Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 1:35 AM

My MOH keeps asking me what she should plan for the bachlorette party and I honestly do not know what to tell her. My first problem is that I dont like the taste of most alcohol and do not care to get drunk, and neither does my MOH and a few bridesmaids, plus one is pregnant. So I do not want your typical drunk and crazy bachlorette party. My other issue is that my MOH is out of state until a few weeks before the wedding so I do not want to make planning this a huge ordeal for her, and I would prefer for it to not cost anyone much either. My last ordeal is that not all my bridesmaids know eachother so it wont be like getting a bunch of old friends back together. So we need to come up with something that is enjoyable for a collection of girls in their 20s that isnt too over the top.
I would love some suggestions as to what we should do.

My second issue is that I have many different people who are planning on throwing me showers. I really appreciate it, however, I do not know who I should invite or if I should invite them to each shower. As of now I am almost 100% positive that one of my bridesmaids, my aunt, and my future sister in law are planning me showers. My MOH might want to plan me a shower as well, and who knows if someone else will want to throw me one as well. I know they will all ask me who to invite and I dont want to exclude anyone, but is it rude to invite the same people to 3 or 4 showers? I hate for people to feel obligated to buy me gifts every other weekend and I hate to hurt anyones feelings by not inviting them. Any etiquette advice or suggestions?


deansbride Posts : 220 Registered: 3/24/08
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 4:12 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

I dunno crap about showers. As far as the bachelorette party I have one suggestion, do you have "comedy sportz" in your area? In milwaukee we have a an awesome place for it and they are super funny and have late night entertainment (alcohol is optional). I am planning on this for my BF's party since she has some under-agers in her wedding party.
Good luck and have fun!

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

-Dr Seuss


Cassiopeia Posts : 85 Registered: 1/1/09
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 4:28 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

I think I'll do some sort of a spa-day for my bachellorette party. :D I don't drink either.

Edited by: Cassiopeia on Jan 4, 2009 4:28 AM


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Dear Charlotte,

I'm with you. I don't drink alcohol nor do I enjoy the bar scene.

Since the girls don't know each other that well, why not consider going out to a play or sports event? That instantly gives them something in common to talk about at dinner, later.

If you need to keep costs down, consider minor league baseball or community theater.

As for the shower etiquette, here are some pointers.

You should not invite anyone to a shower who is not invited to the wedding. The exception is a work-place shower where only co-workers are in attendance.

Only bridesmaids and mothers should be invited to more than one shower. If there is some special situation where the same person should be invited to more than one, you can always take that person aside and confide in them your unease at appearing to be gift-grabby. Suggest to the person that they bring just one present to one shower, then attend the others present-free.

Alternatively, it's fairly easy to get "one" present that can be split into parts, such as a bath towel set. The person invited to multiple showers can give you the bath towels at one shower, the matching hand towels at another, etc. Had there been only one shower, she might have given you the entire set at once.

Finally, a shower is supposed to be an intimate gathering of the closer friends of the bride and the mother's friends. I've been to gigantic showers where the poor honoree has to open and exclaim over (literally) dozens of presents. It's really not that much fun.

Talk with your shower-offering friends and see about keeping the numbers down in the interest of the party being fun. That might eliminate duplicate invitations.


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 10:30 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

First off, bachelorette parties are not required. You could skip it if you want to.

If you want to do one, it doesn't have to involve alcohol and strippers. Heck, it doesn't even have to be at night. You could have a picnic in the park, go to a spa, or go to high tea at a swanky hotel. You could go to a baseball game or put on your dorky shoes and go bowling. It really depends on what you like to do and what you and your friends would enjoy. Since it's going to be within a week of your wedding, a spa might be a good option. You'll probably all want to get your nails done, anyway, so throw in another treatment, go out to lunch afterwards and call it your bachelorette party.

Ok, onto the shower situation. Is there any way you could ask the potential hosts to CO-HOST, rather than throwing you four seperate showers? I understand that you don't want to say no to someone who has been kind enough to offer to throw a shower, but four is a lot, especially if they're all in the same geographic area and would have the same guest list. I would either ask them to get together and cohost, or I'd say, 'Thank you for the offer, but someone else is already planning a shower for me and I don't feel like I have a large enough guest list to have multiple showers.'

To answer your question about who you can invite, I wouldn't invite the same people to more than one shower (BMs and mothers are an exception - they should be invited to all showers). When it comes down to it, bridal showers are not that interesting, even when you love the attending several would be tedious at best. Secondly, it would make you look greedy for gifts, as nobody wants to show up empty-handed at a shower. Usually, when brides have multiple showers, it is because different sides of the family live in different areas, so the guest list is different for each shower, depending on who lives close by. For example, two friends threw me a shower in DC, where I live, and invited my local friends. My MOH (my sister) threw me a small shower in MA, where my family and DH's family lives, and invited family members who live in the area. The only overlap on the two guest lists was my mom, my sister, and my MIL.

So unless there's a good reason to split your intended guests into several groups, I'd consolidate and ask the potential hosts to cohost ONE shower (or two, if they live in different areas and the guest lists won't overlap).

DaisypathWedding Ticker


karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

For my best friend's bachelorette party, the four bridesmaids and the bride went out for manicures and pedicures two days before the wedding. We then went out to dinner and dessert and had a drink. My friend said over and over how relaxing it was and how nice it was to just get away from wedding planning for a few hours.

Even with dinner, manicures, and pedicures, it was probably cheaper than a regular one.


Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 5, 2009 1:43 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Thanks for the advice ladies. I think a spa day sounds great. I am also thinking about either going to a comedy show or to a drag show. I think they can be fun and funny without being insane. I will want to make sure that the places we would go do not allow smoking because I will not drag my pregnant bridesmaid into a room full of smoke.

As for the showers my problem is that I feel like I cannot invite one person without leaving out another. If my mom comes, that means his mom must come. With my mom also comes my aunt and grandmothers, and with his mom also comes his two sisters and grandmothers. So the people start to add up. And I think it would be extremely rude to ask people to co-host parties, especially since all of the people who want to host showers for me don't really know one another. But I also feel like a jerk inviting people to 3 different showers. I know as a bridesmaid I would not mind, but I might be more laid back than most people and I like to celebrate.

My only thought was that the shower my aunt will host could be just for my side of the family and the one his sister will host could be for just his side of the family and the one my bridesmaid will host could be more blended. But I still feel like someone will have hurt feelings if they arent invited to something.


Nellieg03 Posts : 7 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 6, 2009 9:46 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

A place like Dave and Busters is an idea and Ive always thought it would be halairous to go see some drag at a bar or something. Im always up for a laugh!
~ a Match Made in Heaven ~


AshleyNJoey Posts : 15 Registered: 1/11/09
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 8:37 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

As for the bachelorette party, I myself have been trying to come up with ideas, as I am not a big drinker either. When I do go out, I only have a couple, and call it a night. And I don't like being in crowded bars with strangers, especially when they are close enough to touch me! Just a comfort-zone thing! And I am definitely against strippers, since I know that I would not feel comfortable with that. However, a friend of mine had suggested to do a girls weekend. If you, or even a close friend or family member has a cabin, summer house, etc.., find out if you could have access for the weekend, and then get all the girls together for a relaxing weekend. Then there is no pressure on anyone to come up with tons of money for the party. Everyone could pitch in a few bucks for pizza and soda, carry-out, or groceries for the weekend. And you could do facials and mani-pedis, etc.. without the high cost!! She said that she and her girls did this, as her ILs have a cabin on the lake, and that it was the best.

As for the showers, I can understand how it might be hard for you to ask the hosts to co-host. But think of it this way: Usually the MOH and BMs work together to host a shower anyways, so they would probably be willing to work together on one for you. Maybe for the guest list you could invite your friends only. ((Plus, you may feel more comfortable opening those "naughty" gifts that all friends get the brides without mom or grandma staring at you!!)) I'm sure that your mother would understand if you told her it was going to be a shower with "the girls". Otherwise, allow her to come, too! No biggie!! And for the other potential hosts, your aunt and your FSIL, I think that it would be good to ask them to co-host a shower. It would be a great opportunity for some of your family to meet some of his family and get to know each other in a less formal situation!! When my cousin got married, her shower was combined with both families, and it was nice to get to meet some of her FHs family. Obviously, if your families don't live close to each other, this might not be so practical.

By splitting the showers into two categories (family and friends), there will be no need to invite people to multiple showers. And even so, it would only be two.

If the co-host situation is not feasible, then maybe plan out the dates with everyone, and send one invite to everyone, allowing them to chose which shower they will be able to attend. ((Obviously, it would be nice to check with the hosts to make sure they would be comfortable with this also!!)) This might even allow someone to attend your shower because it gives them more options!!

Just some ideas! Hope they are helpful!!


Brooke051609 Posts : 723 Registered: 12/31/07
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 26, 2009 9:50 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Charlotte- it was like you were reciting my exact situations!! haha My MOH has been asking me what I'd like to do as well, And like you I'm not a big drinker and my MOH will be very pregnant as well as another friend! So while I want to have a fun girls night I don't want to do anything really crazy! We've talked about all going out to lunch, then come back to either a hotel room/suite (if we all split it it's not very expensive) and have one of those Temptation parties! Will all the sex toys, creams, funny embarassing stuff! I've been to one and it was hilarious. So it'd be a fun way to just kick back with the girls- have a few drinks if you want, snacks and such, and watch a presentation on things that make you blush! Definately something to have great laughs over!

I've been to a few though were we went to the Funny Bone (comedy club) and it was very fun! You can eat dinner and have some drkinks if you like and watch great comedy! No one feels great pressure, everyone can relax and kick back and have a great time!

As far as the shower- the PP's have all said what I'd say. I will end up with 3 showers when it's all said and done. I have A LOT of family, so at Christmas my one side coordinated the extended family Christmas celebration along with a couple's shower for FH and I for just that small part of the family. We did the same for my cousing at our family reunion. FH's family is HUGE- so my bridesmaid (his cousin) and his aunt are throwing a shower for that side of the family. Then my MOH will throw a shower for my side of the family (that's not on the other shower side of the family) and all my friends. The sides are pretty clear cut, the only people that would be invited to multiples would be my mom and my grandmother. But I told them that I don't wants gifts from them.
The easiest way is to divide those showers up into groups, family, extended family, co-workers, friends, etc. That way people are comfortable with one another and all have a great time!!


                             "Come What May... "


kwidener21 Posts : 98 Registered: 1/26/09
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 2:30 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Where I live we have a place that teaches pole dancing... You can bring your own food and drinks or nothing at all... All the pictures looked really fun, it's not that expensive either, like 15 a person... I know that it kinda sounds "trashy" but the place is a fitness center and it;s private when you book your party!


Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 3:59 PM Go to message in response to: kwidener21

I am not big into the bar/drinking scene and my MOH was only 18, so I had a similar issue with bachelorette party. I had a slumber party with my closest friends, sisters, and cousins. It was a lot of fun and didn't cost much. We played a few games, had a couple of glasses of wine and watched wedding themed movies. If you are looking for something more low-key, that may work for you. If everyone brings there favorite snack or soda, it costs barely anything.

I 2nd everything ArtBride said about showers.


Don't make me go Brooklyn on you. I have brass knuckles and I know how to use them.


ginamarie77 Posts : 1 Registered: 1/8/07
Re: Bachlorette Party Ideas and Shower Etiquette
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

If one of the girls who is planning on throwing one of the bridal showers is into scrapbooking, maybe you could suggest having an after the wedding scrapbooking party. You could have everybody bring some of their favorite pictures from your wedding and make pages to go into a photo album. This is what my girls have planned for me and I am very excited! I will be providing the album and some of th paper, but if anyone sees paper or stickers that they like they can bring them. It will be a way to invite everyone together and they don't have to bring a gift.


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