bowing out

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yahyah Posts : 3 Registered: 5/10/08
bowing out
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 11:32 PM

Ok so I have quite the OPPOSITE issue to MOST girls who are trying to kick bridesmaids out or have BEEN kicked out. I'm looking for a way to bow out gracefully. i am dealing with a total bridezilla and dont think i even like her. she only put me in the party because she needed one more. eek


middleduck0628 Posts : 36 Registered: 1/4/09
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 11:50 PM Go to message in response to: yahyah

I'm really hoping that this is not like a week before the wedding because that might make it a bit more complicated but perhaps you could explain to her that you don't feel like you are able to be a bridesmaid due to the financial aspect or you do not have enough time. Try to be nice about it. If all else fails, you might have to be blunt about it and tell her that you are just NOT able to be a part of her wedding. Period.


yahyah Posts : 3 Registered: 5/10/08
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 10:08 AM Go to message in response to: middleduck0628

It's a GOOD 9 months away but her financial expectations are just a bit high. 2 showers from the bridal party, us paying for her spa day, etc etc. and I'm not even close with her. I find it hard to splurge that much money for a girl I barely know and hardly like (almost related sorta). Also, I dont feel like I get along with the majority of her other bridesmaids and when I have an idea or say something, they come back with a snotty comment. I cant use money as an excuse because she's aware that money's never an issue in our household. The relationship is my boyfriends step brothers fiance. so dropping out may cause a bit of uneasiness.. ugh


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 10:10 AM Go to message in response to: yahyah

Dear YY,

It's best, in such a situation, to not give a person a whole lot of reasons for your decision. That just gives them means to meet your reasons with a counter-argument. Tell her privately, listen to her concerns, then make it polite and final.

Argument and counter-argument:

"I'm running short on money and cannot afford it."
"I'll loan you some money."

"Things have been really hectic at work, and I'm spreading myself too thin."
"But, Susie has an even more stressful job and she can do it."

Better to be polite and definitive, but vague.

"I'm finding it impossible to continue on as a bridesmaid."

"I think it best if I bow out and give you a chance to find a replacement."

"Things in my life have changed since I first accepted the bridesmaid job." (YOU, Bridezilla, is what changed.) (But don't mention that.)


jeepgirl179 Posts : 3 Registered: 10/25/08
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 11:27 AM Go to message in response to: yahyah

If you aren't that close with her, there is no reason on earth you should be standing up at her wedding. Tell her you aren't really into the whole wearing-the-dress bridesmaid thing (I have friends this applies to) but you'd be happy to help her with another wedding-related task, i.e., putting ribbons on her programs, wrapping up favors or whatever.
I wouldn't blame it on your financial situation as she obviously knows that isn't an issue. Just tell her and be firm, sweet, and loving about it.
Your other choice is to just suck it up and do it, if you think it will create years of horrible awkwardness to bow out. You know better than us whether or not that is likely to happen.
good luck, that's a toughie. I don't understand why people ask a zillion people to be bridesmaids when they're not even close.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been. " -- George Eliot



yahyah Posts : 3 Registered: 5/10/08
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 3:56 PM Go to message in response to: yahyah

So after taking some time to imagine myself doing all of the above I'm still undecided but think that a short sweet firm bow out is prob goign to be necessary OR like stated, I'll have to suck it up. I'm goign to give it some time because I'm also getting the feeling she doesnt want me in it anymore! lol. So maybe a few weeks will tell and it will come as a relief to both of us.


Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: bowing out
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: yahyah

I wouldn't wait too long, yahyah. At 9 months she still has plenty of time to find a replacement if she feels she needs one, but 8 months and 7 months are getting a little closer and may make her more mad. If you're feeling like you don't want to do it, then I wouldn't waste any time seeing if she's going to kick you out first. Maybe you could just say "Yeah.. the whole bridesmaid thing isn't really sitting well with me, and I don't think I would be a good fit here anymore. But please, call me if there's anything you need help with - any task for getting ready or if there's anyone job at the wedding you need (like an usher maybe?)" Something like that.

Good luck!

IMG_7875.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008



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