help! he got me a cheap ring!

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patientlyimpati... Posts : 6 Registered: 1/10/09
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: BreAnn

I feel really silly that I even feel the need to reply to certain posts, but I will do it anyway.
1. Yes the ring is for me. Yes I am sure. I saw the receipt financed under his name, so it's not a friend's or anything. And if he did purchase the ring for someone else...then there's a bigger problem here! LOL!
2. We live together. We have a joint account. Yes, I DO think that I have a right to talk to him about finances, and I have.
3. No it's not okay to spend $1,500 in Vegas when we don't even own a house, have $20 in our savings account, and the bills are split between us evenly, so all of his extra cash flow is spent as it comes in. We had pooled together $4k to go towards our future house, which he "needed to take out" for what I later found out was the tools I called "useless toys." In fact, even if we did own a house and have huge savings, I still disagree with over a thousand dollars of vodka charges. I have never spent close to that, ever. Especially not on one night.
4. I would have preferred savings for a deposit on our future house, which is why I had told him no ring. But I just feel like it would have been no ring and save money for a house, or ring expense equal to or greater than expense on useless toys. Instead I got no savings for future house, and ring expense equal to vodka on a vegas trip.

To all those that actually had useful advice for me, thank you and I appreciate it very much. I guess the whole magic of an engagement was sort of tainted by my abrupt realization that his spending is not something that I approve of. Obviously this is something that I will need to address ASAP. I don't think him buying me a $5k ring would have made me think differently, but at least then I would have felt like, I am his priority and he spends like a cowboy, rather than he spends like a cowboy on me and vodka the same.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

I wouldn't call you catty, and while I understand OP point I still feel she is making something out of nothing.

My concern at this point would be has the boyfriend always had these spending habits? I don't see how anyone can equate his spending over a length of time as a way of getting into debt. If he is saving and paying his share of the bills and has money left over then how he spends it is totally his business.

I still think if this behavior has been going on from the beginning it is something that the OP had no problem with in the beginning but only now is complaining about because she saw the receipt. I would be more concerned about what appears to be his lack of consideration for her finances in the beginning then in the disparity of his spending. But again I say if he has been generous in all other areas up until this point perhaps he has something else in mind.

The only way she is ever going to know what is going on is to talk to her boyfriend.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together, 10 years and counting.

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:02 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

kenneysoldwife - "If he is saving and paying his share of the bills and has money left over then how he spends it is totally his business. "

Op just said that he is NOT saving, and took their house savings to buy tools.

That is not acting like a man who is ready for marriage.

OP - i feel awful that this had to go down like this and I am totally on your side. Thanks for clarifying (even if ridiculous). Its better to air any dirty laundry sooner than later I guess : (

Jaime Kiss

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

"No it's not okay to spend $1,500 in Vegas when we don't even own a house"

Although my husband's spending habits aren't terrible now, I definitely understand this mindset. I don't even want to buy a 200$ TV stand because our house account is so tiny (2000$, when we nede to have 20,000$...that's a long story though).

To avoid any potentional problems, our house account is in MY name only. Why? Because like your boyfriend, my husband once drained our savings account without my consent ( It wasn't as much as yours, and he did have good reason to, but the point is, he didn't talk to me about it)
In some families, one person really has to take charge of the finances in order to make things work. You could try that. Or, what we do is he is in charge of bill payments, I am in charge of saving, entertainment, etc. You can always split the finances if you think that combining everything together is too risky.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

You most assuredly need to talk to him, today would be good. I would suggest counseling. What is going on with his spending may be something else entirely. It would seem something else is going one with your guy right now. He may not be ready to make this commitment after all.

Before you two go any further I would strongly suggest couples counseling. Your last post is sending up several red flags.

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:04 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

ok... i think the topic is completely wrong for what your problem is.

it should be:

"MY BOYFRIEND SPENDS TO MUCH" and your question should be... How do I talk to him and get things financially right before marriage?

I'm not calling you caddy carriabeanbride.





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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

If you feel his spending is To much and Since you do live together... You should have had a say and a budget in what he was going to spend that night.

You really need to tell him what your plan is... and well You should have never let him take out the 4,000 and spend it.

the Useless toys will come in handy when you have your House...

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:09 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

She made her response as I was typing mine so of course I didn't see it until I was done. As you can see I replied to her later post.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Yes i agree Kenny.... now that she saw the receipt... she has a problem with the money!


BUT I do believe that if she did get the more expensive ring... she would have no problem... and would flash that mother all around and say... ooo he spent $5,000,000 on it.
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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

I will say again what I said in my original post. You two NEED to sit down together and have a serious talk about your financial future. If he is taking out money from your joint acount that is supposed to be for ahouse or other things you both agreed upon, that is not only wrong, it is a huge red flag for responsibility and trust issues. This thread should not be about a ring - it should be about how youre going to move forward knowing this about your fiance.The engagement ring should be the least of your problems right now.

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 3:41 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

MrsD - I honestly dont think OP is in that mindset... maybe this was just what it took to see that there is a bigger issue there... after all, how many times do "money problems" get cited as a reason for divorce? My internet searching say ALOT. Now I am not trying to start anything, I just dont it is fair to assume the OP is catty, petty, consumed by material goods - whatever you call it.

Kenneysoldwife - sorry bout that, didnt mean to be rude by pointing out what she said - you are always on top of pp's!


Jaime Kiss

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 4:00 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

so i skimmed the thread, as it's 5pges and im off work in 10 minutes...

i wish my ring cost $2k... and I'm with Kelley on this one - Hubby and I are living paycheck to paycheck and can barely afford our bills and having a hard time coming up with the funds to pay my recent medical bills from the surgery I had last month (insurance covered most of the surgery, but it doesn't cover the lab work apparently, which was done on 2 different occasions).

Honestly, you need to have a chat with him about his spending otherwise it could lead to trouble once your married. When hubby and I opened our joint account, we left my account open and I can put up to a certain amt of my paycheck into my account and spend on stuff for me, like gas for my car and lunch for when im at work and shopping (i cant help but spend and it drives DH nuts sometimes), but the rest of my check goes into our joint account, along with most of his paycheck, and we pool that money to cover bills, our weekly date night, groceries and anything else we needed. DH also takes a portion of his paycheck and puts it into our savings account, so in case of an emergency, we have some extra. This was something we agreed upon before we got married, as I learned in our pre-martial counseling my spontaneous shopping habit worried him.

 

 

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WinterBrideToBe Posts : 94 Registered: 11/8/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 4:09 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

I started reading through some of the responses, but unfortunately there are too many for me to continue while I am at work. Had you considered that perhaps he went directly to a jeweler and had the ring made? It would be much less in terms of what he spent than if he walked into a Tiffany's and picked out the exact same ring, which at a place like that, might give you the price on the receipt that perhaps you are looking for? My FH spent about half of what the ring appraised for by finding a reputable jeweler to make it, vs basically paying for the name. Maybe someone has already said this, but this was my first thought on the whole "price" issue
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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 8:19 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

It doesn't even matter whether she told him she didn't need a ring -
the point is, he bought one yet didn't seem to put an ounce of thought
into it.

How do we know that? He could've went in there and picked out the first ring he saw or he could have mulled over the decision and the ring he happened to pick was 2K.

The issue isn't what he spent on her ring, but what he spends PERIOD. Once they are married, the finances are no longer HIS or HERS but THEIRS. I just hate the OP threw the ring part in there because it really makes her look like her priorities are messed up.

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JessyNChris Posts : 120 Registered: 4/3/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 14, 2009 2:00 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

Wow You are a gold digger. You think that 2000 ring is cheap. My FH spent about 200 dollars for my ring. It might not be even be a diamond, but I still love the ring no matter how much he spent for it.
Money is not love, and it can't buy you love.
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