Parents/Budget Advice Please

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brideJuly2009 Posts : 7 Registered: 3/3/09
Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 11:37 AM

Sorry- needed to delete to protect feelings!!

Edited by: brideJuly2009 on Mar 17, 2009 4:36 PM

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 11:48 AM Go to message in response to: brideJuly2009

Hey there, welcome to the boards. What part of Mass are you in? Im from there originally and my whole family still lives there (Im in Jersey now) - so Im just curious.:)

I think that if your parents gave your sister the amount they did and seemed embarassed by that, perhaps right now they dont have ANY money at all and are feeling even more embarassed by that. So; they just dont talk about it or mention it. Did they ever come out and say they would contribute anything? Or are you just assuming they would give you what they gave your sister? (which is a fair assumption, but as I said, maybe their financial situation has changed drastically and they simply cannot help in that way.) Do they seem willing to help you in other ways that are not financial - are they taking an interest in the wedding? Maybe you can help make them feel not so ashamed by including them in other areas.

I wouldnt say anything else about the money, honestly, I would just drop it. I know its hard and that you hoped you would have that as part of your budget- but you need to plan your wedding according to the budget you have; not the one you want or or wish you had. Thats the reality.

What you are planning withthe budget you do have sounds lovely, so keep doing that. And keep coming on here for some good ideas on how to save money. We can help. Also Im a planner and I would be more than happy to give you some advice if you need it.

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brideJuly2009 Posts : 7 Registered: 3/3/09
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Sorry- needed to delete to protect feelings.

Edited by: brideJuly2009 on Mar 17, 2009 4:35 PM

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: brideJuly2009

BrideJuly - it sounds like your parents really can't contribute, but are still acting like they are. I think you do need to talk to her, but the conversation is probably not the one you thought you'd have.

It'll probably need to go something like: "Mom and Dad, I know you guys are not able to contribute to my wedding, and I don't fault you for it and I'm not angry. I need you two to understand though that we paying for this all on our own and the extra guests will simply breaking the budget. I'm sorry, but they can't come. I know it's hard, but I'm sure you both understand."

I'm sure it'll shock them, but it has to be said. They aren't contirubuting so they don't get a say in who's coming. They are probably just doing what they did at your other sister's wedding becuase it's what they know, but the situation is different this time.

 

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 7:58 PM Go to message in response to: brideJuly2009

Dear BJ2008

"Obviously now with the wedding 5 months away, I am assuming that they cannot contribute."

I think you need to continue with that assumption. Look at your spreadsheets and budget, and figure on spending what you have in hand right now.

If your parents were embarrassed about giving your sister a "small" sum, then they are probably even more embarrassed that they cannot give you anything. The reasons have, of course, nothing to do with their love for their daughters. My suspicion is that with the whole economy in the toilet these days, they are doing what everyone else is doing: conserving cash.

It's the same reason why no one is buying designer purses or flashy cars. No one has any confidence in their economic future. Five years ago when your sister got married, the economy was going great guns. People were out spending money because they had no fear of job losses, stock market crashes, etc.

Here is my suggestion to you.

Take your parents aside and start the discussion with how terrible the economic news has been lately. Speak in general terms, then move into specifics. Specifically, with the threat of layoffs, social service cuts, investment losses you can't justify asking them for help. You have your own savings, and will use that.

Besides, you are right "in style"! Making do, downsizing and living within one's means is what everyone is doing these days.

Have a nice a wedding you can, within your budget, do your best and hold your head high. You need never apologize for living within your means. That pertains to your parents, too.

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brideJuly2009 Posts : 7 Registered: 3/3/09
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 9:03 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

needed to delete to protect feelings!

Edited by: brideJuly2009 on Mar 17, 2009 4:37 PM

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 9:16 PM Go to message in response to: brideJuly2009

Dear B July,

"You are right, there is nothing to be ashamed about living within ones means."

I wish everyone could learn this simple truth early in life. They would save themselves a great deal of heartache later. "I cannot afford that" is a perfectly acceptable reason to not do something.

My grandmother came from an "old money" family, but she personally had very little. Many of her friends were wealthy. My grandmother was divorced and living on a schoolteacher's salary. She told me, many times, of driving up to people's houses and parking her little green VW next to a line of Cadillacs and other expensive cars. She thought that was a real hoot!

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 17, 2009 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

huh? Why did the original poster delete this now? Someone within in her own family find it or something? I didn't think anyone's feelings were hurt here...

so weird.

 

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Parents/Budget Advice Please
Posted: Mar 17, 2009 5:11 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Nala - I have a feeling with it being a public forum maybe someone from her family stumbled upon it OR she got worried that they would.

Since she left a reason, I don't see it as someone who got upset and stomped her feet or anything.

I can understand her being concerned with what she posted.

 

 

 

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