The "UNwedding"

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bridetobeMLE Posts : 6 Registered: 1/2/09
The "UNwedding"
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 7:14 PM

so I just got my may/june issue of Brides in the mail today and was really intrigued by the article on the UN-wedding. This is basically a cocktail party kind of deal instead of doing the full blown pageantry of a wedding. It would be held at a trendy bistro/restuarant You would still say your vows in front of everyone and wear a fabulous dres (without giant train and veil though). But instead of a sit down dinner there would be food that can be eaten standing up. wine, drinks, wonderful music and dancing. Basically a modern version of a wedding. I'm really interested in doing something like this and wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this, or if you are planning something like this yourself. I'd love to hear how you're doing it :)

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 7:25 PM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

I guess I sort of had one of those un-weddings (33 years ago). It was a cocktail party for 40 people in the fabulous apartment of the people who introduced me to DH. Our friends stood in a circle around us as we said our vows. We had great food, definitely enough to feel like a full meal (e.g.filet mignon on garlic bread, veggies, mushrooms in pastry, etc.) We had a full bar with bartender, everything was passed by servers, so it was elegant. We even had special plates with wells, so people could eat wedding cake and drink coffee--standing up. We had what today would be called "lounge seating"--sofas, comfortable chairs. If you do this kind of party, make sure to have places for people to sit down, at least 50% of your people seated at any one time. We did not have dancing, but there was background music. We loved our wedding and our guests seemed to have a great time. Best of all, we planned it in two weeks!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 8:51 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I just read an article about a real wedding that was a "surprise" wedding. Basically the brides parents sent out invitations for the engagement party and the bride's brother announced once everyone was there "The engagement is off! They're getting married tonight!" and the bride appeared in her dress and veil, handed bouquets to her best friends and they had a ceremony right then at her mom's house.

My opinion? WAY cool. :)

 

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 9:11 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Nala - The only thing with the 'surprise' wedding - IMO, is that I might not travel 4 hours for an engagement party, but would for a wedding. So if someone thought of doing this, I would hope that they would let people who live farther away in on it OR tell them we really want you there...blah blah
blah.

Case in point - I'm a groomswoman in a friend's wedding. I can't make it 7-8 hours the weekend before for the bachelor/bachelorette party. But I'm taking time off from work to make it for the wedding.

Anyhow - OP - I had a traditional wedding, but I totally love this idea. Also, I think with the economy, this is a great option!

Go for it!!!

 

 

 

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KiraMaria Posts : 1 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Apr 13, 2009 5:21 PM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

Omigosh! I read that article last week and was completely intruiged by it as well! But, it was only a very strong admiration for the style of the wedding seeing as we already had our entire wedding planned and all the vendors booked (HAD being the operative word) - it was going to be fantastic - an elegant picnic in the park (biergarten) of the German American Club to which we've been members for three generations now. SINCE I read the article last week, my fiance's mother decided she absolutely will not allow our wedding to take place at this (really gorgeous,) location. What's unfortunate was no one was more excited about our wedding and it's location than my fiance. His mother freaking ruined our wedding that horrible horrible woman (and so it starts). So NOOOW I am back to being completely enthralled by this "unwedding" article. Mother-in-law-to-be wants us to cough up the money we don't have (i.e. go into debt) and have the traditional wedding in a cathedral with 200 people and a big poofy dress and yadda yadda yadda. No freaking way am I going in to debt for our wedding, let alone to please my fiance's mother. It's time to take back the day! I am all about this unwedding idea. I think it's freaking fantastic! But how do we find a restaurant with the sort of casual elegance and warm ambiance of the Fig & Olive in NYC (or atleast something that appeals just as strongly). Are you really going for this idea? I am so down.

much love,
Kira

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SassyTallahasse... Posts : 3 Registered: 3/17/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Apr 14, 2009 9:28 PM Go to message in response to: KiraMaria

This sounds similar to our approach. We're having 35 or so people at our home, with an informal ceremony and hors'deourves/champagne/cocktails. Lots of music, open floor for dancing...it will be fantastic.

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smgb00 Posts : 2 Registered: 4/16/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Apr 16, 2009 11:34 AM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

Hi...I've read the same article...I really liked the idea of the UNWEDDING. I am thinking in doing something similar being that I don't have a lot of family here and neither does my fiance so we want to do the unwedding idea...I feel is more personal and intimate...Are you thinking about doing the unweding?

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Soon2BMrsPorkChop Posts : 73 Registered: 1/1/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Apr 17, 2009 3:54 AM Go to message in response to: KiraMaria

While I totally admire anyone with the b@lls to have the "unwedding," I am not cool enough at all. It's so Sex and the City glamorous though! I, on the other hand, am doing the traditional 200+ guests, cathedral, country club reception...yadda yadda yadda. But if you are really looking for a place to do this, check out One Newark Center in NJ. Its the Seton Hall Law building in downtown Newark (15 min from NYC). Aside from being the law school, its also a high rise with other offices. I think they do the ceremony on the 21st floor so you get the views, and they decorate beautifully. Many Fridays on my way out of work I would see them setting up the lobby, and it always looked very nice.

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Mumbulo Posts : 5 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: May 23, 2009 11:48 PM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

We are doing this and am so glad that it is actually "in style". My fiance and I are so not the typical wedding type and this is definately our thing. The wedding/ceremony is in a nice restaurant in downtown Savannah, with about 50 people. My uncle is going to officiate the wedding (ceremony will only be about 15 minutes long- and free instead of the $300 I was being quoted) then on to cocktails. We are having a buffet dinner, because it cost the same as having heavy hor' deuvres and 95% of our guests are coming from out-of-state and I think it would be rude to feed them only appetizers. We are going to play music on our Bose boombox with an Ipod (most of the guests won't dance anyway's) and will do the throwing of the bouquet and cake cutting only. Everything will be done by 9:30pm and then we plan on going downtown with the folks that still want to hang out and go on a haunted pub crawl. It has made everything planning wise much less stressful (and is saving us a ton of money- which is going to our honeymoon fund) and I think a lot of people are going to like it.

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amlewis83 Posts : 22 Registered: 5/11/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: May 24, 2009 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: KiraMaria

Kira, I had looked in to the German American Club too. It is gorgeous. My FH and I are having a wedding of about 80 in the Adirondaks. We are picking up most the cost, so we had to cut our wedding size, pretty much, in half. My thought is for you, and anyone, if you are footing the bill, it is 100% up to you and don't feel guilty about it. You don't want to start a marriage with regret. Do it the way you want to. I think, smaller, cocktail parties, are totally fun! I am having a semi casual/laid back feel to my wedding. I was going to do a cocktail party but we have a lot of older family who I don't think would appreciate that as much so I went for a buffet style with more seating.

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dawnO Posts : 40 Registered: 7/14/08
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Jun 18, 2009 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

this is the second marrige for both of us so we are having a very non-traditional-unwedding, if you will. our wedding ceremony is on 09/09/09 (at either a lodge or a farm/barn) which happens to be a Wed. ...with our children, parents, best man & maid of honor. .....the ceremony will be performed by a judge we know because the annulment is taking longer than expected. ....then a nice dinner after that. Then the 2 of us jet off to Jamaica in the morning.

Then our reception/celebration will be on the 26th with about 115 guests at a reception hall with a DJ and a wedding cake, wedding favors....but no bouquet toss, garter toss, bridal/money dance. ...it will have more of a party atmosphere.


....Donna

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dawnO Posts : 40 Registered: 7/14/08
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Jun 18, 2009 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: bridetobeMLE

but I am wearing a wedding gown, the men are wearing black suits, the maid of honor gets to pick what dress she wants to wear and our children will be in jr bridesmaid dresses and suits...


....Donna

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alleak135 Posts : 54 Registered: 5/15/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Jun 28, 2009 12:44 PM Go to message in response to: dawnO

The more I think of an UNwedding the more exciting it sounds. We are in the initial phases of planning our wedding and still have time to change things up if we want to. Plus, with such a tight budget it's a great way to celebrate without all the costs. My FH is in the military and I don't receive medical insurance through the company I work for and he's always suggesting that we get married beforehand but I would feel bad about having people come to our "wedding" if we're already married so that idea has been put to the backburner for now. If we did this kind of ceremony would it be tacky to go ahead and get married if we're not exactly going through all the steps of a wedding? It sounds like it's more of a celebration of the couple than an full blown wedding ceremony.

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FutureMrsCerrone Posts : 5 Registered: 5/23/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Jul 4, 2009 1:11 PM Go to message in response to: alleak135

I just read the "Unwedding" article and this is similar to what my fiance and I want to do! We are very relaxed and don't want a "traditional" wedding. We said we just want it to be a great party with our friends and family! This is my second marriage so I have already done the "traditional thing" and now it's just so much more relaxing not to have to worry about all the specific details.

We haven't set our date yet because my biggest challenge now is trying to find a venue for our relaxed beachy wedding. Everywhere I look it's the stuffy ballroom with butlers and white gloves....not what we want ! I'm trying to find a nice oceanfront restaurant in NJ - possibly Cape May but it's so hard to find what I'm looking for!

Oh well, I have a lot of time to search since we won't be getting married until October 2011 !!!!

If anyone has any beachfront wedding venue ideas....then I'm all ears !!!!

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Mumbulo Posts : 5 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: The "UNwedding"
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: alleak135

You could always get married beforehand and not tell anyone. We are having my Uncle do the officiating of the wedding (he was ordained online and it is was free and legal). You can get married at the courthouse when you go to get your marriage license and then do a small, quick ceremony with a loved one officiating at your actual wedding so that way everyone who is attending gets to see the ceremony (and are none the wiser). Plus, like you said, the unwedding is more of a celebration of the couple than it is about sticking to tradition. Good luck!

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