Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time

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Anjelbabe Posts : 55 Registered: 1/10/09
Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 10:23 AM

So I told my sisters that I would pay for there dresses and to get there hair and nails done but I would not be able to pay for there tickets out here. Well I told one of my sisters. and her reply was " Well then I'm sotty I don't mean to be rude or anything but we're not comming then" They want me to pay for everything and I just can't do it. I offered to help them with the plain tickets and they still will not agree with that. So now I have to tell them that if they find a way to get here then they are not going to be my BM's as they are to sketchy about getting here. Can someone help me with a not so bitchy way to tell them that I have two other girls that are more than happy to take there places and help out with everything I need help with as far as planning goes. My sisters did not even really want to wear the dress I picked for them. But it was a mutual discition made by FH and me on the dresses it fits everything perfectly and they look amazing.

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 10:30 AM Go to message in response to: Anjelbabe

Be straight forward and right to the point.

"I would love to pay for your tickets, but I can't. If you aren't sure you can come, I will have to ask someone else to step in and take your place. You are welcome to attend as a guest if you decide to come."

 

Don't make me go Brooklyn on you. I have brass knuckles and I know how to use them.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: Anjelbabe

They may not be coming to your wedding and they are bridesmaids...and YOU are scared about being bitchy?
wtf.
Just say "I hate to say this guys, but if you can't even commit to attending my wedding, I will need to have other girls be my bridesmaids."
Mention that you really want them there, that you would appreciate having your sisters by your side on the most important day of your life...but that if that is not possible, you will need to find somebody else to be by your side.
It is unfair of them to be stringing you along like this...

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Anjelbabe Posts : 55 Registered: 1/10/09
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 3:22 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Thank you guys. I told them and the older one totally understood but my other sister ( she is about to be 21) was pissed that I would even think of having a replacment for her. It's not like I am replacing her as my sister just as a BM. My mom said that if they can not make it then it is a good this that I have friends that are happy do do this and I should have asked my friends first. But my sister ( the older one) is one of my best friends. My mom is going to help me out with a ticket for my neice if my sisters are not able to. So I will still be able to have my niece in my wedding. My sister said it would be hard on her not seeing her baby for that long but there is no way that she can tell me no to that. I once again told them that I really want them to come I just can't afford the tickets, dresses, hair, and nails. they are still going to try to come but at the same time understand why I am doing what I am doing.

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 4:07 PM Go to message in response to: Anjelbabe

okay wait... I'm trying to understand the situation.

You asked your sisters to be bridesmaids, but even without the cost of a dress or hair they still can't afford to come out. But your neice, I guess one of your sister's daughers? Your mom is going to pay for her plane ticket and she'll fly alone? or with your mom? That part confused me.

Your 21 year old sister just needs to grow up and realize that she doesn't get to have everything paid for her all the time and that sucks things happen. if It was my sister getting married and I couldn't afford a plane ticket, I'd get on the train or a bus. I'm just sayin'.


IMG_7120.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 4:47 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

It may be too late for this, but I have a couple of questions. Could you do an either or, for example if your sisters are your only Bridesmaids could you possibly let them choose their own dress in a certain color and then the money you would spend on their dress, hairs and nails contribute towards their airfarie/train ticket.

Or could you say, instead of paying for hair and nails I will pay for the dress and put the amount of money I would have spent on your hair and nails towards your plaine/train ticket. I don't know where you are getting married, but here where I am just hair and nails alone could easily cost 150.

Another option is to say, I will pay your airfare but you will have to pay for your dress.

See if you sisters are willing to work with that. It might be that they really are rather self-absorbed and you do have to go with other friends, but it was just an idea or two.
Me, my honey and our kitties make 4.

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MsStressedoutCat Posts : 9 Registered: 1/23/09
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 5:01 PM Go to message in response to: Anjelbabe

Hm. I see.. well I will admit a 21 year old probably doesnt have much money to start with.

I would mention how important they are to you and how important them being there is to you. I would also say that you just cant afford to assist them much more with their traveling.

Suggest a few other ways to get there. Renting a car and going together is a much cheaper alternative. Or find a great deal on a plane ticket through travelocity (or something else) and mention that it isnt as expensive as they think it will be ....

Ultimately my FH and I have gone to 3 of his sisters weddings in the past 5 years. We were both in college at the time and I made less than 400$ a month, but we still managed to fly to florida, and buffalo and everywhere else to be by their side and we still paid the rent on time.

Try not to think about it too much, but if they cant decide soon you'll need to move on :-(

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Anjelbabe Posts : 55 Registered: 1/10/09
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: MsStressedoutCat

Nalamienea, MsStressedoutCat ~ My Neice is My oldest sister's ( she is 23) daughter. She recently lost her job That's a long store they fired her and sid she quit she didn't want to deal with the stress of fighting it. She has been looking but she has a 3 yeah old daughter that will be 4 in may. She has reasons that I would be willing to work with not to mention she is more understanding about the cost of everything and would feel bad had I payed for everything, She is ok that I can not pay for it all and is more than willing to split the cost of her ticket and my neices with me if she can get the money for it. My neice would be flying with my mom her BF and his two kids ( 18 and 13). My other sister (21 in march) got a 5000 plu settelment from a car accedent she was a passanger in a few years ago and was working at walmart making 10/hour full time ( min in Vages is 5.50) she blew her money on god knows what when EVERYONE was telling her to drop half of it on a down for a car and she refused to. She ended up moving after my other sister lost her job as they could not pay the rent anymore and she quit her job because she refused to take the city bus to and from work (she is a spoyled little brat) Plain tickets from Vegas to Seattle run about 250/person and the dress I picked out is 100 the shoes They can pick as long as they match the dress I don't even care if they are flats.

MsStressedoutCat ~ I am going to look into having them rent a car I brought it up to my mom saying it would be cheaper for her to do that when she found out that she would be driving 1200+ miles she said she would rather fly. I think she is weard. the drive from there to here is beautuful and only takes about a day and a half. If you stop to see the sights, don't drive straight through and get a hotel for the night the trip totals about 400$ and takes 17 to 19 hours to drive. I have made this trip three times now. ( twice I stopped and once I drove straight through kinda we also took a major 6 hour detour to go to the grand canyon so it took 25 hours and not 19). and that was when gas was at 4something.it's lower now but I have no clue what it will be then. I'm also going to look into them taking the bus as I don't think there is a train that runs from Vegas to Seattle.

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 8:18 PM Go to message in response to: Anjelbabe

I looked it up on greyhound really quick for you and it looks if they go mid week it would take about a day and a half (leave at 7:30 am on wednesday, arrive at 5pm on thursday) and would cost $65 one way. :) That's half the cost of flying, but I'd be sure you get plenty of reading material. lol There are student discounts, discounts for bringing a second person, veteran discounts... just tons. It's an alternative if she just doesn't want to miss her sister's wedding.


IMG_7120.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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Anjelbabe Posts : 55 Registered: 1/10/09
Re: Grrr a little upset but relieved at the same time
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 8:55 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Yeah I looked it up it is 390 round trip two adults one child 14 days in advance. I'm going to try to get intouch with them and see what they say about that. TY soooooooo Much for all the ideas and help :D

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