Problems in the bedroom..

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pinksummer13 Posts : 9 Registered: 7/13/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

Everything works just fine- we can have sex, it isn't erectile disfunction. There's certain spots on his penis that he can't feel- like the nerves are shot or something. Anyway, I don't know how to get him to go to the doctor. He's too embarassed to talk about it to me, and he tells me not to worry about it- that he'll fix it. If I bring it up he refuses to talk about it or gets irritated. Like I said- it's a VERY sensitive topic.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 6:23 PM Go to message in response to: pinksummer13

I actually dated someone with a similar-sounding problem - the "numb spots" thing. Although while we were together, he never really saw a doctor about it, so I can't tell you what the cause was with him! Although he was circumcized - is your FH the same? Apparently that can cause lower sexual feeling in some people than those who are uncircumcized.

You said that you don't know how to get him to the doctor, and that he says he will fix it. Maybe try asking him HOW he plans to fix it...if he has no plan, maybe that will convince him to have it chcked out? Otherwise, have you been able to explain to him just how big of a deal this is to you? Even forget the sex part itself - the fact that there could very well be a health issue that he's ignoring. Would he want you to ignore it if, say, your periods stopped coming? Just because it might be "uncomfortable" for you to talk to your doctor about? Maybe try to phrase things so that it isn't ALL about the lack of sex, but also a concern for his health...MAYBE he'll be less sensitive about it?

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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MichelleandRob Posts : 194 Registered: 5/12/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I also saw the red flag from Doesn'tPlayNice, about your town vs his town. And I was also in the military and agree with her on her statement about the records not effecting his career. Both lame and worth looking into. Take care of this now because it will not improve after you say I do.

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pinksummer13 Posts : 9 Registered: 7/13/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: MichelleandRob

BirdLover: He is circumcized- and I just looked up some stuff on it, and though it isn't officially proven that this can cause numbness, it sounded like a possiblity.

Thanks for letting me know that it won't affect his record girls! When I ask him what he means by 'he's taking care of it' he says 'just don't worry about it!' It's really irritating, but he refuses to tell me. Apparently we are trying something to fix it- and I helped him, but I have no idea what the heck he's talking about and I don't remember doing anything like that. Of course, I completely forgot about the numb thing too.. except he won't tell me what it was that we were trying? He said something like "How do we know it isn't fixed yet? I haven't been home since January!" Anyway, he'll be home for a few weeks in the beginning of April, so hopefully I'll find out more about what the heck he's talking about.

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 8:59 PM Go to message in response to: pinksummer13

Ok let me put it too you like this.

I asked my own husband, what would you do if you thought you had erectile dysfunction? And his immediate response was "Do you think I have ED, do I need to see a doctor???" And he was overly concerned for the 30 seconds before I could explain to him why I was asking.

So I explained that (he knows I chat on here) a future bride was concerned about her FH's sex drive, and how he refuses to get it checked out and all.

DISCLAIMER - this is what my HUSBAND says... not neccessarily me. I am just offering input from the other sex. (Don't chew me out for what he says!)

My husbands first response was - sure he's not cheating on her? This is from his mouth (paraphrased) ..... No man is his 20's - especially not one in the military who doesn't see his girl a whole lot - turns down sex with the girl he is interested in. http://Take me - being preggo and lacking major sex drive right now, DH is counting down the minutes till I get my sex drive back because all his buddies with kids told him my drive will kick in around the third trimester. Do I feel like a sexy momma - No way! But he is a normal 25 yr old guy that even finds preggo me still sexy and worthy of sex... He also said that unless its some documented medical condition he has had for years, he wouldn't believe your FH's story about a numb penis.

Im sorry to say I think your guy is hiding something. He could be really embarassed, but his story sounds like flat out BS. So I am sorry if I worry you or come off harsh, but honestly I would be concerned something was up.

Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a


Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker





Edited by: mrsJLA on Mar 27, 2009 9:46 PM

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:07 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA


I am deleting my hubby's dumb input.


Edited by: mrsJLA on Mar 28, 2009 12:42 PM

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

MrsJLA - I want to strongly disagree with you here. I think lumping all men in to the same category and saying "any man in their 20s would want sex all the time" is unfair. Do all women have the same sex drive? No. It was thought for a long time that women COUDLN'T enjoy sex... so i'm just saying, no one group of people are the same across the board. Just as there are women with low sex drives, there must be men with low sex drives too... though there are probably fewer than there are women. To me, I just think the sterotype of the sex-crazed guy in his 20's makes it harder for men in her FH's position to go see a doctor because he's embarassed.

edited for spelling.

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08



Edited by: Nalamienea on Mar 27, 2009 9:39 PM

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:37 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

Somehow I dont think he is cheating since I know how it feels to have a man who has a low sex drive and I know 100% that just because a man who is in his mid 20's has a low sex drive doesn't mean he is cheating! My man is an example. But anyways...I think you should really convince him to get a check up because something can be wrong 'down there'. I have never heard of a numb penis. Did he maybe have an injury has a kid or something? Maybe the doctor will give him meds to take so that will fix the problem. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Hmmm maybe my FH should get meds lol. But since u mentioned that he's in the military I would think that he would want sex a lot since he hasn't seen you in a long time. Argh I don't know. I hope things get better in the bedroom with our men for the both of us.
                              

 

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:38 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Nala - that is my husbands input.... so I guess you disagree with him.

My point is that I have an open relationship with my husband and that I CAN talk to him about these things. The fact that he WON'T openly talk to her about it bothers me. If anyone he SHOULD feel comfortable with - its his future wife. If he has problems now and won't talk about it openly and not some dancing around the subject stuff, what happens when they are married?


 Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a

 Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:50 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

Another thing no one mentioned or asked - is FH down lately or does he seem depressed after his military deployments/trips???

Depression kills sex drive.

Either that or being only 20 - he is too embarassed to see a doctor, but then he needs to be an adult, suck it up and go if there is a problem.

 Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a

 Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 9:52 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

Oh, I totally agree with you there! The lack of communication is the hardest part about the whole situation - believe me I know! Ladies, think about that. When you get married there should be nothing that you can't talk about! Especially sex!

I know for me when I was nearing the end of my marriage I just kept thinking " I am too young for this. My 20's are supposed to be some of the best sex of my life! I'm never getting this time of my life back again."

And my ex and I had a good relationship other than in the bedroom for a long time... but the lack of sex was the first part of the erosion that began to happen. First no sex... then the lack of good communication about the lack of sex... and you know the rest from my first post.

My point is you can't ignore this problem. You guys need to get in to some counselling if you can't manage to talk about it together. And if he simply refuses to talk about it at al period, then he is refusing to listen to how it makes you feel and that is just down right selfish and mean.

 

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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manderz421 Posts : 17 Registered: 2/7/09
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 11:26 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

My fiance also has a lower sex drive than me, but I thought we were bad, we have it at least once a week. I have definitely cried myself to sleep right in bed next to him about it, or left pissed off because he didn't want it. Most of that stems from the fact that we only see each other a few times a week so if I see him one day and we don't have it, we won't have it for another few days. I totally understand about the strict parents thing. In the beginning, we also had sex in the car and even now we like to sneak outside my house and "have a session" because there is noo way we could have sex when my parents are home. But you said you are 19 and 20.. I don't know how long you've been together but I'm sure with time the rules will lessen. Now that I am engaged, and even sometimes before, I spend the weekends at my fiance's apartment. It just comes with time and maturity. I definitely agree with the fact that stress kills his sex drive. In the beginning we had great sex, but over the years he has been stressed financially and overworked so that may have something to do with it. I would definitely advice him to see a doctor though.

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pinksummer13 Posts : 9 Registered: 7/13/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 12:40 AM Go to message in response to: manderz421

You guys all make really good points. I'd also disagree with your husband's thoughts though- I know for a fact that he isn't cheating on me. I'm on the phone with him for more than half the day, and on the weekends. (Not because I make him, it's just how we spend time together.. it makes us feel closer.) He doesn't drink or smoke or party with his friends, he just stays in his barracks room and watches movies while I'm on the phone, or plays video games. Anyway, I don't think the numb penis is BS because I was with him when he figured it out. We were messing around and then he got all upset and said that he couldn't feel in that spot. Then he started freaking out and was worried he had some disorder and he was going to get kicked out of the military or something.Anyway- it isn't BS.

Also- he's never been deployed or shipped over seas. He's stationed to the base itself and not a unit, and they don't really deploy those kinds of guys- though they can of course. Just less of a chance. I'm gonna try talking to him about going to the doctor when he comes home. I think it'll be easier to talk to him about it when we're actually together.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 12:47 AM Go to message in response to: manderz421

I don't really have experience in this department but I know that there is another member from here who had a very similar problem to you. I remember who it was but I know that she felt uncomfortable talking about it and she even deleted the thread she posted about it because she felt badly talking about. She also had a fiance who was deployed and came back with an extremely low sex drive. She was pretty sure it had to do with his deployment and that he came back not quite his self. I think this is very common. Could it be the aftermath of being deployed? He might value certain things differently, he might me a little depressed or he might have just changed?
I don't think he's necessarily cheating on you like some are suggesting. I do think that it was probably his deployment. Maybe counselling? Or maybe have him talk to you more about it?
However, he did imply that the problem might be solved and how would you know since you two haven't seen each other again yet. Maybe wait and see what happens next time you see each other. If you keep on badgering him about it and his sex drive is back to normal right now, he just can't have sex with you because of distance, he might get annoyed...and then down goes the sex drive again!

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Problems in the bedroom..
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 12:48 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

okay nevermind my post!

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