No children Please

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WyoBride Posts : 1 Registered: 2/3/08
No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 2:29 PM

My fiance and I are planning a small desintaion wedding for just out imidiate family. He has one niece and i have one nephew. We have both decided that we don't think it's best for the little ones to attend. Were planning on having activies for everyone to do during the day and fun things at night that might keep us up late a few nights. We don't think that having both little kids there would be a good idea. We have opted not to have a babysitter and just not have them come at all. My family is fine with it. His family is not. I think that they need to respect our wishes but they don't see it that way. We just want everyone to be able to have fun. His sister who has the child is young and not very resonsible and would most likely end up making his mom watch his niece while the rest of us go out. We don't want that. Its turing into a disaters because everyone knows that no kids are coming except his sister his mom won't let any of us tell her.So she won't be upset. What shoudl I do?

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ginmal Posts : 396 Registered: 1/11/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 2:35 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

Sounds like there isn't much you can do. I have an 8 year old daughter, and I can say...the ONLY people I ever let babysit my daughter (without including daycare) is my mother, sister, and BIL. So if I were supposed to attend a DW and my mother and sister and BIL were all attending as well, I simply wouldn't be able to make it if children weren't invited. You want the parents to respect your wishes in not bringing children to your wedding, respect their choice not to come due to lack of baby-sitter.

Bless your own day, leave mine alone!Innocent

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

Dear Wyo,

"We don't want that. Its turing into a disaters because everyone knows that no kids are coming except his sister his mom won't let any of us tell her.So she won't be upset. "

His mom won't "let" any one tell her? How else is she supposed to know? Mind-reading? Tea leaves?

Your FH has to put on his big boy panties and deal with his sister. She needs to be told, so she can make an informed decision about attending or not attending. Best to do that before she has bought plane tickets, made reservations, etc.

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

Honestly, I think it's rather unfair of you to ask people to go on vacation without their children. I don't mind 1 day, in town weddings when people don't want children, but you are talking about asking people to leave their kids home and leave town for a few days. Most people would only leave their children with family for such an extended time, and if their whole family is going to be at the wedding, now what are they supposed to do?! So if you are deciding that children can't come, then you need to be able to accept the fact that people may turn down the invitation.

 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 3:58 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I agree with Aunt that your FH needs to handle this--soon. He's a big boy now, so what's with the "his mother won't let" anyone tell his sister? You both are, of course, perfectly within your rights to invite or not invite anyone you choose to your wedding. However, for all decisions, there always are consequences. For example, you hold to your decision; you cause hurt feelings.

I would rethink your choice not to have a babysitter available. Most major hotels provide this service (not for free, of course) and have a list of screened, trustworthy sitters. If the mother can be close by to check on the children, this might be an attractive option. Depending on exactly where the destination is and what your finances are, you also could offer to bring along a trusted friend or relative to babysit. Otherwise, you have to respect the mother's choice to stay home if satisfactory arrangements cannot be made for the children.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 4:01 PM Go to message in response to: Heidibride30

I would not attend a destination wedding if I couldn't bring my child along. I can understand for the one night of the wedding not allowing children...but not the whole time.

My daughter is 6 and I would NOT leave her hundreds of miles away without her parents for even a day. If there is only 2 children I would suggest accommodating them. but then again it is your DAY.
Not meant to sound harsh...just wanted to give you what I would think from a mothers point of view.

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

Back from Iraq and ready to switch out the ACU's for a Wedding Dress!

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Megan0071234 Posts : 71 Registered: 8/24/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: DoesntPlayNice

I totally agree. I have an 8 year old & a 5 month old & there is no way that I would go to a family DW without my kids. When I do leave my children for any amount longer than 1 day, it is always with family. So in your FSIL's case, she may not have anyone to leave her child with that she trusts while she goes on vacation. Also, in truth, you can not stop her from bringing her kids with her if you really want her at your wedding. If the hotel/resort you are staying at has babysitting, tell her the rates & explain that you want her to be able to enjoy herself & that there is babysitting available.

She needs to know your intentions as well as soon as possible. This way, she can decide whether or not she will even be able to attend your wedding. You & your FH need to decide whether it is important or not that she attends, because I know if my sister had me come on vacation to her wedding & I could not bring my kids, I would stay home.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 4:29 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

I really don't think it's worth it to start World War III over this subject. You're talking about TWO KIDS. Let their parents decide whether or not they want to bring them.

Look, you're trying to make things 'easier' for your family by saying, 'Just leave the kids home and have fun on the trip,' but it doesn't sounds like it's any easier for them at all, so why not let them make their own decision? Two kids really won't cramp your style too much. I'm sure there will be someone in the group that won't want to attend every single 'extracurricular' event, so there will be someone to watch the kids. And if not, it's the parents' responsibility to figure it out.

I understand why some brides and grooms don't want to invite kids to a traditional wedding - but this is different. You're not asking them to leave their kids home for an evening...you're asking them to leave their kids at home while they GO ON A VACATION for several days at least, I'm assuming. That's totally different. And seeing that there are only two kids TOTAL in the family that would otherwise be attending, it REALLY doesn't seem worth arguing about. But that's your choice.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 4:48 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

Basically, you get one day for your wedding. I know you're having a DW and you're trying to plan events for the whole week....but, you get one day for your wedding and one day to dictate "no children allowed".

You really can't ASK someone to go on vacation without their children. You can tell them that their children will not be welcome at the wedding/reception, but what they do the rest of the time is up to them.

And I am the type of person who would prefer to have MY TIME to go check out the area that I'm at rather than having a bunch of scheduled activities. If (I'm not sure where your wedding is, but lets say "Hawaii") I am going to Hawaii...that's major. I want to check it out. I might not mind doing a couple of things with you, but hey... this is HAWAII and I have place I want to go that have nothing to do with your wedding. I'm not one who favors tour bus things, either.... too restrictive. <G>

But let the kids come to the resort and let their parents figure out what to do with them -- but for the wedding / reception, you really should plan on having a sitter for them then.

I mean, if someone were travelling to my town for my wedding, I'd not tell them to leave the kids at home (but I would tell them to leave the kids at the hotel <G>)

Good luck!!

Misty

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 3:24 PM Go to message in response to: WyoBride

I completely respect your decision to have an adult only wedding- I pretty much had one, too (I also had a DW; mine was 21+ with the exception of my 15 year old cousin who was a JBM and any kids who were still breastfeeding- only one of those came). However, you can't tell people what to do beyond the few hours of your wedding ceremony and reception- if they want to bring their kids with them to the destination then there is absolutely nothing you can (or should) do about it. You can discourage it, of course (I did- the city where I had my wedding- Savannah, GA- had absolutely nothing of interest to kids), but if they want to bring their kids on vacation with them then that is their prerogative. I am not a parent but even I think it is a lot to ask of people to leave their kids for more than a night. You are also not obligated to provide babysitters for them to use during your wedding (though it would be extremely nice of you to contact the hotel and ask them for some names to provide your guests).

I planned several different events over the weekend of my DW that some people attended and some didn't and I can understand wanting to have all your guests attend everything. While it would be great if everyone attended yours you just have to accept that when people are parents their kids have to come first and I wouldn't blame any parent for not wanting to leave their kid(s) with a babysitter for an entire weekend or even part of a weekend to attend events beyond the actual wedding. I know you want everyone to have fun but they will have fun at your wedding and, really, that is all you can ask of your guests- asking more really is, IMO, asking too much.

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jloveland Posts : 33 Registered: 12/18/08
Re: No children Please
Posted: Dec 22, 2008 12:20 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

Ultimately it's your choice but I think the request you made is a little dumb. I would invite them and have that babysitter on hand. I just believe in family and think that they should all be there thats all.

 

Future Mrs. Salinas!

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