Waiting for the Ring

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So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!

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towedinapril Posts : 7 Registered: 12/15/08
So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 15, 2008 12:45 AM

Hello! I'm new. My name is Jennifer and I'm from AR. I have a 4 year old son from a previous marriage (from hell.) I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We started looking at rings about 3 months into the relationship. I've been waiting a LONG time lol! I feel like I'm going insane, and driving my bf insane...I've asked and asked about when he is going to propose...but he won't tell me b/c he wants it to be a surprise. He says he's waiting to get bills paid off (which he is doing)...and wants to get settled in a new town. He's moving for a job next month...about 3 hours away. My son and I are staying in our current town for a while...maybe moving to his new town next June (he wants us to move, but understands if I decide not to until we're engaged or married.) I'm waiting to see if I get a ring, but I'll probably move without one just b/c my son will be starting Kindergarten, and I don't want to move him in the middle of the year if I don't have to. ANYWAY....so I harp and nag him to death b/c he won't tell me anything!!!! We have picked out a beautiful cushion cut solitaire....GORGEOUS! He tells me that he wants to get settled and get some bills paid off (he's almost done!!!) before he puts himself into more debt with the ring. He also says that he WILL NOT tell me anything because he wants it to be a surprise, and he can't wait to see the look on my face when he gets on one knee, and if I knew when he was going to do it, it wouldn't be fun for him. He is sooooo romantic and loving. He has finally sort of given in (b/c I've been so miserable!) and told me that he knows "around" the time when he's going to do it. I asked if it would be next year, and he says, "it's a good possiblity." And I asked if it was a good possiblity that we'd be married by the end of next year he said it was a good possibility. He took a new job last year, and they wanted him to move then, but he talked with them and told his boss he wanted to stay closer to me for another year to be with me and my son, and so that he could pay off bills and save for a wedding....the new town will be way more expensive in terms of cost of living. Well, they told him he could stay a year....and that year is up next month so that's why he's moving. Anyway, I live, breathe, eat, and sleep worrying about getting a ring. I know he will propose, but the waiting is just making me insane!!!! I'm so glad I'm not alone! Do anyof you have any advice on how I can stay sane while I'm waiting??? It's just so frustrating, and I don't want to make this part of our relationship horrible for us before we do get engaged! Sorry this was soooo long!!!

Thanks, Jennifer












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facen Posts : 120 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 15, 2008 2:12 AM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Hey Jen, Congrats on your recent engagement! I know you don't have the ring yet, be patient it's coming (lol)! The best way I know how to keep myself sane is since I know I'm getting the ring and he is going to ask, just don't know when, that's fine, so keep yourself occupied by start planning the wedding now, you have to pick the perfect color, venue, church, flowers etc. Just knowing your getting a ring should inspire you to wanna think about it everyday and be happy and excited all day long (everyday) that's what I did, I started right away, so that the longer time I have to plan the wedding the more perfect it will be! That's why my husband and I went to our local city hall and got married and then in June 2010 were having our wedding celebration, and I'm still not done with everything!! But it's tones of fun to plan for your wedding, just b/c you dont have the ring you better act like you do and go for what you know!


new_york , june_2010
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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 15, 2008 7:26 AM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Im in the same boat! My bf will purpose on Christmas sometime. He has the ring already and I have been waiting since Thanksgiving weekend for this ring, well technically longer lol, since we've been together for 5 yrs! But the wait is killing me and I would like to tell my good news with everyone but i wanna wait until I have the ring. I would say just take it one day at a time and before u know it you will have the ring :) Try to keep busy and the days will fly by.

connecticut , october_2010
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FitzMcgee Posts : 13 Registered: 12/11/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 15, 2008 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Hey, Jen. Fellow Arkansan here :D


You have quite the situation, don't you? haha. But from the sound of it he's definitely going to pop the question soon. I can understand him wanting to wait because he wants you guys to be secure and comfortable before you take on the daunting task of a wedding and marriage. Plus, it's totally a guy thing to want the proposal to be a surprise :) I say calm down, take a deep breath, and realize how happy you are with him. Don't stress yourself out wondering when he's going to ask you to marry him, just be happy that he is. When he's in a good spot and ready, he'll be on that knee in no time :)


Best of luck, and congrats! :D

I'm a newbie learnin' the ropes :D

proposal_anxiety_waiting
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towedinapril Posts : 7 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 1:13 PM Go to message in response to: FitzMcgee

Thank you all so much for your support! I am doing better trying to calm myself down and just wait patiently...because I started thinking that if I'm constantly in turmoil/nagging/questioning/getting upset/etc about a ring, that there will be NO GOOD TIME for him to actually ask me LMAO!!! I was thinking about it one day and was like, what's he supposed to do??? End one of our very mild arguments about an engagement WITH an engagement??? LOL! So, I'm going to just let it go and be patient and take all of your advice and be happy with what I have! I'm also goign to start the planning process....like colors, venues, bridesmaids, etc. I try to think of it like this: I dated a few different guys before meeting Jason, and obviously they weren't the "one." I was always so worried about finding the right man and always just torn up about being afraid of being alone, then one day a friend said the obvious cliche of "when you quit worrying about it, it will happen." And, believe it or not, that's what happened! Just when I had realized that I was okay alone, and that all I need in my life to make it worthwhile is my son and my family, a friend calls saying she had a man for me to meet! And I actually said NO at first!!! I was like, "I am FINALLY happy alone...do I even want to try this dating thing again?" But I did, and BOY am I ever glad! So, in those terms, I'm hoping that maybe once I let go of the constant worry, he'll suprise me when I least expect it! Now, that doesn't mean I won't be back on here...probably next week lol...freaking out again...but it's a start!!!! Thank you!!!

proposal_anxiety_waiting
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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 1:38 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Hey Jennifer...you make me laugh LOL....I'm always freaking out on the boards!!

I agree with everyone else....JUST HOLD ON...IT'S COMING!!

I would say, don't ruin his surprise...and yes, just breathe!!

I knew when, where, and what my ring looked like!!...my hubby has noooo idea...That was probably a bad idea to share it with my best friend....she spilled the beans!! BIG TIME!! Well, I knew something was up and "got it out of her"...

I feel bad, I did spoil his surprise...he just doesn't know it!!

Can't wait to see the ring when you get it...post some pics for us!!

Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!

proposal_anxiety_waiting
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towedinapril Posts : 7 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 1:59 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

LOL! Thanks for the advice, Marty!

I would SOOOOOOO love to get something out of a friend of mine, but I KNOW my boyfriend would NEVER tell anybody, b/c he knows I'd bug the sh!t out of them until they told me just to get me to shut up!!! LMAO! However, I really don't think I want to know exactly when it will happen...I want it to be a suprise, just as much as he does. I think of it like the Xmas presents under the tree. One of them he wrapped is obviously a movie. So, of course, being the snarky little thing that I am...peeked!!! And you also have to remember I have a 4 year old who CANNOT keep a secret! And he has been with each of us when we went shopping, etc, and will sneak to the both of us and secretly tell us...without us asking him of course...what the gifts are! I even bought him cable cutters at Lowe's (he wanted them...lol) in front of my son thinking....there is NO WAY he'll have any idea what these are. WRONG! He told Jason! lol!!!!!!!! Jason didn't tell me he knew what it was until the other day b/c we were laughing b/c he tried to sneak in and buy me a gift certificate to my favorite store with Braxton with him...and he came running into my room of course whispering...."Mommy, Jason got you a gift certificate, too!" So, long story short, the only gift I DID NOT know about (the movie) I peeked at and now know what it is....so it's not fun anymore! But that is my fault!!!! LOL!!! I think I am just going to stop trying to guess when it will be and just LET IT BE!!!!! Thanks for sharing your advice!!!!!
The waiting is the hardest part!!!  But he tells me, "It will be SOOOOOOO worth the wait!"  And I believe him!

proposal_anxiety_waiting
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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

oh, that's soo funny!! I always try to peak...last year, dh tells me not to go look in his car. WTH?? If he wouldn't have told me not to go look....I wouldn't have looked!! DUH???!! My dh gets soooo tired of me bugging him about what I got him:

"wanna play 20 questions?"
"wanna knooooowwwww if......it's made in China??"....I go on and on......he loves surprises!!.... Apparently, I don't!!

I made us a "our first Christmas together ornament"...wrapped it and everything....

HE WOULDN'T OPEN IT!!...He wanted to be surprised on Christmas....It took me forever to get him to open it....Kept telling him: "but, but......we can enjoy it now!!".... I never should have wrapped the darn thing!!...He finally opened it...LOL I think he got tired of me not shutting up about it!!

Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!

proposal_anxiety_waiting
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RLM Posts : 27 Registered: 10/4/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Jan 1, 2009 9:08 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Hi Jen,

I definitely feel your pain. My BF and I have been together for a long time now. The date I originally wanted was 10/15/10. However, today we talked about getting married and setting a realistic timeline. His is another whole year - 10/15/11. Needless to say I was not happy about that at all. Somehow I had a feeling that he discussed the date with my eighteen year old daughter. They are always teaming up together. His reasons are that he does not want to bring debt into our marriage and wants to be able to purchase a nice house for us. So of course she's in agreement with him. She told me mom he's right. It's not the end of the world. She's too wise beyond her years. I can understand and relate to what he's talking about, because I've set a goal to be debt free by the end of 2009. I asked him did he need help to pay down his debt sooner. Absolutely not. Typical man. He needs to do this on his own. I know he loves me and truly wants to marry me. I told him I didn't need a ring to be engaged (even though I've already chosen the setting and given him all the info.) He says I do have to have a ring and he wants to put one on my finger; I just have to wait a while longer. So I've resolved myself to holding off on any further wedding planning for the next year - just stash the money away. I told him that I'm not getting any younger and neither is he (I'm 43 and he's 44). This will be a first marriage for both of us and I can't wait to be his wife.

With all that said. Be patient enjoy your time together and have fun. Keep busy and before you know it he'll be slipping the ring on your finger. After all good things come to those who wait.

Edited by: RLM on Jan 1, 2009 9:39 PM

new_york_metro , october_2011
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towedinapril Posts : 7 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: RLM

Thanks for the advice! And I hope everything works out for you! Your daughter is too smart lol!

Well, to update everything....I was really upset b/c I just KNEW I'd get a ring for Christmas....but of course I didn't. Then came New Year's Eve...and 2009 will be nothing but change for us (my BF is moving 3 hours away for his job in Jan/Feb...I have to decide whether or not I'm going to move to his location in the summer....) I told him I am not moving without a ring. So anyway, on New Yrs I was so sad and crying like a baby b/c of all the changes to come, and he really wants me to move this summer, but again, I want a further commitment. So, on new years day he said, "Would your decision be easier if you had a further commitment?" (In my head I'm thinking...DUH!!!!) So he told me that I would be getting my ring "during a timeline that would make me happy." (He also said he had looked at rings in November and found one, but didn't like the clarity. I'm wanting a cushion shaped diamond and they are pretty hard to find. He won't tell me anymore. So, I'm guessing it will be before I have to make that decision to move....get a new job....leave a job I LOVE...uproot my son who will be starting Kindergarten in the fall of 09....leave my mom who is all the family I have....leave my friends...etc. ANYWAY....so, for Xmas my mom got me a new TV, and my BF bought me the TV stand for it and said it was my birthday present. He said that was all he was getting me, with exception of dinner the night of my birthday....no other presents. I was totally okay with it, b/c he KNOWS I just want him to save for a ring. My birthday is Jan. 19th. So, I left it at that. Then out of the blue the other morning laying in bed he said, "I have a surprise for you for your birthday and you are going to LOOOOOVE it!" So I asked him questions like, "Is it something you've looked at in the past 2 months?" and he said yes....I asked several more questions and all he would say was that I would love the surprise. But for heaven's sake, sometimes I think men are just dumb enough sometimes to actually have something that probably is actually good, but isn't what he's got me expecting! So anyway, I've pretty much let him know in a round about way that I am expecting a ring....without actually telling him. So, for the next 15 days I'm going to be driving myself insane...well...okay...more insane than I already am....LMAO!!!! Oh, and then last nite he said the gift was green.....I was like WTF...and my bff was like....maybe the box is green???? Anyway....thanks for reading my ramblings, friends!
The waiting is the hardest part!!!  But he tells me, "It will be SOOOOOOO worth the wait!"  And I believe him!

new_york_metro , october_2011
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BeachBride76 Posts : 7 Registered: 1/5/09
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Jan 5, 2009 8:31 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Okay,
I have to tell you my story...
My now fiance and I have been dating for about 3.5 years, not to mention all the time that we were friends before that! I moved (with my then 6 year old son) 1500 miles so that we could be together.
I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. I spent the last year and a half thinking that a proposal was coming at any time. Every special occasion.... it was pure hell. We were on vacation this past summer, and I thought FOR SURE it would happen then, and when it didn't, I was crushed.
My fiance is the most amazing man in the world, but he didn't want to go into debt over a ring. He also wanted it to be a huge suprise. He wouldn't give me any info, AND he wouldn't even go look at rings with me.
I thought I was a huge fool, for making all of these sacrifices without a solid commitment from him, but what it all boiled down to was that I wanted to be with him... married or not. I just didn't want him to tell me that he wanted to get married if he didn't.
He proposed on Christmas morning... the ring was in my stocking... he had been plotting and planning with his mother. They took his great grandmother's ring and had it reset in a setting that he designed. All of this had been going on while I was throwing my temper tantrums. You have no idea how bad I felt.
The best advice I can give you is to leave him alone about it. As much as we get all worried and excited at the same time, this is something that guys think about, too. Planning a perfect proposal is your boyfriend's thing, and you don't want to take that away from him. You know it's coming, and as hard as it is.... you have to let him do it in his own way!!!!

I can't wait to see all of your pics!

anxiety , proposal
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towedinapril Posts : 7 Registered: 12/15/08
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Jan 6, 2009 7:25 PM Go to message in response to: BeachBride76

Thank you so much for the advice!!! I started thinking about it and if all I do is worry myself and him all the time, ask tons of questions, feel sorry for myself, etc, then will there ever be a TIME when he can actually propose LOL???? Who wants to propose to a girl who is bitching and crying all the time! So I 'm just going to wait it out. My birthday is less than 2 wks away, and if I get a ring, then WHOOPEE and if I don't, then I will be FINE! So my plan is not to mention anything about a ring for the next 2 wks lol! It will come, when he's ready. He went to the town he is moving to today to start looking for a rent home. He kept on about "good schools...etc" and so I was like, "You need to just worry about finding a house that is good for you right now, not worrying about us, b/c who knows when we'll move? And when we (my son and I) do move, we will rent our own home until we get married b/c we aren't going to live together before marriage anyway. He was like, "Why are you saying not to worry about ya'll?" and stuff like that...making him "think" a little may not be a bad thing lol!
The waiting is the hardest part!!!  But he tells me, "It will be SOOOOOOO worth the wait!"  And I believe him!

anxiety , proposal
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BeachBride76 Posts : 7 Registered: 1/5/09
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Jan 14, 2009 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

Good!
You know it's going to happen, which is really exciting in itself. Just take this time and enjoy it. You can also get a head start on figuring out what you want to do for a wedding. I started calling friends and family within an hour of getting engaged, and everyone wanted to know where and when, but since the proposal was such a huge surprise, I hadn't been thinking much about weddings and I didn't know what to say!
This is a second marriage for me, too, and trust me.... everyone has an opinion.

Hang in there, and keep me posted!

anxiety , proposal
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MandeeNY Posts : 1 Registered: 2/1/09
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Feb 2, 2009 12:38 PM Go to message in response to: towedinapril

wow, I never thought there would be an entire forum dedicated to EXACTLY how I'm feeling! I've also been with my boyfriend 1 1/2 years and we have lived together for 6 months. I don't know when it hit me, but it seemed like almost over night I went from thinking "yes, i want to get married someday but whenever it happens is cool.... no rush" to "if he doesn't propose NOW I think I'm going to explode!!" I think it was ever since we went ring shopping end of November. I'm going insane! It's ALL I think about! Now I have a place to vent! thanks.

Amanda

new_york_metro , june_2010
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NashG Posts : 2 Registered: 2/6/09
Re: So glad I found this board!!! I'm driving myself nuts!
Posted: Feb 6, 2009 4:58 AM Go to message in response to: MandeeNY

Hi,
This is really exceitingI am very much thankful to you.

Online Dating
Nothing

new_york_metro , june_2010 , june_2009
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