Bride planning her bachelorette party?

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gregobr8 Posts : 1 Registered: 2/2/09
Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 1:59 PM

I am the MOH for my friend's wedding. I had a really great night planned then she said she wanted to go out. So I found some venues and offered them as a suggestion. She picked one then said she didn't want anyone else to know she was a bachelorette, so no shirts, signs, etc. So I've been looking at the venue (which has live entertainment) for a date to go. Then she told me she doesn't want that because the other BM and I are not 21 yet. So she wants to go to a bowling alley.

What I want to know is how much say does she get? I know its her party, that is why I was letting her choose some things. But I'm pretty sure I can get into the venue she choose. Can I still plan for that place? And can I get her bachelorette items for the party? I guess I'm asking, where do I draw the line for her getting to plan her own party?

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

Unlike a shower, I think a bride should be allowed to have a lot of input on her bachelorette party. If the party is a celebration for her, in her honor, etc., it should be something she really wants to do.

Why not tell her that even though a few BM's are under 21, you think you can still get the venue? If she doesn't want t-shirts or anything like that, don't get them. You can still have an awesome night out without all of the traditional stuff they push on people for a bachelorette party.

 

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kwidener21 Posts : 98 Registered: 1/26/09
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 2:26 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

I see both sides of this... on one hand I think that she should be grateful that someone is throwing her a party and paying for it (as I assume that you are??) In that sense I think that you can really do what you want, I mean it is your money...
HOWEVER... This is for her, so you might want to think of how this stuff will make her feel. Maybe you can compromise? Have drinks and typical bachelorette stuff at a meeting place say, your house, and decorate all the with all they traditional garb, then head out bowling, call a cab or rent a limo if thats in budget (don't drink and drive ;) ). Have a girls night, bowling and being crazy then you can go back to the meeting place and drink more if you want or eat, or whatever else you had in mind. Just because she dosen't want everyone knowing it's a bachelorette part dosent mean that you can do private things before and after...

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

I think that depends on your relationship with the bride. Personally, I have absolutely no desire for a traditional bachelorette party. Since my bridal party is from around the country, it'd have to be on the Thursday before my wedding. I would MUCH rather sit around my hotel, drink wine and chat. To be totally honest, I'd be irritated if someone told me that I had to have the "traditional" bachelorette stuff because it's not what I would want to do at all. I don't mean any of that as a criticism of you (and if it were my MOH, I'd probably suck it up and just be secretly annoyed rather than cause a scene), but I just wanted to put the other side out there.

That being said, I don't think you're wrong if you want to have the big fun time and you think her only concern is that some of you can't get into the place you wanted to go to. But, it's also possible she's using it as an excuse to have a more relaxing not-crazy night because she's really stressed about the wedding.

When I was maid of honor for my best friend, we took her out for manis and pedis and dinner. She spent the entire night and most of the next day telling anyone who would listen how relaxing it was and how it was absolutely the thing she needed most in the world.

So, in the end, you are throwing the party for her. You know her MUCH better than any of us here will - it really depends on her personality, I think.

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: kwidener21

"I see both sides of this... on one hand I think that she should be grateful that someone is throwing her a party and paying for it (as I assume that you are??) In that sense I think that you can really do what you want, I mean it is your money..."

K - good point about the money. But wouldn't it be a waste of money to spend cash on something the bride wouldn't even enjoy?


 

Don't make me go Brooklyn on you. I have brass knuckles and I know how to use them.

P.O.O.P.E.R. - People Offended by Offended People Executive Recruiter

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 4:17 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

I think the bride should have a lot of say. I didn't want anything "traditional" but my BM's went crazy and made me wear all these ridiculous things out to the bar. I was so embarassed (until I got wasted that is). But it was something that did upset me for a while leading up to it b/c I knew it was something I did not want.

Now that I am planning my BFF's B'rette party, I'm taking her input and doing what SHE wants. Even though I had the right mind to get her back so bad!

Anyway, I think you need to listen to the bride in this case. Even if you can get into the other place NOT being 21, maybe the bride doesnt want any problems arising, just in case you all can't get in.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 4:46 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

i pretty much planned what i wanted to do for my bach party and just gave my MoH all the info so she could make it possible - i wanted to go to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner (they had just opened up up here and we used to go all there all time when i was in college).

Then I wanted to go to a bowling alley, as my sister was a BM but only 15 so she couldn't go to the bars with us but i still wanted her to feel a little included - my mom and MIL tagged along as well as they went to dinner with us. There was a bar there too so those of us that could drink started drinking there.

Then after that my aunt was our DD and drove me and my girls around to different bars, our last stop being a gay nightclub for dancing, which was actually pretty fun! we ended the night back at my apartment and played some trivia game about DH my MOH planned. 1 friend spent the night, my aunt took another home and another sobered up before she drove home (she didnt drink as much as the rest of us did).

I know if it was up to one of my BMs there would have been strippers involved and i didnt want that, lol...

For one of my friend's bach party, we all went out to eat at this fun restaurant that requires reservations that the bride wanted to eat at. Then the MoH collected $10 from each to help cover the cost of Party Bus that the bride had wanted and we drank on the bus and went to several different bars around town - 1 of which had karaoke going on, which was pretty fun!

So I think take into consideration what the bride wants to do - what shes comfortable with, what she's not. If she gives a strict outline of what she wants to do, do that; if not, do what you think she would enjoy most. If she wants to do the bowling alley, do that, but see if maybe you guys can stop by the other venue afterwards.

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 4:51 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

My MOH and I were in complete control of what WE planned for the bach party. You know her better than we do. If she's a "I totally trust you that it's going to be the best bach party ever!" then you know. You also know if she's more of a, "This is what I want and what I dont' want" person. Good luck and I'm sure she'll have a great time.

Mrs. Pinky


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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 5:32 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

I think it's actually very considerate of her to want to go to a bowling alley because you and a few other friends are still underage. It shows that she at least wants to celebrate this night with you and her other friends. I would go with it, bowling is fun anyways!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 3, 2009 5:50 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

Dear Greg,

Essentially, the party honoree gets veto power. She doesn't actively plan the party, but can say "XYZ is not appropriate for whatever reason".

If she's TOO picky, that's a different story. If none of your suggestions are acceptable and only her own particular vision is acceptable, then that's the point where you say "Maybe you should just take over, as nothing I have suggested is OK." .

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: Bride planning her bachelorette party?
Posted: Apr 4, 2009 8:31 PM Go to message in response to: gregobr8

Since she is the bride she should get a good deal of say in her bachelorette party. She should also appreciate that you are clearing your schedule and spending money for her. Since you and the the other BM aren't yet 21, she is probably being considerate and wanting you to be able to enjoy the party. I think you should just take time sit down and figure out what she wants and make the plans accordingly. I tend to be indesicive and change my mind on a whim, if she's like me, just let her know that you are planning this and intend to do what she wants, you just need to know what that is and not have her change her mind on you. Of course do it in all MOH-ly love! Good luck, I'm sure you'll pull off a great party!
True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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