Regrets...

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 1:58 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I can honestly say that there are a few people that I regret having sex with. When I was younger I didn't have a clue about what sex should be like with someone and how you should have sex with only people that you care about, etc... So I had a few one night stands and now I do regret it because as I got older and had a few more relationships I realized that I don't even like sex unless I care about the person emotionally. I had a few boyfriends before DH that were pretty serious and I cared about them a lot- so I do not regret having sex with them. I just wish that when I was younger I didn't sleep with some of those people because I wasn't connected to them emotionally at all.

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Toast Posts : 480 Registered: 9/10/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 2:13 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcCain

I definately dont regret not waiting. Actually, I really couldnt imagine marrying someone who I had not had sex with. And, my fiance and I have been together for 5 1/2 years....a woman can not wait that long! lol

I mean, I was 17 the first time, old for my generation...lol. And i was with my boyfriend for 6 months. So, its not like I jumped into it. But it is NOTHING like they always make it seem. There was nothing romantic or whatnot about it, no matter how hard we tried to make it that way.

It took us a little while to figure each other out...what we liked, how to do it so we both enjoyed it, etc. And, it usually takes more than one person to realize that (not saying you should sleep around, just saying). One guy I was dating was horrible...and, it just made things weird. I mean, I didnt love him, so maybe that was part of it, who knows. But everything was different after.

Its kind of like that guy you always wanted, always fantisized about being so good and then you finally get him and he is horrible and the complete opposite of everything you thought. Its kind of a let down. lol

But for some people who rush into marriage just so they can have sex or whatnot, end up divorced. If your not compatible there will be issues. Thats why people cheat! I understand people religion plays a big part of it, but thats just not me...I would rather "break the rules" for having sex than to end up regretting a relationship or marriage and end up divorced.

besides, its fun!!! lol

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I had sex with 1 other guy before Richard. We were together for almost 3 years and I was in love with him. I knew that I wanted to have sex before marriage but I also knew that I didn't want to sleep around with a bunch of guys. I don't regret it all. I'm glad I didn't wait until my wedding night to have sex for the first time. Although, I wish it had been Richard I had, had sex with first and only.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 3:38 PM Go to message in response to: Toast

Yeah, I'm also VERY glad I wasn't a wedding-night virgin. I really couldn't imagine it. I'm glad we were able to enjoy ourselves on our wedding night and honeymoon, rather than being awkward, nervous, or in pain. Heck, I didn't think I even liked sex my first few times. I'd be pretty depressed if I had waited for that 'big bang moment' for my wedding night and it never happened.

I also don't regret the fact that we've both had previous sexual partners. Why would I care if he slept with ex-girlfriends ten years ago, before I ever knew him? It's ancient history, and it doesn't even involve me. The same is true for MY previous boyfriends. They're so far in the past that it doesn't matter.

I make it a point to have very few regrets - in general. I am very happy with who I am today and what my life is like, and each experience I've had - good and bad - has left its mark on me and helped me to get to where I am now. So no, I don't regret sleeping with anyone before DH and I don't regret that he slept with people before me. We each learned something from previous relationships and it's made us who we are today. If anything, having a basis of comparison makes us appreciate each other more.

And it helps to know that you're sexually compatible. LOL at Nala's story about her friend! I don't even know what I'd say to that. Probably something involving the words, 'Nope - this isn't what I signed on for!'

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I was 20 when i lost it to my college boyfriend and I always said i was soooo glad that wasn't my wedding night or i would have been royally pissed, that's how bad he was in bed. DH on the other hand... is amazing! And no, we didn't wait - we had known each other for 9 years before we finally started dating and he had talked his 'skillz' up so much that, even tho we talked about taking it slow, yeah... we got drunk one night about a month into our relationship and that went out the window!

I honestly didn't regret it up until recently, when I went to my first gyno exam the week before the wedding and had an abnormal pap smear which required me to have a colposcopy/biopsy and hey, turns out I had mild and moderate dysplasia due to having HPV and would have to have the LEEP surgery done to remove it! I thought so long as I was careful and smart I would be fine - we always used condoms, my ex had only slept with his previous gf and they were both virgins at the time and DH had gotten tested when we first started dating and the results came back clean (he had been with 5 others before me, all of which were pretty promiscous, and once we slept together he said he really wished he had waited) - didn't know you could still get stuff even when using a condom - that was a shock to me when the gyno told me that! And because of that, there's no telling who I got it from, as it can lay dormant in your body for awhile - even tho DH was clean, the dr said there's really no way to test for HPV in guys, as it's considered a virus and not an STD, and my ex's ex cheated on him with this guy she was getting drugs from, and he has no clue if she was sleeping with both of them at the same time.

So yeah, I didn't regret it up until recently - now we're tight on money due to all the bills we have to pay off, and we couldn't have sex for several weeks after the colposcopy/biopsy and then for a little over a month after the surgery. And now we have to use condoms for 2 months also so no protein or bacteria gets in there while it's healing still. And I'm paranoid about it too cuz after the colposcopy/biopsy sex was painful and even now, after the surgery, it still hurts a little at first and it hurts a lot to try some of the positions we used to do all the time.

Talk about a great way to start off a marriage!

Friends since December 1997
Together since December 2006

September 13, 2008
Legally, I became his and he became mine.

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Cassiopeia Posts : 85 Registered: 1/1/09
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 4, 2009 9:43 PM Go to message in response to: Toast

And, my fiance and I have been together for 5 1/2 years....a woman can not wait that long! lol

Speak for yourself. I will have waited that long to have sex with my guy, by the time I am married. :)

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dannysbabydoll Posts : 28 Registered: 1/7/09
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 11:52 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

No I didnt wait until we were married. But I am not married yet. IDK it would be weird to wait until were married.


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JJsWifey08 Posts : 272 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 12:38 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

i never regret it at all. I loved how we are sexually compatible and I know his sex drive as he knows mine. And after marrying it hasnt changed one bit lol I loved knowing I was satified sexually by him

I Married My Soulmate December 18,2008 The Josephs Forever!!

Proud Member Of P.O.O.P~"People Offended by Offended People"

 

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

My friend of 14 years and I were raised in similar belief systems, but chose very different paths regarding sex.

I had sex for the first time when I was 16, with my ex. That I do regret, because looking back I realize how he just used me and how I let it happen because I didn't believe that he could do such a thing. About a year later, I was with my husband. We started having sex about 3 months (ish) into our relationship...we've been together for 3 1/2 years.

My friend, on the other hand, dated a guy for two years, and they didn't even kiss. They held hands and would hug each other, and give kisses on the cheek or forehead--they definitely weren't like the Duggars! They got engaged on their 2 year anniversary and got married six months later. Still didn't kiss. Needless to say, they were also virgins. My friend was really excited about being married, and being able to kiss her hubby. But she was also kind of stressed about the sex part of it. It was hard for her to accept the fact that that level of intimacy was now okay and encouraged.

My husband and I have both voiced regrets about not saving ourselves for each other--we probably wouldn't have waited until marriage, but we at least wish that we had waited for each other.

But that being said, I would have been majorly stressed out if I had been a virgin on my wedding night! I'm actually really glad that we got to have fun and really enjoy our night, because knowing myself, I would have been too nervous to have fun.


 

 

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Toast Posts : 480 Registered: 9/10/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 1:39 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

...i was speaking for myself.... :)

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 2:45 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I dont really regret DH not being my first. I dont think I was really raised to wait til marriage and I never personally beileved that. But I knew I wanted my first time to be w/ someone I love and it was when I was 18.

Then that kinda unleashed a bad side in me and I slept with some more people after I broke up w/ that BF. Now when I met DH, he was a virgin. He had dated a couple girls seirously in college but he said he just never got to that point. (personally I think he was a chicken and he can be pretty dense so that could also be why lol) So I was and am his first. Sometimes I ask him if he can really live FOREVER only sleeping with one person and he says "without a doubt". of course I believe him and I believe any person really believes that when they marry their first. But I guess b/c my life didn't go that way I dont know if I could.

I think there were times when I would think "it really would be nice to have been each other's first" but thats obviously never going to happen.

I dont think our sex changed when we got married, and honestly the couple months leading up to the wedding we were both so stressed out we didnt do it much.....so we didn't purposely abstain!

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

Are you kidding me? I wish I had had more sex, with more people, before I met my husband. In my eyes, I was pretty young when hubs and I met (24) and I wish I had dated more. More people = more stories, and I love dating stories.

But ultimately, I agree with Birdie -- I don't have regrets. Everything experience I've had has led me to this day, so, if truly given the option, I wouldn't change a thing.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 4:03 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

My FH was a virgin too when we started to date. I've been reading this thread and it seems like I am not alone. It kinda surprises me that the girls were not the virgins and the guys were. He actually lied to me and said that he slept with this one another girl but then he denied it! If I knew the truth then maybe I would have had him wait....But I doubt we would have waited either way. We have been dating for 5 years and that is a loooooong time. We won't get married for another year and 1/2 so no way would waiting have been possible haha.


                              

 

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 5, 2009 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I'm another example of the guy being a virgin and the girl not. I had sex with my ex when I was 16. Sixteen sounds young, but I was almost 17 and about to start senior year of HS, and we had been together for over 3 years. I don't regret it at all. To be honest I don't remember much about our sex life, nothing bothers me about it but nothing makes me happy about it either. It's just something that happened that I don't tend to think about too much.
My FH and I had an interesting situation. We were best friends for a while before getting together. We started hanging out as more than friends and one day, a few weeks into this period, we ended up having sex. He was 19 at the time and I was 18. It was fast, but we knew we were in love and it felt so right and so natural. I wouldn't call it a regret, but sometimes I have wondered about what would have happened if we waited, maybe a month or a few months or whatever. Truthfully though, the few months following were such a fun and intense time in our relationship so I'm totally happy it worked out the way it did.

 

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TheFutureMrsMcc... Posts : 8 Registered: 1/30/09
Re: Regrets...
Posted: Feb 6, 2009 12:03 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I made a few bad choices when I was younger. Do I regret them? A few of them I do. I lost mine when I was 16 and when I think back, it was mainly because of peer pressure. My friend and I were dating brothers. They were having sex so it prompted my boyfriend at the time and me to have sex too. After we broke up I had a few rebound guys. Those were some of them that I regret. I was just being a young, stupid teenager. After that, I really decided I needed to be more careful with who I had sex with. My FH was a virgin when we first got together. He had told me that he wanted to wait to find the right girl to be with for the rest of his life. That lasted for just a little while. I remember that day really well and so does he. Now we are both as happy as could be. I look at my past as a learning experience. Not just with the sex but also the kind of guy that I dated. I regret, but I also move forward. My FH is all I need and I really do not look back.
Never surrender, never give up, always have hope and love

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