Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...

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HappyGoLuckyBride Posts : 3 Registered: 1/20/09
Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 1:28 AM

Hi ladies! First time poster (and a bit embarrassed).

We are planning on getting married this May (date is still up in the air) and I have to say I am worried about more than just having sex for the first time. I hear story after story about women going on their honeymoon that only have sex once because the woman gets some sort of an infection (i.e. UTI or yeast infection). Is there any way this can be avoided? I have waited 23 years (him 27) and I would at least like to be able to (attempt to) enjoy it! I have added 100% cranberry juice to my list but I know there is more that can be done.

Second awkward question - What else do I need to prepare as far as appearance goes? Wow, awkward... I mean am I supposed to shave myself completely? Partially? Does it even matter? Needless to say I'm clueless and a bit unsure of all the questions I should be asking.

Lastly, the gynecologist. I do NOT want to go. Of all my virgin friends going they say it is painful and awful. I am scared to death. My only encounter ever with something like that was once when I got a tampon stuck in me (oh, yes I did : P) and I never want to go back. Do I absolutely HAVE to go before I have sex for the first time? Won't it be less painful if I have sex and then go when I get back from my honeymoon?

I am beyond excited about my wedding night and I just think I'm being silly since I'm not nervous about being uncomfortable with him or embarrassed about the sex; it's all the stuff that goes along with it! Thanks for reading my first very long post and please be kind. <3

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Cassiopeia Posts : 85 Registered: 1/1/09
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 2:19 AM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Heya, I haven't done the sex thing either, yet.

I have done some "research" on the sex front. As well as the cranberry juice, pee. Directly after sex. I have heard this from many many sources. Yeah, I know you want to cuddle, and getting up to go pee isn't so romantic, but do it.

As far as grooming. If you have never shaved your pubic area, do not do it. You will get very very red irritated bumps, ingrown hairs, sometimes these even get infected. If you wish to remove the hair at all, get it professionally waxed. And whatever you do, never ever ever do this the day before the wedding! First time waxers are prone to some redness (Ever see the redness people have on their eyebrows and upper lips after a wax? Or on someones legs after a wax?) Get it done several days before the wedding. If you don't get a full Brazilian (Brazilian is removal of all the hair) you don't even need to get fully naked below the waist. You can either wear panties, or sometimes they give you loose little shorts, and they'll just push it out of the way of where they need to wax. I have been waxing for many years, and it's not as horrible as you would imagine. The upper lip wax hurts more. It just doesn't take as long.

Also, to make first time sex more comfortable, I have been told many times over to remember the lube, have lots of foreplay, and take things slow no matter how exited you and your guy get.

As for the gyno: Yes, I am beyond terrified of them to. It's not the exam, it's the awful stirrup thingies! I feel like I can't get out and would just go in to a full out panic. But remember, you have a guy you can drag along for support now. Also, I would suggest making a first appointment in which you don't have a full exam, but just get to know your doctor and ask questions. Yep, you're allowed to do that. I've done it twice. They still did a mini-exam (Breast exam, checked my bloodwork because I have a hormone imbalance, and the other stuff a regular doctor would do.) but nothing that involved putting my feet in those awful things, of putting on that stupid gown. You may want to make an appointment to just ask questions and not have a full exam before sex, go back for the full appointment after.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

I'm not going to lie, I don't have too much advice on the infection prevention but what I do have to say is:

DO NOT BE SCARED OF GYNOS

Yes, you might feel a little clumsy in the stirrups, but big deal...gynos have probably seen the most ridiculous things happen in those. I think it's kind of one those things that you are like "OMG, I am going to pull a Ross" but it doesn't end up happening.
Also, it is not very painful...do you use tampons? You know how it kind of hurts for like a millasecond but then once it's in it doesn't hurt anymore? It is just like that.
It is reccommended for anybody about to be or who is sexually active to visit the gyno and at least get a Pap test done. Gotta get checked out for that HPV. My doctor wouldn't prescribe me to go on The Pill without getting checked out and I remember being like "no way in hell can you make me do that" but I kind of really wanted the pill...so I sucked it up...I went...and now I don't have to go again for like another year!

It's just a safety precaution that I would REALLY reccommend taking...the trips are not big of a deal at all.

As for grooming...he's a virgin too right? Maybe just do a bit of a clean up...maybe get bikini waxed (not brazillianed...) so you don't have anything beyond the panty line. You can even trim it down a bit, whatever it is remaining. All men have different preferences...some like it perfectly bare and smooth...some men thinks that makes their women look like children and they look like pedo's so...some men like the "landing strip" so a thin rectangular line of pubic hair right above the vagina and then bare everywhere else...some see that completely pointless and don't get the big deal...some like it a little wild and natural (but still cleaned...you don't want a huge crazy wild bush) and some find that uncomfortable and are less willing to do some other things...

so maybe stick with the basic...clean it up a little and then after a bit of a sex life you two can agree on what you guys would like most...see what he is into and then give it a shot.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 3:27 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Ok, first off, calm down.

On the infection thing, just use common sense. Most women do not get random infections from simple sex, so it's unlikely you won't, either. However, at the risk of grossing people out, I'll elaborate a little. Make sure that anything that goes 'down there' (penis, hands, toys, whatever) is CLEAN. If you want to use lube, stick to stuff that is made for the purpose, NOT lotions and stuff that say 'for external use only' on the label. There's a reason why they say that! If you have sensitive skin, don't use anything 'down there' without first checking it out on a less sensitive area of your body. If you have a history of allergies to detergents, bring a couple of your own towels for cleaning 'that area' (I'm allergic to a particular detergent and it WILL give me a yeast infection if my undies are washed in it). Same with soaps - bring your own if you have allergies. Wash all new underwear - including lingerie and new swimsuits - before wearing it. Pee after sex, but DON'T wash the inside of your vagina with soap or douche. By the way, I have NEVER heard of cranberry juice having anything to do with sex...what is that supposed to be for?

On the gyno thing, yes you need to go. Frankly, I'm absolutely amazed that you've never been. There are TONS of reasons (other than sex) to go to a gyno regularly. Aside from preventative medical care, such as catching women's cancers early, you'll want to talk to a doctor about your birth control options. If you plan to get preggers right away, you'll DEFINITELY want to go see an ob-gyn for a pre-pregnancy checkup. Just to alleviate some of your fears, you may want to tell your nurse and doctor that it is your first-ever visit to a gyno, so that they can walk you through it and explain what they are doing. Most likely, it won't hurt at all. The weirdest part is when they do your pap, which will give you some pretty minor cramps for about 10 seconds. The speculum (the thing they put into your vagina to open it so they can see your cervix) might hurt you a little bit since you're a virgin, but it won't be bad, either.

As far as shaving goes, it's up to you. Some women prefer to be hairless, some like their hair, and some just trim around the edges. I doubt your FH will have a particularly expectation...though you can always ask him what he'd like! If you don't feel comfortable asking him, my advice is to trim a little around the edges for now, and then you can try something a little more risque later when you're more comfortable. (One note if you do decide to shave: you may want to start now, so that you get your technique right before your wedding. Razor burn and bumps can be painful, so I'd want to try to perfect my shaving and moisturizing process before the 'big moment.' Or you can try waxing instead, which is initially more painful, but you don't get the razor bumps!)

My general advice is to talk to your FH about all of this. If you're worried about something, like whether he will expect you to shave, only he can give you the right answer. Most likely, he'll tell you that you're thinking WAY TOO MUCH about little details that don't matter. Be honest and open about your nervousness and fears. Honesty about your feelings goes a LONG way towards having a good sex life, and it will even help you now, before you ever have sex.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 4:27 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Not sure about the whole infection deal - i didn't even worry about that my first time - but like PPs have said, pee after sex is the best way to prevent infection down there.

For what to wear... go to Victoria's Secret (they have their semi-annual sale going on now, if it hasnt already ended) or Macy's (I got a lot of great stuff for our honeymoon there on for 40% off when i went) and pick out some lingerie for the wedding night and honeymoon. Talk to your FH and find out what type of styles he prefers (if any - my DH likes when i wear those boy shorts panties) and pick something you like and feel comfortable in. As far as the bush... that's entirely up to you and your FH - some guys like the bush, others like it shaved. If he doesn't care one way or the other then just go au natural (but maybe shave the bikini line) - if it's your first time together he won't be too concerned about down there - he'll be too focused on you =)

Regular gyno exams once you start having sex is a must. I never went until the week before my wedding, as my mom's take on it was if you're not having sex, you dont need to go, and i didn't have the heart to let her know that FH and I were already sleeping together and that I had slept with my ex in college. When I went, I found out that sometime in my history I gotten HPV that caused mild and moderate dysplasia (abnormal cell growths) on my cervix and there was no telling how long it had been there. It wasn't cancerous yet, but needed to be removed and I had to have surgery. Now granted, going sooner probably wouldn't have done anything, but we would have had some better idea how long ive had it and who i got it from.

Since you're a virgin though, you don't necessarily have to worry about that! But it is good to get pap smears and breast exams done. Really, it's not that bad - I had never gone before until this past September and I've been in so many times the last few months that i don't mind it - the regular check up with the stirrups is nothing compared to the Colposcopy/Biopsy I had before the surgery! It might hurt a little at first, esp if you don't use tampons, and the clamp is cold and uncomfortable, but it doesn't last that long - id like to say maybe 30-60 seconds max pending how good your doctor is at getting the smear done. Like someone else said, make an appointment to just go talk and meet with the doctor, explain your concerns and ask plenty of questions! Then once you have sex go back for the exams so it might be a little less painful (be sure to use some form of contraception like condoms or something during this time though, as i know my doctor wouldn't put me on birth control until i had my exams).

Friends since December 1997
Together since December 2006

September 13, 2008
Legally, I became his and he became mine.

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Franko Posts : 128 Registered: 11/15/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 4:58 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

what make you wait so long, I really respect such a decision
my darling says it hurts for the first time but no complications in the following days, I hope this will help, so hopefully you will be able to enjoy your honeymoon

 

I bought our rings @

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

I'm in nursing school and currently studying OB (where I plan to work come May), so I'll share my info.

Women should start having annual paps (once per year) starting with sexual intercourse, or age 20, whichever is first. Do not be afraid, (I was TERRIFIED and chickened out my first time so I know how you feel). The doc will make you feel very comfortable. Also, it isn't as painful as people say, if you will just RELAX, it won't be bad. Definitely not as bad as your first time having sex. Also, if you go enough in advance, it may make your first time having sex be less painful.

As for how to prevent infections, make sure not to wash with any soaps down there. NO DOUCHING. Its never a good idea, don't do it. Pee before you have sex and pee after. This will help to get any bacteria out. Also, you can take a damp wash cloth and wipe yourself off, this will help as well. If you are going to be using a lubricant use a water based one, as they are less likely to cause any infection. & I'm sure you already know, but remember to always wear cotton panties.

As to prepare yourself, different ladies have different preferences, as do guys. I personally perfer to be completely shaved, and that is how my FH likes me to be. A lot of guys like partially shaved or landing strip type deals, but thats not for me. I do recommend being at least well trimmed though.


If you have anymore questions feel free to PM me.


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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 7:33 PM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

actually you should wash with soap... a mild soap and rinse well. Plain water is not going to do the job. Do not use soaps like Irish Spring or other strong perfumed soap. The best soaps to use are Ivory or Dove. They have no perfumes. Certainly pee before and after sex to flush any bacteria. And never ever douche. Douching washes away the "good bateria" and leaves your vagina open for bad bacteria to run rampage. While on that subject, never put anything edible "down there" other than ice. Strawberries and chocolate syrup sounds sexy, but thats just ASKING for a yeast infection/bacterial infection.

The hair issue: you got to do what's comfortable to you. There are those that just like to keep it cut very short/neat, those that like to be bald, those that like to have big bushes, and those that like to cut shapes in their hair LOL

As far as sex goes, make sure there is alot of foreplay so that you are "wet" enough, when in doubt... bring along some KY jelly

The gyno: The rule of thumb is 20 years old or first sexual activity. I actually didn't go until I had become sexually active @ 23. The first practitioner that did my pap made things VERY uncomfortable. The next year I had another practitioner and the most discomfort I felt was the pressure she was applying to my bottom and I thought I was gonna pass gas in her face LOL. so really it depends on the practitioner/ doctor. Make sure to tell them it's your first pap and that should make them more aware of what they are doing.

good luck and i hope all goes well!

Poster Formerly Known as beauti381

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

Happily Married since June 21, 2008

Happy Together since June 20, 1994

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 9:42 PM Go to message in response to: MrsWilliams2008

I'm sure it varies among health care providers, but I have been told by my gyno, women's health textbooks, and women's health instructor, that it is not wise to use soap. I also would not recommend dove, as it usually has moisturizers built in.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 23, 2009 12:33 AM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

For what it's worth, I never had a UTI until I got pregnant :) And also, I can't even feel my pap tests...seriously...don't worry about that! (if your friends find theirs that painful, I would probably REALLY AVOID going to the same doctor as them! That isn't right!)

Agreed about peeing after sex....agree about not shaving if you haven't before because you will be SO itchy (even trimming can make it really itchy).

Since you are planning to bring cranberry juice anyway, I should ask...do you like cranberry juice? Because if not, there are also cranberry pills you can buy instead, and I think they are slightly more effective than the juice, so you could look into those.

I don't know a lot of people who have had infections (in that area) ever in their lives, so you are probably worrying for nothing. Just don't have sex in a dirty pond :)

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 23, 2009 2:45 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Hello, and welcome! You totally don't have to be embarrassed, you can ask us anything. :)

I don't think UTIs are something to worry too much about. You're already drinking cranberry juice, which is good, and I have to second everyone here who has said eat yogurt and go to the bathroom after you've made love. I don't think you have to hop up and run to the bathroom the second it's over, but definitely try to go before you fall asleep.

As everyone has said, your personal grooming is totally personal. I don't like to shave because it itches terribly as it starts to grow back, and I don't care about being super bare from a wax, so my preference is just to trim it up neatly with a small sharp pair of scissors I bought specifically to do this with. I will say that I've never heard of any man complaining about a woman keeping herself trimmed up, but don't feel pressured to do this before your wedding night if you're not comfortable. You are going to be so sexy to your new hubby no matter what. :)

I think you'll be okay at the gyno appointment. I only just got my first pap smear in October, and it was painful for me, but it is over quickly (meaning like less than a minute). I was sore afterward, too. I doubt it'll be very bad for you, though, since you're already using tampons. I couldn't use them before I'd had sex, it just hurt too badly to try to insert one.
Make sure the gyno is a person who makes you comfortable, though. If you want to know exactly what's happening, have them explain what's going on, and what their instruments will be doing. If hearing about it creeps you out, let them know you'd rather not hear about it.
It is a bit awkward, and when I was having it done, the instrument pushed some air up into my vagina, and then it was forced back out, and that's sort of embarrassing, but just remember that the person doing it has seen everything before, and your privates aren't any grosser than anyone else's they've seen. When I made my appointment, I was asked if I wanted a male or a female for my appointment, so I requested a woman. And with MY appointment, she was the only person in the room; I didn't have another doctor or a nurse in there. And I couldn't feel the heat from the light at all.

Best of luck to you; it likely won't be nealy as big a deal as you imagine. :)


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jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Good for you for waiting, that's very admirable! Yes, the first time can be uncomfortable, but, it's really not that bad. You are very lucky to be experiencing your first time with the man you love!

As far as the UTIs go, as the other posters have said, pee both before and after sex. Also, yes, definitely make sure his hands are clean before he goes touching you "dpwn there." Maybe you two should take a shower together first.....get nice and relaxed and clean, and there will definitely be plenty of foreplay going on!

With adequate foreplay, you might not need any lube, but it doesn't hurt to have some on hand. Be sure to pack anything you'll need, some lube, condoms (if you're planning on using them, and maybe both latex and non-latex, in case one of you has a reaction to the latex!) Maybe buy some nice massage oil or cream and give each other massages before too. It definitely helps to be relaxed.

I assume that you and your FH have discussed what you both expect for your first time? It might be good to have a discussion about it beforehand, like any fears you may be having, as I'm sure he has some as well. Communicate, take your time, relax, and HAVE FUN! It's going to be an amazing experience for you both!

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 2:11 PM Go to message in response to: jmd22

Hmmm, thanks for the correction on the age you should start seeing a gyno. Unfortunately, because I was an athlete, I had a very irregular period and actually stopped getting it for a while due to a weight loss in combo with sports back in HS. So my first trip was at age 16 to get birth control. I never had a bad PAP smear experience or gyno experience so I guess I am lucky, although its funny when the doc talks to me during the exam - one time he said your cervix is in great condition. LMAO.


Jaime

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http:\\web.me.com\me182a

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

Seriously, every adult woman should be seeing a gynocologist. You're an adult now and you're going to be having sex, you need to do the responsible thing. Like others have said, they probably won't perscribe you birth control without an exam first, so unless you want to use condoms and stuff on your honeymoon, you need to get birthcontrol and get an exam. Doctor's all do it differently, most warm up the like metal thingies first with their gloved hands or something so it's not so shocking. They are the kindest doctor's I've probably ever met.


IMG_7120.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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MrsGrimm Posts : 39 Registered: 3/30/08
Re: Virgin Bride - Beyond "first time" issues...
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 6:46 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGoLuckyBride

Hey Girl,

I waited till my wedding night to have sex for the first time. I didn't get no infections. At first it hurt a little, but the next day it was 100% better. Just make sure after you have sex you go pee. Its a natural cleanser and will help get rid of stuff that will cause infections.

I didn't really do much for appearence the wedding night. I mean i cleaned around the enges but mostly I didn't shave and he didn't care. He was a virgin and hair was the last thing we cared about. Later on I got rid of it all. I wore a silky nighty and I thought the sexiest part was when he takes off the wedding dress. Try it you might like it.

I was scared of the Gyno too. I never went, didnt want to go. I had my mom go with me and my gyno is a lady with small hands so it didn't hurt. It felt like wearing a tampon really. She was in the room and a nurse. It went really quick about 10 - 15 min and she was done. Nothing to worry about. Its good to go, so that way you know that everything with you is working fine. If you have probelems, you'd like to know right? They see vaginas all day long and they all look the same I'm sure. Nothing to worry about.

For the wedding night, just relax and enjoy its a great moment between you and your new husband. and Congrats!

 _________________________________________________________

 - Married November 23, 2008-

 weding2061.jpg picture by jazzy_expo

 

 

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