Am I only the one?

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AriesArmyCouple Posts : 14 Registered: 2/14/09
Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 2:46 PM

My FH and I have been engaged for 10 months, but the purchase of the ring has been a problem due to finicial issues or what not. I really do not like to wait and it did make me sad. I knew that a ring is not important but this is my first time getting engaged and so this is very special event in my life to me.

So I pester him every month asking, "Do you have my ring yet?" "How about now?" "Now you have it?" I drove the man utterly CRAZY! He kept saying that he did not have the money for the ring of my desire.

I was so discouraged and I was beginning to believe that maybe he wasn't serous about engagement just because he didn't give me a ring. I was fearing that he will never give it me before he deploys to Afghanastan in June. Maybe I was losing it, but I wasn't sure. Until......

Last month, he wanted me go and pick out a ring off a flyer. I excitedly showed him the one I wanted. Now, I notice lately he has been acting "strange" when we were talking about our budget for the bills saying, "Oh, and I made a BIG expense...you know, the SURPRISE you always wanted." He said that he will give me the surprise the next time I see him from active duty.

I was wondering that if we are the only engaged couple who goes through the hectic wait of a ring. Am I the only one??????
missyess

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PrincessDee Posts : 58 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

I think you guys are being a bit harsh. I mean, I get what you're saying, but at the same time, it doesn't sound like she was whining so much as excited and anxious. From what she said, her FH is in the military and she doesn't seem him as often as some of us get to see our FHs. I think under those circumstances symbols are really important. She probably misses him a lot and seeing that symbol of his love would mean a lot to her. I don't think pestering the guy is the best approach, but I know how hard it is to patient. I was probably not as patient as I should have been when I was in the waiting situation for only a little while.

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ashes2 Posts : 29 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: PrincessDee

I will definitely agree with Princess Dee. Nagging a man isn't good but I do think the other comments were maybe overly sarcastic. Anyways, pestering isn't good, and it's hard to hear to be patient. I was at a point where I mentioned it maybe every month but not in a "do you have my ring yet" but in a more subtle way. My bf's excuse was always finances, which I'm very understanding to, but then when he drops hundreds on blu-ray movies, a new 42in LCD TV and touch screen remotes, it gets kinda hard for me to believe that he's saving or that he doesn't have enough money for a ring. When we (I) started looking, I was sending him rings $700 and less b/c I didn't want him to break the bank but he told me HE wanted to buy something better and for that I have to wait.

My frustration was mainly b/c I didn't know if he was really serious about moving forward with our relationship. He became the bf who would go back and forth on what he was saying and I figured out that he would just say whatever I wanted to hear to appease me. That was over a year ago and I have had to wait, sometimes patiently and sometimes not so patiently. It gets harder when everyone else is getting engaged, but I try to just think that my day is coming. I am not yet engaged but I have surprising not said anything about it since the last time we looked at rings. I think being engaged is very exciting, but you wanna make sure when he finally pops the question that you are genuinely happy that the man you wanna spend the rest of your life with also wants to be with you forever. Make sure you are able to be excited about the ring and not just have a feeling of IT'S ABOUT TIME. Just think about all of the other things you'll have to do before you can actually get down the aisle and just show your man how much you love, care and support him.

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 5:26 PM Go to message in response to: PrincessDee

Ok - I guess we are all being meanies girls, so we better chill out...

Geez the OP ADMITTED she was pestering him. If she wanted a ring that bad, she could have gotten a cheap CZ ring and wore it till he had enough money to get her the ring. The fact is that she was bugging him for something he didn't have the $$$ for. That is just immature IMO.

 Jaime :)

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 Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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His4life Posts : 117 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 7, 2009 6:06 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

I think all of us get a little anxious when we feel like the time might be around the corner, but really don't nag him. You want him to proposed because he wants to, not because he feels pressured. I experienced a little anxiety before I got engaged. My FH and I looked a rings a few times but it wasn't until about 6 months down the road tha the proposed. I never once asked him "where is my ring" or "are you going to propose soon", it was very natural and well worth the wait :)

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TattooedStarlit Posts : 202 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 11:48 AM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

mrsJLA- My FH told me to get a cheap CZ ring till he could afford a "real engagement" ring. I kept it because it is beautiful and it has a lot of sentimental value. I thought the same thing you said. If she really wanted a ring on her finger that bad she should have just gotten a cheap ring till he could afford the boulder of her dreams. Then again, she probably thinks that everyone be able to tell the difference between CZ and a diamond and think she is a cheap-o.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 12:26 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

OP, I hope you can take the hint from the PPs, shut up and focus on what's important--it's your man, not the ring. He's deploying to Afghanistan--and a ring is what you're focused on??? How about just hoping that he comes back to you in one piece!

Marriage is not about jewelry and it's not about status. Example: a good friend of mine is married to a very successful surgeon. They married when they were young and poor. Now, they have everything (accomplished kids, gorgeous homes, expensive cars, etc.) He surprised he with a diamond for their 25th anniversary. Up until then, she wore a simple, narrow band--and nobody cared, least of all her.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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AriesArmyCouple Posts : 14 Registered: 2/14/09
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I realized that a ring isn't important and it doesn't make us "engaged" months ago. I am young and this is my first time even getting engaged. All I was asking if anyone has even been through this especially in their first engagement. It was lesson that I had to learn but now that I am 21, I realized alot of things about marriage period and beisdes, we are thinking about waiting until I turn 24 or 25 for the wedding.

I appreciated everyone putting their opinion into this thread, but don't appreciate the sacraism. Maybe because many of you are older and you think I am materialistic???? I am not materialistic at all. I just wanted the ring to show the world that I am engaged to a soldier I love ( I am a soldier myself. We met in the army). So yes, my situation is different where I do not see him alot during the week. And believe me, it takes a strong woman to be in a military relationship .
missyess

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 2:07 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

the purchase of the ring has been a problem due to finicial issues or what not. I really do not like to wait. . . . So I pester him every month asking. . .I drove the man utterly CRAZY! He kept saying that he did not have the money for the ring of my desire.

To the OP, we can only go by what YOU say. If you're not materialistic or a complete nag, you sure didn't come off that way--maybe that's why you got the kind of replies that you did. And why do you keep saying that this is your "first" time getting engaged? Do you expect to be having this experience several times more, so you'll be able to handle it better? All of the women here have advised you, in their own inimitable styles, but to the best of their abilities to be helpful to you. I'd suggest that you look carefully, again, at your original post and at all of the replies that you've received. Maybe doing that will help you to see the whole kerfuffle in a clearer way.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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JulyBby22 Posts : 76 Registered: 1/16/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 2:59 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

I don't actually have a comment on the ring situation but I am curious to find out if the OP is planning on getting married more than once? She keeps saying "first engagement" and "first time" like it's her plan to get engaged and married more than once. Whats the deal with that?

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: JulyBby22

Yeah, I was also wondering why the OP was emphasizing that it was her 'first engagement'. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't intend to do that more than once. I'm also a little confused as to what age has to do with being materialistic, but I'll leave that one alone.

Anyway, my advice is to buy your own ring. Seriously...why on earth does HE need to buy it for you? If he can't afford it, then buy it yourself. If you can't afford it right now, either...then now you know how he's felt all these months you've been bothering him about it. Save TOGETHER for it - it will be good practice for managing your finances once you're married.

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Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 6:29 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I try to get engaged at least once every 6 months or so just to keep in practice. You never know when that particular skill my come in handy.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 8, 2009 6:37 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

I am currently awaiting a ring from my man, the love of my life. My number one desire in life is to be married to him and share my life with him.....not to be engaged and score a giant rock from him. If my guy told me that he was concerned about the financial aspect of buying "my dream ring", I would tell him that it didn't matter.....I would happily wear a CZ ring, or no ring, or a plastic ring out of a damn Cracker Jack box! Being engaged is not about the ring AT ALL! If the man you love asked you to marry him, that is an honor and you should treat it as such.

I understand that you are excited.... I am 28 and also waiting for my first (and only!!) proposal, and am very excited too.....but the ring itself is definitely not what I'm excited about. If my guy was having money issues and I "pestered him and drove him crazy" every month asking when I was getting my ring, I am 100 percent sure that he would dump my ass faster than you could even imagine....

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JulyBby22 Posts : 76 Registered: 1/16/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 9, 2009 10:12 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Lmao - you are too funny!!!

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SillyGirl Posts : 63 Registered: 11/22/07
Re: Am I only the one?
Posted: Apr 18, 2009 5:55 PM Go to message in response to: AriesArmyCouple

All I can say is I sympathize, with both the PP (who unfortunately see the materialistic side of ppl on here quite often regarding erings) and the OP, ( I have been waiting since oct 07 for my ring, atleast we have one picked out now, sorta lol)

be patient it will come in time

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