is fighting inevitable?

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 1:19 AM

Well, FH and I still act like we have just started dating or something and we have never gotten into a fight, we have obviously disagreed on some things but we always talk about. But everybody I know gets into these fights with the people they're in a relationship with.

I know that a fight will probably happen sometime in our lives...

but is fighting really inevitable? do all couples go through many fights?
or can this rational, talking out disagreements be enough?

i just really love how we handle things and i don't think it will ever change
but that's what everybody thinks right?

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 1:41 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I think it depends completely on the couple. It doesn't mean you're weird if you don't fight. Do you feel like you can be completely honest with your FH? Does he feel comfortable being completely honest with you? As long as you're not squishing down feelings in order to avoid fights, I think you're good.

One of my best friends has been with her husband for around 6 or 7 years now. She says she's still waiting to have their first fight--a joke, but sort of true. She's very honest and they certainly discuss whatever needs discussing, but she's not the fly-off-handle type and he's very easygoing, so they're happy handling everything through discussion.

So you're not alone, and if you're both happy with what you've got, great.

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 1:52 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Not fighting and screaming at each other and not ever disagreeing with each other are two different things. I don't think the yelling and screaming type of fighting is inevitable...quite the opposite, actually. I think it's totally possible to have that never happen (and more power
to you if it doesn't!), but if you never disagree on anything that
would seem odd to me, and likely that one of you isn't being 100%
honest with yourself and with the other.

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Hi. I know what you mean because we are the same way. Ive been with my husband (dating) for 7 years and married for just over 2 years to him. We have never had a screaming match type fight because thats just not who we are as people. Honestly, I hate yelling and when someone yells at me or even talks in a super loud voice, I just turn it off so I wouldnt respond to it. We are both independant people and we have had quite a few discussions, debates, and even arguments - but they are never disrespectful or rude to one another. Just disagreements that we eventually work out or come to some sort of agreement about. Sometimes my husband is soooo laid back about things that its annoying lol. But thats why we dont fight much, because hes just not the type to get worked up about small things. And the big things, the things that matter - well those are the things we have mature discussions about together. I think as long as youre communicating and doing it in a respectful way and going to one another when you do have an issue - youre doing great.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

sigh glad to hear it.

Whenever people ask how much we fight...and I go "uhhh never" and they go "okay so not a lot..." and i'm like "no...legit, never! we have never fought" they are just like "oh....just you wait"

people always imply that it will happen

but personally, it's not really our style to fight like that
both of us are really chill people and whenever we see a couple screaming at each other we feel really awkward and we're just like "lets never do that..." but neither of us want to or can see ourselves doing it

i just don't think problems get solved that way, at least with somebody you are in a relationship with. i have probably had more than average screaming matches with my sister, but with FH it's different.

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LilTuffGirl Posts : 301 Registered: 11/4/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 10:19 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I refuse to be in a relationship where there is yelling. The FH and I get into disagreements but it's more talking it out than anything. Sometimes I get really upset and cry but thats also the way I am since I have that emotional build up talent... stress and all.. But it's never anything bad and we are always laying on each other or something when it happens lol We cuddle and "fight" at the same time.

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JJsWifey08 Posts : 272 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 12:25 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

WE have discusions but hes too tame and Im too lazy to try and scream and such. I think we balance each other out alot to where we dont have to scream and shout

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mobride09 Posts : 519 Registered: 3/5/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Whenever people ask how much we fight...and I go "uhhh never" and they go "okay so not a lot..." and i'm like "no...legit, never! we have never fought" they are just like "oh....just you wait"

people always imply that it will happen

See, this has happened to me too. My parents' friends, some of my coworkers, all of these people seem to think that we don't fight because we haven't been together long enough. But we have been together for almost 5 years and we seriously just don't fight. We disagree, but I don't consider that a fight. I just don't think that yelling and screaming at each other will do either of us any good. If we have trouble seeing eye-to-eye, then we just come to an agreement together that works for both of us.

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 2:56 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

DH and I have known each other for over 11 years and before we became a couple we never really argued or got angry at each other, with the exception of something he did to annoy me back in 9th grade, lol...

With my 2 previous long term relationships before DH (3 years and 3.5 years respectively) it wasn't until the last year-6 months of those relationships did my and the SO have frequent arguments. DH and I have only been together as a couple for a little over 2 years now, but it used to scare me because we argue so much more often in our first few years than I did with either of the previous 2 guys I was with.

The funny thing is though, rarely is it over anything serious or major - it's usually over petty stuff like video games, chores, and me not giving him enough head, lol... And I think the reason we fight so much more than I did with the other 2 is because we've known each other for so long and we know too much about each other to the point where we can push each others buttons without even realizing it! The good thing is though, we always talk it out and make up within the hour and never go to bed mad at each other - for some reason we just can't stay mad at each other for long periods of time!

All couples fight/argue to some extent - it's part of being in a relationship - but a lot of couples don't choose their battles wisely!

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 3:20 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

Fh and I don't fight like that either, I don't think either of us has ever raised our voice to the other in anger. Ever. And i HATE when people are like "oh, you wait... " ARGH! Just because YOU guys work out your problems like that doesn't mean that we will and it certainly DOESN'T mean that it's healthy! I think people just want to be normal, so they assume everyone is the same as them. We talk to each other about things that are bothering us.

A GREAT example would be night before last. We were all tucked in to bed and we just turned to face on another and I just said "hey, I think it really bothers me that you leave me to fold all the laundry. I hate folding laundry. Especially the socks part." and he said " you don't have to fold the socks, you can just throw them in my drawer if you'd like." and then he promised to help more. then he said that when I'm off on school breaks he'd like it if I did more around the house... and it kinda went back and forth until we had both said a few thing that were bothering us. Then we kissed, spooned, and fell asleep. hehe THAT is how we solve the little problems. The big ones of course get longer more indepth conversations. :)


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surferbabe825 Posts : 12 Registered: 1/13/09
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 19, 2009 3:45 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

My husband and I have been together for seven years and we have never had any screaming or fighting. Yes we have had agruments but never a screaming fight. All our friends are always fighting and we keep saying we are lucky we dont fight like that.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 21, 2009 10:36 AM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Well like some other PP's said there is a difference between fighting and disagreeing. I truly believe that screaming and shouting matches are something teenagers do. Mature adults talk things through in a calm manner. I know lots of friends who are in these relationships where they yell and scream and argue and I don't understand it. However, DH and I are calm people, not too high strung and pretty laid-back. We disagree A LOT but we talk it through and mostly come to a compromise.

I remember being in HS and having this awesome teacher for Sex Ed. (as well as "small group" as we called it. He picked 6 girls each year to come once a month and meet and talk, it was awesome) Anyway he said he never got into a fight with his wife and at 17 I was like WWWHHHAAATT!?!? NO WAY!! But now that I am married and grrown up, I see what he is talking about.

Now if we were to shout at each other, it would be over something stupid like cleaning up the kitchen or arguing over who has to make the coffee....

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MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 21, 2009 9:27 PM Go to message in response to: LilTuffGirl

LilTuffGirl,
That's how FH and I are, lol. I'm emotional too and he's rational. That give us a good balance. We talk and argue, but never fight or scream. We can't stay mad to each other for too long.

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 12:34 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

I'm the same way. FH and I hardly ever fight! We only yelled at each other like 1 or 2 times and we have been together for 5 years! But whenever we get angry at each other we talk things though and the fight usualy doesn't last long. We don't like being mad at each other. My ex and I however fought all the time. That was annoying. People always assume that FH and I fight but we really don't. They are waiting for the big blow out. I guess they will be waiting a long time lol.
                              

 

 



 


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dustbunny Posts : 2 Registered: 1/27/09
Re: is fighting inevitable?
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 5:41 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

omigosh, I have disagreements that end in throwing pillows, crying, screaming, a lot! Maybe like 2-3 x/mo! But then we talk about things and have great make-up sex and I seriously feel closer to him at the end of it all. We are very happy and very much in love. We are both passionate people, and can both be dramatic at times, but this never fighting concept had never occured to me...could there be such a thing like that out there for me or is my very own nature prohibiting such peace...hmmmm

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