Too close to parents/family?

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lilly295 Posts : 28 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: Too close to parents/family?
Posted: Dec 5, 2008 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Wow guys....thanks for all of your responses! It was nice to read about how everyone spreads time around with their families, and some Christmas traditions too.

Reading your messages have definitely got me thinking about ways to compromise, and I'm trying to work out how I'm feeling and come up with a compromise that I think would work so I can talk to FH about it. I really like the idea of writing it out, so that I get to say what I need to say without getting emotional or something and getting side tracked.

Thinking back, I have been taking this pretty personally, and it's nice to hear from you guys that I am just taking it that way and it's not as bad as I was thinking. I was forgetting that you can love many people and each one can be important, and I need to remind myself of that more often.

Part of my problem I think is I feel like I'm always competing with FMIL for FH's attention when we're around his parents, which I think is what I'm putting into the situation (that's the way my mom feels about her MIL). FMIL does have her competitive moments, but mostly I think it's just me. That's something that I want to work on because I know that it's only hurting the situation.

I love FH's family, and I like spending time with them, it's like one poster said...I feel like I'm not important to him when he doesn't want to spend time with just us. I like the idea of saving Christmas Eve for ourselves and having Christmas day and the days after for family since we got engaged on Christmas Eve. I'll have to bring that up with FH. Maybe he wouldn't mind giving that up so he could have the big day with family.

I'm sure there's something we can work out if we can talk it out and we can both compromise. Thanks for all of your advice! I'll let you guys know how it goes.

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: Too close to parents/family?
Posted: Dec 5, 2008 5:37 PM Go to message in response to: lilly295

Hey Lilly..
I hope it all works out for you....IT IS SOOOO HARD WITH FAMILY AND HOLIDAYS!!... I feel like everytime the holidays come around, our plans have to revolve around his daughter...always something!! We can't plan this, she might want to do that...blah, blah, blah..(but trust me....my family makes up for it YEAR ROUND!!)

And currently my DH's MIL is not welcome in my home!!....that's a whole nother post that I haven't gotten around too!!

I have a huge family 2 hours away...our home is like a hotel...it gets OLD!! DH is very understanding and gets along with my brother really well...but the rest of friends and family...I get tired of EVERYBODY!! It just seems like we never have time for ourselves...someone is coming over or we have to make plans around his daughter.

Def. sit down and talk to him and really let him know how you feel. I'm VERY VERY close to my brother and miss home because of him, even though I haven't lived at home in ages!!

....That's a great idea to push for New Year's Eve...you guys need time to yourselves!!

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Too close to parents/family?
Posted: Dec 5, 2008 5:44 PM Go to message in response to: lilly295

We both are very close to our famlies. When we first got married, it was difficult for my DH to understand that I missed my mine. I moved 6 hours away to be with him. When we finally got moved in, we spent every day DH was off with his parents. When I complained to DH about it, he said "I havn't seen my parents all week". That just pissed me off. I reminded him that I hadn't seen my parents in months and I wanted his time and attention too. I reminded him that I am is wife and when we said "I do", our little family, me, him and our cat, trumps anyone else. Then he got the picture.

I think you need to remind him, again, that you are his family and the two of you need time together. Yes it would be nice if everyone lived in the same town, but that isn't going to happen.

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