Hi everyone,
My name is Erika and this is my first post here. I'm on the brink of engagement and am having to face an issue I've avoided for years. I'm at a loss and am very interested in any advice that can be given to me since this is something I can't exactly talk to my family about.
I do not have a close relationship (or any type of positive relationship) with my biological parents. I was conceived from the event of a one-night stand. When my biological father found out my mother was pregnant, he skipped town until almost a year after I was born. He later returned and became involved in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship with my mother that they are still both in to this very day. Upon entering the relationship, my mother discovered that he did not want a child and, since she wanted him, she didn't either. Needless to say, I was practically forgotten about by the two of them and was raised by my great-grandfather, great-grandmother, and great-aunt. Now, at 21 years of age, I have made peace with the situation and have limited contact with both of my parents even though they live 3 houses down the street from me.
My great-grandfather (who legally adopted me) has passed on and, without a father-figure in my life, I have no idea who could walk me down the aisle and "give me away". The closest person I have as a father-figure is my best friend's father. To add on to the dilemma, when the seating of the mothers is to take place, I am uncertain who should sit in the 'mother' section on my side. Should it be my great-grandmother, great-aunt, my best friend's mother (since I'm very close to her, as well), or my biological mother that takes part in the wedding? I am grieved with the idea of my biological parents being at my wedding and having them know that I chose not to allow them to be apart of my wedding. I know what it is like to be hurt by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I do not want them to have the same feelings about me even though they chose to push me away. My main concern is my mother. While I am not close with her, she is in an abusive relationship by choice and she chose to let me go, but I feel like not allowing her to be apart of the wedding would be too much for her. At the same time, I do not think it is fair to me or the other three women in my life who have helped me so much to allow my mother to be apart of it when she has done nothing.
My family is pretty bizarre and, while I chose to go against the flow of them, I do not want my future in-laws to think I am a reflection of my parents and my crazy family. I do not want to be the person who has four mothers be seated on the first row compared to my future hubby's one. How should I go about handling this situation properly and stop feeling guilty and upset?
--Erika
