help! he got me a cheap ring!

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patientlyimpati... Posts : 6 Registered: 1/10/09
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 11:38 AM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Mrs.Dupont, can you honestly tell me, if your husband spent $4,000 on himself for useless toys, $1,500 on his buddies for vodka, and then $2,000 for your e-ring, you wouldn't think his priorities are out of whack?

I know you guys are a bunch of die-hard romantics (as was already pointed out) and frankly, so am I. That's why I feel offended. I am not equating the cost with love, but I am equating it with priorities.

I guess I thought everyone spent their money according to priorities. For this past xmas, I put aside $500 for rent, $300 for my car. I spent $50 on each of my parents, $20 on each of my sisters, and $150 on my FH. I am not a rich woman, and I assigned my money out based on my priorities. Not love. I love my parents to death, I would die for each one of my brothers, and I absolutely love my FH. On the other hand, I don't "love" my apartment, or my car.

Because I am a die hard romantic, I believe that I should be my FH's priority, especially over alcohol with the boys and tools. I seriously can't understand why some of you can't see this. It's not all about the ring ladies, no one should feel "lucky" to just get a ring. I am sure you all put everything into your relationships, and it's not being an A-hole if you feel you need the same back.

Edited by: patientlyimpatient on Jan 13, 2009 11:38 AM

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JJsWifey08 Posts : 272 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

Patiently-Listen forgetthe goldigging comments etc what really needs to besaid is if youre doing half of everything off your unemploymentand hes doing half from his checks plus spending like a cowboy(as someone pointed out here) then you really need to talk to him. But then you sad he nods then heads to Sears which means he has no regards for your words and what you say which means in the future when youre paying all the rent and bills and hes buying bottles of grey goose for Baracks obamas whole white house cabinet youll finally realize hes off his rocker!!! but by then it'll be too late and his debts will be your debts!! I say if you sit down with him and give him choices and he doesnt respond its time to find out what you wanna do!! Think hard about it

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Mrs. Dupont - I don't think anything good ever came from name-calling. I also think it's entirely unnecessary since if you'd bothered to read all of the responses you'd see that she her explanation of her first post.

Maybe, original poster, you should go change the original topic name for your thread, then it would be clearer what you're talking about.

For all of those other brides who have jumped to conclusions - read the whole thread. You'll see what's really going on and it isn't just a bitchy bride complaining her man didn't spend enough on her.

It's also not fair to continue comparing what one person spends on a ring to what aother person spends. Everyone is different. For instance, I live in an area where I pay $400 rent for an old two bedroom, one bathroom house in a good neighborhood. Now, I KNOW some of you ladies in big cities live in areas where rent is routinely $1500 or more. But it would make NO SENSE if I was to say "Oh my god, you're such a greedy cry baby. I only pay $400 in rent and I'm plenty happy with what i have!!" Different people live in different places and have completely different concepts of money. I'm happy with my $50 ring. Good for me. It doesn't mean that everyone is going to be happy with the same thing!!


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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 11:51 AM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

I am the one who told him I didn't even need a ring,

can you honestly tell me, if your husband spent $4,000 on himself for useless toys, $1,500 on his buddies for vodka, and then $2,000 for your e-ring, you wouldn't think his priorities are out of whack?

OK, so I was going to stay out of this, but I'm bored as hell today. So here ya go. I think you are way over reacting. The two things I copied above both came from posts of yours. If you told him that you didn't even need a ring, then yes, I think that $2000 is a ton more money than what he could have spent. He didn't have to get you one at all, after all you told him you didn't need one. HE could have just bought you a wedding band. My Dh spent around $1500 on my ring and I think he spent way too much. We could have done much better things with that money. But it was his decision.

Now, for the out of what priorities thing. Nope, I wouldn't think things were out of whack. Why? BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I DIDN"T NEED A RING. If his bills are being paid, and he isn't piling up major debt, he can do whatever he likes with his money. Just because you see things he buys for himself a "usless toys" doesn't mean that is the way he see them. I love jewlery. I buy lots of Park Lane Jewlery. I'm sure my DH sees that as something "usless" to him. However, I wear almost all of what I have and he knows that. My DH loves to play World of Warcraft. I think that is useless, however he loves it so I don't complain. Maybe his going out and buy tools and things is his way of relaxing and treating himself for his hard work.


Anyways, I think you need to get your priorites straight. Either you "don't need a ring" or you want a certain one. It can't be both.


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independant2406 Posts : 58 Registered: 12/8/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 12:09 PM Go to message in response to: BreAnn

Ok well I have to say I don't see anything wrong at all with a $2,000 ring... considering FH and I bought my engagement ring, my wedding band, and his wedding band for less than half that amount..... yea... its a little hard for me to fathom complaining about that. ( and God its sad to know how poor I am! lol)


But that asside, I'll try and see things from your view. I can totally understand being scared about how much he values you, and wanting the ring to reflect how much he values your relationship. So consider these things. Outside of spending money, how does he treat you? Is he keeping you happy in the relationship, does he always work his schedule to spend time with you and not his friends?

I think the old saying "actions speak louder than words" is applicable here, only a little differently "actions speak louder than money". So. Think of it in this way. If he had been making $6 an hour at a part time job but still treated you the same and bought a ring that he could easily afford on those wages (which isn't much BTW... lol). Would you still feel like he loved you?

I don't think anyone here can tell you that the value of your ring is directly related to the value he places on your love and relationship together... but do consider if his actions towards you are flawless and irriplaceable, just like you'd expect in a ring.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 12:12 PM Go to message in response to: BreAnn

can you honestly tell me, . . ., you wouldn't think his priorities are out of whack?

I honestly wouldn't.

I think all of the above things are useless -- the vodka, the toys, and the ring, so I wouldn't prioritize one useless thing over the other. Since I don't need an engagment ring to be engaged, the disparity of the price between any of that is irrelevant.

Maybe he just doesn't think you "need" an expensive engagement ring, so he didn't prioritze that. Does he know exactly what your expectations are? Is it for a certain thing, or do you just "need" him to spend more money on you than on his buddies? And if you do. . .that's what I just don't get. Ultimately, I'm low-maintenance, and don't expect anyone to spend a lot of money on me. I would expect him to spend as much as he can afford, period, but I wouldn't expect him to spend a lot of money on me when I don't "need" it at all.

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 12:17 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

yes i can honestly say It wouldnt bother me.

because i really dont care.

He asked me to marry him and thats all that matters, he asked me to be his wife forever.

We are going to be man and wife and his he will have to consult with me before he has anymore $1500 spending...

Who cares... As long as you guys have a savings, Checkings, Fridge full of food... everything is spent... why does it matter how much he spends with his friends compaired to your ring which you probably wont be wearing forever because maybe 10 years down the line he will get you the $4000 ring you want.

I think he's smart to have bought you a $2000 ring... why do you need anything more expensive?

grow up... It's vegas nights... What do you expect him to spend out there. He works for his money let him spend it how he wants for now. When you guys start to share finance is when you'll have a say but you should never tell him how to spend.

Accept the wonderful Gift your FH has given you and stop bitching and acting like a child...

"But But you spend more on them then me... Waaaahhhh"

Seriously... Children should not get married!



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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 12:43 PM Go to message in response to: patientlyimpati...

Mrs.Dupont, can you honestly tell me, if your husband spent $4,000 on himself for useless toys, $1,500 on his buddies for vodka, and then $2,000 for your e-ring, you wouldn't think his priorities are out of whack?

I wouldn't especially if in addition to the e-ring, I had comfortable home and all that goes with that. I
I have a question for you. Why do you think his priorities should be you? What does he feel his priorities should be?.

You are making a big deal about a ring that you have not even received yet. As I said before it might not be your ring. You found it in a closet. My brother was going to give his now wife a ring and he hid it at my house for months before he gave it to her.

I asked you before did you and your boyfriend have a discussion about finances before you moved in together?

Kenny and Me Perfect Together, 10 years and counting.

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Edited by: kennysoldwife on Jan 13, 2009 12:45 PM

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

I don't think she's saying that she needs or wants a more expensive ring. If he wasn't blowing huge chunks of dough on alcohol and tools, this would probably be a non-issue. Yeah, he didn't "have" to spend that much on her ring but it sure would've been nice to see him put more thought into it and make it look like she meant more to him than booze. It doesn't even matter whether she told him she didn't need a ring - the point is, he bought one yet didn't seem to put an ounce of thought into it.

 

 

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Mrs Dupont, I disagree that she shouldn't talk to him about finances prior to getting married (if that's what you meant, if not, disregard this). It would be more stupid to wait until after they are married and sharing expenses to say "hey, this bothers me". Because what if he isn't willing to change his spending habits? Then they shouldn't be getting married.

Talk to him, please (obviously leaving the ring out of it!) if you are truly concerned with his spending habits and how they might affect your future together.


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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:01 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Birdlover - you read my mind.

Jaime Kiss

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:02 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

Birdlover - Congrats! I think it was you that was looking forward to getting pregnant the last time i was on but i dont remember correctly! Congrats and have fun Anyways!

I dont I guess your right they should discuss finances but i don't see how him buying her a more expensive ring will show more thought.

His Thinking was... I love her, this is a pretty ring and i think she'll like it!

Men don't think... They arnt going to sit there and say... Hmm well i spend this much when i go to vegas and hang with the guys... I make this much money a month and if i buy her this price ring she'll think i dont appreciate her or their isnt any meaning behind it. Because i make this much money. So To really show her i love her and care for her I'm going to buy this $3999 ring and thats more then i spend with my friends ... so she'll know that i REALLY want to be with her and I LOVE HER and Really Want to spend the rest of my life with her.

SOME woman are Caddy... (Ahem OP)...

I think your just jealous of the good times he has with his friends.... Next your going to say he wont be able to go to vegas with his friends for the bachelor party because they will spend to much money and go crazy and its not that you dont trust your FH its his friends that you Dont trust...

Whatever! Never ending Insecurities!
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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:18 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

"Men don't think"

I am sure that many people would find this comment incredibly sexist...but I agree with you, lol.

That said..the original post seem kinda gold-diggerish to me, but subsequent posts make me think that her boyfriend might actually not be the greatest at handling finances. That is something to be talked about now.

My own husband used to be HORRIBLE with money. He was already a lot better before we met, but now and then I do have to reel him in on certain things. Remind him of the whole "spend within our means" things. And also, sometimes people (not just men) have a hard time adjusting to the whole idea of "my money" becoming "our money", which is why it's great to talk beforehand...and be patient too!

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:19 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

he bought one yet didn't seem to put an ounce of thought into it.

Carribbean,
I have to disagree with that. We don't know how much thought he put into this ring. He may have been lookin for months for something he thought would she would like. Maybe his full budget on her was much higher but when he saw this he really thought she would love it even more than something else he had in mind.

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: help! he got me a cheap ring!
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 2:34 PM Go to message in response to: BreAnn

Well then we'll have to agree to disagree. Based on her other post, which she stated what her style was, the ring he bought her was the exact opposite. While a single solitaire is certainly lovely, there's not much thought to it because after all, it's just a solitaire.

Some may call me caddy and frankly I don't care, but I really do see her point. There's more to this whole situation than just the cost of this ring. I think it took this for the OP to realize what's going on here and that her BF is spending way beyond his means. Dropping a half month's salary on one night is extremely irresponsible. A good quality diamond will appreciate and can therefore be considered an investment. Grey Goose will not and can not.

And before anyone gets all up in arms about my comment on solitaires, again, I think they are lovely. I would've been perfectly happy with a solitaire because that's my style. I like a more simpler look. Some do, some don't.


Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

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Edited by: CaribbeanBride08 on Jan 13, 2009 11:35 AM

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