MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!

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lmc07 Posts : 271 Registered: 1/4/07
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 26, 2008 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

I am so sorry for you!! You are definitely not shallow! I think, I would have made a scene right there under the Christmas tree. But that's just me ;)

Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

 


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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 26, 2008 4:23 PM Go to message in response to: lmc07

Oh Marty I don't blame you for being upset at all!!!!!!!!! If FH had bought someone else a diamond necklace and me a salad spinner (even if I asked for it) I would be super-hero pissed off!!!!!!!! And if he is calling his daughter a spoiled brat and then buying her such an expensive gift, it's obvious that the reason that she's spoiled is her daddy.

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 26, 2008 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Marty, this is part of your larger, on-going issue with your husband and the way he treats both you and his daughter. As one half of a couple, what he spends is your concern as well as his. If he got you what you wanted (shredder, etc.), then it's not a question of which gift is more "romantic" or even more expensive. It's a matter of making mutual decisions about what you're going to do, what you're going to spend,etc.

I truly believe that you two would benefit tremendously from some marriage counseling. Otherwise, if it's not this issue, it will be another. Can you really see the rest of you life spent being angry all the time?
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Edited by: myra on Dec 27, 2008 1:35 AM

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 27, 2008 8:08 AM Go to message in response to: myra

I have to agree with Myra. I did think to bring this up when I posted originally, but I didn't know how. As usual, Myra did it very well.

Even you giving in on the BF to not "ruin" Christmas, is symptomatic of what seems to usually happen. The daughter gets her way as you try not to 'rock' the boat.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 28, 2008 2:34 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

Oh, Marty, what a mess... I remember some of what you have posted about the issues you have with your SD and I certainly don't blame you for being upset that he bought her such an extravagant gift. One thing that immediately comes to mind, though, is that he did get you everything you asked for so he very well might be thinking that he did a real bang-up job on your Christmas gifts. Guys think a lot differently from us girls and there is a strong possibility that he truly did not even realize that you might want a diamond necklace or that you might be upset that he bought his (very spoiled) daughter a WAY bigger gift than he got for you. I am NOT excusing him or saying you shouldn't be mad, I am just saying that he may genuinely not even know that he did something wrong. So, before you yell at him you might want to get it all out of your system on here (isn't this a wonderful outlet? lol) so that you can discuss it with him calmly since he probably has no idea it is even coming.

When you do talk to him make sure it is clear what you are upset about and what he can do to redeem himself. Make it clear, too, that as you are now married and are a team he can't just go off and buy his daughter such an expensive gifts. I mean, unless you have a LOT of money (and these days most of us don't) he shouldn't even be buying YOU a gift that costs that much without discussing it with you ahead of time. (He wouldn't necessarily have to tell you what he was going to get you, just give you a ballpark dollar amount so that you could tell him if you thought it was too much and unnecessary).

I also really think you need to see a marriage counselor to help you both learn to work through the issues and aggravations surrounding your SD. It sounds like he cannot say no to her and it clearly bothers you (as it would almost everyone) and it may be too much for the two of you to handle on your own.

In the meantime just grin and bear it and count down until you can talk to him about it.

Good luck!

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT.***update***
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

Thanks to all of you!! My new Christmas song: "Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go!!"...thanks to my bff...but I still thinks she should go back to Mexico where's there's no cell service!! LOL...totally didn't take my side on this one....but that's one thing I love about her...just tells me the way she thinks the cookie crumbles...whether I like it or not!!

I was pissed when I wrote my post...and yes, still am a little...It just hurt, period. The thing that just threw me for a loop was that we did talk about what we were going to get her and her boyfriend. I asked my dh what else: he said nothing, I should just get a business card and put a bow on it. I said "huh?"....didn't say a damn thing on this....he got her a job at his office...an office of two...him included and totally fumbled around explaining how he's...no wait...not him!! they, the office...wtf ever (that's a who there..lol) is paying her...So, apparently, my hubby is "made of money"...wow...she's getting quite an hourly rate there...

So, I didn't go out and buy her and her boyfriend anything else. Their stockings were stuffed, she was getting some really nice presents from her dad...blah, blah, blah...

And then this diamond necklace...the "journey pendant"....appears!! It's freaking gorgeous!!...and yes, I was pissed it's not worth half the mortgage...but close!! I just kinda wish my dh would have told me he totally changed his mind on what he's getting her....but maybe not....why should he??

I just wish my hubby would of thought of me when buying diamonds...it's not like I gave him a Christmas list of a salad spinner and paper shreader!! And that's the honest truth!! I've told him howI feel...he just doesn't get it.

It was just a hard Christmas Eve...my Mom's present....was totally, totally "not my Mom"..(for those of you who don't know, she's gone thru chemo, cancer, whole nine yards) She's doing great!! AMAZING!! Her personality, totally different...it's hard...her gift was beautiful...a music box, just totally not my Mom....Then my cousin sent me a text because I sent her a funny picture of chestnuts roasting on an open fire....it was about how I need kids...she has a ton...THAT was depressing...(don't want to get into the whole kid issue)....then my dh was on the phone for over an hour with a client....and then the diamond necklace...ouch!!

This is getting waaayyy to long...I'll have to respond to everyone later!! But after everything is said and done, I did have a "fun" Christmas....since Thanksgiving weekend!!



Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!

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nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT.***update***
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 11:23 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

Oh Marty, so so sorry. You vent..and shout and cry and anything else you need to do..we're here. In my opinion, you have every right to feel that way. Chin up girlie! and big hugzzzzz

 

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bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

go out and buy yourself a diamond necklace of your choosing. I wanted one as a wedding gift and never got one so right after the wedding I went and bought myself a 1 carat diamond journey necklace. I am a beautiful women with money of my own and I bought myself something I wanted.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 3:45 PM Go to message in response to: bride4life

Oh, Marty, that sucks...but as usual, I enjoyed reading your post! I'd feel the same way, as irrational as it is. Even though I said I wanted a salad spinner, etc, I'd be upset that he didn't get me a diamond necklace, especially after concocting that thoughtful story about him remembering that you'd lost your other necklace. And I'd also be upset about the amount of money spent on his daughter. There's no reason to spend that much on a Christmas present. Maybe you should do your shopping together next year, to avoid surprises like this one?

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Oh helllllllllllllllll no. Fuck THAT shit!!! I'd be PISSED as hell!!!

I'm sorry I missed this. Have you talked to him yet? You said he doesn't "get it." Maybe I can explain it to him? Can I ask what you got him? Hope all is better now and that the little spoil brat was fucking grateful for her damn DIAMOND necklace.

Mrs. Pinky

Our Wedding Website 

My mom: "Xanax - sometimes I will take a half and it really eases tension and keeps me from being less of raving bitch."

My friend: "Alcohol just makes the floor hate me even more."

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 9:59 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

Marty.... I'm sorry, but the Journey Pendant is NOT a daddy daughter gift. That is a gift for your significant other. PERIOD. (Men... is there not someone who EXPLAINS THIS SHIT TO THEM? SERIOUSLY!) I mean... A diamond heart, a cross, a solitaire, a cat, a penguin, a flower....whatever, those can be from daddy to his daughter....but not the Journey pendant, not the PPF pendant. Those are significant other gifts.. .

You want we should create a course for dingy DHs who need to be clued in?

You do need to have a discussion with him about this so that he does understand that there are some pieces of jewelry which DO have significance and should not be given to anyone but his wife (aka YOU). Some are acceptable gifts to the daughter, but others are now. In any event, you should probably set budgets for gifts for one another and for the others.

This was my first Christmas with FH here (he moved from Vegas) and my family intimidated him at Christmas -- not because they spent a lot, but because he see how I do it--I shop all year. So we're going to sit down and set a budget for how much we spend on each other, how much we spend our our families, etc.

And Mrs. P.... CUTE new photo

Misty

wedding countdown

Visit our Wedding Website

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Jan 2, 2009 1:08 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Thanks I can FINALLY see it.

Mrs. Pinky

Our Wedding Website 

My mom: "Xanax - sometimes I will take a half and it really eases tension and keeps me from being less of raving bitch."

My friend: "Alcohol just makes the floor hate me even more."

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT....WTFFFFF!!
Posted: Jan 2, 2009 2:21 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Ok I just now read this and I am sorry Marty... I feel bad for you. But hey at least you got more than a book... Thats right FH only got me a book that I already had.... Oh well better luck next year??? ANd to top it off he didn't eve stay up for New years... thats right he missed our first New years together.... He wont live that one down for a while

Can't wait to be  a Mrs.

http://www.mywedding.com/shannonandbrandon<magicalkingdoms.com Ticker
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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT.***update***
Posted: Jan 2, 2009 2:51 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

I'd have been hurt too- and disappointed-he should have clued you in before xmas that he was giving her that gift. It is a romantic gift. But I think that you two will sort this out if you talk about it. It is something that will come with adjustment of the new situation for both of you. It's all about adjustment and expectations.
Christmas with adult step children is a new adventure for me too. I've always spent a little more on my kids than my dh had on his- because in the past I had more money-so this year I started taming the spending down (because my budget required it). In the end, ironically, we both spent about the same. But we had separate xmas' for the kids because I didn't want them assessing each others gifts to see who got more and trouble starting. (We each bought our own kids' gifts). And his family was more inclusive of my kids than mine was with his (that is something I'll have to talk to my mom about). I'm just glad it's over. I've never been so stressed out about a Christmas before.

Maggie and Tom-8-31-08

Obama Inaguration Day

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mrslilysolovely Posts : 2,130 Registered: 7/24/06
Re: MARTY IS F* PISSED OVER AN F* CHRISTMAS PRESTENT.***update***
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 12:10 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

tap tap tap..."am I on?"

this new version of the site is quite a show. good to be back, though seems I drop in when you are having these same issues with your husband, marty. I am so sorry that once again he has dropped some whopper right into your lap (as usual, in a public setting ) and left you hanging out there to just deal with it however you can.

It's not about the money, and it's not about the salad spinner ( do those work well, BTW?)

It is about the fact that THIS happening is not just a one time thing... " oh damn, dh really is a as stupid as women who bash men say- ok, note to self: better get to trainin' this dude right away!"

NO, we did that last year... we did that at nearly every recent big holiday and/or major occasion
( 2nd christmas in a row and your wedding too, as I recall).
You got upset, vented here, calmed down and talked with him about all those things in a dignified and adult manner (I am sure) and felt that you had gotten through to this man about your problem with his complete lack of TELLLING you about the extravagant purchases and budget busting gifts (not to mention major auto repairs and the like) for his daughter.

And here it is, yet another instance of his total disregard for your input on these decisions. To sit there and tell you that no there is nothing else he is getting for his daughter, and then go behind your back (once again) and buy her a totally inappropriate gift is just completely in character with the man we have seen via your words in a good number of your posts here.

I'm sorry, I don't seem to be around when you are posting the good stuff, cause it would be an answer to my question of why you keep letting him do you this way. You deserve far better! I think it may not only be marriage counseling - I think y'all need a financial counselor! ( Don't worry, I need one too, but that is beside the point).

From what I have seen, the man does not want to make decisions in a team oriented fashion. You keep asking him to do so, then excusing him him when he doesn't. Take a stand, rock the boat...get what you are really asking for from this man - the respect and dignity of a marital discussion about major purchases, financial plans and important family decisions - so you can be a woman who knows what is happening under her own roof!

And here is the thing I just don't get...please tell m why he would ask you to go into the closet and find your present, knowing there is an empty jewlery box in there that is not FOR you? And then all that about Santa and stuff...WTF? Hype it all up and then slam you with a paper shredder? Yes, we all need one, but all that ' bogus present preiview' malarky was just , like... cruel, I am sorry but it was more than insensitive and he obviously DOES know how to give good gifts - and I want to know if that journey pendant is what she asked for. Then that (to me) means she is most likely behind this whole deal, once again trying to hurt your feelings. And even that would be fine, cause you can see it for what it is... if only HE wouldn't do things behind your back and then you only find out when the present is opened and you are left holding the brown paper bag...trying not to hyperventillate.

It's not about presents, it's about love and thoughtfulness. Not for just one day - for all year, for all your marriage...

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