ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!

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jloveland Posts : 33 Registered: 12/18/08
ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 26, 2008 10:12 PM

Im so pissed, I gave my man hints to propose to me this xmas and yet no luck. I know I plan on proposing in february but dang....cant he step up or something? Im just sad about him not thinking he wants to. But his ass better tell me yes lol...thats all I gotta say.

Also, for my mans bday in feb, the day im proposing, his sister is flying in from alaska and im hoping to have his other siblings all come to dinner and i will propose then with getting a giant cookie made by the mrs fields bakery chain store or whatever they are and then in chocolate chips or something having them put will you marry me on that romantic enough?? His family would be surrounding us so that would be special....should i kneel? I read a website that says most women who propose dont but what should i do? i feel like i should but i dont really want to.

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Edited by: jloveland on Dec 26, 2008 10:14 PM


Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 26, 2008 10:48 PM Go to message in response to: jloveland

I'm not a huge proponent for tradition just for tradition's sake, but do you think in proposing to your fiance in front of his family, you'd be taking something away from him? Is he looking to propose? Is he not ready to propose? If you guys are just one of those cool non-traditional folks I say go for it! All the way! But I would be careful that you don't make people uncomfortable with it, I suppose is what I'm saying. :)

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 27, 2008 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: jloveland

cant he step up or something? Im just sad about him not thinking he wants to

I have to agree with Nala. Your proposal might be best done privately. If he doesn't "want to," why do you think that your proposing to him will make him want to? Maybe you should stop "hinting" and actually ask him what his intentions are for this relationship.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 27, 2008 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: jloveland

I have a quick question. If you are planning to propose, then why are you waiting for your man to propose to you? I don't think proposing in front of family is a good idea before you talk to him and see what his intentions are. I would hate for you both to be in an awkward position.

Good luck and please keep us posted!

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 27, 2008 11:32 AM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

I'm a little concerned now. If you are planning to propose to him then why are you even hinting for him to propose to you, that just doesn't make sense... I'm with the other girls, if he isn't wanting to propose yet, it may not be a good idea to pop the question to him infront of all of his family. Are you even sure your guy is going to be okay with being the one asked instead of doing the asking? If he is not okay with you proposing to him and stealing that moment from him, then it could be traumatic for your relationship, not to mention humiliating and demasculinizing (I just made that word up I think haha) for him.

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jmd22 Posts : 125 Registered: 7/17/08
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

I had the same concerns as the above posters when reading this. My boyfriend would be absolutely mortified if I proposed to him. I guess we don't know if you and your man have discussed this or not, but I think that most men want to be the ones to pop the question, and would feel pretty blindsided and like you had taken something away from them. If he's not ready to get married, then you proposing to him isn't going to change anything. I wish you luck though!


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 3:29 PM Go to message in response to: jloveland

Maybe he just didn't want to propose on Christmas. A lot of people don't care for holiday proposals. Personally, I'm glad we got engaged on a random day. That way, we get to remember some random date and celebrate getting engaged rather than sharing our 'engagement anniversary' with some other event, like Christmas or a birthday. And everybody expects it on Christmas. You don't get the element of 'Surprise - we're engaged!' the day after Christmas, the day after Valentine's day, or the day after your birthday. You get the element of surprise on, say, Oct 3rd. Unless Oct 3rd is your birthday. In that case, you'd want to pick March 27th to get engaged.

I'd also advise against proposing with an audience, particularly since it's a non-traditional proposal. I think a lot of men would feel a little emasculated if their girlfriend took on this 'man role' in front of a group of people. I think it's awesome when women propose, but I wouldn't do it in front of anybody if there's any chance he would feel emasculated. That'll blow up in your face.

Also, if you're a traditional couple and you've been discussing marriage, he might have something planned of his own. Or he might have an idea for a proposal when he's ready...but he might not be ready just yet. And if he plans to propose on his own someday but he's just not ready yet, you'll likely get a big, fat 'No,' which is another reason not to propose in front of his family.

DaisypathWedding Ticker


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 29, 2008 5:56 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I am with ArtBride on the holiday proposal thing. Some guys do not want to propose on a holiday or other 'special day' (like a birthday) because .... what happens if something ends up going wrong -- then you might no longer like a holiday you'd previously loved. (For example: my ex proposed on March 11, the day after my birthday -- he didn't want me to forever be upset on my birthday if something happened, like we broke up or he died or some other reason to make my birthday have a different significance.)

So he might be planning on it . FEEL him out before you propose to him. We dream of the wedding, but they dream of the proposal.


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SanaChan Posts : 47 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 11:51 AM Go to message in response to: jloveland

I know that it's 2008 and all, and women are equal to men, but I'm not really a fan of women proposing.

There is something to be said about tradition and convention. A woman asking a man seems a little desperate to me. Men usually take longer to decide who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. And I'm not sure if it will mean as much to you to propose as it would to receive one. You also don't want him to feel he has to say yes just to keep you around or your wedding is doomed for failure anyways.
"Those who want to relive their youth, are probably too old to remember it."


BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: SanaChan

"A woman asking a man seems a little desperate to me."

I think that's a tad rude and uncalled for. And kinda silly, too. But that is all I will say about that.

To the originial poster: you said you have dropped hints about him proposing, but have the TWO OF YOU ever had a conversation about getting married, approximately when you might want to, etc.? If you haven' need to have that conversation before anyone proposes to anyone (in my opinion). If you have...I have no advice. I personally have no problem with women proposing to men, but since it seems like you would rather be proposed to...that's a tough call.

You could always do what I did. Buy him an engagement ring (which I believe you did already?) , wait for him to promise, and then give him the ring as you accept the proposal. My hubby liked it.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: jloveland

Dear JLoveland,

And what are you going to do if, in front of siblings and friends, you propose and he says "Let's talk. Privately", then, privately, "I don't want to marry you".

I really don't think proposals should be public affairs. This is something the couple should do privately, so if the proposal is declined, no one suffers public embarrassment.

It should only be public if the person doing the proposing is 100% sure the proposal will be accepted. If a man is dragging his feet, for whatever reason, then I can't see how the woman can possibly be 100% sure he will accept.


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: ANOTHER xmas and NO ring!
Posted: Dec 31, 2008 3:38 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I agree with Birdie's last post on all accounts. First off, to the person who said it seems 'desperate' for women to propose, that was uncalled for, not to mention antiquated and sexist. A woman taking things into her own hands is far less desperate, in my opinion, than a woman who sits around waiting for her boyfriend to propose, constantly thinking, 'Maybe tonight is the night!'

Secondly, I agree 100% with Birdie that you two should have a serious talk about marriage before anyone proposes to anyone. I know a lot of women think that a surprise proposal is super-romantic - and that's fine. The proposal itself can be a surprise...but the fact that it's coming sometime soon should NOT be. Whether the man or woman proposes, it shouldn't come out of the blue to the other person. Sure, you can talk about marriage AFTER the proposal as well...but when it comes down to it, the proposal is a promise to marry one another. Doesn't it make sense to discuss it BEFORE promising to do it? Also, I totally agree with AOTB that this should be done in private, especially since it's nontraditional and might come as a surprise.

I'm stressing this only because I'm not sure whether the OP and her boyfriend have discussed marriage. She said she's dropped hints, but I'm unsure whether a serious discussion on the subject has taken place. Also, I looked at her profile and saw that she's pretty young (not quite 20), so I'm assuming that her boyfriend is within 5 years of her age. With such a young couple, I think it's ESPECIALLY important to talk seriously about marriage before getting engaged. At any age, one partner might be ready and the other might not be...but with such a young couple, I think the chances of that are higher.

DaisypathWedding Ticker


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