Anyway... I need advice on dealing with a situation, and it stems from something that was wedding related, originally.
As most of you know, I had major issues with my MOH, including her blatantly lying to upset my SIL. I will include the email's on here, so you can see what her escuses were for not discussing the 'issue' with me before going to SIL. Also, this conversation is backwards... I can't fix it.
Laurie sounded upset when she was talking last night. I'm not asking you to apologize for sharing it with her; I am simply upset that you didn't ask me about it, Honestly, if Laurie had been in the room, I would have told the story the exact same way I told it yesterday to you ladies. I am, however, angry that no one even thought to ask me what was going on. I was immediately judged as being a bad, condescending person. Do you know what it's like to hear two members of your new family sitting upstairs, ripping you to shreds, because someone misunderstood you?
Again, I'm not angry that you shared it with her. I am, however, angry that neither one of you came to me to ask me about it. You told her while I was occupied. She told her mother when she thought I wasn't there. I just wish one of you would have come to me first, so I could explain myself.
I also don't understand why you thought there was tension between Laurie and I. I like Laurie. I think she's a terrific person. So I don't quite understand where the thought that I had any issues with Laurie came from. If it had to do with the invitations, it was an oversight on our part, and we apologized. When the list was written up, Laurie was still in the wedding party. When she had to back out, I honestly forgot to add her and Paul to the list. But I was not upset when she backed out, nor was I upset with her yesterday. I do not like being accused of being horrid when I was, in all honesty, not trying to do anything but praise how cute my niece is, and how much her personality is like her mothers. Perhaps my wording was wrong. It was not intended to be taken as an insult, or a jab.
Again, I'm not upset that you shared it with her. I am simply saying that I'm upset that I was not given a chance to explain myself before being ripped to shreds on my wedding night.
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, Renée <> wrote:
From: Renée <> Subject: Re: wedding To: firstname.lastname@example.org Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 12:41 AM
The way I heard it, it sounded like you were being condescending and if I misunderstood what you were saying, then I apologize. I would have confronted you but your wedding wasn't the place to do it. But I don't apologize for sharing with Laurie, she is my best friend. I thought there was tension between you and Laurie and thought Laurie should know. However, I can't take responsibility for a conversation overheard. I think you and Laurie need to clear the air when you get back from your honeymoon. But don't worry about for now, Laurie's not upset. Just enjoy your honeymoon!!!
I'm a little confused. I overheard Laurie and my mother-in-law talking last night about how I was supposedly being 'rude' when I was telling the story I thought was cute about Jenna. First off, when I said she got huffy, I laughed because I had just finished talking about how cute I thought it was... and when I said she was like her mother, I meant that she has a similar personality. It was probably a misunderstanding, but I wish you had asked me about it if you thought it was meant to be rude. In addition, by telling Laurie this without clarifying anything with me, you set me up to hear a conversation on my wedding night that cut me to the very quick.
Again, I wasn't meaning to be rude. I was saying it because I thought it was cute, and I also think it's cute that Jenna is so similar to Laurie. I asked my father if he thought I was being rude; he said that he, like myself, thought it was cute. I know it wasn't your intention to have me catch that conversation, but it was had, and I just thought that I should let you know that it was not meant in the manner that Laurie said it sounded. I wish you had spoken to me, again, because I honestly did not mean anything rude or derogatory by telling a story that I thought was very cute.
In my personal opinion, it was a rotten thing to say something like that on my wedding night. I barely slept last night, and I cried half the way home because I overheard a conversation that should not have been had in the first place. I did not say anything while I was there, because I knew I would not be as level-headed as I am tonight, and I wanted to know if, indeed, I was truly being rude. I called Kim and Jill today, just in case an apology was needed, or I sounded harsher than I intended. They both assured me that was not the case. Now, you can call me a liar, you can say anything you want to. I'm telling you what my intentions were when I told that story, take it or leave it. I just wanted to let you know that, if you had any questions about it, you should have had the decency to ask me about it.
I'm sorry, but the excuse that she wanted to make SIL 'aware' of the "tension" (which didn't exist, btw) is crap. She ended up causing tension because I walked in on that conversation. Not only that, there is the comment that 'SIL is my best friend'. HELLO?! You were in MY wedding party as my MOH. Shouldn't I Be afforded the same decency you'd give SIL?!
Okay. There's the situation. Now onto the problem.
It's SIL's birthday Sat, and they're having a party for her. DH was invited... I was not included on the invitiation. They were sent out by MOH. We alled SIL's husband, and he said it was an oversight, and to come anyway. But if I do, MOH will be there, and I know she's going to give me crap. If I don't, it makes her look like she was telling the truth.
Is there any possible way for me to be diplomatic? I've already sent a gift on ahead... but now I'm confused.
When one is imbroiled in a misunderstanding, it's good to remember that fault lies in all directions.
Am I saying that YOU are at fault? No I am not. I am saying that everyone shares in some measure of fault.
Here is my suggestion. You need to put this all behind you, then move on with your life. Contact the parties involved and start the conversation with "I'd like to apologize for my share of the problem. Your friendship means a lot to me and I would like to mend whatever is broken and move on."
Then, listen. Let people vent. Again apologize for your share, whatever small or large or medium-sized part that might be.
After that, put it behind you. You did what you could. If others want to carry a grudge, then that's their business. Hold your head high and move on with life.
I'm totally with Aunt here. If you've apologized to her and to the other parties involved for your wording of your story or that you didn't choose your tone differently, then go on like nothing has happened. IF she wants to keep this flame alive for you, then let her. It's her problem with you beyond that point if you really have no problem with her.
Honestly, I don't value the friendship with either woman. My MOH was nothing short of a nightmare. I asked her to help me with invitations, so we could get them out early. She said she had to work, and I understood. I asked her to come to my first fitting, and she had to work. I understood again. I called and said she needed to be at the final fitting to ensure she knew how to fix my dress, and bustle. She said okay... then never showed. She has been terrible the entire time, insisting that I pay for everything (BTW, she's wearing her dress in another wedding party, so she will wear the dress again).
I brought that up when I saw her, and she gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes. I told her I was sorry that she misunderstood the words I said, and she told me that 'SIL is my best friend, and I'm not sorry.' I want to cut her out of my life.
I've apologized to SIL, but I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. My father, and other bridesmaids have all assured me of that. My tone was nothing but respectful, and full of love for my niece and SIL. There is also the matter that MOH lied about several more things that day, and I never did any of those things.
MIL says she understands and accepts my apology in one moment, then turns around and says I'm a bitch to people. I caught her in that one, too, and very calmly told her my position on things, once more.
I thought the drama was over... but this elevated my liver yet again, and the medicine isn't helping any more. My pastor counseled me before we had worship set tonight, and he basically told me the same thing. We're going to try it with him as mediator, but he has already said if anyone raises their voice, he's not dealing with it.