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Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??

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NovemberBride09 Posts : 12 Registered: 3/17/09
Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 3:40 PM

So I am having a little bit of a problem. My guest list is already too big & so I decided to trim it by not inviting anyone from work especially since I don't see or talk to any of them outside of work but now 2 of them have invited me to their weddings (which are before mine), so my question is do I have to invite them since they have invited me??

november_2009 , florida
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BunchaLilies Posts : 68 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

You shouldn't feel Obligated to invite anyone to your wedding.

If you're tight on money and you feel guilty about them inviting you to their special days now, perhaps you could invite them only to the ceremony.

november_2009 , june_2010 , florida , illinois_chicago
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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 5:28 PM Go to message in response to: BunchaLilies

Ok..you cannot invite guests to the ceremony and not the reception. That's just wrong.

You are not obligated to invite anyone, just those who you want there. Maybe you can do an A list and a B list so for every decline you get from the A list, you can send out a B list invite.

Now since your co workers invited you to their wedding, it gets a bit tricky since you do work with these people. Maybe talk to them and if they invited your whole office, see how many are actually going?

Also maybe if you decline to go to their wedding, they'll do the same?

Just Married...9.20.08

Formerly BenjaminsBride 

 

september_2008 , november_2009 , northern_california , june_2010 , florida , illinois_chicago
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bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

NO

november_2009 , florida
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 6:39 PM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

Dear NB,

No.

Here's why.

Normally, a person repays hospitality with hospitality. If Jane invites you to dinner at her house, you reciprocate with dinner at your house. If Sam invites you to a ball game, you might ask him to a movie.

You do not repay the hospitality of a wedding reception with similar wedding reception hospitality. You might be already married, or your wedding may be a long way off, or you might never get married. (In your particular case, your wedding is close in time to the other weddings, but forget about that. That's just coincidence.)

The way you repay the hospitality of a wedding reception is with a lavish* gift. That's the reciprocation. Assuming you get them a gift if you attend their wedding reception, then you're done. You are under no obligation to invite them to your wedding.

Forget about the ceremony-only idea. It is rude to have two tiers of guests. "So, we're off to the reception with our other guests. Too bad we can't afford to feed you as well. Bye!"


*Lavish = the best one can afford within one's budget.


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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 20, 2009 8:42 PM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

Since you do not socialize with these people outside of work and you do not intend to invite them to your wedding, I probably would politely decline the invitation (lie if you have to!!) Give them a nice, but not expensive, gift.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

november_2009 , florida
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 21, 2009 9:41 AM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

No...we certainly didn't invite everybody to our wedding who has invited us to theirs. Conversely, we DID invite some people who did NOT invite us to their weddings, for various reasons (small weddings, destination wedddings, or we just weren't as close back when they got married). We invited the people that we wanted to invite - no more or less.

As Myra suggested, I would also decline their invitations. Send a gift, but don't get too carried away. If they ask why you can't make it, claim a conflict.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

november_2009 , florida
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TanisJ Posts : 2,673 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 21, 2009 10:06 AM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

I agree with the PP's. You are not obligated to invite them, although I understand how awkward this could be. I also agree it might be better to decline their invitations. You mentioned you don't socialize with these people so I will also add that now these women have extended an invitation outside of the office which you will probably decline. If they are people you like and wouldn't mind socializing with I would suggest maybe inviting them to lunch or for after work cocktails. With the 3 of you all being in wedding planning process it might be a great way to exchange ideas, vent a little about wedding frustrations and have a social outing. If they are not people you want to socialize with then definitely decline and proceed as planned.

august_2008 , november_2009 , south_carolina , florida
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NovemberBride09 Posts : 12 Registered: 3/17/09
Re: Do I have to invite people if they invited me to their weddings??
Posted: Mar 21, 2009 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: NovemberBride09

Thank you all so much for your advice! I feel much better now! I've known them for 3 years now but I don't feel we have alot in common & I would actually feel a bit weird going to their weddings to beign with. I will probably decline then & send a small gift & proceed with the original plan of no work friends. Now to get the rest of my list down...UGH! Why do weddings have to be so expensive!!!!

november_2009 , florida
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