Non-monogamous couples thread

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 145


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 3:02 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Nalamienea wrote:

How many people did I surprise? :)
Well, you surprised me. Every time anyone has ever posted a question about open marriage on this board (and it has happened a couple of times before) they are usually denounced as clearly not ready for marriage and probably a troll. I haven't responded much because I do find them troll-ish (a typical one would read: "My FH wants us to be swingers. What do you think?") but Rose's post did appear serious to me -- by calling ita Non-monogamous couples thread, it seems she's looking for people to relate to rather than just generally trying to cause drama.

Still, I thought it would meet nothing but judgement and ridicule, because people who were interested would be too afraid to speak up and "out" themselves (now there's a parallel to being gay!). So I was suprised (and thankful) that you did.

__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

I agree with everything you said MsD.

I kind of expected to get run out of town on a rail for my original post, so I wasn't surprised by most responses but glad for those that were more open-minded. Maybe I'll dig up the old posts on this topic, or maybe look elsewhere on the internet to learn more about it, but as far as this thread is concerned, I'll lay it to rest.

And, you're right, I'll be the first to admit I'm not ready for marriage. Not yet, but I'm getting there, and this site teaches me a few things along the way.

Reply


HillyBride92008 Posts : 207 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 3:23 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Nala- you have effectively answered the questions of the OP in an honest way, not to mention open! I'm so glad there you were able to answer in a general way to the OP's questions. Thank you! Did you surprise me, yes...but also no. I tend to not formulate an opinion of anyone's personality without personally meeting them. This way nothing surprises or upsets me so much that I lose respect for people. Granted, there are issues in general that I am passionate about and piss me off, but I digress....

The lifestyle itself, not for me. I tend to finding it fascinating in general, but I guess the devout Christian in me screams infidelity. I'm smart enough to realize that what Nala has said is truthful and honest (and that open relationships are not infidelity), but I guess that due to being raised to believe that sex outside the relationship is cheating, hinders my acceptance of that kind of lifestyle for myself. I do not judge people based on their lifestyles though. In my mind, your life, your choice!

I think the breaking point for me would be this....I'm scared to death that if DH and I did something like that, he would either fall in love with the other woman (I couldn't handle that, and would then consider it cheating) or malfunction of birth control would lead to a baby, and I'm afraid the other woman would keep it. I don't know if I could handle a situation like that. But that is just me!

Part of me is definately curious though, sex is such a basic human drive, that I'm not surprised by my curiosity!

~ Living the married life

Hillary & Sean September 20, 2008 Laughing

 


 

Reply

Beachwed Posts : 782 Registered: 9/19/06
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:07 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

I do find the whole topic fascinating. My husband and I did make our own vows, and we actually did talk about this topic, as he knows people in open relationships. That was an absolute "no" for us. I never consider myself a jealous person, my husband can talk with other women, he can go out for dinner with a friend who is a girl, and I can do the same. As long as we are open and communicate. But the thought of him with another woman in a sexual way, even after he told me that this was what we were going to do? It makes me want to vomit. This lifestyle couldn't be for me, but it is interesting how our society has almost sculpted the way relationships should be.

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:23 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Rose217 wrote:I agree with everything you said MsD.


And, you're right, I'll be the first to admit I'm not ready for marriage. Not yet, but I'm getting there, and this site teaches me a few things along the way.

I've shut the door, put a huge pad-lock on it, put up huge fire dispenser, padlocked on it, and my mind is completely closed on it. Where does it end?

 

 

 

 

 

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:25 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine




Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

RanAway2Maine wrote:

I've shut the door, put a huge pad-lock on it, put up huge fire dispenser, padlocked on it, and my mind is completely closed on it. Where does it end?







Edited by: RanAway2Maine on Nov 26, 2008 5:08 AM

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:26 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine



I cannot comprehend this being OK with doing other couples.....I love my husband.but to think about someone else trying to get his jollies off, no thanks...





Edited by: RanAway2Maine on Nov 24, 2008 4:31 PM

Reply


kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:38 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Nalamienea wrote:Kelly - you really don't see any validity to any other composition of a marriage other than the type you follow? I know you said agree to disagree, but usually you're pretty open minded (and always honest! :) ).

I said agree to disagree because I cant believe I am the one being called "harsh" and closed minded simply because I believe in a monogamous relationship when it comes to marriage. And what I believe isnt the minority, cmon. Its what most of celebrate as the idea of marriage which is TWO people going into a commitment together. Its not the type of marriage that "I follow" alone - it is what marriage IS! (and yes, you can put down society rules all you like and say society puts us in boxes and tells us to conform to a specific relationship - but if you truly feel that way, dont get married. ) Call me crazy - but when I took my vows (which we also wrote ourselves) - they were to love and honor and commit to my husband; not to my husband and some guy named Joe that we decide to include in our bedroom antics to spice things up. I am not saying that people who have threesomes, or swing with other couples or whatever else are having "invalid" relationships. But I certainly wouldnt call it marriage. I do not understand the purpose to getting married to one person whom you are supposedly commiting yourself to and sharing your life with - only to then debunk that entire idea by adding other people into the mix. Makes no sense to me. I could never see myself being interested in something of this nature anyway, BUT if I were, I would do it while Im single and unattached. I wouldnt do it with my husband. To me, this entire idea is just the complete opposite of what marriage is all about. My opinion.

And yes in the end, of course people can and will do what they want, and will define marriage however they want in their own relationships. And thats fine. Im just saying that in my opinion I do not think this is what marriage is about, nor do I think it is healthy for anyone involved.

Thats all. OP Im sorry you have "lost respect" for me; although Im not sure why really. If you have read my past posts as you say you have, I never am one to sugarcoat things and I always say what I feel. Just because I happen to not share your opinion on this issue and Im speaking up about it is no reason to let your thread die. People disagree, It happens all the time.

Am I shocked that some of the people on this board would be open to a relationship like this, or have even participated in one? A bit, yes. Am I judging them or have I lost any "respect" for them? Of course not. Thats silly.

I just dont get it. At all. :)

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

WATCH OUT "Bleight-ers".TEAM KICK-ASS (LittleRoo,Cyclist,MrsFord,OldAmy and Kelley) are going to KICK. YOUR. ASS!!!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

  

Reply


Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 4:42 PM Go to message in response to: Beachwed

I know the OP said she's laying the thread to rest, but I couldn't resist. I can pretty much just mimic Beachwed's post. The thought of Robert touching another woman sexually makes me want to puke for a very very very long time. I feel his touch is reserved for me and that's the whole reason I'm with him, to be his and him to be mine. I'm the youngest child so I'm not much on sharing either.

To each his own on anything else besides my relationship setup, but it just grosses me out. I'll take my risks on cheating, and pray our relationship isn't a statistic.

          ever thine          ever mine          ever ours

Check out our site http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

My stepson needs a shave...........



Reply


nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Rose217 : I am NOT surprised at people's opinions on this topic. But the truth is, it happens and it's been happening for many years. We don't live that lifstyle but if we did our marriage is sacred in our eyes, and as far as we are concerned that's all that matters. I can see how pp feel that it is wrong, and they have their rights to their opinions just as much as people who live this way.

Back in my days of my wild and crazy life style I had this therory that LOVE had NOTHING to do with SEX. They were 2 different feelings that had no ties to eachother. It wasn't untill I met DH that made me feel both at the same time. So that's what made me choose to live my life differently. Just him and I and no one else.





Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 5:25 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

RanAway2Maine wrote:
Whatever......






Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 5:42 PM Go to message in response to: nanette927

It's hard for me to discuss this without getting all academic.

For all the discussion that marriage is monogomy. . .that that's what marriage is. . .it seems to me that that's never been true.

It's been an ideal. . .but in truth, I don't think it's been the norm. In fact, I could argue that the idea of monogamy has been a false one, because it was fairly normal for men to cheat on their wives with little fear of any consequences for the vast majority of history. I think the advent of open marriages has generally been recognition that marriage does not have to be monogamy at all, which is really just a way of saying that lifetime monogamy has actually been the exception rather than the rule.

Again, I'm just thinking out loud here. I understand that to many women commitment = monogamy. But I really don't think the two are the same thing.


__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: Non-monogamous couples thread
Posted: Nov 24, 2008 5:53 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

MsDenuninani wrote:

It's hard for me to discuss this without getting all academic.

For all the discussion that marriage is monogomy. . .that that's what marriage is. . .it seems to me that that's never been true.

It's been an ideal. . .but in truth, I don't think it's been the norm. In fact, I could argue that the idea of monogamy has been a false one, because it was fairly normal for men to cheat on their wives with little fear of any consequences for the vast majority of history. I think the advent of open marriages has generally been recognition that marriage does not have to be monogamy at all, which is really just a way of saying that lifetime monogamy has actually been the exception rather than the rule.

Again, I'm just thinking out loud here. I understand that to many women commitment = monogamy. But I really don't think the two are the same thing.




MsD: can I have a martini with you and just chill out.


                              

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine