family fights

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connolly Posts : 7 Registered: 1/28/09
family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 1:12 PM

okay thing thing is that my soon to be mother in law hates my mother and doesnt want to sit at the same table as my mother and my soon to be mother cant stand my soon to be father in law eveytime they are in the sam room they fight and the problem is that me and john wants both of our dads and both of our mothers to sit with us at our table after the wedding what can i do to keep peace between everyone and make it a day full of hapiness
i cant wait until my big day so that i can start spending the rest of my life with the man i love most of all!!!!!

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Erika322 Posts : 6 Registered: 12/30/08
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 1:34 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

I'm kind of going through this with my family except my situation is totally different.

I don't have a relationship with either of my biological parents. They practically abandoned me when I was 5 years old. My great-grandmother and great-aunt raised me. My best friend's parents are pretty much my mom & dad. I'm stuck trying to figure out who to sit where without it being awkward and me looking like trash to my hubby's family.


I'm thinking maybe sit all of them at one table and inform them that if they can't get along, not to show up. It's not about them. This is about you and if they love you, they will put aside their differences and smile for one day. If it really bothers you, you could have 3 tables alined at the front of the room; one round one on each side and a smaller one in the middle. You and your FH sit at the table for 2 in the middle, have your side of the family on one side, and then put his at the round table on the other side. It just depends on how you want to seat them.


I hope that helps.



--Erika

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ilovehim Posts : 179 Registered: 6/8/06
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 1:36 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

Well, if they truely hate each other and cannot be civil, even for A FEW HOURS, then there is nothing you can do. Seat them at different tables.

Are you having a served meal or a buffet style? I ask b/c I didn't have seating assignments (or a head table for that matter). We had a buffet style and everyone sat where they wanted. I didn't even get a chance to sit down and eat. You may find you are in the same boat. Many brides are so busy greating their guests and being pulled here and there and enjoying their day they don't have time to sit. So, unless you're having a served meal I would let them sit where they please to avoid a fight or any awakwardness.

I'm from Louisiana.  The home of good food, bad education, and highly opinionated Catholics.

Love, 

Rebecca

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 1:52 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

Sounds like you have a decision to make. I personally wouldn't want to sit there waiting for something to happen. Trust me you don't need the stress on your wedding day. And despite handing out an ultimatimum beforehand - you're going to be worried beyond belief about it.

My parents get along really well, but we still had three separate parent tables - My Mom and StepDad, My Dad and My In Laws. They all got to have their family members with them and were very happy.

And it was one less thing I had to stress over!

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ilovehim Posts : 179 Registered: 6/8/06
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

I think the big thing is your wedding doesn't "have" to have anything. Like a head table. If you want one just b/c "everyone" does, then don't do one. If you want one b/c it's really important to you for some reason, just be ready for this fight.
But, it doesn't have to be done, like I said, I didn't do it. Your wedding can be whatever you want it to be.

I'm from Louisiana.  The home of good food, bad education, and highly opinionated Catholics.

Love, 

Rebecca

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: ilovehim

I have a friend who faced a situation similar to yours--her dad and former stepmom had a bad divorce, her dad was now remarried, but her stepmom played a big role in raising her, so she couldn't not invite her stepmom.

She solved it by doing assigned seating and making sure her dad and former stepmom were seated far away from each other, and she and her hubby sat at a sweetheart table (just the two of them).

If you really want your parents near you, then do as one of the PPs suggested & seat them at tables on opposite sides, with you and your hubby at a sweetheart table in between them.


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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 3:07 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

I had the same problem. To keep the peace...I put my mom/stepdad on one side of the room...my dad/stepmom on the other side of the room and in laws toward the middle in between my parents.

Worked out well and no one killed each other.


Just Married...9.20.08

Formerly BenjaminsBride 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 4:30 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

Dear Connolly

You'd think that grown-up adults could CONTROL THEMSELVES for just a few hours at their own children's wedding, now wouldn't you?

Apparently not.

My best suggestion to you would be to give up the idea of everyone at one table, unless you enjoy unnecessary drama. If you really want them at one table, see if you can get some large, trustworthy, muscular, take-charge kind of guy to politely, but assertively, haul their asses out of there should things get out of control.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 5:53 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

This situation really calls out for a sweetheart table. My parents and in-laws don't fight but they barely know each other and since they live sooo far apart there really wasn't any reason to try to get them better acquainted with one another so we had them host their own tables with the people they wanted to sit with- my parents sat with their friends and my IL's sat with their family. It worked out just fine. Also, it was WONDERFUL being able to sit and talk with JUST DH at the wedding- it was our only chance to talk alone!

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: family fights
Posted: Jan 29, 2009 7:45 PM Go to message in response to: connolly

Do not sit them at the same table. For my MOH's wedding, her DH's mom and dad had split and both remarried. There is some nasty blood there. So, the bride and groom had a sweetheart table. On one side of their table was her DH's dad and some close family members then on the other side of their table was DH's mom and her "new" family. The bridal party table was on the other side of the family table. It's really not worth the stress to put them at the same table. Trust me.

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