Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding

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EandLy Posts : 2 Registered: 11/24/08
Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 11:59 AM

Im not sure how to put this, but could it be that my fiancee is the only man who does not care about his wedding? I mean he does not want to talk about it at all, when ever I bring it up, he seems obviously annoyed, and even though I am doing most of the planning my self, not trying to involve him, I do have to tell him about X Y and when I do he says things like " I dont want to talk about the wedding all the time" or "Im not as excited about it anymore" his response is that men don't give 2 craps about it and all the worry about is where and when they have to be there and how much is it going to cost... our wedding is 8/22/09 less than 6 months away, and to date all we , I have is my dresses and save the date cards. Im truly considering postponing until he gets his act together, any advice?

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loveisjoy Posts : 85 Registered: 2/6/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Can you sit down and talk to him, and ask him why he doesn't want to talk about it. It's an important day to both of you and it's coming in a few months, with much still needed. Let him know you are thinking about pushing the date back being that he doesn't want to help. I'm sorry your dealing with that, Is he going through something, or is he always like that?

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 1:23 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Maybe he feels like you are nagging him about it or something if its things like you need to go to X at Y time or something. Are you two paying for the wedding yourself? Maybe he is worried about how he'll pay for it all. Most guys really aren't into the whole wedding planning thing at all. All my FH has to say about it is, whatever you want as long as theres some good finger foods and a chocolate fountain, and none of his groomsmen have to wear anything pink (Yes I realize finger foods + chocolate fountain is a very odd request haha). He hasn't attended any wedding related functions with me at all. He does want to be involved in picking out the cake flavors, but thats only because he wants to get to taste all the different kinds, as for what the cake looks like, he doesn't care. He doesn't even really care what his grooms cake looks like.

My suggestion is to figure out WHY he doesn't want to talk about it. Make sure he does still want to get married and that something bigger than just disinterest isn't wrong. Make sure you bring it up in a non accusing/threatening way, or else he'll just get defensive. If it truly is that he just wants to show up and not worry about the rest, then take that as a wonderful opportunity to have everything YOU want. Get your Mom, MOH, BM, friend, aunt, cousin, anyone who you feel close to and can rely on to help you make decisions and etc. You still have plenty of time to get everything done, but you definitely need to get moving. You've already got the big things, such as date, dress, STDs which I assume means you have both a guest list and ceremony/reception venue booked.

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IslaBonitaBride Posts : 82 Registered: 2/4/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

You are not alone!

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 5:45 PM Go to message in response to: IslaBonitaBride

I consider my man to have a much higher tolerance of all things "girly" because he only grew up with two sisters and his mom in the house. He can, for instance, sit through a girlie movie, buy me tampons at the store, and he loves getting his fingers clipped and trim at a nail salon.

However - for the wedding - all he wanted to be involved in was picking the menu. He wanted a chocolate cake with cream cheese icing, and he wantede to eat a huge honkin' piece of beef. Apart from that, he was supportive but had aboslutely no opinions.

This could just be that he really doesn't care what colour the flowers are or whether the chairs have covers on them. I suggest you find a friend or family member who really will get excited with you and gush to them. :)

And just remember that we should consider ourselves lucky! You may hear from a few brides who had an OPINIONATED fiance to deal with! Not fun!

IMG_7463.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08



Edited by: Nalamienea on Mar 2, 2009 5:45 PM

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WinterBrideToBe Posts : 94 Registered: 11/8/07
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 6:34 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Haha, yes consider yourself lucky... Some of our FH's want to be involved in every detail from the colors to the flowers to the DJ to the food... Not as much fun when I want to just make a decision... I guess it seems the grass is always greener on the other side, and you want what you can't have. Just get into the planning, and if he doesn't want to hear about it, just let him know you took care of it, but you were trying to be nice since its his day as well, and you wanted to just keep him in the loop.
Good luck!
wedding countdown

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 2, 2009 6:51 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

You certainly know your FH better than we do--is this behavior pretty typical or highly unusual? If it's typical, then it's not much cause for concern. It's true that some men just really don't care about the details of the wedding. To give you a kind of related example, my husband and I built a house--he had a few requests (e.g. high living room, built in sound system). Everything else was "whatever you want." I took him at his word--if he didn't want to be involved or make a decision, I did it my way. Our agreement, though, was that he had his chance, and if he didn'tlike the results, it was too late now. I never got any negative feedback.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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kwidener21 Posts : 98 Registered: 1/26/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 5, 2009 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

There are very few things that my FH really cares about in our planning... He has asked to have a paticular song played and if I ask for an opnion and he actually gives me one I try to lean that way as well, but as far as talking about it he dosent care at all... He told me that he just wants to shop up and not pay a small fortune on it.... I do try to mention things now and then, but I try not to over do it because I know he thinks that it's silly... Maybe he is worried about things or possibly he has other stuff on his mind?? Just talk to him!

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 5, 2009 4:56 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Hi, I looked and saw your wedding date is in August meaning you are full swing in planning mode. The wedding probably comes up in every conversation at this point! Why don't you two plan a date and don't talk about the wedding at all. Also, don't feel bad as almost all of our fiances and husbands were not involved in the planning. My husband for example, only cared about the food, one flavor of the cake, and some liquor. Everything was left up to me. He understood that if he did not like the idea I came up with, it was too bad because he had a chance to voice his opinion. Good luck!

 

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MrsSmith62610 Posts : 17 Registered: 12/8/08
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 5, 2009 9:23 PM Go to message in response to: IslaBonitaBride

I am right there with you!!! Mine only will talk about it when he feels like it and he says it is because it is so far away. I have got all the stress on me right now with people inviting themselves, snd you would think that he would atleast let me vent to relieve stress!!!

Trust me I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!

FutureMrsSmith10

 

 

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Mar 7, 2009 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Just plan it yourself. Or talk to your friends about it. Men have only a certain amount of patience for wedding talk.

I would sit down and get a straight answer from him. Does he truly not care, and he's Ok with whatever you decide? In that case, consider yourself lucky. You get to plan whatever you want, and you don't need to reconcile your 'vision' with someone else's idea of an ideal wedding.

Initally, DH and I had very different ideas of what we wanted in a wedding, which was very frustrating. We ended up doing it my way, since I was the one doing the legwork. (After several frustrating months, I said, 'Fine - if you want X, you make it happen. Otherwise, we're going with Y.' Turns out that he was fine with Y, if the alternative was him having to do research to make X happen!)

Once we had compromised on the general 'what do we want in a wedding' ideas, it was time to plan details. He was supportive, but he truly didn't care about many of the decisions that had to be made (honestly, neither did I, so I spent very little time on it). The only decisions he wanted to be involved in were: the menu, beer selection, and music. I was on my own to make the rest of the decisions, though he was supportive and gave his opinion when I asked for it.

Very few men want to be intimately involved in wedding planning. In the end, I think DH was more involved than many grooms are in planning, but only because he always weighed in on the final decision. I did all the legwork. But honestly, that's the way we work on ANY joint decisions. If we have to buy a new TV, for example, I'll go online and research brands, read reviews, compare prices at different stores, etc. Once I've narrowed it down to a few, he'll help with the final decision. Why do we do it this way? Not because he's lazy, but because we play to our strengths. I like to be well informed before making a decision, but I'm indecisive when it comes to the final choice. He hates doing the research (in comparison, he'd just walk into Best Buy and say, 'That TV looks good' and that's it) but he's good at making a final decision. The most logical way to combine our two approaches is for me to do the research and him to help with the final decision - on anything. Wedding planning was no different.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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misslydia Posts : 2 Registered: 4/15/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Apr 15, 2009 3:22 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Hi my name is Lydia and im new here! Yes sometimes guys can be funny about not wanting to talk about issues that us girlies love to talk about! Sometimes it seems ladies enjoy chatting about weddings more then the fellows who rather crack open a beer with the boys and talk about trucks! It can be frustrating but we just have to think vive la difference! and enjoy our wedding plans to the hilt!
I wouldnt worry to much if guys do this , theyve agreed to marry a lady , so they love the lady, if they get a bit tongue tied about the details, not much we can do!

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misslydia Posts : 2 Registered: 4/15/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Apr 15, 2009 3:36 PM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Hi my name is Lydia and im new here! Yes sometimes guys can be funny
about not wanting to talk about issues that us girlies love to talk
about! Sometimes it seems ladies enjoy chatting about weddings more
then the fellows who rather crack open a beer with the boys and talk
about trucks! It can be frustrating but we just have to think vive la
difference! and enjoy our wedding plans to the hilt!
I wouldnt worry to much if guys do this , theyve agreed to marry a lady
, so they love the lady, if they get a bit tongue tied about the
details, not much we can do!

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MrsH09 Posts : 2 Registered: 4/17/09
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Apr 17, 2009 6:04 AM Go to message in response to: EandLy

Hi im new here and I know exactly how you feel. My fiance proposed on christmas day after being together for 6 years. We are expecting our 2nd child an day now. the other day I was online lppoking at dresses and asked him his opinion and he had the nerve to say I just wanna hurry up and get this over with. I was so pissed off that I just stopped talking to him about it all together, I am so annoyed with people saying that guys dont care about this but its or wedding day give me a break!

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Fiancee Doesn't want to talk about the wedding
Posted: Apr 17, 2009 8:05 AM Go to message in response to: EandLy

A man not wanting to plan a wedding. Oh so common.

There are many reasons he wouldn't be that excited about the wedding--long engagement? probably tired of the waiting and planning. Stressed about money? Weddings are a burden to finances. Not very social and outgoing? Might actually find all of the attention awkward.Or he could just plain and simple...want to show up.


However, the "I'm just not excited about it anymore" comment would
concern me a little. I would just talk to him, make sure he is excited
about the marraige which is the most important.


The guy is usually excited about the proposal and the marraige and the girl is usually excited about the wedding and the marraige (and let's be honest...the proposal too)

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