Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?

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Guest
Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 2:37 PM

Ok Ladies....Time to dish about the mother in law/monster in law!
Love em? Hate em? WHY? How do you deal?

I'll Start!

I have the WORST mother in law on the face of the planet. I am a very respectable person and feel that I was raised to respect my elders and especially in laws. I have bit my tongue a million times with her. She says things that are so disrepectful and hurtful its almost embarrassing to keep my mouth shut. My FH is just as fed up as I am and has started to finally stand up for us! She is just a miserable/self centered/negative person and unfortanetly she is his mother. We never really got along, we try and it gets good for a while then her mouth ruins everything. lol. She makes me realize how much I appreciate the mom God gave me. I dont want to get in the middle of him and his mom but I feel I need to stand up for myself.

Ideas/Help?
-It's been a long time coming, but it was worth the wait- BabyFace

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kwidener21 Posts : 98 Registered: 1/26/09
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I have the BEST FMIL in the world... I'm sure it helps that she's 20 hours away! LOL! We talk on the phone, e-mail and truly get along. She came up for 3 weeks last year for Christmas and she was woderful to have. She helped with the house while I was gone to work and never complained that I "wans't doing my job".

As for you... I would very much stand up to her. I would speak respectfully but tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. I'm sure that she'll get mad and through a fit, but in the end I think that you will get your point across and in the future things might get better.

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nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

OMG are you sure you aren't talking about MY MOTER-IN-LAW! I swear if I didn't know any better I'd think you were talking about her. I totally felt this way for years with this women even up to the day she moved out of state. But now since the wedding has passed and she's been away. I must admit things are alot better at a distance. She now calles every Saterday and James only answers when he wants to and her and I have a decent conversation from time to time. But it took time..and DISTANCE (SO glad she moved away). You have to hang in there .... she is who she is. I think it was AOTB that told me that sometime last year. You know what- she was right...you can't change her ways or how she acts. It's like dodge ball - you become "skilled" after being hit so many times.

Good luck. =)

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 3:19 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I loooove my mother in law!

She's a little younger than my mom and she likes to try and keep up with us "kids" and what we're into - for example, DH, me and my brothers in law all listen to rock music, so she'll take a listen when any of us are riding with her - my brothers in law were amused when she said she liked the song "Bodies" by Drowning Pool and requested them to put it on, lol... she's also on Facebook a lot too, keeping in touch with us that way (they live over an hour away from DH and I and technically only 2 of my brother in laws live at home - one of them works a lot during the week though and spends weekends at his friend's in town, another brother practically lives at his gf's parents house over an hour or so away when he's not working, and DH's older brother lives on the state border with his wife and their kids).

She also likes a lot of the same movies and tv shows we do too, so if I want to see a more "girly" movie that DH doesn't want to see, I always make sure to ask her if she wants to go, since usually she does. She's sad that she has to wait til the new Underworld prequel comes out on DVD, since my father in law hates vampire movies and my brother in laws all went with their friends to see it the night it came out and DH and I went together for Valentine's Day.

Having 5 boys and then 1 girl at the end, she's always up for going to do "girly" things so I made sure to include her on shopping trips and other things when we were planning the wedding, as my sister in law is only 10 so it'll be years before my mother in law can plan a wedding with her. She was always thrilled to tag along and help us out =)

She seems to be more open and understanding about things than my mom would be also, as she's lived through and experienced a lot of things when she was our age, so I guess she's a little easier to relate to. That and DH takes after her a lot too, so that probably has something to do with it - they have a good relationship.

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Guest
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

OMG im so jealous that you ladies have good relationships with FMIL :(
I tried to include her and invite her to the bridal shows and she didnt even respond when i called her. I left her a message on her cell phone, she never called back and she never even acknowledged the invitation. FH said something to her and she acted like she didnt even hear him.LOL. she even went as far as saying no one wants to do a destination wedding (Even though we asked their input if we were to do destination and they all were excited and said definitely). ITs just a nightmare. LOL
-It's been a long time coming, but it was worth the wait- BabyFace

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 4:52 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Ladies,

I love my MIL. She's a real doll.

But... I have had to get used to some of her "peculiar" traits. She's a rummage sale-o-holic, for starters. She never pays retail. She's always poking around garage sales, rummage sales, tag sales, Goodwill shops, you name it. I can't stand looking through someone else's junk.

Everybody, everybody, repeat, everybody thinks their in-laws can be downright weird. The only way to marry someone who comes from the exact same kind of family you have is to marry your brother.

Other than that, you will find yourself thinking "they are downright weird", even if they are the nicest people on Earth.

You just need to learn to cope. It's either that, or send FH back in a time machine to get conceived by other parents. Then, you'd have to deal with the weirdness of those other parents!

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 5:15 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I don't have a mother in law and neither does my husband.

 

 

 

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 5:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I truly adore my MIL. She is one of the nicest and most sincere people that I have ever met. We don't hang out as much as some of the other ladies have described, mostly because we are very different people. I still can't complain though, she is very sweet and whenever DH and I go over there or vice versa we have a good time :)

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 6:32 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcCain

i have the biggest love/hate relationship with FMIL!

one moment she is smack talking me to FH, the next we are planning a dinner party for her friends together, than she is smack talking, then she bakes me chocolate chip banana nut bread to bring home.

What she says isn't very personal, it's mostly smack talking the relationship, not me as a person, even though once I overheard her ranting about me after we first met. She apologized later and said that she misjudged me and that she was just in a bad mood and was extremely stressed out because it was thanksgiving weekend and she was cooking for like 20 people. Still bothered me though. She just thinks I took up too much of FHs time early in the relationship, that I made him distance himself from the rest of the family. All of the kids are at school and are apart from each other as well as from the parents, but FH and I are long distance too...so sometimes when it's a holiday weekend or something we spend a lot of it together...but we try to include the family in our plans as much as possible, like making them dinner, inviting them out to a movie and so on.

Anyways, it's weird because FMIl and I aren't super close but whenever I first see FH and give him a big hug she's always like "where's the hug for mama?"

I have a very weird relationship with her...

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brownegirl Posts : 523 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I recently posted my own mother in law thread so you can guess that we don't get along that well. She tried to get us to call off the wedding at first. To her credit she is being nicer now. I guess we have a love/hate relationship going on. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 9:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I guess I'm lucky that as of right now I get along pretty well with my FMIL's....yup I will have 2. My FH's step-mom and mom :-p So to those that are complaining about their mother-in-laws imagine having TWO!? haha. I hope I continue to have a pretty good relationship with them.
                              

 

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 9, 2009 9:44 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

DH has to deal with a crazy MIL - ie my mom.

Lucky for me, I love his family and MIL. She is the sane mother I never had, lol. Of course, it took us a while to get on the same page since their family lifestyle was drastically different than my own growing up, but once I got over that hump, it was smooth sailing. DH jokes that they like me better than him. Haha....

 Jaime :)

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aelrod Posts : 92 Registered: 12/5/07
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 10, 2009 12:09 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I guess I don't have too much advice for you, as I am not gaining the typical MIL. FH's mother abandoned him at a young age and he was raised by his AMAZING grandmother. She is the reason he is who he is today and I respect her immensly for that. Therefore, when I don't necessarily agree with her (mostly generational differences) I think about her grace and kindness that she offered in single-handedly raising FH. She has always wanted a daughter and from the very beginning she treated me as such; I am very fortunate to have her in my life.

I am also getting a Step-MIL, who really like (even though she is wife #5 for alcohol FIL.) She is quite different than Mema (the grandmother) though, she very private with her thoughts.

Anyway, through my rambling my point is that Mema was the only person there for FH for 25 years and as a wise woman I will always at least listen to the advice of a much wiser one. Sometimes patience is tested, feelings are hurt, but I know that no matter what she will always be special to FH. Their relationship is so important to each of them.

Now I do feel bad for FH he is inheriting a Monster! When we get married we are going to have to change our banks, credit cards, socials, whatever it takes to protect ourselves from my money-grubbing mother (who will, by the way, ALWAYS be my mother).


Our wedding is FOREVER AND A DAY away!

 

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CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 10, 2009 2:26 AM Go to message in response to: aelrod

FH's mom died when he was in elementary school. He was raised by his grandparents whom I adore! My FGMIL is such a sweetie. When I was really sick & bed ridden she called me everyday to make sure I was okay. She always tells me to make sure I come and visit too. Sometimes we don't agree on things because of the age gap but she really means a lot to me. It's actually FHs dad that I can NOT stand. He's obnoxious.

My mother is bipolar and therefore has given FH one of the craziest FMILs there is! Ugh. Even I can't stand her for more than a few days. But, we love her anyway. I try to think that its made up for though because my step-mom is awesome.

"I don't care how much it hurts. I don't care if its a brick wall disaster. I'd rather fight with you everday than be happy for one second with anyone else." <3

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: Mother In Laws..Hate em/Love em?
Posted: Mar 10, 2009 8:52 AM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

I am gaining a pretty good MIL. She drives me nuts sometimes but she is by no means anything like what some people have to deal with. Her biggest issue is she constantly worries and always thinks of the most random things to come up with. Unfortunately for my FH he has to deal with my mother and she is a royal PITA

Can't wait to be  a Mrs.

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