Do I really have to invite these people?

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mrssummer09 Posts : 17 Registered: 9/23/08
Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 12:06 PM

I have a dilemma.

Well, I'm getting married this summer and my fiance and I have a small budget and we were paying for only 100 people (close friends and family). I'm only having a 2 women in my bridal party along with 2 people on my fiance's side. It's already hard enough trying to squeeze in 100 people for a wedding. But my MOHs are throwing me a shower or bachelorette party and I'm pretty sure that they plan on inviting people who I'm not that close with to the party. I have no problem with them being there at the party at all, but I just assumed that if they come to the shower or bachelorette party, then they have to be invited to the wedding. Most of the people that I'm referring to are either girls that I don't email or talk to on the phone, but are normally there b/c we will go out on certain occasions only because we have mutual friends. There are a couple of situations where I was friends with a person a really long time ago, but we just don't talk at all now. These people are closer to one of my MOHs though. I know these people are happy for me, but I just don't consider them my friend. I mean, they're not even on my B or C list. But I don't think I should give my friends a list of who not to invite. And honestly, I feel that if those other people were to have a wedding, I wouldn't be on their guest list to receive an invitation. And no, I wouldn't be bothered, because I understand. Anyway, would it look bad if I decided not to invite the people that I'm not close with to the wedding if they do end up coming to the bachelorette party?

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ilovehim Posts : 179 Registered: 6/8/06
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: mrssummer09

I wouldn't invite anyone to the shower that you don't intend to invite to the wedding, that is tacky.

However, the bachelorette party is a little different. If the girls aren't expected or asked to help pay for the party in any way then I think it would be okay to have them come out with you. It wouldn't be a good idea for your BMs to ask these girls to contribute to the cost of the party.

I'm from Louisiana.  The home of good food, bad education, and highly opinionated Catholics.

Love, 

Rebecca

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mrssummer09 Posts : 17 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 12:58 PM Go to message in response to: ilovehim

Well I personally wouldn't invite people to one thing but not invite them to the other event. I agree that it's tacky too. But the thing in the case of the bridal shower or bachelorette party is that THEY are throwing it for me, so THEY will invite the people who know me. I don't know the details, but knowing my friends, I assume that they are going to invite the people that I'm not that close with to the party. My family is throwing a bridal shower for me and my friends are going to throw something different. In both cases, I didn't see me giving them an invite list, so it would be out of my control. And I definitely don't see myself giving them guidelines on how to throw something nice for me b/c I feel that it's weird. But in the event that my friends do invite those people that I'm not close to (since this would be a close friends and family wedding), I just wanted to know how to handle the situation. I don't think that my friends will ask the girls that I'm not close with to pay for any of the costs, so I don't think that would be an issue. Again, these people weren't ever on my list, so should I have to knock out someone on our B list to accomadate the people who I don't talk to? Should I throw something more casual after the wedding or just forget it altogether? Or should I just leave it up to my MOHs and just hope that they will take that factor into consideration when spreading the news about the party/ shower? Edited by: mrssummer09 on Feb 18, 2009 12:59 PM

Edited by: mrssummer09 on Feb 18, 2009 1:02 PM

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 1:10 PM Go to message in response to: mrssummer09

You could always give your BM and MOH a list of people you want to be invited to any wedding related events that way you don't have to worry about them inviting people to a showere that you have no intention of inviting to the wedding.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: mrssummer09

Stop assuming and being passive. Speak up. Tell your BMs that you would be uncomfortable and embarassed to have anyone invited to a shower or bachelorette party who is not invited to the wedding. Ask them if they would like you (or your mother, sister, etc.) to give them a list. You may not know the details of the party, but you know it's happening, and it's perfectly proper to make your own wishes known.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 2:13 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

"
You could always
give your BM and MOH a list of people you want to be invited to any
wedding related events that way you don't have to worry about them
inviting people to a showere that you have no intention of inviting to
the wedding."

that's what i did.

my aunt was throwing the bridal shower, so in excel, i copy/pasted names and addresses from our wedding guest list of people id like to be invited to the shower (i excluded a bunch that MIL had on her list as courtesy invites to friends of her and FILs mainly because DH and I had no clue who they were and never met them).

for the bachelorette party, i made another list of people who were invited to the wedding and were more around our age group, that id feel comfortable getting drunk with (ie: no 40+ yr old just friends of MILs that ive never met before).

that way i knew and felt comfortable around the people who would be coming to these events - id already know them and wouldn't have to worry about making a good impression on people ive never met before.

Friends since December 1997
Together since December 2006

September 13, 2008
Legally, I became his and he became mine.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 4:14 PM Go to message in response to: mrssummer09

Dear Mrs S,

It is rude to invite people to a gift-giving party for a bride but not invite them to the wedding itself.

"You are good enough to come and give me gifts, but you are not good enough to make the final cut of invited wedding guests."

Tell MOH and anyone else planning the party who is invited to your wedding and who is not. It does not matter that someone else is throwing the party. You are still the honoree.

The only exception to this is a co-worker only shower held at the workplace.

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mrssummer09 Posts : 17 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: Do I really have to invite these people?
Posted: Feb 18, 2009 9:08 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I helped throw quite a few bridal showers for friends of mine but they never gave out an invite list, so that's why I felt kind of weird trying to give them a list. Then again, I knew who they would invite to the wedding so that's why we had a good idea. But I'd rather give a list to my closest friends who know I'm not intentionally being rude to avoid any hurt feelings by anyone else who are just people I associate with. And I definitely don't want to anyone to think that I'm just asking for a gift, b/c I'm not. Heck, we're not even doing a gift registry. I honestly just want to have a good time with my close friends. I'll give them a list.

thanks again!

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