Can I marry your daughter?

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SanaChan Posts : 47 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 3:45 AM Go to message in response to: Franko

Oh! Off topic, but congrats on your 100th post! :D
"Those who want to relive their youth, are probably too old to remember it."

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 10:56 AM Go to message in response to: SanaChan

My boyfriend has talked about asking both of my parents separately (they are recently divorced.) He is traditional so he was always planning asking my Dad, but now it's important to me that since my Mom has lost the role of being a wife, that it is emphasized that she still has a very important role of being a mother and that even though my youngest sibling will soon be moving out and she won't be directly mothering all of us on a day-to-day basis like she did when we were under the roof. I just want her to know that she will still be very involved in our lives, especially since we will be getting married. My Mom's blessing is equally as important to him now as my Dad's.



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princessbride2010 Posts : 58 Registered: 10/20/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 10:57 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

My FH didn't ask my dad's "permission" even though he really wanted to. We were away at school and he proposed on our anniversary with little preparation (he apparently had the ring for quite some time but didn't have a plan so to speak). He had always said that he felt like he should, but I never really thought it was necessary...I'm not really a daddy's girl and I also feel like it's not someone's place to tell me that I can't get married at 22 years old.

With that said, it depends 110% on how you feel about it. Is it super important to you to stick with tradition? And after answering that question, you also have to consider what kind of relationship FH has with your father. If they don't particularly get along it might just be a really awkward conversation...but on the same page it might make them closer.

It all really boils down to talking to your FH about what you would like to see happen. Let him know that it's important that he ask your father or mother for their blessing. I would like to think that the man you want to marry would take that into consideration and at least talk to you about how he wants to proceed.

Good luck!


 

www.sites.google.com/jandj2010

http://princessbride2010.brides.com

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FutureMrsScanlon Posts : 67 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: princessbride2010

FH asked my dad if he could marry me... my dad joked around and said "anything to get her out of my hair" I thought it was the funniest thing.
wedding countdown

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aelrod Posts : 92 Registered: 12/5/07
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 11:35 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsScanlon

FH knew that it was very important to me to ask for my Dad's blessing, so he did. FH and Dad already had an interesting relationship as FH was my brother's best friend for a year before we began dating. He and my Dad had known each other and worked on cars together, etc. So when 25 year old FH wanted to ask 18 year old me (at the time) we didn't know what would happen lol. But Dad cried (which I have only seen him do once) and said yes as long as I finish college first. He hugged FH, a big step there, and was very happy that he had asked him.

Our wedding is FOREVER AND A DAY away!

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kathyjean Posts : 24 Registered: 6/24/07
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

Ladies,
I think the tradition is wonderful. When my fiance and I were talking about getting married, he asked me if he needed to ask my sons before he proposed. I told him yes, and he took my two adult sons, both over 6 foot outside and asked them if he could marry me. I was so happy that he cared enough about my happiness and theirs. So, now, in July of this year, we are blending my two sons and his son into our very happy family.

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Autumnalis2010 Posts : 133 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 3:59 PM Go to message in response to: kathyjean

I'm sort of a daddy's girl, and it's important to me that my boyfriend talk to my dad before asking me to marry him. I like the tradition, but if he doesn't end up asking for some reason I won't be upset. I just think it's a nice gesture and effort to make on my boyfriend's part. I don't want him to ask for "permission" though. And if my dad said no, it wouldn't stop me from getting married, but I would probably talk to him about it and ask him why. He knows I'm an adult and respects my decisions so there would have to be a really big red flag for him to say no.

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LinzZ Posts : 683 Registered: 12/13/07
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 9:56 PM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

My DH wanted to ask my dad in person, but my dad works swing shift and my DH worked LONG hours 6 days a week. So DH wasn't able to get together with him. He decided to call and talk to him. He called the house one day and got Mom. He asked for Dad and when he found out he was at work, he told Mom what he wanted and asked Mom if she approved. Mom gave DH dad's work number. DH called Dad at work (Dad had to really be wondering what that was about. We rarely call him as he's busy as a security supervisor for a nuclear power plant). DH told Dad that he had wanted to ask in person. Dad said, "you didn't have to ask at all. I'm happy for you two."

I was glad he asked them both. It meant a lot to me that he wanted to make sure my parents were on board.

 

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. ~ Sam Keen

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ChrisBride Posts : 33 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 20, 2009 3:38 AM Go to message in response to: LinzZ

I guess in the traditional sense it does look good for the boyfriend to ask the parents for permission in advance as long as there is a good relationship between the parent and child to begin with. I know personally my father and I don't get along that well and I don't in any way expect my BF to ask him in advance. If it's important to you than you should push for him to ask his permission, but if you really don't feel it's a necessity than it should be up to the man whether he wants to make that decision.
Love is all you need...

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RachelOS Posts : 70 Registered: 9/27/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 12:13 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

I agree with PP that if it is important to you, it should be important to your FH. It was important to me, but I was lucky enough to have a FH that it was important to also. FH was very nervous, but my parents really appreciated it and they all now say that they wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

That being said, marriage IS all about compromise. Can you BOTH talk to your parents? Not necessarily "can we get married?", but "we're all adults here and we want your honest opinions about this". Apparently that's what my parents did and that was almost 30 years ago!

BTW, when my FH asked, my mom just told him "we have had her for 22 years and all that we can do is wish you good luck", I think it's hilarious...

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MsMeghann Posts : 147 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Feb 10, 2009 11:39 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

hey there!

My FH didn't ask for "permission," rather a "blessing" before he proposed. I talk to my mom almost every day, and when she wouldn't return my phone calls for 3 days I was like WTF? But when I made that call, she told me why she "couldnt" talk to me beforehand for fear of giving away "the secret." Oh mom...

He wanted to be respectful to my parents (who aren't necessarily traditional or conservative; they're pretty much straight up the middle), but also wanted to recognize that we are both grown adults (I'm 25 and he's 27). It was more of a respectful nod to my parents. I thought it was cute, and my parents definitely appreciated the gesture.

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~
Soon to be Mrs. Scherrer
www.MattandMeghann.com

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Faerieseana Posts : 2 Registered: 2/9/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Feb 11, 2009 7:35 PM Go to message in response to: MsMeghann

My boyfriend plans on asking for my parent's blessing, same as yours, and he said I won't have anything to do with it. I won't know when, where, or how. I never mentioned it, and I thought it was really sweet. He knows how tight my family is, and he insisted, even when I said it wasn't necessary. I think it's a respectful gesture too.

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littl3m1ss Posts : 12 Registered: 1/18/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Feb 11, 2009 9:34 PM Go to message in response to: Faerieseana

my fiance didnt ask my dad or my mom. i wanted him to but only if he wanted to. but everything still turned out good. i thought my dad was bein a jerk but he didnt which was what had really mattered. he was nervous enough about asking me let along my parents!

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