilla and you are acting like a princess, You MOH is going to be with you on your special day she just can't be with you the whole day. So yes asking her to be there for the whole day when she has told you she can not is being irrational.


 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

wedding websites

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 4:14 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Your MOH must have a reason she won't be able to request off for work or hasn't yet. And its not your place to demand she take off from work - if she can't she can't and its something you have to deal with. Job stability wins over one day for a wedding.

And I'm sorry - but preparing to be a new mother is alot to handle the way it is (I'm living it now), such that your complaining about all of this seems totally frivolous to me. In fact, alot of things I thought were so uber important during my own wedding planning now pale in comparison to having to plan for a child. If I was your MOH and accidentally read this, I would probably step down to not have to deal with all of it - friend of 20 years or not.

And as far as pictures go... most of the ones MOH was in were taken AFTER the ceremony...

Plus, unless you are demanding some major hairstyling and makeup frivolities, that shouldn't be a problem... my girls got everything doen in 30-45 min for both hair and makeup.

If you came here looking for justification, well, then you are SOL.


Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker





Edited by: mrsJLA on Apr 9, 2009 4:15 PM

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bMrsBrakef...

I think my MOH (my sister) and I are in abuot 2 pics together. One before the wedding, one after. At least in my album. It takes all of 1 second to snap a photo.

Why do all these brides put the MOH on such a pedestal? I dont get it. So basically if she is not there, you will be completely ALONE getting ready and ALONE for one hour? Give me a break. You're the bride-- people will be swarming you all day.

I would be 100% sad if my sister was late or had some other engagement but I wouldnt sit here moping about it. knowing me, I'd accommodate HER as much as possible b/c she is my sister. She's not some peasant off the street who needs to bow to you all day. get a grip.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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ashes2 Posts : 29 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 5:04 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

Adding my 2 cents as a previous MOH, I think brides really need to take into considerations that their friends and family will be happy for them. Most bridesmaids, MOH's will be happy to be asked to be in the wedding and will be supportive of the bride's day, but they still have a life. I would vent to my other friends b/c being a MOH was seriously stressing me out. I live in a different city than the bride, I knew a year in advance her wedding date, but I got a new job about 4 months before her wedding and had already had a personal vacation planned for the first part of the year (see i told you life goes on for the MOH as well). Anyways, I couldn't take off for the friday rehearsal dinner. I flew in Fri. after work in the pouring rain. The bride offered no dinner as I didn't have a car to go get any, the next morning, we got our hair done and the bride had no breakfast or lunch and the available cars were used by her mom and sister running around town to finish up wedding details. I sucked it up and helped her and her fam get ready, she had a wonderful wedding and a wonderful time, and not b/c of me, but b/c she was marrying the love of her life. She did thank me for everything, and I was happy I was able to be there for her.

Although i'm complaining, I just want you to see it from the other perspective. If you don't like the situation, ask someone else to be your MOH and you can have 2 or just one that will be there, but people have lives. Consider it a huge favor that your MOH with a new baby in tow is willing to go to work all day and come straight to your wedding, get bossed around and be with you from 12:00 until. You could possibly tell her that you want her to be relaxed and enjoy your special day so just get there when she can make it and sit in the audience and prepare a killer toast. PLEASE understand that baby trumps wedding, every time. Either understand that she has a life or ask her to step down.

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ashes2 Posts : 29 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: ashes2

Remember that MOH isn't a paid position, its mostly a title to show your favorite friend or closest family.

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: MOH problems... HELP!!!
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 8:07 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2bMrsBrakef...

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER MET ANYONE WHO SHOWS ANGER ON MESSAGE BOARDS BY TYPING IN ALL CAPS WHO ISN'T A SPOILED BRAT OR AN OBNOXIOUS IDIOT.
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