Has anyone wish their proposal was different?

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2009ToBeMrsV Posts : 256 Registered: 12/30/07
Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 7:01 PM

So I'm not newly engaged by any means, I have been engaged since 1/1/08... so over a year and we are getting married in September this year. I still can't help but wish that the proposal went differently sometimes, I mean I am happy either way and all that really matters either way is that he asked and we are getting married. But it still kind of upsets me that he really had no plan in mind and was just going to "wing it".

I had an idea he was going to propose on NYE 12/31/07 because he had planned a nice dinner at a restaurant overlooking the SF Bay for our 9 month anniversary and we were planning to meet up with a friend at our place after for a few drinks and then catch a cab to a local country bar for the NYE party. I knew he had already purchased my ring and there wasn't really any time within a close time frame that would have been more perfect. So we were at dinner and after the meal they bring out this plate of desert with "Happy Anniversary" written on the plate as a surprise. I guess he had called ahead and told them it was our anni. and asked if they could do something special for me. So I thought for sure he would propose then or something. He hadn't proposed, we paid the bill and walked out. There was a big lit up xmas tree outside the restaurant and sort of a balcony area over looking the water... I thought maybe he would ask then... to me it would have been perfectly romantic. Still nothing. I had told him before that if he had planned on asking me at the bar to please change his mind, it was not my idea of romantic to be proposed to at a bar.. NYE or not.

So I was feeling pretty depressed and not really in the mood to party after that, but I thought maybe he would propose at midnight and despite being at a bar it would still be a nice surprise. Well midnight hit and nada... I had had a few drinks so I got emotional and I started crying and told him I just wanted to go home and I started to walk out. When we got outside I told him there were so many perfect moments but he must have had no intention to propose to me like I thought he was. He said "Then why do I have a ring in my pocket?" and I said "no you don't!". So he said "Let's go for a walk". Well my fitting were hurting so I sat on the sidewalk curb after we were out of site of the front of the building, and I continued sobbing. He finally pulled the box out of his pocket and asked me to marry him right there on the side of the bar while I'm sitting on the sidewalk curb, and to top it off he dropped the ring on the ground!! I cried more partly because I felt like a complete ass and partly because I was overwhelmed with happiness.

The next day I was calling family to tell them the news, but it still felt like another day, we were sitting on the couch watching TV. He didn't seem too excited, and I told him he should be happy and sharing to news too... but I guess that is just how guys are. A few days later it finally came up...the screwed up proposal. I told him we should be happy either way. He admitted he had no plan, I was upset because he had no plan and he asked me at a bar like I told him not to. I told him it would be nice if we had a second proposal, like just between the 2 of us that we didn't have to tell anyone about but that just kind of made up for the flop of our first one. I said it would be nice if he actually put some thought into it and we had a romantic evening or something.

Well second time around.. yeah still no thought really :o( We were sitting on a hill watching fireworks on the 4th of July and he took my ring off my finger and asked me again, but it wasn't like he got down on one knee or said anything nice before hand.. he just asked.

So then we went through this fiasco with my ring and getting a bridal set and yaddi yaddi, when we got it sorted out and got our money back from Zales we ordered my ring from a bridal set on bluenile.com. When it arrived he didn't tell me, instead when we got home he went into the kitchen while I was sitting down to work some OT from home, poured me a glass of wine, and tied the ring around the stem of the glass and handed it to me and asked me a third time in the middle of our dining room with my mess of work all over the table.

I know it sounds bad for me to be kind of upset, I am happy either way that he asked and we are getting married. I know guys aren't always good at planning these things either and we can't always have things exactly how we want. But us girls dream about this time for our whole life and we have this fairytale love story planned out in our head. I see all these proposal stories with huge suprises, people holding signs, etc... I wish mine could have been like that and sometimes I had when people ask how he proposed like they are expecting some big sappy story. I few people I tell are like "he proposed to you there?!?!" like they are disgusted :o(

I don't know, it can't be done over again and I know our wedding day will be beautiful. But it's just one of those moments that won't ever happen again that I kind of wish seemed more special.


Engaged: January 1, 2008
Getting Married: September 19, 2009


LilTuffGirl Posts : 301 Registered: 11/4/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 7:22 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

Yes my FH did the same thing. We went out on his parents TRex and were out in the woods alone in some beautiful areas. We even got off of the thing on top of this huge hill and he held me and we looked around. PERFECT moment.. but no. (I picked out the ring I knew he had it).
The next day was my birthday and we didn't do anything.. I wanted to go to Logan's but neither of us were really feeling the drive so we went to apple b's since it was close. Came home and I said OK I hate waiting and you know it...
So bedtime roles around and I go to the bedroom where he already is. He is on the side of the bed looking at the ring in the box. He looks up at me and says "well I was talking to Wikki (our cat) and he agrees there is no other better time.. so... will you marry me?"
lol So I was upset it wasn't some awesome to do thing but on the other hand it fit who he is.

my first fiance (total psycho.. glad I got out before we got married.. hell I never even picked a date) well he was a city police officer. We went out in my car and we got pulled over by a county officer. Now I knew this was BS because they all knew him and I and I knew they wouldn't pull me over OR do what they did. The officer came to the window and asked how we were. My ex said what he always does "I want to inform you i'm a police officer and my duty weapon is in the car" the officer says ok Sir I need you to step out of the car. Ma'am step out too. He then asked me to face the woods and told my ex to get on his knees. He then told me to turn around and my ex was on one knee with the ring (again I picked it out and knew he had it). I thought it was cute. Too bad he wasn't the right one.


True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 7:31 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

some guys spend their lives planning on the perfect proposal. Others, just don't really put a lot of thought into it. And some of us expect this amazing thing -- because, quite honestly, we've watched too many danged movies!

The first time my FH proposed (20+ years ago, while we were in high school), I don't honestly remember how he did it. I don't. It's awful, but I don't.

I do remember how my X proposed. We were in the Bahamas, and he proposed the day before my birthday. We started talking, and he said he wanted to ask, but he didn't want to do it on my birthday because if something happened, he didn't want my birthday to be ruined. He didn't have a ring, so the next day we went out and bought this cheap ass ring that we had an initial engraved onto. (by cheap ass, I mean $20, including engraving.) And I was excited about it. His mom gave us a ring set (actually, mailed two down for me to pick from). But he didn't plan it out. Didn't take me out to dinner. We were in the hotel room, talking. And he didn't take me out to dinner afterwards either. The hotel didn't have phones in the room, and there was like one working phone that we could access at the hotel period.

This time, I do remember how my FH proposed. He proposed on stage at final curtain of our show. We had a sold out house too...and about half of them thought it was part of the show...the other half were excited that they got to be part of the proposal. I don't remember what he said. He doesn't either. But he made it memorable. Would I change it? yes and no. by the time our show opened, I hated that production. HATED it. The lead actor was such a ****** that the rehearsals were miserable and not at all fun. I've loved being in every other show I've ever been in, but not that one. However, FH had planned on final curtain since he was cast. He even cleared it with the whole cast and the director. And it's certainly not his fault that the show was such a misery. The thing I'd change would be that we'd fire the lead actor <G> But he went out of his way to make it special, and he told me many times before it that he wanted it to be dramatic. (I had guessed long before, but didn't let him in on it. I even told one of my bridesmaids that day that I suspected he was proposing that night. She said "I'm not saying anything, but I'd brush my teeth before Act 2 if I were you." But I guarantee that had I not told her I thought it was that night, she would not have said a word. I even told another friend about two weeks before opening that she should get tickets to closing night because I thought he was proposing then. Of course, then he did something to throw me off....and I told her he wasn't and to get them whenever was convenient. But by opening, I was certain it was closing night. I am extremely hard to surprise.)



kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 7:39 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

I didn't get a proposal, I didn't want or need one. It wasn't a big deal, I didn't get a ring, I didn't want or need one. I got a husband that was all I wanted or needed.




Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

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bella24 Posts : 24 Registered: 9/28/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 7:42 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

I'm sorry that things didn't went the way u wanted. but either way your engaged:)... Well the day that my fiance propose to me was at a very nice and elegant restaurant that's is downtown Chicago at 95TH floor a stunning view of the city. it wasn't any special day we just went to dinner, i didn't saw any signs that he was gonna propose to me the day.. he planed our engagement for two weeks before, when we order dessert there it was my ring on chocolate letters said "will you marry me" i was so happy i didn't expect it at all. after that he had call all of our friends and celebrate with us. i couldn't ask for anything more romantic or more special then that. IT WAS PERFECT.. i just cant imagine how upset you must had been the day. but your gonna get merry soon so lets hope he can redeem himself:)....

Edited by: bella24 on Apr 7, 2009 7:45 PM


PrincessDee Posts : 58 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 8:04 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

Oddly enough, I actually don't wish mine was different. I say oddly enough because my FH proposed spur of the moment in Starbucks, and I know that is not what some people think of as a dream proposal. It was perfect for us, though. First, he asked me because he felt very strongly in that moment that it was what he wanted to do. Second, it was really cute, because we were being really affectionate and sweet afterwards and suddenly realized that might not be entirely appropriate for Starbucks. Lol. Third, we're both private people and I don't think either of us was looking for drama. I have an ex who is very dramatic, and I know if we'd gotten engaged, he'd have made it quite the production, and that would have fit him...but not me. I get nervous if there's too much build-up. One thing about it at first though was that I was almost unsure of whether we were really engaged. Was he sure he wanted to marry me? But once we had that discussion, I was good. Lol. I'm happy to be engaged, and looking forward to a little bit more of the public display type of thing for the actual wedding (we want friends and family to witness our big day), but I'm quite happy with the proposal. I can understand why it is important to have it be a certain way for some people, though. I think it really just depends on what the individual wants and what their expectations are. I wanted to be comfortable. Other people want something that seems really romantic. I think the problem sometimes comes in when the man and woman have different expectations and/or preferences.


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 10:54 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

I'm much older than you and have been married for 33 years. This elaborate proposal thing didn't even exist in "my day." I honestly don't even remember getting proposed to--it just kind of evolved through a lot of discussion.We picked out my ring together and it was custom made. He picked it up about two weeks later, got home late in the evening when I was half asleep and, as I remember it, tossed me the box and said ,"Here." I think I put it on and fell asleep! I was (am) totally in love and totally happy with our "moment."

I'm on board with Kenny's--you've got the man, and the marriage is what's important. Putting pressure on yourself (or him) to have the "perfect" proposal (or perfect wedding, for that matter) interferes with your living in and appreciating the moment for what it is. He is who he is.Some guys are demonstrative and big planners; some are not. I'm sure you knew that when you chose him.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com


BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 11:06 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I am actually a live in the moment type of person and I would love to have just a simple and "us" proposal. In the media, there is constant proposals right? Well my favourite is Jim and Pam. I loved it. It was simple, it was adorable...and when she was feeling down it cheered her right up!


manderz421 Posts : 17 Registered: 2/7/09
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 11:33 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

That sucks that you wish it was different. But I think it's really sweet that he did it three times to try to make you happy. The marriage is what's important though. I'm sure you'll think back and laugh about the fact he proposed 3 times. I think the talking to the cat thing was cute. My fiance is not a big planner, he's very laid back and goes with the flow. He proposed to me on Christmas Eve 08. It was just the two of us. He told me to sit down on my bed and I guess he got down on one knee (I don't really remember!) and on my bed was a popcorn tin with golden retriever puppies on it .. I have always had a golden as a pet so I thought that was sweet. I opened the tin and inside was a teddy bear wearing a wooden heart-shaped sign that said Will you marry me? He said he even glued on the letters and painted it himself! He had added a little hook he said he got from Home Depot haha, and the ring was hanging on the hook. I told him I wanted a diamond solitare, no yellow gold! and that's what he got! he had even stopped by my house a few nights before when I was at work to ask my parents' permission! I love it! My mom told me later he was originally planning to do in front of all my family at our Christmas Eve party, but she told him that my dad did that to her (proposed ion front of everyone, not at christmas though) and that everyone was staring at her and she felt flustered and maybe that it should be a private moment. Well I guess he took that into consideration because it was just me and him. I'm kinda glad though. The only thing I might have wanted to be different was for him to actually speak the words will you marry me. He just let the sign do the talking ,which was fine. I just wished my reaction was better, I said are you serious? haha I was just shocked. But I'm happy to just be marrying the man I love.


TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 11:37 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I wished mine was a little different.

Like I've mentioned before on here, DH and I met back in 8th grade - he wrote me a poem and gave it to me after sunday school one morning and then ran off before I could say anything because he was really shy around girls back then. He also wrote me another poem later that school year. They were pretty cute and I still have them over a decade later. He's an aspiring sci-fi writer but has also written poems in the past so I had always figured his proposal would include a poem he wrote for me, since that poem he gave me back in 8th grade was what really what started it all. I also figured it would be something kinda intimate between just us, ya know, without an audience.

Well we talked about getting engaged and marriage months after we officially became a couple - he had hinted at proposing that summer, then he hinted at proposing after i graduated college that December... both came and went and nothing. After graduation, he made a few trips into my hometown with his mom to go 'shopping for clothes' - but he never returned with any new clothes and one day, he came in while I was napping and slide a piece of paper into his other jacket pocket. When he was gone one day I took a look and it was a reciept for a ring resizing, so I knew he had bought a ring. Christmas and New Years was coming up so I figured maybe he'd do it then... but they both came and went and still no proposal (we got snowed in that NYE so it was spent just the 2 of us watching the ball drop on tv). I gave up and figured not to get my hopes up again til Valentine's Day. I was talking to my mom about it and how I knew he bought a ring and she informed me that he talked to her and dad about and asked them first, so it should be soon.

The first Sunday of the New Year we went out to lunch after church at Chili's with his brother and his brother's gf (which as we know, I really don't like her much). We never go there, but they gave us a giftcard for there for Christmas so we decided to make use of it. For some reason, I thought maybe he would propose, but I figured he wouldn't do it with his brother and brother's gf right there - that's just weird.

Well I was wrong.

We ordered dessert, his brother got up to use the restroom, and DH brought up the topic again of when he should take his 2 vacation weeks, as he has to submit those at the beginning of the year, and the waiter butted in with dessert in the middle of our 'conversation'. Once again, I told him that all depends on him and he's like "depends on me what?" and he gets down on 1 knee, in the middle of the crowded restaurant and asks "does it depend on me asking you to marry me?" and pulls out the ring. His brother pops up from behind a corner with a video camera too. Brother's gf was sitting right there the whole time. Being Sunday at lunchtime, the restaurant was pretty packed - we had full tables next to us with loud parties at each. It's not even like it was favorite or special place we eat at regularly - we never went
there before the proposal and to be honest, it's been over a year and
we haven't even been back since!

I was glad he finally asked so I could start planning (at one point he told to go ahead and start and I told him not without a ring - i didn't want to get crazy looks from vendors when they found out we weren't even engaged yet!), I just wished it had been a little more intimate with just the 2 of us - not shared with BIL and his gf I don't like in a loud crowded restaurant, ya know?

Friends since December 1997, together since December 2006
September 13, 2008 I legally became his and he became mine.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 8:17 AM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

I think just the fact that he proposed to you IS romantic. I kinda wished my proposal was a little different and a little more romantic but life is not perfect. Wanna know my proposal? It was Christmas Day and we just finished exchanging gifts and I knew my ring was coming. Heck, we shopped for it together and we agreed that it was going to be on Christmas that he would propose. So Christmas Day came but the funny/sucky part is that on Christmas Eve my FH got sooo drunk that he had a huge hangover on Christmas Day. (he deoesn't get drunk a lot btw) So there we were, sitting on the couch in our apartment, with our pj's on, FH is feeling like crap due to his hangover, and I'm feeling sorry for my FH cuz he feels like crap. So then after we exchanged gifts he saved the best for last. He pulled out a small box and right away I knew what it was. I told him, " you sure you still want to do this now since you are feeling sick?" He said, "Yea, I'm not going to feel much better". So we're both sitting on the couch together and he opened the box and he pulled out the ring and he said, "For better or for worse, in drunkiness and not drunkiness, will you marry me?" I said "yes" with a big smile on my face and he kept holding on to the ring and he said,"you sure you still want to marry me even though I got drunk last night?" I laughed and said, "yes". He slid the ring on my finger and we kissed.
My proposal was funny in a way and something that I will always remember. BUT in a way I kinda wished it was different. It wasn't outside in a park or under a starry night. He didn't even get on one knee!! But you know what? I don't care!!! That's not the point. The point is that he proposed and that we are committing our lives to each other. That in itself is special :)


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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 9:13 AM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

I would only change one thing about the day I got engaged. I wish FH and I hadn't had a huge fight during the day. I almost refused to go to the restaurant because I was in a bad mood. That is the only thing I would change, especially since, in the long run, what we were fighting over wasn't that important.


SteffMay2009 Posts : 383 Registered: 10/22/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 9:19 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I'm sorry your proposal wasn't what you were hoping for. It's a huge moment in the guy's life, and not every guy is into big elaborate events, so just try to appreciate that what he did was uniquely him. My proposal was very private, at our house, the first night we moved in. We were eating Chili's to go and watching "Stick it". We did a champagne toast to the house and he proposed. It was very sweet and just what I would've wanted.


DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 9:48 AM Go to message in response to: SteffMay2009

I didn't really have a proposal. We had been dating for almost 3 years and I was trying to fight for custody of my daughter (to make a long story short...got kicked out of ex's house had no family was homeless, lost custody) so I had been consulting an attorney about fighting for custody. The attorney (who was a friend of husbands family) told me that since I was living with a man I was not married to my chances were not that great.

So...I told husband that by the time we hit year 3 he had to decide if he wanted to marry me or not or I am moving out. (Sorry but I choose my daughter over anyone) And I seriously think that by year 3 if you don't know if you want to marry me or not...I am wasting my time. So we mutually decided to get married. We picked out a ring and the day he picked it up he was a groomsman in his best friends wedding....so he was there in a tux and I was dressed up and he "proposed" but he didn't get down on one knee because he didn't want to get the tux dirty (we were in a parking lot)

Do I wish things could have been different and we could have this beautiful proposal...Yes BUT I got something better instead...I got custody of my daughter (that cost more than the ring! but was worth it)

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paralegal05 Posts : 116 Registered: 3/19/09
Re: Has anyone wish their proposal was different?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 10:32 AM Go to message in response to: SteffMay2009

My FH did a really good job planning which completely shocked me because he usually is a procrastinator. We had talked about getting engaged for some time. I accidentally found out that he had purchased a ring. I am very hard to surprise and he tried very hard. I would have never known he bought the ring if it wasn't for the fact he put the papers in his glovebox. One day we were in his car driving somewhere and I needed Tylenol. I knew he always kept a bottle in his glovebox, so he said,"there's some in there" and pointed to the glovebox. He forgot he put the papers there. I didn't want to ruin it for him so I acted like I didn't see anything.

That was right before Christmas. For Christmas, he decided he was going to be creative and do the 12 days of Christmas. So everyday, starting Christmas Day, he gave me a card, the number of roses for that specific day, and a gift. I had a ton of roses by the end!! Anyway, on the last day (Mon. January 5) he completely surprised me. I had always thought he would do it on NYE or at his shop (he just recently opened up his own business doing massage therapy and we did the remodeling together). Since it was a Monday, I didn't expect anything because Mondays are always guys night. So I went to bed early and did not expect him over. Well he came over and while I was asleep he had put rose petals all over the bed and lit a billion candles. He did this all while I was sleeping and I didn't notice anything! He woke me up and was down on his knee and all I said was, "What is with all the candles"? He gave me a rectangle box and my dozen of roses for the 12th day. He knew I loved jordan almonds so that was my gift. I wondered why he went through all the trouble with the roses and candles for just jordan almonds. He then started to play our favorite Journey song and pulled out a box. He asked me to marry him as he flipped it opened. I was speechless. The anticipation was horrible but was well worth the wait.

I understand you when you say you wish it was different. My FH did a great job but I would change the way I asked him like everyday when he was going to propose!!! I think it is really sweet how your FH asked you 3 times to marry him! That is complete devotion!!!!

P.S. He stills does not know I knew about the ring beforehand. I didn't want to break his heart!


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