Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 34

WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

I'm sure this will be slightly repetitive but here it goes.

I think that sending a newsletter with the invitation was a little harsh and slightly tacky. I like the idea of having putting it on your website or sending it through word of mouth. However I do think it is okay to put the dress on your invite, thats no big deal. But whats done is done and there are no redos so it doesn't matter.

About the no alcohol at your wedding, thats your choice. I'm not having alcohol at my reception either, the venue doesn't allow it, which is good for me, because from day 1 of the engagement I have said no alcohol at the reception. However, I do not feel the need to inform my guest of this prior to the event. If they are not enjoying my reception because of their lack of "buzz" then they can leave early if they want, thats their porogative, and their will be no hard feelings.

The photos, in a way I understand. Flashes during the actual ceremony could be distracting for you and POSSIBLY your photographer. However saying no pictures throughout the entire event is a bit much. I would recommend just having your officiant announce before the ceremony starts that you request no flash photography during the ceremony. I think guest should be free to take pics all they want during the reception, and if one flash in a LARGE room will bother your photographer, then I'd suggest looking for a new one.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Dear Bride 2008,

"And you are absolutely right that celebrities demand no photos at their weddings. "

Good catch. I missed that.

Celebrities often SELL the exclusive rights to their family photos to publications such as People Magazine. Part of that exclusive rights contract is a prohibition on others taking photos.

(Personally, I think that's part of what is wrong with the entire Celebrity Culture we have these days. But, that's another rant.)


TigerBride515 Posts : 482 Registered: 10/15/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I generally agree with everyone else that it is your approach that was off putting not your requests. But I have to wonder is it you that is opposed to the guests taking photos or is this something that your photographer has instilled in you? From the way you wrote about that particular request it sounded like it was under the influence of a photographer that doesn't want any competition for you or others purchasing his photos.

 preview image


DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 11:32 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

The no bar is no big deal. If people think that they have to drink to have a good time then that is not the kind of people I would invite to my wedding. (although I am having some alcohol at my reception) but that is your choice.

The no photos thing would make me a bit angry. When I dress up to go to an event (regardless of the event) I like to take photos of others and of myself with people I have not seen in a while because it isn't everyday i work hard to look my best. Also your photographer is mostly going to be taking pictures of you and the wedding party and not all of the guest will be in the photos. What if dear aunt sally wants a picture with the bride to show all of her friends at the retirement home.

As far as the dress code...usually you decide how to dress by the style and wording on the invitation. so people might have been offended by that. who knows though...people are weird and some people take stuff to personally.

Previously posted as Military Bride


CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 12:16 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

I would seriously consider another photographer. I have never heard of such a thing that other people's flashes will interfer with his pictures. Wow! lol


ginmal Posts : 396 Registered: 1/11/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I personally would not go to a wedding if the invite came with a NEWSLETTER informing me and other guests how to behave. I think you are going WAYYYY to far. I personally don't like the no bar idea. Give them something...why not a cash bar if you don't want to pay for it?? Your wedding is about you and FH...but you also have to think about accomidating your GUESTS who are taking their time to help share your special day.
The pictures thing is absolutley ridiculous. If your photographer REALLY told you that other people flash would ruin your pictures then you need to find another photographer because he has no idea what he is talking about. And really, guests aren't ONLY taking pictures of the bride and groom. I was just a MOH in my sisters wedding and I took tons of pics of me and my DH, my daughter and neice, friends and family...not just the bride and groom. And she even put up the disposable cameras on each table for guests to take pics for her (as I did at my own wedding...my pics were great) and I just saw her proofs they are great as well.
And as far as your "Celebrities can request no pictures why can't I?" comment makes you sound like a selfish uppity snot. You are not a celebrity. Celebrities SELL their wedding pictures to tabloids...THAT is why they don't allow papparazzi to take pics at their wedding. Since you are not a celebrity you don't have to worry about papparazzi, nor magazines wanting to buy pics of you and your wedding.
Try to chill out a little bit and think about your guests and not just you.

Bless your own day, leave mine alone!Innocent



Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 1:02 PM Go to message in response to: ginmal

I would really encourage you to re-think the no photos thing. For me, they were the FIRST pictures I saw and they made me REALLY happy! Most professional photos can take up a MONTH to get! Do you really want to go that whole month without seeing a picture of how you looked or how the reception looked? :)

IMG_7875.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008



MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 1:20 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel


Taken by themselves the attire and alcohol policy is well within the realm of normal. Some people may disagree with your method of delivering the message but frankly, I don't see much difference between a newletter and a website devoted to your wedding. The major difference is that a website might allow you to deliver the new one nugget at a time rather than all at once. But the horse is already out of the barn.

For those of you who are contemplating a no alcohol policy, announcing it before the wedding, just gives those determined few individuals the time to plan a way to sneak booze into your reception. It is much better to have them arrive and discover it at the wedding. The attire issue is also normally communicated to the guests on the invitation. I've seen everything from Black-tie to Formal to Semi Formal.

The final issue are related to photography. Even I think that asking for no cameras for the complete day might be going a bit too far. I can see limiting guest camera usage during the ceremony and other key moments. But during the reception, the guests will want to take photos not only of you but themselves and friends. Perhaps you misunderstood the photographer's request.

A guest's flash will interfere with the professional photographer. During the formal photos, if somebody is shooting over the photographer's shoulder, the subjects might be looking at the wrong camera. Also if the professional takes the official photo just moments after the guest, the subjects' eyes will be shut due to the bright light of the first flash. Finally, though rare, I have seen situations where there has been a simulaneous flash from both the professional and guest photographer. Or worse yet, if the photographer is using existing light, then the guest's simultaneous flash can cause the photo to be so far over exposed that it is impossible to save the image. Can you imagine how upset a client would be if that brief first kiss was lost due to a guest's interference?

I am reading between the lines. But when you say you want people to buy from the professional photographer, it almost sounds to me the photographer has promised you free proofs or some other incentive if you meet some preset purchase goal. For instance If you and your guests purchase $1000 of prints from the wedding then I'll give you your proofs for free. Should this in fact, be the case, please don't limit guest photos and then blame the photographer for a no camera rule.

Finally, I can certainly understand a person wanting to control when and where their likeness is used on the internet. Did you know that while a photographer owns the copyright to an image, the subject of that image controls how the image may be used? In many cases, that is why a model release is needed. Basically, the subject is giving the photographer their release to use the photo commercially. However, a model release is not needed for artistic, editorial or news usage. It really comes down to how the photo is being used. A photo in the newspaper to accompany a news story and that's fine. But use the same photo in the same newspaper as part of an ad and you'll need a model release.

Unfortunately, in this day and age you will not be able to totally control your guests' ability to take photos. There will always be camera phones and other small cameras. You might reduce the number of photos taken but you will not be able to eliminate them. But you can control how they use those photos.

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

I don't have an issue with non-drinkers choosing not to serve alcohol (though, personally, even though I don't drink very often I would miss having a little wine at a wedding and think a cash bar or a bottle of wine at each table or something would be nice and wouldn't lead to major drunkenness) and while the way you phrased it might have turned people off I don't think there is anything wrong with requesting semi-formal attire. However, I do think you should reconsider your no photo and video policy.

Yes, celebrities do this all the time but YOU are not a celebrity and you do not run the risk of someone selling your wedding photos to US Weekly. And probably 95% of brides have a professional photographer and I have NEVER heard of a guest's flash interfering with a professional's photo quality and I have certainly never heard of a problem with videotaping. I suppose if you really are worried about guests posting your pics online (though, again, since you aren't a celebrity this may come off as being a bit bridezillaish) you could personally ask them (on the phone or by email, not in a newsletter with your invites) in a very nice and nonconfrontational way not to post any of your pics as it makes you uncomfortable. And so what if you never get to see other people's pics of your wedding? Where is the rule that says you must see every photo taken of you and retain control over what people do with those photos?

But to expect or even ask your guests to BUY your wedding photos??? I have to be blunt here- that's not just asking too much, it is downright tacky. Now, this might have sounded OK when you first came up with it but it is really not something you should be asking your guests to do, it really crosses the line between being a good hostess and being a bridezilla. I hope that you will reconsider.


juicygirl16 Posts : 49 Registered: 8/30/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 4:56 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

As others have said, this is YOUR special day. Those who you have invited should feel honored that you and your FH have decided to include them on such a meaningful day in your life. That being said, I feel that it is 100% acceptable to let guests know that there will be no alcohol at your reception. I know multiple people who felt the same way as you. You're right, people should respect you enough that they can survive without drinking alcohol. My suggestion is that you offer fun "mocktails" instead, if that is doable. That way your guests can still have something tasty to sip on without the possibility of getting out of control.

As for the photos, I completely understand where you are coming from not wanting your photos all over the internet, etc. But I also know that it's fun to take your own, more candid pictures at weddings, partially because it's very difficult for the photographers to get many, many shots of every individual at your wedding, especially when they are trying to focus on you (and they should!). I like the idea someone mentioned earlier about having a set time/place for your guests to take photographs. Don't be offended by people being upset, they just want to be able to take pictures and have the memories of your wonderful day. :)

Attire wise, it's your wedding, your location, it's not that difficult! I also feel like semi formal, for many women this day in age, could mean dressy pants and top, tastefully of course. So maybe consider giving them some flexibility there. Either way, when it comes down to it, it is your wedding and your guests should care about you enough to respect their wishes, but if they need a compromise, maybe try to work something out. :)


bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 5:29 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

I agree with everything except for the pictures. I don't know about your photographer, but mine cost $8 per 4x6. If I take a picture with my own camera I can take it to Walmart and print one for $0.19. If your photographer's 4x6 is anywhere near what mine were than I think you are asking too much from your guests to buy them later. I assume the people you are inviting are family and friends so why can't they take a quick picture??? So what if it is not a 'good' picture? People took pictures at my wedding and no one interfered with my photographer.

I agree about the alcohol and the dress...but I think you should bend on the photography.


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 9:13 PM Go to message in response to: bride4life


I'm getting a mental image here.

Uncle Horace and Aunt Millie get out of their car. Uncle Horace says "Millie, you sure look purty tonight.", and gets out his cell phone to get a picture of her beauty parlor hairdo.

Along come the Photo Police, blocking the shot. "If you want a picture of Millie and her beauty parlor hairdo, you'll have to contact the official site photographer and pay for the privledge."


jloveland Posts : 33 Registered: 12/18/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 22, 2008 12:26 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

Nope you aren't asking for too much and boo hoo on them, it's not their wedding. If they want to go they will adhere to the rules. I really believe in no alchol at my wedding but I know we will have it and im still ok witih that. My man use to abuse drugs and alcohol about 10 years ago and so I wouldnt want to push that on him when hes been clean and sober over 10 years. I personally have never had any problems nor have I drank alcohol willingly but I do think if people want to celebrate then thats fine....people in my family are pretty classy and not big drinkers so i know there wont be any problems.


Future Mrs. Salinas!


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 22, 2008 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: pattyjay1

Are you asking too much?

Opinions vary, and here are mine.

Alcohol? Quite possibly. Depends on how well I know/like you. I'd probably go, but chances are strong I'd leave early. And I'd never complain to your face -- hubs and I would complain to eachother. It's your wedding and, as a guest, I'd never tell you you should pay my bar bill.

Photos? As AOTB, you're asking them to pay your photographer's price. Celebrities demand it for reasons that are unique to celebrities, and their guests oblige because they understand how celebrity works. You're not a celebrity, so I think it's unreasonable. I suspect your photographer is trying to hoodwink you, and a good photographer can work around other people's cameras. Also, some of my fave pics were the ones the guests took.

And another thing -- what if your guests want to take pictures of eachother? I don't just take pictures of the bride and groom at a wedding -- I will take pictures of the table, or have others take pictures of me and hubs at the wedding.

Attire? That's fine. For me, semi-formal means something specific, and not necessarily what I'd normally wear to a wedding.

That's what I think, anyway.

My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson


SteffMay2009 Posts : 383 Registered: 10/22/08
Re: Asking Too Much?
Posted: Dec 23, 2008 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Certainly everyone is entitled to hold a wedding whatever way they prefer, and I'm not trying to be rude, but I think the posters who say "it's your day.. the guests can deal" are a little out of line. If in fact it is "your day" then why have guests at all if you are not at all concerned with them enjoying themselves? I agree that the newsletter damage has been done, and while I would be slightly peeved, and definitely not look forward to a juice bar wedding.. I would don my snazziest semi-formal dress and leave my camera at home.


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