Had to vent... (it's long)

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 7


Waiting2baSmith Posts : 16 Registered: 1/13/09
Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 11:10 PM

**Be warned, it's long!


So today, FH and I were meeting with the Pastor of his church to talk with him about our wedding, and to discuss the option of me becoming a member of the church.


**Some background... FH is a member of this church, and has been for years. Also his family (mother, brother, and grandparents) are very active in this church.
I want to join a church, but I haven't found the church that is right for me yet. So I figured since FH is a member of this church and very happy with it, I would give it a try and talk to the Pastor about it. So we made an appointment to meet with the Pastor to discuss everything.

So we were supposed to meet with him 3 weeks ago, and he never called us back to confirm to appointment with us. So we rescheduled it for the following Sunday after church. So after church, we meet with him, and he tells us that he doesn't have time to talk that particular day. So we reschedule again for a third time. We decide to do it on a Tuesday after work so it will not conflict with anyone's schedules.

Well, we show up at the church tonight on time, dress up and ready to talk with him, and he doesn't show up!
We waited for 15 mins to give him the benefit of the doubt then decided to call him. FH calls him and he basically tells us "He forgot" and he was snowed in! Seriously?!?!

I was SO upset. FH rushed home from work, we both got all dressed up, and drove an hour to the church, and he couldn't even have the respect for us to call and let us know he wasn't going to be able to make it! I feel like he just brushed us aside, 1. because our wedding is 2 and a half years away and 2. because we are both young (in our 20's). But my thing is... We were not just going to talk about our wedding, we were going because I was considering joining this church, and I feel like he completely disregarded that!


So now we want to look into the options of other churches but I am afraid that my FMIL won't understand...
Sorry it was so long, I just had to vent and get it off my chest!


wedding tickers

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 11:18 PM Go to message in response to: Waiting2baSmith

Dear Mrs S,

You have every right to be upset. I don't care who you are, how old you are or how "important" (ha ha) you are. If someone makes an appointment to see you, and if they blow off that appointment, that is rude.

Sure, stuff happens. But the third time's the non-charm.

My suggestion is to quietly investigate other churches in the area. Attend Sunday services. Ask yourself if you are warmly welcomed and feel comfortable. Maybe go to five churches, then go back to the one or two that you liked the best. Then, make an appointment with those pastors just to query the church's theology in some depth.

Many churches have "newcomer" or "inquirer" classes for those who want to explore membership.

I am a lifetime church goer. I would be appalled at such behavior from a clergy member. Young people in their 20s are the future of any church.

Reply


TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:03 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

When you guys spoke to him on the phone that last time, did you inform him about this being the 3rd time now he's rescheduled and how this is making you guys feel? when you asked about the meeting, did you tell him it was about joining the church and not just about the wedding?

is there anyone else you can talk to at the church? brushing someone aside like that that many times is just rude. i don't know about your church, but at mine we have several different pastors and a comittee board - maybe you could talk to one of the other pastors about joining and maybe even go to the board about the way this guy has just brushed you aside.

Friends since December 1997, together since December 2006
September 13, 2008 I legally became his and he became mine.

MovieBits - your source for reviews, news and more!
www.moviebits.blogspot.com

Reply


Waiting2baSmith Posts : 16 Registered: 1/13/09
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

When we talked to him tonight, FH talked to him so he did not tell him how we were feeling about the situation. (I'm the outspoken one, and he knows when to bite his tongue)
But he did let him know that we were waiting for him at the church. The Pastor did tell us how sorry he was for not meeting us and asked FH if we wanted to reschedule and FH just told him that we wanted to discuss it more first.
As for additional Pastors, there is a youth pastor, but that it. I'm personally not prepared to go to the members of the church about this situation because I don't want to put a bad taste in anyone's mouth by having us complain when I'm not even a member of the church.

We plan on talking to my FMIL about the situation to get her opinion, and we plan on checking out 3 different churches, and then going from there!
wedding tickers

Reply


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:28 AM Go to message in response to: Waiting2baSmith

I agree with AOTB. That's incredibly disrespectful and I think you and FH need to find a place for the two of you.

 

 

 

Reply


BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:50 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I'd probably be doing the exact same thing that you are doing - looking into other churches in the area.

Auntofthebride is right - the younger generation is the future of the church (and lots of churches are struggling to get young people more involved!) so I actually think you should be MORE of a priority!!!

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

Reply


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: Waiting2baSmith

So now we want to look into the options of other churches but I am afraid that my FMIL won't understand...

This minister was incredibly rude--it's hard to imagine what there is about this situation that your FMIL would not "understand."

As far as what church or religion the two of you choose, remember: you are ADULTS. You are about to be married. One day you probably will be parents. That means, you make your own decisions. Religion is personal. Your FMIL doesn't have to approve, and the sooner she understands that fact, the better.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Reply


MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Had to vent... (it's long)
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: Waiting2baSmith

He sounds like a terrible pastor- maybe you should consider getting married somewhere else. I never had this problem with mine. If he couldn't make an appointment for some reason he would give me a curtousy call, but he never didn't just "show up". Rethink where you're getting married.

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine